My Favourite Toy 12
Junsu had a favourite toy.
It was red, tiny and shiny. With a sharp silver blade that was ready to nick and prick your skin if you dared to touch it.
CHAPTER 12
FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! Damn him! Damn it all!
Yoochun stormed outside his house with a slam on the door. He didn’t even bother to wear his jacket despite the chilly spring weather. All he wished for right then was a pack of cigarette. And maybe one Kim Jaejoong.
He knew that he should go back, to make sure that Junsu didn’t just grab the nearest sharp object and went back to the habit they had been trying so hard to break or maybe directly offing himself this time.
But he couldn’t find himself to care. Not right now.
He had finally lost it that day. Those endless smiles, endless praise, endless worships, adorations… had just suffocated his very core, and at last he snapped.
And snapped it good he did.
His thoughts fleetingly went back to the husband he had left on their bed, probably still sporting those sickening smiles while he should be crying instead.
It was another occasion where Junsu had crawled into his embrace and he had looked so good, so beautiful and normal that Yoochun’s buried desire had finally decided to make an appearance once again. But… halfway to their lovemaking, Yoochun belatedly realize that it was going to be the same way… with him feeling like a rapist while Junsu lying motionlessly under him.
So he had sighed and removed his body from on top of his husband, readily just cut it off and acted like nothing was wrong as usual.
That was when Junsu decided to do something.
The lithe brunette had opened his almond shaped eyes and whispered to Yoochun. “Yoochuna-ah… what’s wrong?”
When he got no response from his husband who preferred to stand outside the balcony and watch the night sky instead, he had slowly stood up and collected his scattered clothes and he approached Yoochun with a small voice.
“I… I know that I’m not… good for this… Y, you can tell what you want, and I will try my best to do it…” came the whispered plea. Yoochun had snorted at the request. As he said, he didn’t want to make love with some sex slave based on ridiculous obligation… he just wanted to… make love with his husband!
Taking the snort as a sign of refusal, Junsu bit his lip in resignation and was prepared to retreat somewhere, maybe to the guest bedroom but he decided to open his mouth for the last time.
“Or… I can call Kim Jaejoong-sshi for you. He, he is the one you want right? I… I will call him right away…”
And he still said it with a smile.
That was when Yoochun lost it.
He spun suddenly and grabbed Junsu by the shoulder and proceeded to throw him to the bed. With blinded eyes, he had climbed on top of the other man and shook him with all the strength that he had.
“Damn it Junsu! Can you please stop doing this? Stop being so fucked up okay? Stop pretending that everything is alright and keep acting like everything is dandy! I’m so tired of you acting like I’m going to maul you when you do one wrong thing! Stop being such a coward and hide behind those smiling mask!”
The sight of Junsu’s terrified face was the one that snapped him back to the reality. Trembling, Yoochun lifted himself up and went out as fast as he could, before he really lost control over his body and start to hit the other man just to make his point across.
And so now, there he was, sitting on a bench in their condominium park, feeling too pissed off to even feel the cold wind.
But twenty minutes later, the guilt that had been sitting in the corner of his mind had finally crept out and enveloped him fully, making him wish that he had not taken out his frustration on the clueless man that was surely still blaming himself until this second.
And then the worries came back to him. When it finally registered in his brain, his feet made a sprint back to his unit with Junsu, hoping that Junsu didn’t really decide to just off himself after being lashed out on by Yoochun.
When his door finally slammed open, Yoochun didn’t know whether to be disappointed or to be relieved that there was no gory sight of blood around the place but there was only Junsu, crying on his knees while holding his razor in his right hand.
~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:
‘Oh my God. I finally did it… He is so mad at me… he hates me right now… He’s really going to throw me away this time…’ Junsu sat on the disheveled bed, still trembling and was doing everything he could to not freak out and go berserk.
He didn’t know what prompted him to be so stupid, firstly was trying to offer himself so shamelessly when he knew that there was no way Yoochun desired him after he had Jaejoong. And then, not knowing where to stop, he still had the gall to remind him of Jaejoong, whom he already lost in turn of keeping Junsu.
And what good did he get when he decided to keep Junsu instead.
Junsu never felt like such a failure before. He had known it before, of course. One was bound to know it after being subjected to daily reminders from his parents for 3 years. But never did he truly feel like one. And to think that he thought being a disappointment was bad enough, knowing that you were a failure was thousand times worse.
Especially when it was the person who you loved the most who pointed it clearly to you.
Before he even realized it, his body had moved in its own accord to the bathroom, to the drawer where he knew Yoochun had kept his razor and had left it unlocked after 4 months of no episode from Junsu.
The brunette knew that Yoochun would be so disappointed when he realized that Junsu had backed down on his promise. But, hey, he was already a failure. One more disappointment wouldn’t hurt much more.
He had watched in anticipation as the glinting blade was getting closer and closer to his now nearly flawless skin, evidence of his hard work for the past 4 months. But it would be erased in mere seconds…
A bit more…
A bit more…
A bit…
Junsu glared at his hand in frustration as the limb refused to bring the blade any closer to his skin. He needed this, damn it… he needed it so much…
But he had promised Yoochun…
And now he couldn’t even do the only thing that he could do the best.
That was when the tears finally came out.
~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:
A/N I'm waaay too tired today... so please forgive me for any incoherency... Only managed to post since I've finished this chapter beforehand. 3 hours straight of cheerleading this evening and tomorrow I still need to wake up at 8 (now it's past 1 btw) and do my event duty, go to school, do my homework, and more cheerleading. I'm so going to die.
And... my cheerleading uniform is super damn sexy! I can't eat anything on thursday and friday if I don't want my tummy to show... sigh. hahaha. And it was too skimpy. I think my dad is so going to kill me. hehehe
Anw... please enjoy my contribution of the week. I don't think I will update anymore this week. sorry.... I'm just too dead.
It was red, tiny and shiny. With a sharp silver blade that was ready to nick and prick your skin if you dared to touch it.
CHAPTER 12
FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! Damn him! Damn it all!
Yoochun stormed outside his house with a slam on the door. He didn’t even bother to wear his jacket despite the chilly spring weather. All he wished for right then was a pack of cigarette. And maybe one Kim Jaejoong.
He knew that he should go back, to make sure that Junsu didn’t just grab the nearest sharp object and went back to the habit they had been trying so hard to break or maybe directly offing himself this time.
But he couldn’t find himself to care. Not right now.
He had finally lost it that day. Those endless smiles, endless praise, endless worships, adorations… had just suffocated his very core, and at last he snapped.
And snapped it good he did.
His thoughts fleetingly went back to the husband he had left on their bed, probably still sporting those sickening smiles while he should be crying instead.
It was another occasion where Junsu had crawled into his embrace and he had looked so good, so beautiful and normal that Yoochun’s buried desire had finally decided to make an appearance once again. But… halfway to their lovemaking, Yoochun belatedly realize that it was going to be the same way… with him feeling like a rapist while Junsu lying motionlessly under him.
So he had sighed and removed his body from on top of his husband, readily just cut it off and acted like nothing was wrong as usual.
That was when Junsu decided to do something.
The lithe brunette had opened his almond shaped eyes and whispered to Yoochun. “Yoochuna-ah… what’s wrong?”
When he got no response from his husband who preferred to stand outside the balcony and watch the night sky instead, he had slowly stood up and collected his scattered clothes and he approached Yoochun with a small voice.
“I… I know that I’m not… good for this… Y, you can tell what you want, and I will try my best to do it…” came the whispered plea. Yoochun had snorted at the request. As he said, he didn’t want to make love with some sex slave based on ridiculous obligation… he just wanted to… make love with his husband!
Taking the snort as a sign of refusal, Junsu bit his lip in resignation and was prepared to retreat somewhere, maybe to the guest bedroom but he decided to open his mouth for the last time.
“Or… I can call Kim Jaejoong-sshi for you. He, he is the one you want right? I… I will call him right away…”
And he still said it with a smile.
That was when Yoochun lost it.
He spun suddenly and grabbed Junsu by the shoulder and proceeded to throw him to the bed. With blinded eyes, he had climbed on top of the other man and shook him with all the strength that he had.
“Damn it Junsu! Can you please stop doing this? Stop being so fucked up okay? Stop pretending that everything is alright and keep acting like everything is dandy! I’m so tired of you acting like I’m going to maul you when you do one wrong thing! Stop being such a coward and hide behind those smiling mask!”
The sight of Junsu’s terrified face was the one that snapped him back to the reality. Trembling, Yoochun lifted himself up and went out as fast as he could, before he really lost control over his body and start to hit the other man just to make his point across.
And so now, there he was, sitting on a bench in their condominium park, feeling too pissed off to even feel the cold wind.
But twenty minutes later, the guilt that had been sitting in the corner of his mind had finally crept out and enveloped him fully, making him wish that he had not taken out his frustration on the clueless man that was surely still blaming himself until this second.
And then the worries came back to him. When it finally registered in his brain, his feet made a sprint back to his unit with Junsu, hoping that Junsu didn’t really decide to just off himself after being lashed out on by Yoochun.
When his door finally slammed open, Yoochun didn’t know whether to be disappointed or to be relieved that there was no gory sight of blood around the place but there was only Junsu, crying on his knees while holding his razor in his right hand.
~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:
‘Oh my God. I finally did it… He is so mad at me… he hates me right now… He’s really going to throw me away this time…’ Junsu sat on the disheveled bed, still trembling and was doing everything he could to not freak out and go berserk.
He didn’t know what prompted him to be so stupid, firstly was trying to offer himself so shamelessly when he knew that there was no way Yoochun desired him after he had Jaejoong. And then, not knowing where to stop, he still had the gall to remind him of Jaejoong, whom he already lost in turn of keeping Junsu.
And what good did he get when he decided to keep Junsu instead.
Junsu never felt like such a failure before. He had known it before, of course. One was bound to know it after being subjected to daily reminders from his parents for 3 years. But never did he truly feel like one. And to think that he thought being a disappointment was bad enough, knowing that you were a failure was thousand times worse.
Especially when it was the person who you loved the most who pointed it clearly to you.
Before he even realized it, his body had moved in its own accord to the bathroom, to the drawer where he knew Yoochun had kept his razor and had left it unlocked after 4 months of no episode from Junsu.
The brunette knew that Yoochun would be so disappointed when he realized that Junsu had backed down on his promise. But, hey, he was already a failure. One more disappointment wouldn’t hurt much more.
He had watched in anticipation as the glinting blade was getting closer and closer to his now nearly flawless skin, evidence of his hard work for the past 4 months. But it would be erased in mere seconds…
A bit more…
A bit more…
A bit…
Junsu glared at his hand in frustration as the limb refused to bring the blade any closer to his skin. He needed this, damn it… he needed it so much…
But he had promised Yoochun…
And now he couldn’t even do the only thing that he could do the best.
That was when the tears finally came out.
~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:
A/N I'm waaay too tired today... so please forgive me for any incoherency... Only managed to post since I've finished this chapter beforehand. 3 hours straight of cheerleading this evening and tomorrow I still need to wake up at 8 (now it's past 1 btw) and do my event duty, go to school, do my homework, and more cheerleading. I'm so going to die.
And... my cheerleading uniform is super damn sexy! I can't eat anything on thursday and friday if I don't want my tummy to show... sigh. hahaha. And it was too skimpy. I think my dad is so going to kill me. hehehe
Anw... please enjoy my contribution of the week. I don't think I will update anymore this week. sorry.... I'm just too dead.