(no subject)
I've only been at college a month and I'm already questioning beliefs and feeling lost.
The two biggest issues in my life right now concern my religious beliefs and my plans for the rest of my life. I'll address the second issue first.
For 2 years now, I've been ridiculously driven in my attempts to reign supreme over the US Senate chambers someday. Everything I did, everyone I talked to somehow fell into the calculations of my ultimate path to the Hill. But then I realized this summer that there's no sense in making concrete plans because there's no way of telling what life will place on you. Someone can train all their lives to become a professional athelete and then get hit by a car and be paralyzed for the rest of his or her life. So my career aspirations became a little more obstuse, i.e. I thought of becoming an advisor or lobbyist. Then I strayed away from the idea of living in DC...I mean, I had my townhouse in northwest DC all planned out, and here I am, wondering if I even belong there. I see myself in New York now....or Boston. If I stay with Todd and his dreams come true, I very well might be living in Boston come 4 years. I thought about working at the NOW headquarters or maybe at the ACLU, or even teach at a New York college/university. But lately, I've been even wondering if PoliSci is even what I want to study anymore. I'm kinda thinking about journalism now....perhaps music journalism or fashion journalism or maybe writing a culture page or album critiques. I feel the urge to write again...I so badly want to create and be artistic again, rather than just reading and observing. It's kinda scary realizing that everything I once held to be truth is now fading away...but at the same time, it's really exciting. I'm realizing that there are literally billions of things I can do, see, and create. There are so many opportunities to affect other people and enhance the world we live in. Perhaps I can be one of those people who tried their hand at many different careers in their lifetime, rather than just settling on one thing.
I've also found myself questioning a majority of beliefs I had strongly held. For instance, I had always told myself that I would never live with anyone before we were married. Mostly because I believe that if you are going to marry that person and you're already living together, nothing has really changed, save the legal files at the local courthouse. I was also adamant about the no-sex-until-marriage thing, or at least waiting until you've been in a strong, committed relationship with that person for a long period of time. But during a talk with my cousin, he told me "The tradition of our parents are all well and good, but you have to make decisions for yourself in your own life." And I found a startling truth in that. But does that mean that I can't believe in what my parents have taught me? Surely not, or else parenting wouldn't exist. The fact that I'm in this new environment has really opened my eyes as well...I never thought of myself as naive or back-woods, but its really strange to me how socially accepted casual sex has become. It's such a large part of the college atmosphere, as well. I know for myself, I refuse to have sex at this point in my life...I believe I'm too young, and I'm not on any sort of pill. It's just too dangerous. I'm still trying to feel out the whole God aspect of the situation though. I found myself wondering what I really do believe, and who I really am. This is my life now, I don't have anyone telling me what to do. From now on, it's me...and that is so totally freeing, but also maddening.
Funny how college has the ability to shake you to your core.
The two biggest issues in my life right now concern my religious beliefs and my plans for the rest of my life. I'll address the second issue first.
For 2 years now, I've been ridiculously driven in my attempts to reign supreme over the US Senate chambers someday. Everything I did, everyone I talked to somehow fell into the calculations of my ultimate path to the Hill. But then I realized this summer that there's no sense in making concrete plans because there's no way of telling what life will place on you. Someone can train all their lives to become a professional athelete and then get hit by a car and be paralyzed for the rest of his or her life. So my career aspirations became a little more obstuse, i.e. I thought of becoming an advisor or lobbyist. Then I strayed away from the idea of living in DC...I mean, I had my townhouse in northwest DC all planned out, and here I am, wondering if I even belong there. I see myself in New York now....or Boston. If I stay with Todd and his dreams come true, I very well might be living in Boston come 4 years. I thought about working at the NOW headquarters or maybe at the ACLU, or even teach at a New York college/university. But lately, I've been even wondering if PoliSci is even what I want to study anymore. I'm kinda thinking about journalism now....perhaps music journalism or fashion journalism or maybe writing a culture page or album critiques. I feel the urge to write again...I so badly want to create and be artistic again, rather than just reading and observing. It's kinda scary realizing that everything I once held to be truth is now fading away...but at the same time, it's really exciting. I'm realizing that there are literally billions of things I can do, see, and create. There are so many opportunities to affect other people and enhance the world we live in. Perhaps I can be one of those people who tried their hand at many different careers in their lifetime, rather than just settling on one thing.
I've also found myself questioning a majority of beliefs I had strongly held. For instance, I had always told myself that I would never live with anyone before we were married. Mostly because I believe that if you are going to marry that person and you're already living together, nothing has really changed, save the legal files at the local courthouse. I was also adamant about the no-sex-until-marriage thing, or at least waiting until you've been in a strong, committed relationship with that person for a long period of time. But during a talk with my cousin, he told me "The tradition of our parents are all well and good, but you have to make decisions for yourself in your own life." And I found a startling truth in that. But does that mean that I can't believe in what my parents have taught me? Surely not, or else parenting wouldn't exist. The fact that I'm in this new environment has really opened my eyes as well...I never thought of myself as naive or back-woods, but its really strange to me how socially accepted casual sex has become. It's such a large part of the college atmosphere, as well. I know for myself, I refuse to have sex at this point in my life...I believe I'm too young, and I'm not on any sort of pill. It's just too dangerous. I'm still trying to feel out the whole God aspect of the situation though. I found myself wondering what I really do believe, and who I really am. This is my life now, I don't have anyone telling me what to do. From now on, it's me...and that is so totally freeing, but also maddening.
Funny how college has the ability to shake you to your core.