[Hikago] Snapshots 03
Title: Snapshots 03
Summery: My collection of SaiHikaruTouya drabbles
Rating: PG
Touya lost. Touya lost even before he began the race, because he hadn’t realized the race was already over. Before he had a chance in the running, before he even realized he wanted to be in the race, the race had started, middled, and ended long ago.
Touya Akira was Shindou Hikaru’s rival. Touya Akira was Shindou Hikaru’s Eternal Rival. There is not contesting it, no questioning the fact, no confusion over the topic. Once, back in their younger years, no one had believed that the punk haired and loud mouthed Shindou could ever match up against the silent, intense Touya. But then Shindou had pushed, pushed, pushed until he had them notice his talent, his intensity, his Go.
And it was disconcerting, unsettling, astounding on how a flighty ignorant jock jumped into the deep, still waters of the Go world and made ripples, waves, and then became its Tsunami.
His old Insei friends still shake their head in amazement on how it happened, how there had been no precedent, and how it was sprung, fully formed, from nothing. Shindou was a prodigy, a star, and he was loud, troublesome, and he refused to be ignored.
His middle school friends laugh raucously or smile brightly tinged with confusion on how he had made it. He said ‘I’ll go there’ and he did. He said ‘I won’t stop’ and he didn’t.
Shindou Hikaru was a shining, shaking, unpredicted force. He moved and he moved others, he was a spark and a bomb; he crashed, lingered, and disappeared from view before others could catch up.
He was brilliant.
He was so beautiful, his Go was so profound, he read so far, and he played so deep that others were caught up in his gravitation and they spun around him without even noticing. He was matter and mass and skill and he lit a fire under many who crossed his path.
And though he lingered he never stayed. His path was clear, the Hand of God, and once he had set on the never ending road he never doubted it.
Touya Akira was one of the many, and the first, to have been shaken by Shindou. His carefully constructed world with his long set goals and aims came tumbling down. Here was a boy, his age, who showed him that brilliance is possible, that you are not on your own, that the brightest star does not have to be alone.
He shook, trembled, gasped and he grabbed hold with everything he had. Shindou eluded his grasp again and again until finally, Shindou came of his own resolution. He came and they turned and twisted in intertwined on top of the vast expanse of the board and they created their own universe where only the two of them counted.
Or so Touya had thought.
Shindou challenged him with all the skill he possessed, was taught, learned and Touya did the same but while Touya had many, many teachers who had taught him growing up and stood behind him, watching spectres of his career, Shindou only had one.
And while Touya was his Eternal Rival and understood him, motivated him, drove him, and possessed a part of Shindou’s heart that was unchallenged, the rest of his heart, a larger, bigger, deeper part belonged to someone else.
Someone else who was not Shindou’s Eternal Rival but Shindou’s First in everything: First friend, brother, father figure, mentor, teacher, rival, motivator, fan, first person to understand him most, best, and then completely; First love, first heartbreak, first ghost, first tutor, first true friend, brother and soul mate.
First Love. First love-that-would-not-end.
By the time Touya realizes, realizes that Shindou’s skill, laugh, talent, moods, brilliance have become important, so important to him, and that Touya loves him, loves him with all the intensity and might he has - it’s too late.
Touya confesses and Shindou actually confesses back and somehow they get into a relationship and they make it work. They live together, laugh together, get mad together (often at each other), and they play together. And it’s great, it’s beautiful and Shindou loves Touya with all that he can - but Touya will never know that Shindou, no matter how hard, fast, intense, and fierce that Shindou loves him - it will never be the most that Shindou can love him.
Because Shindou had given his heart once, unknowing and unconsciously, but wholehearted. And the person left him. Without waking, warning or saying goodbye to him. It hurt. Shindou had shared his life, heart, and soul with that person and he disappeared to never come back. He suffered, and cried, and found a way to carry on but Shindou can’t endure the pain a second time. Shindou carries the ghost of a ghost, a spectre of memories that no one else can share, a gathering of connected events that no one in history knows, and while he one day will tell Touya, he will never tell all of it to Touya. Years will be shrunken down to hours and Shindou will keep memories close and tight to his heart.
Touya owns Shindou’s heart, a big piece of it; the biggest piece that Shindou can stand give after the heartbreak, but no matter how big the piece is, there will always be a bigger piece out of his reach. Touya will live, and laugh, and shout, and love, and be aggravated by the piece of Shindou he has, and he will live happily and contented in the knowledge that out of everyone alive the shining, shaking, brilliance shines for him alone.
And that would be true, because the other one the brilliance shines brightly yearning for wasn’t alive in the first place.
Summery: My collection of SaiHikaruTouya drabbles
Rating: PG
Touya lost. Touya lost even before he began the race, because he hadn’t realized the race was already over. Before he had a chance in the running, before he even realized he wanted to be in the race, the race had started, middled, and ended long ago.
Touya Akira was Shindou Hikaru’s rival. Touya Akira was Shindou Hikaru’s Eternal Rival. There is not contesting it, no questioning the fact, no confusion over the topic. Once, back in their younger years, no one had believed that the punk haired and loud mouthed Shindou could ever match up against the silent, intense Touya. But then Shindou had pushed, pushed, pushed until he had them notice his talent, his intensity, his Go.
And it was disconcerting, unsettling, astounding on how a flighty ignorant jock jumped into the deep, still waters of the Go world and made ripples, waves, and then became its Tsunami.
His old Insei friends still shake their head in amazement on how it happened, how there had been no precedent, and how it was sprung, fully formed, from nothing. Shindou was a prodigy, a star, and he was loud, troublesome, and he refused to be ignored.
His middle school friends laugh raucously or smile brightly tinged with confusion on how he had made it. He said ‘I’ll go there’ and he did. He said ‘I won’t stop’ and he didn’t.
Shindou Hikaru was a shining, shaking, unpredicted force. He moved and he moved others, he was a spark and a bomb; he crashed, lingered, and disappeared from view before others could catch up.
He was brilliant.
He was so beautiful, his Go was so profound, he read so far, and he played so deep that others were caught up in his gravitation and they spun around him without even noticing. He was matter and mass and skill and he lit a fire under many who crossed his path.
And though he lingered he never stayed. His path was clear, the Hand of God, and once he had set on the never ending road he never doubted it.
Touya Akira was one of the many, and the first, to have been shaken by Shindou. His carefully constructed world with his long set goals and aims came tumbling down. Here was a boy, his age, who showed him that brilliance is possible, that you are not on your own, that the brightest star does not have to be alone.
He shook, trembled, gasped and he grabbed hold with everything he had. Shindou eluded his grasp again and again until finally, Shindou came of his own resolution. He came and they turned and twisted in intertwined on top of the vast expanse of the board and they created their own universe where only the two of them counted.
Or so Touya had thought.
Shindou challenged him with all the skill he possessed, was taught, learned and Touya did the same but while Touya had many, many teachers who had taught him growing up and stood behind him, watching spectres of his career, Shindou only had one.
And while Touya was his Eternal Rival and understood him, motivated him, drove him, and possessed a part of Shindou’s heart that was unchallenged, the rest of his heart, a larger, bigger, deeper part belonged to someone else.
Someone else who was not Shindou’s Eternal Rival but Shindou’s First in everything: First friend, brother, father figure, mentor, teacher, rival, motivator, fan, first person to understand him most, best, and then completely; First love, first heartbreak, first ghost, first tutor, first true friend, brother and soul mate.
First Love. First love-that-would-not-end.
By the time Touya realizes, realizes that Shindou’s skill, laugh, talent, moods, brilliance have become important, so important to him, and that Touya loves him, loves him with all the intensity and might he has - it’s too late.
Touya confesses and Shindou actually confesses back and somehow they get into a relationship and they make it work. They live together, laugh together, get mad together (often at each other), and they play together. And it’s great, it’s beautiful and Shindou loves Touya with all that he can - but Touya will never know that Shindou, no matter how hard, fast, intense, and fierce that Shindou loves him - it will never be the most that Shindou can love him.
Because Shindou had given his heart once, unknowing and unconsciously, but wholehearted. And the person left him. Without waking, warning or saying goodbye to him. It hurt. Shindou had shared his life, heart, and soul with that person and he disappeared to never come back. He suffered, and cried, and found a way to carry on but Shindou can’t endure the pain a second time. Shindou carries the ghost of a ghost, a spectre of memories that no one else can share, a gathering of connected events that no one in history knows, and while he one day will tell Touya, he will never tell all of it to Touya. Years will be shrunken down to hours and Shindou will keep memories close and tight to his heart.
Touya owns Shindou’s heart, a big piece of it; the biggest piece that Shindou can stand give after the heartbreak, but no matter how big the piece is, there will always be a bigger piece out of his reach. Touya will live, and laugh, and shout, and love, and be aggravated by the piece of Shindou he has, and he will live happily and contented in the knowledge that out of everyone alive the shining, shaking, brilliance shines for him alone.
And that would be true, because the other one the brilliance shines brightly yearning for wasn’t alive in the first place.