"Written in the Chalk Dust", Part 2/2
Title: Written in the Chalk Dust
Part: 2/2
Fandom: KAT-TUN
Character, Pairing(s): Akanishi Jin/Becky, Yamapi
Rating: PG
Warnings: Cavity-inducing het romance, children
Summary: There's a sidewalk between their apartment doors, but in the end, maybe there's a lot more connecting them than just cement.
Notes: We realize that this is NONE of the things that anyone is here to read. We also realize that apart from us, there is probably only one person who will read this. But... well, we write what we get inspired with, and this made us quite happy to write. So. ♥ Enjoy!
He was coming back with his mail when Becky was locking her apartment door, looking to be in a hurry. Then again, with however many jobs or responsibilities she seemed to have, when wasn’t she in a rush?
Her hair was piled up on her head in a mess, and she had a piece of toast in her mouth. “Where’s the fire?” he asked as he got to his door.
“Mmfhmma!” she mumbled, trying to get her backpack zipped without dropping her keys or her travel mug of what Jin imagined was some pretty strong coffee.
“Need a hand?” He yanked the keys away and shoved them into her bag, zipping it closed for her.
She grabbed the toast with her free hand. “Class,” she said. “And I have an exam.”
“And you’re going to miss your train?”
She nodded and started to clomp off in her sandals. He caught her by the backpack strap. “Hey!”
“Let me drive you.”
Becky narrowed her eyes. “You want me in your car that badly?”
Jin sighed. He’d offered again to drive her to Yokohama the other day when she went to fetch Aiko, but the lack of a child’s booster seat in his car was an obvious strike. “If you’re taking the local, you know they only come every eight minutes. If we leave now, it’ll be fine. There’s no traffic.”
She took a bite out of her toast, crumbs falling onto her polka-dotted blouse. It was unattractive in other people, but Jin couldn’t bring himself to dislike her for it. “Fine.”
He shoved the bills under his door and pulled his keys from his pocket. “This way.”
Maybe throwing out a few fast food wrappers and convenience store bags would have been preferable before inviting her into his car, and she made a face when she tried tugging on her seatbelt.
“It sticks,” he said, reaching across her to tug on it. Her face went adorably red as soon as he was in her personal space, and he had to admit that it was cute. When most of the women he met were drunk or trying to get him drunk enough to buy them expensive champagne, it was refreshing to hang out with the girl next door and do something simple to make her blush.
He buckled it for her and got the car going. She directed him to the small university where she was taking classes, and he pulled out of the parking space he’d been lucky to find. It was strange hanging around with her when Aiko was gone. Not a bad kind of strange, but a comfortable kind of strange he hadn’t known in some time. Seeing her large purse and her bright pink backpack. Smelling her floral perfume. It was calming, and it was just nice.
She was muttering some sort of phrase over and over, probably some last minute attempt to memorize something for her test. He left the radio off and drove more attentively than usual now that he had a guest in the car who wasn’t Pi or Ryo. They didn’t seem to give a shit how he drove so long as they didn’t have to.
“Ah, hopeless,” she complained, shutting her eyes and bumping her head against the passenger door glass. “I’m going to fail.”
“You’re not going to fail.”
“I was up until 1:30 patching up a pair of Aiko’s pants,” she mumbled. “I’m running on fumes at this point.”
He knew how hard she worked. Good things came to people who worked their asses off, especially good people. Decent people like Becky. “You won’t fail,” he assured her.
“I better not. I can’t afford to retake this class anyhow. And they only offer it once a year. I’m part time as it is.”
“Why are you studying business?” he asked, trying to steer the conversation away from any imminent failure.
“Well, I don’t know about you, Akanishi-san, but I don’t want to be a pachinko cashier or a shop girl for the rest of my life. No offense if you want to be a shop girl, of course.”
He nodded. He’d hated school. Warehouse life would just have to be reality. “Nah, I don’t think they’d hire me at 109.”
“I don’t know. Maybe a cute guy would bring in more customers.”
“Cute? I’m cute?” he asked, looking at her with a grin.
“You know what I mean,” she complained, getting flustered. “But anyway, I want to start my own business someday. Jewelry, headbands, beads. I don’t know. Accessories.” She took off the bracelet she was wearing. “Made this.”
It had a lot of charms and colors, not anything Jin tended to care much about. But it looked the same as anything they’d sell in a store. He had to admire her for having ambition and dreams. It’d been a while since he’d wanted to be anything, be somebody. College hadn’t happened. Marriage and fatherhood hadn’t happened. Working the sound board for Ryo’s band was more of a hobby than a future.
“Girl stuff,” he said dismissively, hoping she’d pick up that he was just kidding. She slipped the bracelet back on and nodded.
“Let’s just hope girl stuff can put Aiko through college,” she said, challenging him to tease her again. He kept his mouth shut for the remainder of the drive, and she pointed a bright green painted fingernail in front of him. “Just drop me there.”
He pulled to the curb, and she grabbed her things. She seemed far more relaxed than she had when she was leaving her apartment. Being on time did a lot to calm her down. It had only been a fifteen minute drive, but when she opened the car door, he didn’t really want her to leave.
“Thanks, Akanishi-san,” she said, grabbing her coffee from the cup holder. “I owe you one.”
“You can use my name,” he said with a shrug. “Your daughter does.”
“We’ll see about that.”
She got out of the car, and his mouth was moving before his brain had fully processed it. “Becky.”
Her eyes were wide when she turned around, hand on the door. “Yeah?”
“Pass that test, and I’ll buy one your girly bracelets.”
She slung her backpack over her shoulder and looked down shyly. “It’s a deal.”
He watched her hurry off for the building and her exam. If only Pi could see him now. Flirting with his brain and not his hands. He was a changing man, that was for damn sure.
--
The restaurant was small, cozy, and lit by hazy dim lights that hung from the ceiling on intricate wires and were surrounded by fuzzy stained glass pieces. Just sitting at the table was making Becky feel a little buzzed- overwhelmed by the sheer sensation of dating again, of sitting with a man across the table who kept giving her sweet little smiles and then ducking his head again. There was a clenching in her stomach that was slowly unknotting, nerves she'd been sitting on for days since her friend had told her about "the nice guy she wanted to set Becky up with".
It had been way too long. And the food was delicious, even if her anxiety wasn't letting her eat too much of it. She took small bites and tried to savor every second, as if she'd never get to experience it again.
"So, you want to go into business for yourself?" Daisuke asked.
"Yes," Becky answered, too quickly- she was way too nervous. When had she lost her ability to talk to members of the opposite sex? "I mean, it's just a dream, but it's my goal. I'm working towards it."
Daisuke gave her another of the slow, lazy smiles across the plates and the half-empty glasses of red wine. "And that's why you are taking classes. I think that's really great. Everyone should have a dream like that."
Becky flushed and looked down at the remnants of her pasta, enjoying the warm sensation that swept through her form. "Thank you. It's been hard, you know? With Aiko."
"Aiko?" he asked.
"I... my daughter," Becky clarified.
When all she received was a blank look in response, the knots in her stomach started to re-twist themselves around her insides, and not in a good way. Why hadn't Makoto mentioned Aiko to him when she set the date up? "I have a daughter, Aiko. So it's been difficult raising her myself. Didn't... didn't Makoto tell you that?"
"No," Daisuke said, and then proceeded to look down at his plate for the next five minutes, pushing around bits of potato and steak to the corners and then back towards the middle again. Becky watched as the gravy engulfed all of it and soaked through the bottom of the bread crumbs. She suddenly wasn't hungry anymore- and she knew exactly where the night was headed.
She'd been so stupidly excited about the prospect of dating, too. She should have known better than to get her hopes up. And she was going to kill Makoto for putting her in the position where her date didn't even know about Aiko- it was too big of a detail to leave out when planning something like that.
About ten minutes later, Daisuke called for the bill, and made a show of looking down at his watch. "Ah, I've got to go. Work stuff. I'm sorry to cut this off so short."
"Yeah," Becky replied, mouth dry. "Me too."
Daisuke still paid, which Becky had half been expecting him not to, and walked with her out to the front door with both hands shoved into his jacket pockets. He looked like there was somewhere else he desperately wanted to be.
"Well," he started, awkward, "I had a nice time. Thank you for dinner, and I hope your classes go well."
"Thanks," she replied.
He waved one hand helplessly. "I'm just going to take a cab, do you need a ride?"
The last thing she wanted was to be stuck in the back of a taxi with the guy who cut their date off early as soon as he'd heard about her kid. "No," she said. "Thanks, but I'll just take the train."
"Okay," he said. And she watched him walk to the corner of the block for only a moment before turning towards the direction of the station, wiping at her eyes with her fingers. She didn't want to cry on the sidewalk, but she couldn't hold back all the moisture that was gathering in the corners of her eyes- this was why she didn't date. This was the sort of thing she wanted to avoid. She never wanted to feel such a horrible ache in her stomach again.
It took awhile to get home, and she trudged back to her apartment with her heels in one hand, letting her soles hit the concrete with more force than was necessary. She was earlier than she'd expected to be- but how could she have foreseen that happening? The door was unlocked still, and she pushed inside with a sigh. It was too late to see Aiko, her daughter would be in bed.
But the television in the living room was on when she walked in and dropped her shoes with twin clunks to the floor, not even bothering to pick them back up. She let herself fall bonelessly onto the couch next to Akanishi, who was seated with a bowl of popcorn in his lap. He looked at her with somewhat wide eyes, almost like a deer caught in the headlights of oncoming traffic, but her emotions had to have been written all over her face, because he didn't say anything. He stayed quiet, and occasionally she would hear a crunch from another handful of popcorn, and she glared down at the DVD rack beneath the TV set until the edges stopped blurring.
Finally, Becky looked up at what he was watching on television, since he hadn't changed it since she'd entered. Then she glanced over at him, taking in the shimmer to his eyes. "Why are you watching Totoro?" she asked.
"Uh," he stammered, popcorn paused and poised halfway to his mouth as he looked at her. "We... started watching it before Aiko went to bed. And, uh, I... wanted to finish it."
Becky just stared at him, and at the bowl of popcorn, and at the Ghibli animations dancing across the screen. And then she started to laugh, the kind of laugh that started deep in her stomach and just bubbled its way up out of her throat. She laughed until it started to hurt, and then he started laughing, and she finally didn't care about the date or Daisuke or that she'd spent 45 minutes doing her hair to go out just to make sure she looked nice enough. She threw her head back against the couch cushions and laughed until tears streamed down her cheeks.
"You are such a sap," she gasped, holding her stomach with both arms. "Oh my god, such a sap."
"Don't you dare judge me!" Akanishi replied. He threw a piece of popcorn at her face, and it hit her cheek, and that only made her laugh harder all over again.
When she finally got her giggles under control, Becky wiped at her cheeks with the back of her hand. "You know, you act so tough, but underneath it all, you are just one big marshmallow."
"Don't tell anyone," Akanishi grumbled. He slid further down into the couch cushion and popped another handful of fluffy kernels into his mouth, but Becky could still see the ghost of a smile on his mouth. "It's a secret. I'd have to kill you."
There was a moment of silence then, stretched comfortably between them, and Becky watched Totoro and Mei-chan converse in front of her. Then Akanishi looked over at her.
"You look really nice," he said. "I take it... it didn't go well."
Becky sighed, lifting one leg up in the air to look down at her toes- she'd even painted her toenails for the night. "Just another guy who doesn't want to date me because I have a kid."
"Yeah," Akanishi said. It sounded darker than usual. "Just... yeah."
When Becky looked over at him, he was staring at the television again, but didn't seem to really be watching. He looked lost in his own thoughts, popcorn bowl on his lap all but forgotten.
"What is it?" she asked. "He was a jerk. These things happen."
Akanishi shrugged. "It's not that. I just can't imagine not wanting to be part of your kid's life, you know? I mean, I know I do."
All the air felt like it went out of the room all at once, choking Becky and making her lungs scream. The reflections of the movie were dancing across Jin's face then, mottled sweeping patches of color on his skin, and she took a deep breath, willing the lump in her throat back down.
"You... you have a child?"
"I have a son," he answered, quietly.
She waited for him to continue, biting down on her lower lip a bit. Suddenly, she thought of Ryutaro and the letters she sent, of how badly she wanted Aiko to know her father and to have a relationship with him. She'd only ever experienced the sting of his dismissal of them both; she'd never thought about what it would be like on the other end.
"And... you don't-" she started, and then couldn't finish.
"Naw," Jin said. He shrugged, and the gesture was anything but casual. "His mother has custody. I just send checks every month."
But he was so good with Aiko. He was smiles and laughter, he was the person Aiko kept chattering about when they were eating dinner, the person she kept asking to play with when Becky was busy with work or classes. Becky couldn't imagine keeping someone who so obviously wanted to be a part of his child's life away- it almost made tears spring hot in her eyes all over again, and she swallowed them down as much as she could.
Without thinking at all, she reached over and found his hand on the rim of the popcorn bowl, curling her fingers around his. His palm was warm against her own, and she could feel the rapid pulse of his heart through the skin. They stayed like that for a long time, hand in hand, watching Totoro and Mei, until all of the tension had dissipated from the room.
--
"Hey!" Shirota called, barely audible over the thumping bass of the music and the din of the bodies all around them. At least they'd managed to snag one of the back rooms, just to give them a little bit more room to breathe. "Hey, I need another beer!"
"So get it yourself!" Jin replied, laughing and taking another swig of his own. To his left, Pi was fumbling with his lighter, trying to get his cigar lit. Jin wasn't even sure where Pi got it, but he was hell-bent and determined to smoke it while "sitting in his private VIP room" that was really just a few booths pushed back against the far corner.
Jin wasn't sure why he was even there. It was nice to have a night of relaxation when he wasn't on third shift, and he hadn't seen Pi and the gang in awhile, but at the same time, his heart wasn't all in it. He was only on his third beer when the rest of them had lost count, and he checked the clock every ten minutes or so, just to see how much closer it was to closing time.
Pi had found some girls somewhere in the club- the dance floor, maybe, Jin didn't really know. And he'd invited the girls back to drink with them. One of them was wearing a sequined skirt that was just long enough to cover what needed to be and a shirt that showed off her cleavage. She moved towards Jin like a panther stalking prey, sitting on the side of the booth next to him and putting an arm around his shoulders.
"Do you want to dance?" she purred in his ear.
"Naw," he said, and just reached for his beer again. "Not tonight."
She wasn't easily deterred, he had to give her that. Her fingers threaded through the waves of his hair near his ear, and she leaned in again, so close that her breath sent hot shivers down his spine. "Not the dancing type?"
"I like dancing," he admitted.
"So?" she asked, and her other hand was quite suddenly on his knee, thumb tracing the inseam of his jeans up his thigh.
Jin stood, almost knocking his knees against the table in his haste, and he fumbled through his jacket pockets to find his cigarettes. "Ah, Pi- I'm gonna go have a smoke. You coming?"
The girl looked put off- and kind of offended, still perched next to the space on the seat Jin had just vacated, and Pi followed behind Jin without a word. The cool air was a welcome relief on Jin's face when they finally got out the back doors, and he slumped back against the wall. It was too stifling in there, like a hand around his throat that was denying him of his oxygen.
"What the hell, man?" Pi asked, taking a drag from his cigar and puffing the smoke back out, trying to make rings and failing miserably. "That chick totally would have gone home with you."
"Yeah," Jin said. He shrugged. "Not feeling it."
"Not feeling it?" Pi stared at him. "Jin, that girl was a 10. Do you know how often you get hit on by girls that hot?"
The answer was not very often, but Jin figured Pi already knew that and kept it to himself. He just pulled out a cigarette and lit it, staring out at the alley that wound back through the buildings to meet back up with the main street.
They stood in silence for a few moments before Pi started chuckling. "It's your neighbor, isn't it? The woman with the kid?"
Jin didn't answer that, either, because he couldn't get the denial past his lips.
"Oh, man, are you serious? Jin, come on. I haven't seen you like this since..."
He trailed off without finishing, but Jin knew what the end would have been. Mitsuki. Mitsuki and the son he never saw, didn't know, and never would. Jin let his head fall back against the brick, feeling like an idiot. Moreso than usual, anyway. "Pi, I don't even know what's going on anymore."
Pi just sort of studied him for a moment, and then looked away, puffing on his cigar again.
"I mean," Jin started, and the words all just came tumbling out, "she's just... she works so hard and she does so much, and she's trying so that her daughter can have a good life. Have what she wants, you know? Do anything. And she's just... well, she's amazing. She's devoted, and she's smart, and her smile just lights up the room."
He kicked at a bit of loose gravel near his shoes. "I just... I just want her to be happy."
"Christ," Pi muttered.
"What?" Jin asked.
"Well, if you like her so much, why don't you just ask her out?" Pi suggested.
It wasn't like Jin hadn't thought about that. He just wasn't sure what was holding him back. Getting Aiko involved, fear of it not working out, fear of getting rejected- everything, maybe. They were next door neighbors; if it got awkward, he didn't want to have to avoid her and Aiko forever.
"I don't know," he said lamely.
"What else is new?" Pi snickered, and things felt slightly more normal when Jin flicked Pi's forehead with his fingers in annoyance. At least there were some things he could always count on to stay the same.
--
Becky had gotten the shock of her life the other morning when Akanishi had greeted her by the dumpster. It wasn’t anything out of a drama, that was for sure. He was probably just the impulsive type. She’d been tossing in her trash when he’d tapped her on the shoulder and asked if she wanted to go to a movie.
And she wanted to. She’d discovered that she wanted to go to a movie with him so badly. When was the last time she’d even gone to one? And not just with one of her girlfriends or with Aiko, but with a guy she liked. Someone who liked her too, at least as far as she could tell. So she’d said yes. She’d said yes so quickly that she’d almost dropped her glass recycling in with her garbage bag.
But now it was movie night, and she was out of names on her list. The daycare provided a list of babysitters in the neighborhood compiled by the other moms, but not a one on the list was available at such short notice, and the girl she’d counted on had canceled, claiming illness. Whether the girl was lying or not, Becky was heartbroken.
Aiko kept watching her dvd, unaware of her mother’s distress. What if he’d already bought the tickets? What if he’d taken off work? It was a date, and a date with someone who knew she had a kid and didn’t seem to judge her for it. She had his number in her phone now, and she had since the night she’d let him babysit. But this was something to say face to face, and it wasn’t as though he lived far away.
She left Aiko and the dvd, keeping her door open as she knocked on his. She’d been just about to hop in the shower when the call had come in, and all her valuable getting ready time had been squandered scrambling to find a replacement sitter. He opened the door dressed in a nicer button-down shirt and jeans without rips and holes. It seemed that Akanishi did have nice clothes - he just wasn’t terribly fond of wearing them very often.
“What’s wrong?” he asked immediately, probably seeing the panic in her face.
“My sitter canceled,” she admitted, “and none of the others I know are available. I’m really sorry. I wanted to go. I really did...”
He cocked his head, his crooked smile surprising her. “So what?”
She stared at him. “Huh?”
Jin leaned an elbow against the doorframe. “No big deal, we’ll bring Aiko with us. I think there’s a new Crayon Shin-chan movie out now, right?”
Becky felt like the wind had been knocked out of her. He couldn’t be serious. He’d clearly asked her on a date, just the two of them. “But...but we could reschedule. I’ll get a sitter for next week. She sometimes gets crabby during movies, I wouldn’t want you to...”
“Hey,” he interrupted, looking down and into her eyes sincerely. “I said it’s no big deal. We’ll just take the train. And I like kids movies, you know.”
“Are you absolutely sure?”
“I am absolutely sure.” Some first date, she thought, trying to ignore the butterflies fluttering around in her stomach. He cared. He really did care, didn’t he? “I’ll go check on the time for the movie, and I’ll call you, alright?”
When he shut the door, she wanted to scream in happiness. How had she been living next to this guy for so long? How the hell had she gotten so lucky?
“Aiko!” she announced when she got back into their apartment. “You want to go see a movie with Jin nii-san?”
Her daughter’s excited squeal told her all she needed to hear.
--
“Your impression of Crayon Shin-chan is awful,” he told Becky as they walked back to the train station.
He watched her rub small circles on Aiko’s back as she carried the little girl down the street. She’d made it halfway through the movie before passing out in the chair between them. It hadn’t been Jin’s ideal first date, but Aiko had insisted on sharing her popcorn with him, which was nice of her. He’d been courageous enough to do so after seeing the little girl lick the extra salt off of her fingers before jamming her hand back into the kid sized bucket.
“It’s better than yours,” Becky grumbled, hoisting the girl again. “She’s getting big so fast.”
“My impression was great. You just sound like you have the flu,” he shot back, holding out his arms. “I got her.”
“You’ll wake her up.”
“You’ll drop her if you don’t hand her off, come on.”
Surprisingly enough, Aiko didn’t stir much as they transferred her between them. It almost felt right to have her little chubby arms wrap around his neck, feeling the puffs of warm air against his neck as she settled back asleep. The train car was pretty empty, and Aiko slept through it all. He could sense that Becky was watching him the whole time.
He could feel a blush creep into his cheeks. Sure, he’d played games with Aiko, drawn with her, all that, but he hadn’t really carried her before. Held her like she was his own. He’d gone to the hospital the day Yuta was born, begging Mitsuki’s parents to let him see his baby, at least hold him once. They’d directed him to the nursery, keeping him behind glass, pointing to one of the cradles. It was the closest he’d gotten, and he’d spent that night with some hostess and a bottle of Jack instead. He’d wasted five years of his life that way.
Jin tried to push those memories away, hoisting Aiko up again as they departed the train for the apartment complex. Becky stayed quiet beside him. Maybe she could just tell by instinct what he was thinking about. She unlocked the door, standing aside as he went in, shuffling out of his shoes.
“I’ll get her changed. It’ll just take a minute,” she said behind him as he moved into the bedroom. He set Aiko down on the bed and untied her shoes. “She’ll wake up and hate me now.”
“Won’t hate me,” he teased, setting the tiny sneakers down on the floor and heading for the living room.
He was still having an odd time coming to terms with all the ways that evening had felt right. Sure, the movie was just supposed to be him and Becky, but sitting in the theater with Aiko between them had felt normal. Sitting beside her on the train with their thighs barely touching, waiting on the couch while she tucked in Aiko for bed. Those things felt normal too.
Becky emerged a few minutes later, sliding Aiko’s door shut. “I told her Jin nii-san would be sad if she complained, and what do you know, she stayed quiet.”
He leaned back and shrugged. “Guess I’m just a miracle worker.”
“And a modest one,” she said, heading for the kitchen. “I still don’t have scotch, but I have a beer. I bought one out of the vending machine this morning.”
He snorted. “Why?”
“For you, idiot.” She popped it open and came back, handing it to him while she settled herself on the other side of the couch. “Beer’s cheaper than a bottle of scotch, sorry to disappoint.”
The skirt she’d worn was shorter than he’d imagined her wearing, and he couldn’t help but stare as she got herself seated as comfortably as she could. She was short, but her legs were long. Becky might have been girly, but she was still a jeans and a t-shirt kind of girl. It was a different side, and he liked it. A lot.
They talked about the movie, about looking for a good kindergarten for Aiko, and eventually they started talking about comedians and music and everything under the sun. Pretty much anything but what he felt about her and what she felt for him. They’d even made their first date into a sort of family outing. They still hadn’t gotten much chance alone.
He finished the beer, setting the can down on the coffee table. Unless she had another one waiting, there wasn’t really much excuse he could make to stay. She’d have to invite him. “Well.”
“Did you want something else?” she asked hesitantly. “I mean, water, juice, tea, coffee?”
She was going to keep listing drinks if he didn’t stop her. “Water.”
“Water,” she said with a nod, getting up and heading for the kitchen. He picked up the can to toss in her recycling but stopped in the kitchen doorway as she stood on her tiptoes to reach a glass from her cabinet. He could see that the bottom shelf was mostly plastic cups for Aiko’s use. Becky probably didn’t have many guests over.
But all he could really see were long legs, the denim skirt, her shirt riding up to show pale skin at her waist and the bracelets jangling against the cabinet shelf. Jin set the empty beer can down on the counter and took her hand away from the cabinet. He’d been a gentleman up til now. He’d been far nicer than he’d ever been to anyone up til now.
He wasn’t romantic enough to think that time was stopping or whatever, but she seemed to stare at him for the longest moment of his life before her eyes closed. Her lip gloss was sticky sweet when he claimed her mouth with his own. With the first taste, he knew he’d always want more. He coaxed her lips apart with his tongue, grabbing hold of her neck and feeling the soft tendrils of her hair between his fingers as he deepened the kiss.
She grabbed hold of his arm to steady herself, breaking away from him first. That was when panic hit. Had he just overstepped his bounds? He was used to being around girls who were just looking to have a good time with no strings attached.
“I really wanted to kiss you,” he admitted quietly. “I’m sorry.”
“No,” she said, eyes still closed. Her words came slowly, as though her brain was trying to catch up with the rest of her. “No, don’t apologize.”
When she looked up and met his gaze, he could see sunflowers in her eyes, even under the fluorescent kitchen lights. He wanted her, but the timing was wrong. It was too soon. Becky wasn’t someone he could kiss for the first time and bed for the first time in the same night.
He tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and smiled. “Don’t worry about the water. I’ve gotta work early tomorrow anyhow.”
“Okay,” she exhaled, grinning kind of idiotically.
“I’m going to head home now.”
“Okay.”
He planted another quick kiss at the corner of her mouth. “I’m really going now.” They were two adults, weren’t they? He chuckled and turned, picking up his shoes at the door and heading out. “Good night, okay?”
“Jin.”
He poked his head back inside. “Yep?”
“Kiss me again?”
--
She wished she had a puppy.
Not that the puppies in the park she met while playing weren't fun- they were fun, and that was exactly why she wanted one. She liked when the roughness of their tongues stuck to the palm of her hand and the way their ears went up when she pet their heads. She liked the way their tails wag when she scratched their backs. She wondered if Mommy would let her get one someday, maybe if she was really good; maybe when she went to Kindergarten and did exactly what the teacher said.
There were some rocks in her palms, and she rubbed them against her knees, which sort of loosened the pieces and made them fall down to the ground. Next to her, Nii-san was trying to draw something that used a lot of different colors. He was bent far over it and really close. Aiko wondered if he needed glasses- one of the boys in her class had glasses, and she thought they looked cool.
"Mommy, can I have the red chalk?" she asked, and held out her hand expectantly.
"What do we say when we are asking for something?" Mommy replied.
But the red chalk was right there, in the bucket, squished between the blue and the green. Aiko bit down on her bottom lip, staring at it. "Please can I have the red chalk?"
"Good manners are important," Mommy said sternly, but she gave Aiko the chalk anyway, and Aiko went back to happily adding in the skirt to her drawing.
"Why did you look at me when you said that?" Nii-san asked. He laughed. Aiko liked his laugh- it made her want to laugh, too. Sometimes when he laughed, she wanted to crawl onto his lap so that when his body shook, it felt like a ride. Nii-san's laugh made the whole couch shake, and she wanted it to happen all the time.
Mommy just gave him one of Those Looks. Aiko knew what Those Looks meant- it meant that Nii-san had been bad, but if he pouted well enough, Mommy wouldn't stay mad at him. Aiko was pretty good at getting out of Those Looks. And the other day, she'd even gotten a new beaded necklace after Mommy gave her one of them, which meant Aiko was getting even better.
"Nii-san," Aiko sang, and scooched back a bit, because she needed more room on the sidewalk for her drawing. "Why do you wear hats so much?"
"Because I am very lazy," Nii-san answered. He gave her a kiss on the forehead that didn't feel bad- it was nice.
Aiko just giggled and added a hat to her drawing. "Okay. Mine is done!"
"Alright, let's see," Mommy said. She stood up and straightened her skirt, and then moved around so she could see Aiko's drawing from the right direction. "Is this us?"
"That's you, and that's me," Aiko informed her, pointing to the figures in question, "and that's Nii-san."
Nii-san's hands closed around her arms and hoisted her upwards, up onto his shoulders. She felt like she was a thousand feet tall, higher than the roof of the school and higher than the trees. She thought maybe she could fly if she put her arms out to either side, but she was a little too afraid to try. Next week, she'd try for sure. "And we're all holding hands?" Nii-san asked.
"Yes," she said, and nodded, even though he couldn't see because she was behind his head. She tugged on his ponytail a little bit, and it made him growl at her like one of the puppies in the park had. "We drew pictures at school today like this."
"Like what?" Mommy asked.
"About our families," Aiko told her.
Mommy's eyes looked shiny. Aiko wondered if she'd said something wrong, but Mommy was still smiling, so she didn't think so. In fact, Nii-san's fingers found her own and he squeezed both of Aiko's hands while Mommy wiped at her eyes a little bit and turned away, like Aiko wouldn't be able to see her, even though she still could.
"Well," Nii-san said, after a moment, and it sounded like he had swallowed something big and fuzzy, "I think it's the best chalk drawing I've ever seen."
"Really?" Aiko asked.
Mommy sniffed. "It would win an award if anyone saw it."
"Can it win me some candy?" Aiko asked hopefully.
"Yes," Nii-san said, just as Mommy answered with, "Not before dinner."
There was a long moment where they just looked at each other, and Aiko patted Nii-san on his head, which was kind of fuzzy. She liked his hair even if it was longer than any other boy's hair that she'd seen. Then Mommy smiled in a wobbly sort of way and ducked her head again.
"Okay," she relented. "Maybe just one small candy bar before dinner."
Aiko let out a happy crow of victory, hands above her head.
"I love you, Mommy," she said. "I love you, Nii-san."
Nii-san rubbed his fingers against her palms a bit. "Love you, too, Aiko."
"Can I have candy now?"
"Alright, alright," Nii-san laughed. "Candy now."
Part: 2/2
Fandom: KAT-TUN
Character, Pairing(s): Akanishi Jin/Becky, Yamapi
Rating: PG
Warnings: Cavity-inducing het romance, children
Summary: There's a sidewalk between their apartment doors, but in the end, maybe there's a lot more connecting them than just cement.
Notes: We realize that this is NONE of the things that anyone is here to read. We also realize that apart from us, there is probably only one person who will read this. But... well, we write what we get inspired with, and this made us quite happy to write. So. ♥ Enjoy!
He was coming back with his mail when Becky was locking her apartment door, looking to be in a hurry. Then again, with however many jobs or responsibilities she seemed to have, when wasn’t she in a rush?
Her hair was piled up on her head in a mess, and she had a piece of toast in her mouth. “Where’s the fire?” he asked as he got to his door.
“Mmfhmma!” she mumbled, trying to get her backpack zipped without dropping her keys or her travel mug of what Jin imagined was some pretty strong coffee.
“Need a hand?” He yanked the keys away and shoved them into her bag, zipping it closed for her.
She grabbed the toast with her free hand. “Class,” she said. “And I have an exam.”
“And you’re going to miss your train?”
She nodded and started to clomp off in her sandals. He caught her by the backpack strap. “Hey!”
“Let me drive you.”
Becky narrowed her eyes. “You want me in your car that badly?”
Jin sighed. He’d offered again to drive her to Yokohama the other day when she went to fetch Aiko, but the lack of a child’s booster seat in his car was an obvious strike. “If you’re taking the local, you know they only come every eight minutes. If we leave now, it’ll be fine. There’s no traffic.”
She took a bite out of her toast, crumbs falling onto her polka-dotted blouse. It was unattractive in other people, but Jin couldn’t bring himself to dislike her for it. “Fine.”
He shoved the bills under his door and pulled his keys from his pocket. “This way.”
Maybe throwing out a few fast food wrappers and convenience store bags would have been preferable before inviting her into his car, and she made a face when she tried tugging on her seatbelt.
“It sticks,” he said, reaching across her to tug on it. Her face went adorably red as soon as he was in her personal space, and he had to admit that it was cute. When most of the women he met were drunk or trying to get him drunk enough to buy them expensive champagne, it was refreshing to hang out with the girl next door and do something simple to make her blush.
He buckled it for her and got the car going. She directed him to the small university where she was taking classes, and he pulled out of the parking space he’d been lucky to find. It was strange hanging around with her when Aiko was gone. Not a bad kind of strange, but a comfortable kind of strange he hadn’t known in some time. Seeing her large purse and her bright pink backpack. Smelling her floral perfume. It was calming, and it was just nice.
She was muttering some sort of phrase over and over, probably some last minute attempt to memorize something for her test. He left the radio off and drove more attentively than usual now that he had a guest in the car who wasn’t Pi or Ryo. They didn’t seem to give a shit how he drove so long as they didn’t have to.
“Ah, hopeless,” she complained, shutting her eyes and bumping her head against the passenger door glass. “I’m going to fail.”
“You’re not going to fail.”
“I was up until 1:30 patching up a pair of Aiko’s pants,” she mumbled. “I’m running on fumes at this point.”
He knew how hard she worked. Good things came to people who worked their asses off, especially good people. Decent people like Becky. “You won’t fail,” he assured her.
“I better not. I can’t afford to retake this class anyhow. And they only offer it once a year. I’m part time as it is.”
“Why are you studying business?” he asked, trying to steer the conversation away from any imminent failure.
“Well, I don’t know about you, Akanishi-san, but I don’t want to be a pachinko cashier or a shop girl for the rest of my life. No offense if you want to be a shop girl, of course.”
He nodded. He’d hated school. Warehouse life would just have to be reality. “Nah, I don’t think they’d hire me at 109.”
“I don’t know. Maybe a cute guy would bring in more customers.”
“Cute? I’m cute?” he asked, looking at her with a grin.
“You know what I mean,” she complained, getting flustered. “But anyway, I want to start my own business someday. Jewelry, headbands, beads. I don’t know. Accessories.” She took off the bracelet she was wearing. “Made this.”
It had a lot of charms and colors, not anything Jin tended to care much about. But it looked the same as anything they’d sell in a store. He had to admire her for having ambition and dreams. It’d been a while since he’d wanted to be anything, be somebody. College hadn’t happened. Marriage and fatherhood hadn’t happened. Working the sound board for Ryo’s band was more of a hobby than a future.
“Girl stuff,” he said dismissively, hoping she’d pick up that he was just kidding. She slipped the bracelet back on and nodded.
“Let’s just hope girl stuff can put Aiko through college,” she said, challenging him to tease her again. He kept his mouth shut for the remainder of the drive, and she pointed a bright green painted fingernail in front of him. “Just drop me there.”
He pulled to the curb, and she grabbed her things. She seemed far more relaxed than she had when she was leaving her apartment. Being on time did a lot to calm her down. It had only been a fifteen minute drive, but when she opened the car door, he didn’t really want her to leave.
“Thanks, Akanishi-san,” she said, grabbing her coffee from the cup holder. “I owe you one.”
“You can use my name,” he said with a shrug. “Your daughter does.”
“We’ll see about that.”
She got out of the car, and his mouth was moving before his brain had fully processed it. “Becky.”
Her eyes were wide when she turned around, hand on the door. “Yeah?”
“Pass that test, and I’ll buy one your girly bracelets.”
She slung her backpack over her shoulder and looked down shyly. “It’s a deal.”
He watched her hurry off for the building and her exam. If only Pi could see him now. Flirting with his brain and not his hands. He was a changing man, that was for damn sure.
--
The restaurant was small, cozy, and lit by hazy dim lights that hung from the ceiling on intricate wires and were surrounded by fuzzy stained glass pieces. Just sitting at the table was making Becky feel a little buzzed- overwhelmed by the sheer sensation of dating again, of sitting with a man across the table who kept giving her sweet little smiles and then ducking his head again. There was a clenching in her stomach that was slowly unknotting, nerves she'd been sitting on for days since her friend had told her about "the nice guy she wanted to set Becky up with".
It had been way too long. And the food was delicious, even if her anxiety wasn't letting her eat too much of it. She took small bites and tried to savor every second, as if she'd never get to experience it again.
"So, you want to go into business for yourself?" Daisuke asked.
"Yes," Becky answered, too quickly- she was way too nervous. When had she lost her ability to talk to members of the opposite sex? "I mean, it's just a dream, but it's my goal. I'm working towards it."
Daisuke gave her another of the slow, lazy smiles across the plates and the half-empty glasses of red wine. "And that's why you are taking classes. I think that's really great. Everyone should have a dream like that."
Becky flushed and looked down at the remnants of her pasta, enjoying the warm sensation that swept through her form. "Thank you. It's been hard, you know? With Aiko."
"Aiko?" he asked.
"I... my daughter," Becky clarified.
When all she received was a blank look in response, the knots in her stomach started to re-twist themselves around her insides, and not in a good way. Why hadn't Makoto mentioned Aiko to him when she set the date up? "I have a daughter, Aiko. So it's been difficult raising her myself. Didn't... didn't Makoto tell you that?"
"No," Daisuke said, and then proceeded to look down at his plate for the next five minutes, pushing around bits of potato and steak to the corners and then back towards the middle again. Becky watched as the gravy engulfed all of it and soaked through the bottom of the bread crumbs. She suddenly wasn't hungry anymore- and she knew exactly where the night was headed.
She'd been so stupidly excited about the prospect of dating, too. She should have known better than to get her hopes up. And she was going to kill Makoto for putting her in the position where her date didn't even know about Aiko- it was too big of a detail to leave out when planning something like that.
About ten minutes later, Daisuke called for the bill, and made a show of looking down at his watch. "Ah, I've got to go. Work stuff. I'm sorry to cut this off so short."
"Yeah," Becky replied, mouth dry. "Me too."
Daisuke still paid, which Becky had half been expecting him not to, and walked with her out to the front door with both hands shoved into his jacket pockets. He looked like there was somewhere else he desperately wanted to be.
"Well," he started, awkward, "I had a nice time. Thank you for dinner, and I hope your classes go well."
"Thanks," she replied.
He waved one hand helplessly. "I'm just going to take a cab, do you need a ride?"
The last thing she wanted was to be stuck in the back of a taxi with the guy who cut their date off early as soon as he'd heard about her kid. "No," she said. "Thanks, but I'll just take the train."
"Okay," he said. And she watched him walk to the corner of the block for only a moment before turning towards the direction of the station, wiping at her eyes with her fingers. She didn't want to cry on the sidewalk, but she couldn't hold back all the moisture that was gathering in the corners of her eyes- this was why she didn't date. This was the sort of thing she wanted to avoid. She never wanted to feel such a horrible ache in her stomach again.
It took awhile to get home, and she trudged back to her apartment with her heels in one hand, letting her soles hit the concrete with more force than was necessary. She was earlier than she'd expected to be- but how could she have foreseen that happening? The door was unlocked still, and she pushed inside with a sigh. It was too late to see Aiko, her daughter would be in bed.
But the television in the living room was on when she walked in and dropped her shoes with twin clunks to the floor, not even bothering to pick them back up. She let herself fall bonelessly onto the couch next to Akanishi, who was seated with a bowl of popcorn in his lap. He looked at her with somewhat wide eyes, almost like a deer caught in the headlights of oncoming traffic, but her emotions had to have been written all over her face, because he didn't say anything. He stayed quiet, and occasionally she would hear a crunch from another handful of popcorn, and she glared down at the DVD rack beneath the TV set until the edges stopped blurring.
Finally, Becky looked up at what he was watching on television, since he hadn't changed it since she'd entered. Then she glanced over at him, taking in the shimmer to his eyes. "Why are you watching Totoro?" she asked.
"Uh," he stammered, popcorn paused and poised halfway to his mouth as he looked at her. "We... started watching it before Aiko went to bed. And, uh, I... wanted to finish it."
Becky just stared at him, and at the bowl of popcorn, and at the Ghibli animations dancing across the screen. And then she started to laugh, the kind of laugh that started deep in her stomach and just bubbled its way up out of her throat. She laughed until it started to hurt, and then he started laughing, and she finally didn't care about the date or Daisuke or that she'd spent 45 minutes doing her hair to go out just to make sure she looked nice enough. She threw her head back against the couch cushions and laughed until tears streamed down her cheeks.
"You are such a sap," she gasped, holding her stomach with both arms. "Oh my god, such a sap."
"Don't you dare judge me!" Akanishi replied. He threw a piece of popcorn at her face, and it hit her cheek, and that only made her laugh harder all over again.
When she finally got her giggles under control, Becky wiped at her cheeks with the back of her hand. "You know, you act so tough, but underneath it all, you are just one big marshmallow."
"Don't tell anyone," Akanishi grumbled. He slid further down into the couch cushion and popped another handful of fluffy kernels into his mouth, but Becky could still see the ghost of a smile on his mouth. "It's a secret. I'd have to kill you."
There was a moment of silence then, stretched comfortably between them, and Becky watched Totoro and Mei-chan converse in front of her. Then Akanishi looked over at her.
"You look really nice," he said. "I take it... it didn't go well."
Becky sighed, lifting one leg up in the air to look down at her toes- she'd even painted her toenails for the night. "Just another guy who doesn't want to date me because I have a kid."
"Yeah," Akanishi said. It sounded darker than usual. "Just... yeah."
When Becky looked over at him, he was staring at the television again, but didn't seem to really be watching. He looked lost in his own thoughts, popcorn bowl on his lap all but forgotten.
"What is it?" she asked. "He was a jerk. These things happen."
Akanishi shrugged. "It's not that. I just can't imagine not wanting to be part of your kid's life, you know? I mean, I know I do."
All the air felt like it went out of the room all at once, choking Becky and making her lungs scream. The reflections of the movie were dancing across Jin's face then, mottled sweeping patches of color on his skin, and she took a deep breath, willing the lump in her throat back down.
"You... you have a child?"
"I have a son," he answered, quietly.
She waited for him to continue, biting down on her lower lip a bit. Suddenly, she thought of Ryutaro and the letters she sent, of how badly she wanted Aiko to know her father and to have a relationship with him. She'd only ever experienced the sting of his dismissal of them both; she'd never thought about what it would be like on the other end.
"And... you don't-" she started, and then couldn't finish.
"Naw," Jin said. He shrugged, and the gesture was anything but casual. "His mother has custody. I just send checks every month."
But he was so good with Aiko. He was smiles and laughter, he was the person Aiko kept chattering about when they were eating dinner, the person she kept asking to play with when Becky was busy with work or classes. Becky couldn't imagine keeping someone who so obviously wanted to be a part of his child's life away- it almost made tears spring hot in her eyes all over again, and she swallowed them down as much as she could.
Without thinking at all, she reached over and found his hand on the rim of the popcorn bowl, curling her fingers around his. His palm was warm against her own, and she could feel the rapid pulse of his heart through the skin. They stayed like that for a long time, hand in hand, watching Totoro and Mei, until all of the tension had dissipated from the room.
--
"Hey!" Shirota called, barely audible over the thumping bass of the music and the din of the bodies all around them. At least they'd managed to snag one of the back rooms, just to give them a little bit more room to breathe. "Hey, I need another beer!"
"So get it yourself!" Jin replied, laughing and taking another swig of his own. To his left, Pi was fumbling with his lighter, trying to get his cigar lit. Jin wasn't even sure where Pi got it, but he was hell-bent and determined to smoke it while "sitting in his private VIP room" that was really just a few booths pushed back against the far corner.
Jin wasn't sure why he was even there. It was nice to have a night of relaxation when he wasn't on third shift, and he hadn't seen Pi and the gang in awhile, but at the same time, his heart wasn't all in it. He was only on his third beer when the rest of them had lost count, and he checked the clock every ten minutes or so, just to see how much closer it was to closing time.
Pi had found some girls somewhere in the club- the dance floor, maybe, Jin didn't really know. And he'd invited the girls back to drink with them. One of them was wearing a sequined skirt that was just long enough to cover what needed to be and a shirt that showed off her cleavage. She moved towards Jin like a panther stalking prey, sitting on the side of the booth next to him and putting an arm around his shoulders.
"Do you want to dance?" she purred in his ear.
"Naw," he said, and just reached for his beer again. "Not tonight."
She wasn't easily deterred, he had to give her that. Her fingers threaded through the waves of his hair near his ear, and she leaned in again, so close that her breath sent hot shivers down his spine. "Not the dancing type?"
"I like dancing," he admitted.
"So?" she asked, and her other hand was quite suddenly on his knee, thumb tracing the inseam of his jeans up his thigh.
Jin stood, almost knocking his knees against the table in his haste, and he fumbled through his jacket pockets to find his cigarettes. "Ah, Pi- I'm gonna go have a smoke. You coming?"
The girl looked put off- and kind of offended, still perched next to the space on the seat Jin had just vacated, and Pi followed behind Jin without a word. The cool air was a welcome relief on Jin's face when they finally got out the back doors, and he slumped back against the wall. It was too stifling in there, like a hand around his throat that was denying him of his oxygen.
"What the hell, man?" Pi asked, taking a drag from his cigar and puffing the smoke back out, trying to make rings and failing miserably. "That chick totally would have gone home with you."
"Yeah," Jin said. He shrugged. "Not feeling it."
"Not feeling it?" Pi stared at him. "Jin, that girl was a 10. Do you know how often you get hit on by girls that hot?"
The answer was not very often, but Jin figured Pi already knew that and kept it to himself. He just pulled out a cigarette and lit it, staring out at the alley that wound back through the buildings to meet back up with the main street.
They stood in silence for a few moments before Pi started chuckling. "It's your neighbor, isn't it? The woman with the kid?"
Jin didn't answer that, either, because he couldn't get the denial past his lips.
"Oh, man, are you serious? Jin, come on. I haven't seen you like this since..."
He trailed off without finishing, but Jin knew what the end would have been. Mitsuki. Mitsuki and the son he never saw, didn't know, and never would. Jin let his head fall back against the brick, feeling like an idiot. Moreso than usual, anyway. "Pi, I don't even know what's going on anymore."
Pi just sort of studied him for a moment, and then looked away, puffing on his cigar again.
"I mean," Jin started, and the words all just came tumbling out, "she's just... she works so hard and she does so much, and she's trying so that her daughter can have a good life. Have what she wants, you know? Do anything. And she's just... well, she's amazing. She's devoted, and she's smart, and her smile just lights up the room."
He kicked at a bit of loose gravel near his shoes. "I just... I just want her to be happy."
"Christ," Pi muttered.
"What?" Jin asked.
"Well, if you like her so much, why don't you just ask her out?" Pi suggested.
It wasn't like Jin hadn't thought about that. He just wasn't sure what was holding him back. Getting Aiko involved, fear of it not working out, fear of getting rejected- everything, maybe. They were next door neighbors; if it got awkward, he didn't want to have to avoid her and Aiko forever.
"I don't know," he said lamely.
"What else is new?" Pi snickered, and things felt slightly more normal when Jin flicked Pi's forehead with his fingers in annoyance. At least there were some things he could always count on to stay the same.
--
Becky had gotten the shock of her life the other morning when Akanishi had greeted her by the dumpster. It wasn’t anything out of a drama, that was for sure. He was probably just the impulsive type. She’d been tossing in her trash when he’d tapped her on the shoulder and asked if she wanted to go to a movie.
And she wanted to. She’d discovered that she wanted to go to a movie with him so badly. When was the last time she’d even gone to one? And not just with one of her girlfriends or with Aiko, but with a guy she liked. Someone who liked her too, at least as far as she could tell. So she’d said yes. She’d said yes so quickly that she’d almost dropped her glass recycling in with her garbage bag.
But now it was movie night, and she was out of names on her list. The daycare provided a list of babysitters in the neighborhood compiled by the other moms, but not a one on the list was available at such short notice, and the girl she’d counted on had canceled, claiming illness. Whether the girl was lying or not, Becky was heartbroken.
Aiko kept watching her dvd, unaware of her mother’s distress. What if he’d already bought the tickets? What if he’d taken off work? It was a date, and a date with someone who knew she had a kid and didn’t seem to judge her for it. She had his number in her phone now, and she had since the night she’d let him babysit. But this was something to say face to face, and it wasn’t as though he lived far away.
She left Aiko and the dvd, keeping her door open as she knocked on his. She’d been just about to hop in the shower when the call had come in, and all her valuable getting ready time had been squandered scrambling to find a replacement sitter. He opened the door dressed in a nicer button-down shirt and jeans without rips and holes. It seemed that Akanishi did have nice clothes - he just wasn’t terribly fond of wearing them very often.
“What’s wrong?” he asked immediately, probably seeing the panic in her face.
“My sitter canceled,” she admitted, “and none of the others I know are available. I’m really sorry. I wanted to go. I really did...”
He cocked his head, his crooked smile surprising her. “So what?”
She stared at him. “Huh?”
Jin leaned an elbow against the doorframe. “No big deal, we’ll bring Aiko with us. I think there’s a new Crayon Shin-chan movie out now, right?”
Becky felt like the wind had been knocked out of her. He couldn’t be serious. He’d clearly asked her on a date, just the two of them. “But...but we could reschedule. I’ll get a sitter for next week. She sometimes gets crabby during movies, I wouldn’t want you to...”
“Hey,” he interrupted, looking down and into her eyes sincerely. “I said it’s no big deal. We’ll just take the train. And I like kids movies, you know.”
“Are you absolutely sure?”
“I am absolutely sure.” Some first date, she thought, trying to ignore the butterflies fluttering around in her stomach. He cared. He really did care, didn’t he? “I’ll go check on the time for the movie, and I’ll call you, alright?”
When he shut the door, she wanted to scream in happiness. How had she been living next to this guy for so long? How the hell had she gotten so lucky?
“Aiko!” she announced when she got back into their apartment. “You want to go see a movie with Jin nii-san?”
Her daughter’s excited squeal told her all she needed to hear.
--
“Your impression of Crayon Shin-chan is awful,” he told Becky as they walked back to the train station.
He watched her rub small circles on Aiko’s back as she carried the little girl down the street. She’d made it halfway through the movie before passing out in the chair between them. It hadn’t been Jin’s ideal first date, but Aiko had insisted on sharing her popcorn with him, which was nice of her. He’d been courageous enough to do so after seeing the little girl lick the extra salt off of her fingers before jamming her hand back into the kid sized bucket.
“It’s better than yours,” Becky grumbled, hoisting the girl again. “She’s getting big so fast.”
“My impression was great. You just sound like you have the flu,” he shot back, holding out his arms. “I got her.”
“You’ll wake her up.”
“You’ll drop her if you don’t hand her off, come on.”
Surprisingly enough, Aiko didn’t stir much as they transferred her between them. It almost felt right to have her little chubby arms wrap around his neck, feeling the puffs of warm air against his neck as she settled back asleep. The train car was pretty empty, and Aiko slept through it all. He could sense that Becky was watching him the whole time.
He could feel a blush creep into his cheeks. Sure, he’d played games with Aiko, drawn with her, all that, but he hadn’t really carried her before. Held her like she was his own. He’d gone to the hospital the day Yuta was born, begging Mitsuki’s parents to let him see his baby, at least hold him once. They’d directed him to the nursery, keeping him behind glass, pointing to one of the cradles. It was the closest he’d gotten, and he’d spent that night with some hostess and a bottle of Jack instead. He’d wasted five years of his life that way.
Jin tried to push those memories away, hoisting Aiko up again as they departed the train for the apartment complex. Becky stayed quiet beside him. Maybe she could just tell by instinct what he was thinking about. She unlocked the door, standing aside as he went in, shuffling out of his shoes.
“I’ll get her changed. It’ll just take a minute,” she said behind him as he moved into the bedroom. He set Aiko down on the bed and untied her shoes. “She’ll wake up and hate me now.”
“Won’t hate me,” he teased, setting the tiny sneakers down on the floor and heading for the living room.
He was still having an odd time coming to terms with all the ways that evening had felt right. Sure, the movie was just supposed to be him and Becky, but sitting in the theater with Aiko between them had felt normal. Sitting beside her on the train with their thighs barely touching, waiting on the couch while she tucked in Aiko for bed. Those things felt normal too.
Becky emerged a few minutes later, sliding Aiko’s door shut. “I told her Jin nii-san would be sad if she complained, and what do you know, she stayed quiet.”
He leaned back and shrugged. “Guess I’m just a miracle worker.”
“And a modest one,” she said, heading for the kitchen. “I still don’t have scotch, but I have a beer. I bought one out of the vending machine this morning.”
He snorted. “Why?”
“For you, idiot.” She popped it open and came back, handing it to him while she settled herself on the other side of the couch. “Beer’s cheaper than a bottle of scotch, sorry to disappoint.”
The skirt she’d worn was shorter than he’d imagined her wearing, and he couldn’t help but stare as she got herself seated as comfortably as she could. She was short, but her legs were long. Becky might have been girly, but she was still a jeans and a t-shirt kind of girl. It was a different side, and he liked it. A lot.
They talked about the movie, about looking for a good kindergarten for Aiko, and eventually they started talking about comedians and music and everything under the sun. Pretty much anything but what he felt about her and what she felt for him. They’d even made their first date into a sort of family outing. They still hadn’t gotten much chance alone.
He finished the beer, setting the can down on the coffee table. Unless she had another one waiting, there wasn’t really much excuse he could make to stay. She’d have to invite him. “Well.”
“Did you want something else?” she asked hesitantly. “I mean, water, juice, tea, coffee?”
She was going to keep listing drinks if he didn’t stop her. “Water.”
“Water,” she said with a nod, getting up and heading for the kitchen. He picked up the can to toss in her recycling but stopped in the kitchen doorway as she stood on her tiptoes to reach a glass from her cabinet. He could see that the bottom shelf was mostly plastic cups for Aiko’s use. Becky probably didn’t have many guests over.
But all he could really see were long legs, the denim skirt, her shirt riding up to show pale skin at her waist and the bracelets jangling against the cabinet shelf. Jin set the empty beer can down on the counter and took her hand away from the cabinet. He’d been a gentleman up til now. He’d been far nicer than he’d ever been to anyone up til now.
He wasn’t romantic enough to think that time was stopping or whatever, but she seemed to stare at him for the longest moment of his life before her eyes closed. Her lip gloss was sticky sweet when he claimed her mouth with his own. With the first taste, he knew he’d always want more. He coaxed her lips apart with his tongue, grabbing hold of her neck and feeling the soft tendrils of her hair between his fingers as he deepened the kiss.
She grabbed hold of his arm to steady herself, breaking away from him first. That was when panic hit. Had he just overstepped his bounds? He was used to being around girls who were just looking to have a good time with no strings attached.
“I really wanted to kiss you,” he admitted quietly. “I’m sorry.”
“No,” she said, eyes still closed. Her words came slowly, as though her brain was trying to catch up with the rest of her. “No, don’t apologize.”
When she looked up and met his gaze, he could see sunflowers in her eyes, even under the fluorescent kitchen lights. He wanted her, but the timing was wrong. It was too soon. Becky wasn’t someone he could kiss for the first time and bed for the first time in the same night.
He tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and smiled. “Don’t worry about the water. I’ve gotta work early tomorrow anyhow.”
“Okay,” she exhaled, grinning kind of idiotically.
“I’m going to head home now.”
“Okay.”
He planted another quick kiss at the corner of her mouth. “I’m really going now.” They were two adults, weren’t they? He chuckled and turned, picking up his shoes at the door and heading out. “Good night, okay?”
“Jin.”
He poked his head back inside. “Yep?”
“Kiss me again?”
--
She wished she had a puppy.
Not that the puppies in the park she met while playing weren't fun- they were fun, and that was exactly why she wanted one. She liked when the roughness of their tongues stuck to the palm of her hand and the way their ears went up when she pet their heads. She liked the way their tails wag when she scratched their backs. She wondered if Mommy would let her get one someday, maybe if she was really good; maybe when she went to Kindergarten and did exactly what the teacher said.
There were some rocks in her palms, and she rubbed them against her knees, which sort of loosened the pieces and made them fall down to the ground. Next to her, Nii-san was trying to draw something that used a lot of different colors. He was bent far over it and really close. Aiko wondered if he needed glasses- one of the boys in her class had glasses, and she thought they looked cool.
"Mommy, can I have the red chalk?" she asked, and held out her hand expectantly.
"What do we say when we are asking for something?" Mommy replied.
But the red chalk was right there, in the bucket, squished between the blue and the green. Aiko bit down on her bottom lip, staring at it. "Please can I have the red chalk?"
"Good manners are important," Mommy said sternly, but she gave Aiko the chalk anyway, and Aiko went back to happily adding in the skirt to her drawing.
"Why did you look at me when you said that?" Nii-san asked. He laughed. Aiko liked his laugh- it made her want to laugh, too. Sometimes when he laughed, she wanted to crawl onto his lap so that when his body shook, it felt like a ride. Nii-san's laugh made the whole couch shake, and she wanted it to happen all the time.
Mommy just gave him one of Those Looks. Aiko knew what Those Looks meant- it meant that Nii-san had been bad, but if he pouted well enough, Mommy wouldn't stay mad at him. Aiko was pretty good at getting out of Those Looks. And the other day, she'd even gotten a new beaded necklace after Mommy gave her one of them, which meant Aiko was getting even better.
"Nii-san," Aiko sang, and scooched back a bit, because she needed more room on the sidewalk for her drawing. "Why do you wear hats so much?"
"Because I am very lazy," Nii-san answered. He gave her a kiss on the forehead that didn't feel bad- it was nice.
Aiko just giggled and added a hat to her drawing. "Okay. Mine is done!"
"Alright, let's see," Mommy said. She stood up and straightened her skirt, and then moved around so she could see Aiko's drawing from the right direction. "Is this us?"
"That's you, and that's me," Aiko informed her, pointing to the figures in question, "and that's Nii-san."
Nii-san's hands closed around her arms and hoisted her upwards, up onto his shoulders. She felt like she was a thousand feet tall, higher than the roof of the school and higher than the trees. She thought maybe she could fly if she put her arms out to either side, but she was a little too afraid to try. Next week, she'd try for sure. "And we're all holding hands?" Nii-san asked.
"Yes," she said, and nodded, even though he couldn't see because she was behind his head. She tugged on his ponytail a little bit, and it made him growl at her like one of the puppies in the park had. "We drew pictures at school today like this."
"Like what?" Mommy asked.
"About our families," Aiko told her.
Mommy's eyes looked shiny. Aiko wondered if she'd said something wrong, but Mommy was still smiling, so she didn't think so. In fact, Nii-san's fingers found her own and he squeezed both of Aiko's hands while Mommy wiped at her eyes a little bit and turned away, like Aiko wouldn't be able to see her, even though she still could.
"Well," Nii-san said, after a moment, and it sounded like he had swallowed something big and fuzzy, "I think it's the best chalk drawing I've ever seen."
"Really?" Aiko asked.
Mommy sniffed. "It would win an award if anyone saw it."
"Can it win me some candy?" Aiko asked hopefully.
"Yes," Nii-san said, just as Mommy answered with, "Not before dinner."
There was a long moment where they just looked at each other, and Aiko patted Nii-san on his head, which was kind of fuzzy. She liked his hair even if it was longer than any other boy's hair that she'd seen. Then Mommy smiled in a wobbly sort of way and ducked her head again.
"Okay," she relented. "Maybe just one small candy bar before dinner."
Aiko let out a happy crow of victory, hands above her head.
"I love you, Mommy," she said. "I love you, Nii-san."
Nii-san rubbed his fingers against her palms a bit. "Love you, too, Aiko."
"Can I have candy now?"
"Alright, alright," Nii-san laughed. "Candy now."