Comments and Criticism

[hi_blog]

MunName- Niko
AIM- NikoYG
MunLJ- nikoshinigami
Email- niko.ford [at] spectrumvoid.net
--
Katekyou Hitman REBORN! - Hibari Kyouya

If you have any questions about where I draw Hibari's canon from, what he has been up to at Eway, his weapons and fighting ability or any other miscellaneous facts, please check my [e]way wiki page. It's rather extensive and I'm

Comments

[anonymous]

I'm sorry I didn't get to this sooner. I'd forgotten to check back and only returned here due to another critique that I had concerning the character's behavior in the past bit of time.

The issue is in his personal posts, but also in his interactions and logs. Violent nature as a whole isn't an issue. Entranceway has had many the violent character and it's always interesting to see the play out in general. The problem stands when the play seems to become overly dramatic from what seems to the reader to be a player or writer problem. As a reader I really enjoyed reading his interactions with everyone until the past few months. As much as I hate to say it, this is because of his interactions with Ryohei. The interactions seem to be either causing or throwing the character into what seems to be a split personality. One moment he seems to be saying and doing one thing and the next he's completely different. This is the drama I'm talking about.

To be honest, I'm not sure if this character is supposed to have the disorder or not, but from the text reading it really seems as if he does, and from looking back at posts and logs it seems as if it stems within his interactions with that particular cannonmate. I'll be sure to check that player's journal and comment there as well if they have a crit post as I don't think the issue lies solely with you, but I have noticed it most with Hibari because he does post (which is a wonderful thing, your writing style is very strong and very good). I'm not sure if you're aware of it which is why I've brought it up. I do hope this can be somehow resolved as I have greatly enjoyed reading Hibari's interactions with other characters. Particularly with Yuujin, America and Seimei as they seem the most played within the journals.

As for logs, generally, as I've known it, a log is generally put up in order for a reader to 'follow the story' when things are done without logs it's very difficult for a reader to understand motivation and characterization. Which can be a hindrance in a multifandom game where not everyone knows the full cannon. A general summarization is enough and sufficient for a reader and the rating is generally done according to the character's likelihood to do something that falls within that rating scale. When an action post is placed within a journal it gives other players the mistaken belief that it is a video post and they can 'see' what is going on. Depending on the log it could cause problems that are unwanted by the muns in the log.

I can see your reasoning for posting it in your journal, it's just confusing from a player perspective.

I really do enjoy your Hibari though and look forward to the time when I can post something glowing and positive about him in this post.