get thee to a brewery
last night either an unsettled mind or th knowledge that i had to be @ work @ 4:30am (that's right, folks) or th latter culminating in th former gifted me w/ an unholy trinity of nightmares-- each separated by about ten frantic conscious minutes, each more fucked up than th last. it wasn't th usual (...for me) blood, gore, & rape, either: it was th kind of junk that troubles me to have been found in my head @ all; th darkest unformed madlands. i extended my cyber-hand for comfort but wasn't indulged, & these two things combined w/ an unnaturally early work day find me a blurry-bordered person, colored inside out th lines.
yes, i got a job. i've made a few friends there & i'm grateful for that. th addition of good people to a life is always a reason to party. one or two might even turn out to be something more to me than i ever expected to find in th food service industry, or anywhere for awhile. probability is living math. but i can't help feeling like th gain is replacing a recent loss, th energy of caring for things & folks finite or @ least balanced in a way somehow beyond me. i feel like i've been failed, & worse: i feel like th value of a thing, its care-aboutableness, relies on its potential to fail you. i also know that this is th skewed & wrong way to look @ something simple; so Cliff, you don't have to bother.
i can't tell you if i'm happy or miserable. i'm lost on me. i don't think it's important. just care about me if you do, & i will too.
happy Be-Someone-Yr-Not Day.
yes, i got a job. i've made a few friends there & i'm grateful for that. th addition of good people to a life is always a reason to party. one or two might even turn out to be something more to me than i ever expected to find in th food service industry, or anywhere for awhile. probability is living math. but i can't help feeling like th gain is replacing a recent loss, th energy of caring for things & folks finite or @ least balanced in a way somehow beyond me. i feel like i've been failed, & worse: i feel like th value of a thing, its care-aboutableness, relies on its potential to fail you. i also know that this is th skewed & wrong way to look @ something simple; so Cliff, you don't have to bother.
i can't tell you if i'm happy or miserable. i'm lost on me. i don't think it's important. just care about me if you do, & i will too.
happy Be-Someone-Yr-Not Day.