1 fic; Challenge #56
Title: It's more than 12 days
Rating/Warnings: pg
Characters/Pairing: Remus/Tonks
Summary: Remus is leaving her, because she doesnt understand. it's not just 12 days a year that he's a monster. it's every single day, and he cant ever risk hurting her, or infecting her.
Word Count: 774
Registered purchases?: both!
“Twelve days of the year, Remus! Twelve days! You can’t- not for twelve days!”
She didn’t understand. It wasn’t just twelve days a year that he transformed into a monster.
Even when he wasn’t physically the wolf, he was still a monster.
That was something that no one who wasn’t a werewolf would ever understand.
“You don’t understand.” He replied quietly. “It’s not just twelve days. Every single day… every day, people see me as a monster. And no matter how hard I try… there’s nothing I can do to change that.
She was standing at the other end of the room. In front of the door. Trying to stop him from leaving. From leaving her.
“I don’t see you as a monster.” She whispered. He could hear her choking back tears. “I never did. Never.”
He shook his head. “You will though. What if the wolfs bane doesn’t work? What if I can’t get any? Do you understand what I could do to you?”
“Of course I do!!! But I don’t care, as long as we-”
“But I might not just infect you! I could end up ripping your throat out! I could kill you!”
She looks sacred now. He’s never been this angry before. Not in front of her, anyway. He could always keep his emotions in check.
“You wouldn’t.” her mouth barely moved as she said it, and he knew she didn’t believe it herself. Of course he could kill her.
“I could do anything. I can’t control it. I tried… I tried my whole life, to keep the two things separate. I tried waking up the next morning, and leaving it there, and forgetting about it, and anything I might have done. But it doesn’t work! Much as I hate it… its part of me, and it’s always there. And I can’t always control it. And I… I can’t risk hurting someone else. I can’t do that to you.”
“But… but we can make you safe, we can work it out-”
“No.” harshly, he cut across her. “Because if anything goes wrong, if I hurt you…”
“It wouldn’t be your fault, Remus! I wouldn’t blame you, I wouldn’t-”
“But you think I could live with that guilt hanging over me every time I looked at you?” he yelled. “How could you expect me to-”
“IT’S NOT ALL ABOUT YOU!”
Remus froze. She was literally shaking; with rage and anger or fear and panic- he had no idea which.
“About me? About- NONE of this is about ME! This is about keeping you safe-”
“No it isn’t! This isn’t how you keep someone safe, by ripping their heart out and stomping on it!” Her eyes are tearing, and her hair is now flickering between mousy brown and red as she fights to control herself. “This is about you. You and your bloody self-hating. You think everyone hates you, but you’re wrong! I don’t hate you, but your pushing me away! God damn it Remus, I love-”
“Don’t. Don’t.” he took a deep breath. “You can’t change my mind. I’m not staying with you. I’m leaving soon anyway… A clean break is best for both of us.”
“Nothing about this is clean, Remus. Nothing.”
She hasn’t moved. She’s still between him and his way out.
“I have to go, Dora. Please.”
She just shakes her head, stepping back, right in front of the door.
“No. you don’t have to. Stay. Please stay.”
“I can’t. I have to get out of this.” Stepping forward he reaches her, and gently puts his hands on her slight shoulders, pulling her out of his path.
She’s crying. He’s never seen her cry before.
As he walks past, she grabs his hand, pulling him back. He turns to tell her no- please, just let him leave- but she doesn’t say anything. She only wraps her arms around his neck, kissing him roughly.
Her cheeks are wet against his. He tries his best not to respond at all, but he can’t not kiss her for the last time.
It’s at least a full minute before he pulls back. Her arms still hold him tightly though, and she stands on the tips of her toes, and whispers in his ear.
“You can’t make me hate you, Remus. I love you.”
She drops her arms, hugging herself instead.
And he’s gone. He wishes like anything that he could go back and admit that she’s right, and let her talk her round.
But he can’t inflict this on anyone else. He won’t. He can’t be responsible for infecting her, or maiming her.
And she could do so much better than him.
POINTS:
774/30= 26 points for Gryffindor!!
Gini//Gryffindor
Rating/Warnings: pg
Characters/Pairing: Remus/Tonks
Summary: Remus is leaving her, because she doesnt understand. it's not just 12 days a year that he's a monster. it's every single day, and he cant ever risk hurting her, or infecting her.
Word Count: 774
Registered purchases?: both!
“Twelve days of the year, Remus! Twelve days! You can’t- not for twelve days!”
She didn’t understand. It wasn’t just twelve days a year that he transformed into a monster.
Even when he wasn’t physically the wolf, he was still a monster.
That was something that no one who wasn’t a werewolf would ever understand.
“You don’t understand.” He replied quietly. “It’s not just twelve days. Every single day… every day, people see me as a monster. And no matter how hard I try… there’s nothing I can do to change that.
She was standing at the other end of the room. In front of the door. Trying to stop him from leaving. From leaving her.
“I don’t see you as a monster.” She whispered. He could hear her choking back tears. “I never did. Never.”
He shook his head. “You will though. What if the wolfs bane doesn’t work? What if I can’t get any? Do you understand what I could do to you?”
“Of course I do!!! But I don’t care, as long as we-”
“But I might not just infect you! I could end up ripping your throat out! I could kill you!”
She looks sacred now. He’s never been this angry before. Not in front of her, anyway. He could always keep his emotions in check.
“You wouldn’t.” her mouth barely moved as she said it, and he knew she didn’t believe it herself. Of course he could kill her.
“I could do anything. I can’t control it. I tried… I tried my whole life, to keep the two things separate. I tried waking up the next morning, and leaving it there, and forgetting about it, and anything I might have done. But it doesn’t work! Much as I hate it… its part of me, and it’s always there. And I can’t always control it. And I… I can’t risk hurting someone else. I can’t do that to you.”
“But… but we can make you safe, we can work it out-”
“No.” harshly, he cut across her. “Because if anything goes wrong, if I hurt you…”
“It wouldn’t be your fault, Remus! I wouldn’t blame you, I wouldn’t-”
“But you think I could live with that guilt hanging over me every time I looked at you?” he yelled. “How could you expect me to-”
“IT’S NOT ALL ABOUT YOU!”
Remus froze. She was literally shaking; with rage and anger or fear and panic- he had no idea which.
“About me? About- NONE of this is about ME! This is about keeping you safe-”
“No it isn’t! This isn’t how you keep someone safe, by ripping their heart out and stomping on it!” Her eyes are tearing, and her hair is now flickering between mousy brown and red as she fights to control herself. “This is about you. You and your bloody self-hating. You think everyone hates you, but you’re wrong! I don’t hate you, but your pushing me away! God damn it Remus, I love-”
“Don’t. Don’t.” he took a deep breath. “You can’t change my mind. I’m not staying with you. I’m leaving soon anyway… A clean break is best for both of us.”
“Nothing about this is clean, Remus. Nothing.”
She hasn’t moved. She’s still between him and his way out.
“I have to go, Dora. Please.”
She just shakes her head, stepping back, right in front of the door.
“No. you don’t have to. Stay. Please stay.”
“I can’t. I have to get out of this.” Stepping forward he reaches her, and gently puts his hands on her slight shoulders, pulling her out of his path.
She’s crying. He’s never seen her cry before.
As he walks past, she grabs his hand, pulling him back. He turns to tell her no- please, just let him leave- but she doesn’t say anything. She only wraps her arms around his neck, kissing him roughly.
Her cheeks are wet against his. He tries his best not to respond at all, but he can’t not kiss her for the last time.
It’s at least a full minute before he pulls back. Her arms still hold him tightly though, and she stands on the tips of her toes, and whispers in his ear.
“You can’t make me hate you, Remus. I love you.”
She drops her arms, hugging herself instead.
And he’s gone. He wishes like anything that he could go back and admit that she’s right, and let her talk her round.
But he can’t inflict this on anyone else. He won’t. He can’t be responsible for infecting her, or maiming her.
And she could do so much better than him.
POINTS:
774/30= 26 points for Gryffindor!!
Gini//Gryffindor