Fic: Patient Anticipation
Title: Patient Anticipation
Summary: Everybody who Severus has ever loved have left him, so why would Sirius Black be any different from the others?
Characters/Pairings: Severus/Sirius
Genre: Angst
Rating/Warnings: PG
Medium: Fic
Word Count: 1197
Can the Order post to Tumblr?: Yes
If yes, your Tumblr username: monkiainen
Notes: For the hp_shoreofangst Fest 2018.
It had been too good to be true from the start. Severus should have known better. Everyone he had ever loved had left him in the end. His mother. Lily. Karkaroff.
Well, Igor had been a bit of a mistake from his part, but still. It was only inevitable that Sirius would leave him, too. Why would a brash Gryffindor, who had spent most of his life severing ties to his all Slytherin family, spend his life with a very Slytherin Potions Master? It was just another elaborate prank by Sirius fucking Black, and it hurt more than it should. After all, hadn't it been Sirius who had tormented Severus all throughout Hogwarts? Why would it be any different now?
And Severus had proof, not just his paranoid imagination to support him and his thoughts. No. Severus had seen it with his own eyes, and in their house none the less: Sirius, his beloved partner, embracing Susan fucking Bones. For the love of Merlin, what was Sirius thinking, getting involved with a girl young enough to be his daughter?
Severus knew why, of course. It was Sirius's way of coping, or more precisely not coping his long years at Azkaban. When most of their age group had gotten married and had kids, Sirius had been rotting away in a prison. And now that he was finally free, it seemed like Sirius was trying his best to catch up with the lost time. In a completely wrong way, of course, but Sirius had never been the one to listen reason. He had been Sorted to Gryffindor, after all.
And who was left to pick up the pieces? Severus, of course. Snivellus. The target of the Marauders, no-good little half-blooded snake. Spy. Double spy. And after all the years Severus had risked his life countless times to defeat Lord Voldemort, did he get anything in return? No. Slytherins were never heroes, at least in public. They got the scrapes of the "good ones", if even that.
So why did it hurt so much?
Maybe because for once in his life Severus had believed he might actually have a chance to be happy, to be content. Live the rest of his life peacefully with the other half of his soul and heart, who ironically happened to be his polar opposite. But of course it couldn't, wouldn't last. Half-blooded runts were not allowed to have anything nice. It was all meant for the purebloods.
Severus had a plan, of course he had. There was a Prince family estate in Romansleigh that had been passed onto him as the last male heir to the family. It was Unplottable, and Severus had never told a soul about its existence, let alone how to find it. After a bit of cleaning and renovating it would be an ideal place for Severus to live his remaining life, focusing on his potions and nothing else. Yes. That was the perfect way to do it.
All his belongings were already packed and sent to his new home. Better leave before Sirius had the chance to break up with him - let the blasted dog get the taste of his own medicine for once. Severus doubted no one had ever broken up with Sirius before, because who in their right mind would want to leave the dashing heir of the Black family? Apparently a bitter Slytherin, that's who.
With a last glance of the house (Severus refused to think of the place as "home" anymore) he had shared with the man he had believed to be changed, Severus Apparated silently. No more.
* * *
Sirius knew he wasn't perfect, far from it. In his youth he had so determined to separate himself from everything his family presents that he had forgot how life wasn't as black and white as he wanted it to be. Yes, his family had always been Slytherins, ever since the start of the time, but didn't mean all the Slytherins were bad. Or that his family was bad - they just saw things a bit differently.
But the teenaged Sirius had seen Slytherins of his age, and one Slytherin in particular, and dubbed them all bad in his mind. The truth was that in Severus, Sirius saw what he might have been: a young Slytherin boy, more skilled that his housemates in Dark Magic and hexes and jinxes. Oh, Sirius knew his share of hexes and Dark Magic, his mother had made sure of that. Sirius… well, he wanted to show his family he could do well without them so he did no use the magic he had been taught in his childhood. Except against Slytherins.
At some point Sirius realised that what he actually felt towards Severus wasn't hatred and disgust, but something else entirely. Too bad he had already ruined his chances with the another boy with all the tormenting he had done, so what was the point? If Sirius couldn't have Severus than no one else couldn't have him either.
Although in hindsight, sending Severus to the Shrieking Shack during the full moon wasn't perhaps his best idea.
Then… unpleasant things happened and Sirius found himself in Azkaban of all places. It did something to him, of course it did - you just couldn't waltz into Azkaban and spend twelve years with nothing else but Dementors as your company and not change one bit. Sirius vowed that when he would get out he would make amends with Severus. It was about the time he admitted his true feelings.
It hadn't been all love and sunshine - they were both broken in their own way. But for a while Sirius had thought that what he and Severus had was something real, something tangible. Something that would last throughout the years and they could grow old together.
It was a shock to come to an empty house, with Severus and all his belongings gone. At first Sirius thought it was just an elaborate prank, Severus's way of paying back all the torment he had gone through because of Sirius. But no, no matter how much Sirius searched and searched he couldn't find Severus anywhere.
All Sirius could find was a tattered piece of parchment in the kitchen table.
"I hope you're happy now. How convenient that you and your future wife already share initials. Don't try to deny what you did, it's useless. Never try to find me."
Future wife? What on Earth…
Oh no. Oh no, oh no, oh no.
He had only offered a shoulder to cry on, to soften the blow and nothing else. And Severus…
Sirius really couldn't blame Severus, not really - he hadn't exactly been kind to the other man in their youth. No wonder Severus had jumped to completely wrong conclusion and acted accordingly. But… how could Sirius fix things between them if he didn't even know where to find Severus?
Was it karma? Was it the universe's way to show Sirius he hadn't yet atoned himself? Whatever it was, Sirius had never felt so… useless before. The way Severus had reacted to an innocent act was all Sirius's fault and no one else's.
So this is how a broken heart feels like.
Summary: Everybody who Severus has ever loved have left him, so why would Sirius Black be any different from the others?
Characters/Pairings: Severus/Sirius
Genre: Angst
Rating/Warnings: PG
Medium: Fic
Word Count: 1197
Can the Order post to Tumblr?: Yes
If yes, your Tumblr username: monkiainen
Notes: For the hp_shoreofangst Fest 2018.
It had been too good to be true from the start. Severus should have known better. Everyone he had ever loved had left him in the end. His mother. Lily. Karkaroff.
Well, Igor had been a bit of a mistake from his part, but still. It was only inevitable that Sirius would leave him, too. Why would a brash Gryffindor, who had spent most of his life severing ties to his all Slytherin family, spend his life with a very Slytherin Potions Master? It was just another elaborate prank by Sirius fucking Black, and it hurt more than it should. After all, hadn't it been Sirius who had tormented Severus all throughout Hogwarts? Why would it be any different now?
And Severus had proof, not just his paranoid imagination to support him and his thoughts. No. Severus had seen it with his own eyes, and in their house none the less: Sirius, his beloved partner, embracing Susan fucking Bones. For the love of Merlin, what was Sirius thinking, getting involved with a girl young enough to be his daughter?
Severus knew why, of course. It was Sirius's way of coping, or more precisely not coping his long years at Azkaban. When most of their age group had gotten married and had kids, Sirius had been rotting away in a prison. And now that he was finally free, it seemed like Sirius was trying his best to catch up with the lost time. In a completely wrong way, of course, but Sirius had never been the one to listen reason. He had been Sorted to Gryffindor, after all.
And who was left to pick up the pieces? Severus, of course. Snivellus. The target of the Marauders, no-good little half-blooded snake. Spy. Double spy. And after all the years Severus had risked his life countless times to defeat Lord Voldemort, did he get anything in return? No. Slytherins were never heroes, at least in public. They got the scrapes of the "good ones", if even that.
So why did it hurt so much?
Maybe because for once in his life Severus had believed he might actually have a chance to be happy, to be content. Live the rest of his life peacefully with the other half of his soul and heart, who ironically happened to be his polar opposite. But of course it couldn't, wouldn't last. Half-blooded runts were not allowed to have anything nice. It was all meant for the purebloods.
Severus had a plan, of course he had. There was a Prince family estate in Romansleigh that had been passed onto him as the last male heir to the family. It was Unplottable, and Severus had never told a soul about its existence, let alone how to find it. After a bit of cleaning and renovating it would be an ideal place for Severus to live his remaining life, focusing on his potions and nothing else. Yes. That was the perfect way to do it.
All his belongings were already packed and sent to his new home. Better leave before Sirius had the chance to break up with him - let the blasted dog get the taste of his own medicine for once. Severus doubted no one had ever broken up with Sirius before, because who in their right mind would want to leave the dashing heir of the Black family? Apparently a bitter Slytherin, that's who.
With a last glance of the house (Severus refused to think of the place as "home" anymore) he had shared with the man he had believed to be changed, Severus Apparated silently. No more.
* * *
Sirius knew he wasn't perfect, far from it. In his youth he had so determined to separate himself from everything his family presents that he had forgot how life wasn't as black and white as he wanted it to be. Yes, his family had always been Slytherins, ever since the start of the time, but didn't mean all the Slytherins were bad. Or that his family was bad - they just saw things a bit differently.
But the teenaged Sirius had seen Slytherins of his age, and one Slytherin in particular, and dubbed them all bad in his mind. The truth was that in Severus, Sirius saw what he might have been: a young Slytherin boy, more skilled that his housemates in Dark Magic and hexes and jinxes. Oh, Sirius knew his share of hexes and Dark Magic, his mother had made sure of that. Sirius… well, he wanted to show his family he could do well without them so he did no use the magic he had been taught in his childhood. Except against Slytherins.
At some point Sirius realised that what he actually felt towards Severus wasn't hatred and disgust, but something else entirely. Too bad he had already ruined his chances with the another boy with all the tormenting he had done, so what was the point? If Sirius couldn't have Severus than no one else couldn't have him either.
Although in hindsight, sending Severus to the Shrieking Shack during the full moon wasn't perhaps his best idea.
Then… unpleasant things happened and Sirius found himself in Azkaban of all places. It did something to him, of course it did - you just couldn't waltz into Azkaban and spend twelve years with nothing else but Dementors as your company and not change one bit. Sirius vowed that when he would get out he would make amends with Severus. It was about the time he admitted his true feelings.
It hadn't been all love and sunshine - they were both broken in their own way. But for a while Sirius had thought that what he and Severus had was something real, something tangible. Something that would last throughout the years and they could grow old together.
It was a shock to come to an empty house, with Severus and all his belongings gone. At first Sirius thought it was just an elaborate prank, Severus's way of paying back all the torment he had gone through because of Sirius. But no, no matter how much Sirius searched and searched he couldn't find Severus anywhere.
All Sirius could find was a tattered piece of parchment in the kitchen table.
"I hope you're happy now. How convenient that you and your future wife already share initials. Don't try to deny what you did, it's useless. Never try to find me."
Future wife? What on Earth…
Oh no. Oh no, oh no, oh no.
He had only offered a shoulder to cry on, to soften the blow and nothing else. And Severus…
Sirius really couldn't blame Severus, not really - he hadn't exactly been kind to the other man in their youth. No wonder Severus had jumped to completely wrong conclusion and acted accordingly. But… how could Sirius fix things between them if he didn't even know where to find Severus?
Was it karma? Was it the universe's way to show Sirius he hadn't yet atoned himself? Whatever it was, Sirius had never felt so… useless before. The way Severus had reacted to an innocent act was all Sirius's fault and no one else's.
So this is how a broken heart feels like.