[fic] [romance/angst] [no challenge] The Second Time He Denied Her
Title: The Second Time He Denied Her.
Summary: continuation of my last story here about Remus and Tonks. Remus struggles with his feelings about Tonks.
Characters/Pairings: Tonks/Remus.
Genre: Romance! Angst.
Beta: My boyfrann.
Rating/Warnings: PG (minor cursing).
Word Count: 1020
Can the Order post to Tumblr?: Sure.
If yes, your Tumblr username: ariadnesdreams
“Your patronus has changed,” I said to her. She was sitting in Molly’s giant armchair, peeling apples beside a great fire. The fire was comforting, but the silence left frost over the air that could only be lifted by talking to her.
“Has it?” She muttered, flicking the apple peel into the fire. Immediately it immolated and burst into ash. “I suppose I hadn’t noticed.”
She obviously was joking. Or at least I hoped so. It was a rabbit before. Now it was a giant, hulking and sullen looking wolf, there’s no way she didn’t notice. I hated looking at this new patronus. It wasn’t her.
“It matches yours,” Tonks continued on after a minute of silence. “I wonder why.” Another apple peel was flicked into the fire, which gobbled it up greedily.
“I can’t form a corporal pa-,”
“Liar,” She said immediately, a small smirk on her face. It was her first smile all day and I felt a rush looking at it. “Look, Remus, everyone knows you don’t use yours. You hate it.”
“You’d think I’d want to use a wolf patronus?” I looked out the window, feeling a little annoyed. She seemed to know everything about me. I hadn’t confided much in her, nothing about my childhood which was spent mostly by myself- no playmates to speak of, no other people to talk to other than my parents, but still she seemed to know. She was the most intuitive person I had ever met.
Rain was coming down now. It was steady, and a clap of thunder sounded somewhere far off. There was another long pause that was only broken by the sounds of Tonks’ apple peelings falling into the fire. She was peeling that apple very… vigorously. It hadn’t always been like this, you know. We had talked about things before, we had loved speaking not only about what Voldemort might have been planning yet, but also why we thought the world worked, politics, and her favorite topic of the Weird Sisters (but admittedly, I couldn’t really contribute to that conversation much.) There never was this… oppressive silence.
“You didn’t have to be such a bastard about it, you know,” She muttered about it after about ten minutes or so of this silence. I had been considering getting up to leave, but like the bastard I was I couldn’t bring myself to leave her. What a pathetic bastard I was.
Unfortunately I had no idea what she was talking about, so I pulled my gaze away from the window to look at her, my mouth open to ask her what she was talking about when she answered my question before I had the chance to ask.
“When you left,” Another peel into the fire. How many apples did she have to peel anyway for Molly? Surely that was enough for the pie for now. “After that night where we slept together… You know. You just fucking left.”
Her eyes met mine for the first time all night. They had been lilac for a second before turning some sort of dull grey. We were going to talk about this now? I supposed I knew it was coming. Now that her eyes were on me, she wouldn’t look away. If she wasn’t having problems with her metamorphosing, I’m sure she would have turned her hair a fiery red.
“We already said what needed to be said.” I replied firmly, with a fervent desire that this damn subject be closed forever. Being in Tonks’ bed was- without a doubt- one of the best things in my life. Sirius was always the Marauder with the most girls following him. There was even a bloody fan club. Me, I kept my head down and knew I would never find love. The few hours in Tonks’ bed with her arms and legs wrapped around me was a beautiful respite from this stark reality that I would live and die alone; but I woke up that morning in a panic. What if I infected her? Werewolf research was certainly neglected, it was entirely possible. Nobody knew all of the ways it was transmitted.
So I left as quick as I could. I made as many excuses as I could think of, all the terrible things I kept in my heart about why us being together was a terrible idea, and I just left.
I suppose she must have felt used. At worst, maybe like a prostitute that I just used to get off with, rather than what really happened.
“Remus, I’ve loved you for a long time,” Tonks insisted, coming over to sit across from me. Molly’s knife and the apple lay forgotten on the table next to the chair. "I know you love me too. You can’t hide it from me.”
I couldn’t even begin to describe the emotions- I felt like the world was falling in on me. Hope, along with crushing anxiety, and more than any other emotion, the strongest (and one I felt the most almost my entire existence) was guilt. How could I lead her on so badly? I had just wanted to be around her, I had been so selfish in just thinking that maybe just being in her presence was enough; instead I put her in danger. I should have turned back- I should have ran for the hills-,
Now she was kneeling in front of me, and her hand reached out to touch my hands, which I had at some point clenched into fists. Her touch was gentle. I so wanted to open myself to her. I wanted to kiss her again and I wanted to bring her back to my bed, and experience the wonderful sensation of her wrapped around me again.
But I couldn’t. Not ever, not again. I couldn’t let her endanger herself again. And I couldn’t let her break my heart, because I think it will actually kill me.
So I looked her in the eyes as unwaveringly as I could, and I lied.
“I do not love you.”
What a pathetic bastard I am.
34 pts for Hufflepuff
Summary: continuation of my last story here about Remus and Tonks. Remus struggles with his feelings about Tonks.
Characters/Pairings: Tonks/Remus.
Genre: Romance! Angst.
Beta: My boyfrann.
Rating/Warnings: PG (minor cursing).
Word Count: 1020
Can the Order post to Tumblr?: Sure.
If yes, your Tumblr username: ariadnesdreams
“Your patronus has changed,” I said to her. She was sitting in Molly’s giant armchair, peeling apples beside a great fire. The fire was comforting, but the silence left frost over the air that could only be lifted by talking to her.
“Has it?” She muttered, flicking the apple peel into the fire. Immediately it immolated and burst into ash. “I suppose I hadn’t noticed.”
She obviously was joking. Or at least I hoped so. It was a rabbit before. Now it was a giant, hulking and sullen looking wolf, there’s no way she didn’t notice. I hated looking at this new patronus. It wasn’t her.
“It matches yours,” Tonks continued on after a minute of silence. “I wonder why.” Another apple peel was flicked into the fire, which gobbled it up greedily.
“I can’t form a corporal pa-,”
“Liar,” She said immediately, a small smirk on her face. It was her first smile all day and I felt a rush looking at it. “Look, Remus, everyone knows you don’t use yours. You hate it.”
“You’d think I’d want to use a wolf patronus?” I looked out the window, feeling a little annoyed. She seemed to know everything about me. I hadn’t confided much in her, nothing about my childhood which was spent mostly by myself- no playmates to speak of, no other people to talk to other than my parents, but still she seemed to know. She was the most intuitive person I had ever met.
Rain was coming down now. It was steady, and a clap of thunder sounded somewhere far off. There was another long pause that was only broken by the sounds of Tonks’ apple peelings falling into the fire. She was peeling that apple very… vigorously. It hadn’t always been like this, you know. We had talked about things before, we had loved speaking not only about what Voldemort might have been planning yet, but also why we thought the world worked, politics, and her favorite topic of the Weird Sisters (but admittedly, I couldn’t really contribute to that conversation much.) There never was this… oppressive silence.
“You didn’t have to be such a bastard about it, you know,” She muttered about it after about ten minutes or so of this silence. I had been considering getting up to leave, but like the bastard I was I couldn’t bring myself to leave her. What a pathetic bastard I was.
Unfortunately I had no idea what she was talking about, so I pulled my gaze away from the window to look at her, my mouth open to ask her what she was talking about when she answered my question before I had the chance to ask.
“When you left,” Another peel into the fire. How many apples did she have to peel anyway for Molly? Surely that was enough for the pie for now. “After that night where we slept together… You know. You just fucking left.”
Her eyes met mine for the first time all night. They had been lilac for a second before turning some sort of dull grey. We were going to talk about this now? I supposed I knew it was coming. Now that her eyes were on me, she wouldn’t look away. If she wasn’t having problems with her metamorphosing, I’m sure she would have turned her hair a fiery red.
“We already said what needed to be said.” I replied firmly, with a fervent desire that this damn subject be closed forever. Being in Tonks’ bed was- without a doubt- one of the best things in my life. Sirius was always the Marauder with the most girls following him. There was even a bloody fan club. Me, I kept my head down and knew I would never find love. The few hours in Tonks’ bed with her arms and legs wrapped around me was a beautiful respite from this stark reality that I would live and die alone; but I woke up that morning in a panic. What if I infected her? Werewolf research was certainly neglected, it was entirely possible. Nobody knew all of the ways it was transmitted.
So I left as quick as I could. I made as many excuses as I could think of, all the terrible things I kept in my heart about why us being together was a terrible idea, and I just left.
I suppose she must have felt used. At worst, maybe like a prostitute that I just used to get off with, rather than what really happened.
“Remus, I’ve loved you for a long time,” Tonks insisted, coming over to sit across from me. Molly’s knife and the apple lay forgotten on the table next to the chair. "I know you love me too. You can’t hide it from me.”
I couldn’t even begin to describe the emotions- I felt like the world was falling in on me. Hope, along with crushing anxiety, and more than any other emotion, the strongest (and one I felt the most almost my entire existence) was guilt. How could I lead her on so badly? I had just wanted to be around her, I had been so selfish in just thinking that maybe just being in her presence was enough; instead I put her in danger. I should have turned back- I should have ran for the hills-,
Now she was kneeling in front of me, and her hand reached out to touch my hands, which I had at some point clenched into fists. Her touch was gentle. I so wanted to open myself to her. I wanted to kiss her again and I wanted to bring her back to my bed, and experience the wonderful sensation of her wrapped around me again.
But I couldn’t. Not ever, not again. I couldn’t let her endanger herself again. And I couldn’t let her break my heart, because I think it will actually kill me.
So I looked her in the eyes as unwaveringly as I could, and I lied.
“I do not love you.”
What a pathetic bastard I am.
34 pts for Hufflepuff