gift for Johanna from Jalen
To: monkiainen
From: Jalenstrix
Title: Covalent Bonds
Summary: Hermione has a suggestion for escaping a joint predicament with Severus.
Characters/Pairings: Hermione/Severus
Rating/Warnings: PG/None
Word Count: 765
Authors Notes: For Johanna/monkiainen. A slightly AU Severus/Hermione vaguely crack-ish fic with the following elements: an experiment gone wrong, a little UST that doesn't stay that way, a childhood memento, and surviving by any means necessary. Also, a Princess Bride reference because I couldn't help myself.
Severus snorted and crossed his arms. “Preposterous. Utterly preposterous.”
Hermione arched an eyebrow. “Mmm. How long have we worked together, Severus?”
He arched an eyebrow back. “Do you count the years when you were an insufferable Gryffindor chit at Hogwarts?”
“No." Hermione crossed her own arms. "But I do count the years when I was your insufferable Gryffindor apprentice -- whom you voluntarily asked to be said apprentice. And I certainly count the years that I’ve been your insufferable Gryffindor research partner in the ever-so-delightful interdisciplinary area of potion-based defense against the dark arts.”
His jaw clenched in the silence, rather suspiciously like he was trying to hide his trademark half-smile.
Hermione didn't bother to hide hers. “Well? How many years has it been?”
The words, when they came, were rather overly curmudgeonly. “Twenty four.”
“Precisely." She tapped her fingers against her arm. "So when I tell you that this is the solution to our current predicament, please believe me that I have not come to this conclusion lightly. I have, in fact, weighed every other alternative, particularly given our startlingly large spate of failures with the things we’ve already tried." She took a deep, speculative breath. "I can say, with little doubt, that it was not the fault of the chizpurfle carapaces, whatever you may feel to the contrary.”
He drummed his fingers against his crossed arms. “What you propose is still preposterous.”
“And I still say you should have been in Gryffindor with that stubborn streak.”
His glare was positively mutinous. And he was, quite clearly, enjoying his grouch.
She stifled a grin. “Look, you’re the one who added in the breath blown across a page from the muggle fairy tale collection with a tear stain on it. Perhaps you should have examined the content of the page more closely since it came from your childhood collection and all. Honestly, Sleeping Beauty? I would never have guessed it affected you so much as a child.”
"The tear stain wasn't from when I was a child."
"Oh?"
"It was after Lily's death."
Hermione tilted her head at him quizzically. Her eyes widened in understanding. "Ah. An instant death spell averted. Which, at that point, only happened in fairy tales. No help to Lily." Her voice gentled and she touched a hand to his shoulder. "It must have been maddening to read about right after."
Severus growled, but didn't shrug her hand off.
"Mmm. Which brings us to our present calamity and my suggestion. You'll note the parallels to the Sleeping Beauty tale."
His nostrils flared in consideration. "I suppose. Pre-emptive conversion of an instant death spell into a deep stasis spell, meant to protect the intended victim."
"Quite. It should have been a tip-off that our planned exit wasn't in the cards. Meanwhile, my suggestion is."
He snorted. "It's still preposterous."
"You keep saying that word. I don't think it means what you think it means." She tapped her foot. "Besides, since we're also not in stasis as planned, exactly how long do you think we can survive like this? I don't know about you, but I'm getting thirsty. And hungry. And let's not even mention the loo issue that will surely arise."
Severus’s jaw tightened. “Pre-pos-te-rous.”
“Be that as it may. Unless you have an alternative?”
Silence thundered from him.
"As I thought." She drew on her inner Dumbledore and twinkled mischievously at him. "Pucker up, hot lips."
His strangled look was positively priceless. But he did lean forward.
It began as a peck on the mouth, and clearly had fine intentions of staying that way. But the scent of him was like fire and musk and stubborn grit, and she caught his lips in hers for the briefest of moments, and it became decidedly not-a-peck. Rapidly not-a-peck, in point of fact. The longing of years concentrated into that not-a-peck, and it was heated and liquid and electrifying and endless, and there was an inordinate quantity of wandering hands, all told.
It was perhaps unsurprising that they both completely failed to notice when the glittering gray fog around them lifted, depositing them back in the lab.
Severus broke away, blinking hard at the sudden light. “That was...effective. And not unpleasant.”
“Mmm. And it’s only taken you twenty four years to get over yourself and notice." Hermione flashed him a cheeky smile. "Well-observed, Severus.”
He blinked at her. "You're insufferable."
"Learned from the best. Now come on back here, hot lips."
He growled into her mouth, and she laughed into his, and this time there were no intentions in the slightest of it being a peck.
Jalen/Ravenclaw/26 Points
From: Jalenstrix
Title: Covalent Bonds
Summary: Hermione has a suggestion for escaping a joint predicament with Severus.
Characters/Pairings: Hermione/Severus
Rating/Warnings: PG/None
Word Count: 765
Authors Notes: For Johanna/monkiainen. A slightly AU Severus/Hermione vaguely crack-ish fic with the following elements: an experiment gone wrong, a little UST that doesn't stay that way, a childhood memento, and surviving by any means necessary. Also, a Princess Bride reference because I couldn't help myself.
Severus snorted and crossed his arms. “Preposterous. Utterly preposterous.”
Hermione arched an eyebrow. “Mmm. How long have we worked together, Severus?”
He arched an eyebrow back. “Do you count the years when you were an insufferable Gryffindor chit at Hogwarts?”
“No." Hermione crossed her own arms. "But I do count the years when I was your insufferable Gryffindor apprentice -- whom you voluntarily asked to be said apprentice. And I certainly count the years that I’ve been your insufferable Gryffindor research partner in the ever-so-delightful interdisciplinary area of potion-based defense against the dark arts.”
His jaw clenched in the silence, rather suspiciously like he was trying to hide his trademark half-smile.
Hermione didn't bother to hide hers. “Well? How many years has it been?”
The words, when they came, were rather overly curmudgeonly. “Twenty four.”
“Precisely." She tapped her fingers against her arm. "So when I tell you that this is the solution to our current predicament, please believe me that I have not come to this conclusion lightly. I have, in fact, weighed every other alternative, particularly given our startlingly large spate of failures with the things we’ve already tried." She took a deep, speculative breath. "I can say, with little doubt, that it was not the fault of the chizpurfle carapaces, whatever you may feel to the contrary.”
He drummed his fingers against his crossed arms. “What you propose is still preposterous.”
“And I still say you should have been in Gryffindor with that stubborn streak.”
His glare was positively mutinous. And he was, quite clearly, enjoying his grouch.
She stifled a grin. “Look, you’re the one who added in the breath blown across a page from the muggle fairy tale collection with a tear stain on it. Perhaps you should have examined the content of the page more closely since it came from your childhood collection and all. Honestly, Sleeping Beauty? I would never have guessed it affected you so much as a child.”
"The tear stain wasn't from when I was a child."
"Oh?"
"It was after Lily's death."
Hermione tilted her head at him quizzically. Her eyes widened in understanding. "Ah. An instant death spell averted. Which, at that point, only happened in fairy tales. No help to Lily." Her voice gentled and she touched a hand to his shoulder. "It must have been maddening to read about right after."
Severus growled, but didn't shrug her hand off.
"Mmm. Which brings us to our present calamity and my suggestion. You'll note the parallels to the Sleeping Beauty tale."
His nostrils flared in consideration. "I suppose. Pre-emptive conversion of an instant death spell into a deep stasis spell, meant to protect the intended victim."
"Quite. It should have been a tip-off that our planned exit wasn't in the cards. Meanwhile, my suggestion is."
He snorted. "It's still preposterous."
"You keep saying that word. I don't think it means what you think it means." She tapped her foot. "Besides, since we're also not in stasis as planned, exactly how long do you think we can survive like this? I don't know about you, but I'm getting thirsty. And hungry. And let's not even mention the loo issue that will surely arise."
Severus’s jaw tightened. “Pre-pos-te-rous.”
“Be that as it may. Unless you have an alternative?”
Silence thundered from him.
"As I thought." She drew on her inner Dumbledore and twinkled mischievously at him. "Pucker up, hot lips."
His strangled look was positively priceless. But he did lean forward.
It began as a peck on the mouth, and clearly had fine intentions of staying that way. But the scent of him was like fire and musk and stubborn grit, and she caught his lips in hers for the briefest of moments, and it became decidedly not-a-peck. Rapidly not-a-peck, in point of fact. The longing of years concentrated into that not-a-peck, and it was heated and liquid and electrifying and endless, and there was an inordinate quantity of wandering hands, all told.
It was perhaps unsurprising that they both completely failed to notice when the glittering gray fog around them lifted, depositing them back in the lab.
Severus broke away, blinking hard at the sudden light. “That was...effective. And not unpleasant.”
“Mmm. And it’s only taken you twenty four years to get over yourself and notice." Hermione flashed him a cheeky smile. "Well-observed, Severus.”
He blinked at her. "You're insufferable."
"Learned from the best. Now come on back here, hot lips."
He growled into her mouth, and she laughed into his, and this time there were no intentions in the slightest of it being a peck.
Jalen/Ravenclaw/26 Points