FIC - NO CHALLENGE
Title: The Sorting of Dolores Umbridge
Summary: Dolores Umbridge gets Sorted: inspired by my discovery of a clip from a JKR interview back in October where JKR claimed Umbridge was a Slytherin. I *do* intend for there to be a sequel!
Characters/Pairings: Dolores Umbridge
Genre: gen
Beta: none
Rating/Warnings: If you identify with Slytherin in any way, shape, or form, you'll probably find the interview revelation as painful as I did.
Medium: fic
Word Count: 839
Can the Order post to Tumblr?: yes
”UMBRIDGE, DOLORES!”
The pink-clad, Muggleborn witch strode to the table deliberately. Though she was only eleven, her face was covered with ill-fitting Muggle makeup that did not hide her toadlike appearance but instead made her look like an old woman. Professor McGonagall put the Sorting Hat on the young witch's head as she began to mentally glare at the hat. The discussion between the two went as follows:
”Well, this is difficult... I'm not seeing much right away.”
”By the Fifth Statute of Hogwarts Education, passed in 1170, I have the right to be assigned to a Hogwarts House.”
”I am trying to read your family but you do not seem to have any magical heritage.”
”By the Decree of Education of Muggle-Borns, any witch or wizard, even if born of Muggles, has the full right to be considered by the Sorting Hat.”
”You seem impatient... and now I recognize something! Your father must be Bertrand Umbridge, Deputy Rector of Trinity College at the University of Cambridge. You inherited your bureaucratic traits from him, it seems. Now, where to put you? You seem brash, bold, and direct...”
”Gryffindor! Gryffindor! Please put me in Gryffindor” Umbridge was whispering with more than a hint of childish glee, ”Godric would be a great head of house and I love all cats, especially the Head of House, sweet kitty Minnie, and the lion mascot”
”Please do not call Professor McGonagall 'sweet kitty Minnie'... and anyway, you do not belong in Gryffindor. You have no sense of morality or chivalry so you would have a hard time there.”
Umbridge was blanching with nervousness as the Sorting Hat continued ”Oh, and you would crumble under pressure. Your bureaucratic nature might fit you in very well with Hufflepuffs: many of them are concerned with the law and you also don't like when others get special treatment...”
Umbridge thought ”Please don't place me in Hufflepuff... I don't like the sound of badgers... place me back in Gryffindor”
”Well, Gryffindor was already out, but so is Hufflepuff too for you - you have no sense of loyalty and have no problem with yourself getting special treatment as in the idea of giving you a house you don't deserve. Now, I do see a bit of eccentricity in you: after all, what kind of person who isn't a little eccentric would ever choose to wear pink robes instead of black?”
”Regulation Ninety Three on the Colors of Robes clearly specifies pink as an allowable color.”
”I am not trying to kick you out of Hogwarts! Anyway, even though your eccentricity is a Ravenclaw trait, you have no others: you are not curious about anything and have no desire to learn. Your attitude towards new knowledge is to try to find an edict against it; strange... coming from a family which values education so much you only picked up on the bureaucracy part.”
Umbridge breathed a sigh of relief knowing she wouldn't be forced into the house of learning: now all she needed was for the hat to reject Slytherin as an option for her before she could choose Gryffindor - after all, there were regulations that specified this in the case of hatstalls!
”Now for the final house, Slytherin, let's look: I don't see you ever making any friends anywhere - nor are you even remotely cunning: every time you try and scheme you are easily seen through.”
Umbridge waited with anticipation for the moment the hat would let her choose...
”But you definitely would use any means to achieve your ends: you are willing to throw the book at me, the Sorting Hat, just to get a slight favorable advantage in preferable treatment!”
”But I don't want absolute power; that always ends up bad! I just want to be a nice little second in command with cushy privileges but no actual responsibilities!”
”You're only convincing me further that this is your right house. Before I finish Sorting, though,I must apologize in advance to Slytherin House; after all, you will probably make your housemates miserable wherever you are and the last thing the house needs is for its reputation to get any worse. However, by the regulations you identified, I am indeed obligated to Sort you into a Hogwarts house, and this means that I must place you in SLYTHERIN!”
At that point, there was a resounding boo from both the Gryffindor and Slytherin tables as Dolores sat there in disbelief, unable to move. Professor McGonagall said sternly, ”Delores, you had been Sorted. Do go to your house table before I take off five points from Slytherin.”
As she slowly made her way over to her table, Delores prepared to begin her life at Hogwarts but in her mind were the following thoughts: ”I need to find a regulation somewhere that will allow me into my proper house, Gryffindor. If not, I can at least use bureaucracy to get preferential treatment throughout my time at Hogwarts.”
William//Slytherin//28 points earned (839/30 = 27.97, rounds to 28)
Summary: Dolores Umbridge gets Sorted: inspired by my discovery of a clip from a JKR interview back in October where JKR claimed Umbridge was a Slytherin. I *do* intend for there to be a sequel!
Characters/Pairings: Dolores Umbridge
Genre: gen
Beta: none
Rating/Warnings: If you identify with Slytherin in any way, shape, or form, you'll probably find the interview revelation as painful as I did.
Medium: fic
Word Count: 839
Can the Order post to Tumblr?: yes
”UMBRIDGE, DOLORES!”
The pink-clad, Muggleborn witch strode to the table deliberately. Though she was only eleven, her face was covered with ill-fitting Muggle makeup that did not hide her toadlike appearance but instead made her look like an old woman. Professor McGonagall put the Sorting Hat on the young witch's head as she began to mentally glare at the hat. The discussion between the two went as follows:
”Well, this is difficult... I'm not seeing much right away.”
”By the Fifth Statute of Hogwarts Education, passed in 1170, I have the right to be assigned to a Hogwarts House.”
”I am trying to read your family but you do not seem to have any magical heritage.”
”By the Decree of Education of Muggle-Borns, any witch or wizard, even if born of Muggles, has the full right to be considered by the Sorting Hat.”
”You seem impatient... and now I recognize something! Your father must be Bertrand Umbridge, Deputy Rector of Trinity College at the University of Cambridge. You inherited your bureaucratic traits from him, it seems. Now, where to put you? You seem brash, bold, and direct...”
”Gryffindor! Gryffindor! Please put me in Gryffindor” Umbridge was whispering with more than a hint of childish glee, ”Godric would be a great head of house and I love all cats, especially the Head of House, sweet kitty Minnie, and the lion mascot”
”Please do not call Professor McGonagall 'sweet kitty Minnie'... and anyway, you do not belong in Gryffindor. You have no sense of morality or chivalry so you would have a hard time there.”
Umbridge was blanching with nervousness as the Sorting Hat continued ”Oh, and you would crumble under pressure. Your bureaucratic nature might fit you in very well with Hufflepuffs: many of them are concerned with the law and you also don't like when others get special treatment...”
Umbridge thought ”Please don't place me in Hufflepuff... I don't like the sound of badgers... place me back in Gryffindor”
”Well, Gryffindor was already out, but so is Hufflepuff too for you - you have no sense of loyalty and have no problem with yourself getting special treatment as in the idea of giving you a house you don't deserve. Now, I do see a bit of eccentricity in you: after all, what kind of person who isn't a little eccentric would ever choose to wear pink robes instead of black?”
”Regulation Ninety Three on the Colors of Robes clearly specifies pink as an allowable color.”
”I am not trying to kick you out of Hogwarts! Anyway, even though your eccentricity is a Ravenclaw trait, you have no others: you are not curious about anything and have no desire to learn. Your attitude towards new knowledge is to try to find an edict against it; strange... coming from a family which values education so much you only picked up on the bureaucracy part.”
Umbridge breathed a sigh of relief knowing she wouldn't be forced into the house of learning: now all she needed was for the hat to reject Slytherin as an option for her before she could choose Gryffindor - after all, there were regulations that specified this in the case of hatstalls!
”Now for the final house, Slytherin, let's look: I don't see you ever making any friends anywhere - nor are you even remotely cunning: every time you try and scheme you are easily seen through.”
Umbridge waited with anticipation for the moment the hat would let her choose...
”But you definitely would use any means to achieve your ends: you are willing to throw the book at me, the Sorting Hat, just to get a slight favorable advantage in preferable treatment!”
”But I don't want absolute power; that always ends up bad! I just want to be a nice little second in command with cushy privileges but no actual responsibilities!”
”You're only convincing me further that this is your right house. Before I finish Sorting, though,I must apologize in advance to Slytherin House; after all, you will probably make your housemates miserable wherever you are and the last thing the house needs is for its reputation to get any worse. However, by the regulations you identified, I am indeed obligated to Sort you into a Hogwarts house, and this means that I must place you in SLYTHERIN!”
At that point, there was a resounding boo from both the Gryffindor and Slytherin tables as Dolores sat there in disbelief, unable to move. Professor McGonagall said sternly, ”Delores, you had been Sorted. Do go to your house table before I take off five points from Slytherin.”
As she slowly made her way over to her table, Delores prepared to begin her life at Hogwarts but in her mind were the following thoughts: ”I need to find a regulation somewhere that will allow me into my proper house, Gryffindor. If not, I can at least use bureaucracy to get preferential treatment throughout my time at Hogwarts.”
William//Slytherin//28 points earned (839/30 = 27.97, rounds to 28)