Mediocrity is Extraordinary: Chapter Three
Title: Mediocrity is Extraordinary
Author: hgregwallflower
Pairing: Remus/Sirius, sixth year
Rating: T
Word Count: 2,629
A/N: This is the last chapter! It took me the longest but I finally finished.
Chapter Three
Returning to school after Christmas break was bittersweet for everybody. Sure, all of the marauders were going to miss fooling around at James’ mansion and receiving motherly attention from Mrs. Potter, but they couldn’t deny the wonderful feeling of being back home at Hogwarts.
Since returning to school, Sirius had been neglecting his homework even more than usual because he was in a constant state of nervousness. He had a plan: he was going to tell Remus how he felt about him and damn any and all consequences. Because since when does Sirius Black back down from a dangerous and frightening task? Since never! He was sorted into Gryffindor for a reason, right? That was his motivational speech anyways, and he kept repeating it over and over to himself in his head, day after day.
Sirius didn’t deal with nervousness very well. Being nervous often made him keep more to himself and feel slightly sick, which caused him to lose his appetite. His friends were starting to worry about him when he would zone out in the middle of conversations with a really serious look on his face, and when he would only nibble on various foods during meal times.
Finally, when he could handle it no longer, he made his first move.
The marauders were walking to breakfast, late as usual because James slept in. Sirius had been even more jumpy than usual on this particular morning because he was absolutely going to talk to Remus today, no matter what.
Peter was talking about his transfiguration essay, Remus was giving him advice and offering his help, and James was still yawning sleepily. Sirius was uncharacteristically silent. Well, he was silent on the outside, but on the inside his stomach was rolling in circles and every part of him was screaming and vibrating and jumping.
“Padfoot?”
Sirius jumped, alarmed. “What?”
“Did you do your transfiguration essay yet?” Peter asked him.
“No, of course not. Did you?”
“Sirius,” Remus said, putting a hand on his shoulder. “We’ve been talking about this for the past ten minutes, he hasn’t done his and wanted your help as well of mine.”
“Oh come on, you can’t be that hopeless, Pete. I’m rubbish at writing essays.”
“True, but you have a natural talent for the subject!” Peter said. Sirius felt a wave of affection towards him, silently relishing in the thought that at least one person thought that he was the tiniest bit extraordinary at something.
Sirius patted Peter on the back. “Well for that lovely compliment, I will certainly help you!”
James yawned. “Count me in too, I’m in desperate need of your transfiguration expertise.”
Remus smiled at Sirius, who felt his stomach immediately plummet to the ground. “Hey Remus,” he said. If he couldn’t do it now, he would never do it.
“Yeah?”
“Um.” Great. What a wonderful start, one word and he was already incoherent. “Uh, can we talk later?”
“Sure,” he said smiling. He looked curiously at Sirius. James and Peter also turned their heads in his direction.
“What, why don’t you want to talk to me too?” asked James.
“Oh, is this about another essay or something?” Peter inquired.
“Uh… yeah, something like that,” Sirius said, looking at Remus and trying to show him that it wasn’t. Judging by the look of curiosity that Remus was still sending his way, Sirius thought it was safe to guess that Remus understood his nonverbal message.
XXX
Sirius felt so nauseous the rest of the day that he actually had to lay down after classes finished. He went up to their dorm as quickly as possible and immediately threw himself on his bed. He didn’t do well with nervousness, especially in large doses. The sooner he got this over with, the better.
“Hey man, are you feeling alright?” James asked as he walked into the dorm behind him.
“Yeah,” Sirius said. “I just feel a little woozy, it will go away after I lay here for a bit, I’m sure.”
“…Alright,” James said, still looking a little worried, but he walked across the room and dropped his bag on his bed.
Remus and Peter walked into the dorm and followed James’ lead by dropping everything on their beds.
“Sirius, you wanted to talk?” Remus asked.
Sirius’ heart immediately started racing and he felt ill again, despite lying down.
“Uh, yeah,” he said as he slowly sat up. “How about later?” he asked with a small smile, knowing he would put it off as late as possible even though he wanted so badly to be brave.
“That works for me, just tell me when.”
“Okay,” Sirius said. “Hey, by the way… what ever happened to Cassie? Did you guys ever end up hanging out over Christmas break?”
James and Peter looked around curiously. Remus had a sad look on his face. “Yeah, we hung out once. I had actually been doing a lot of thinking beforehand. I figured she’s a muggle and I’m a werewolf, how could we possibly get around that? And even though she’s a really wonderful person, I know she isn’t the best person for me. So when we hung out I broke it off. She was pretty upset about it.”
“You look upset about it too,” Sirius said, concerned.
“I am a little, but it’s not so bad. I saw it coming. I knew it wouldn’t last in the long run, I just didn’t know how long it would take for it to end.”
XXX
The evening came and went and Sirius still hadn’t had his little chat with Remus. The marauders were all lying in their beds with their curtains drawn and the lights out. Either Remus had forgotten that they were supposed to talk, or he was just assuming Sirius would do it tomorrow.
As easy as it would be to push it off another day, Sirius knew he couldn’t handle another sleepless night and another day full of being nauseous due to his overactive nerves.
He crawled out of bed very quietly and tiptoed over to Remus’. He stuck his head through the curtains.
“Remus?” he whispered.
“Mfphhm.”
“Are you awake?”
Remus rolled over and looked at him sleepily. “Yeah. What’s up?”
“Uhhhh, chat?”
“Oh. Right.” Remus sat up slowly and yawned. “Common room?”
Sirius nodded and they both crept out of the dorm room, trying not to wake James and Peter. Once they were settled on the couch in front of the fire, Sirius almost had a heart attack. This was the moment. Time to talk about anything and everything.
“So,” he said.
“So…” Remus looked at him sleepily. “What did you want to talk about?”
“Well there’s kind of a lot, and I don’t really know how to ease into it, so can I just say everything without worrying about being blunt?” Sirius asked.
“Yes, of course,” Remus responded, frowning. “Should I be worried?”
“No, no, not at all,” he reassured him.
Sirius took a few deep breaths and tried to forget about his nerves. He shoved them into the deepest places in the back of his mind and he soothed himself by thinking that now was the time to get it over with. Tomorrow he could either be the happiest man alive, or he could be severely depressed. Either way was better than this, because knowing that he tried was significantly better than being a loser forever.
“Okay, so,” Sirius began, clearing his throat. “I don’t really know where to start. I guess, um… well remember the time at James’ place when you came to my room?”
Remus nodded.
“Well there are some things that I could have told you that I didn’t. You asked me why I felt like I hadn’t grown up at all and I didn’t answer because the answer had to do with you, and it’s awkward to tell people stuff when they’re involved, you know? But thinking back, I really should have answered that question, I feel kind of bad about it.”
“So why do you feel so young then?” Remus asked with a concerned look on his face.
“I just - I’m a heartbroken fourteen year old boy. I feel the same as I did two years ago and nothing seems to change. There’s this chronic heartache that I’m always aware of, even if I’m really cheerful and happy a lot of the time, there’s this dull ache in the back of my mind. Always. And I just feel so immature for feeling like such an adolescent boy who’s depressed over love just like every other typical teenager. You know?”
“You’re losing me though,” Remus said.
“Remus-” Sirius sighed. “I feel like a heartbroken fourteen year old because I’m in love with you.”
Remus stared at him with an indescribable expression on his face and Sirius couldn’t tell what was going on in that crazy head of his. Sirius panicked for a moment, thinking this was going to go all wrong and Remus would hate him forever. The silence was starting to get unbearable, and just as Sirius was about to break it, Remus finally spoke.
“You love me?”
“Yes, you idiot. I love you.” Sirius was too scared to hear what Remus would say to that, so he just kept going. Maybe if he gave Remus time to think about it, he would come to a more positive conclusion. “Anyway, about that night, I’m sorry I never woke you up and encouraged you to get back to your room. I promise I wasn’t being creepy.”
“Sirius-”
“It’s just that the heartache goes away when you’re around, which I know sounds stupid because technically you’re the reason I even have this heartache, but it’s true. It’s only bad when you’re not there, and anytime that you’re even in the same room as me it just disappears.”
“Sirius, would you listen-”
“But after we’re alone for a while and then you leave, it comes back with at least double the force and it just hurts and I’m exhausted from hurting so much,” Sirius said, his voice cracking and his eyes tearing up. “Do you know how exhausting it is to be heartbroken all the fucking time? I’m just so tired.”
“Sirius,” Remus said, grabbing his hand. “Stop talking and listen to me for a moment. You’ve hardly given me a chance to speak.”
Sirius nodded, and looked up at Remus shyly. God, Sirius really had it bad if he was doing anything ‘shyly.’ What has the world come to?
“I didn’t know you were in love with me,” Remus said, speaking very clear and precise, as if afraid that Sirius wouldn’t understand and start ranting again. “I wasn’t really expecting that, but I can’t really say that I’m surprised or that it came out of nowhere. I guess I really do know you, and I think you know me in the same way.”
“The same way?” Sirius’ heart picked up the pace.
Remus gingerly leaned forward across the couch and brushed his lips against Sirius’, whose stomach was immediately flooded with butterflies. “I love you too,” he said breathlessly, bringing his hand to the back of Sirius’ neck.
Sirius let out a long sigh and gave in to the unrelenting building pleasure in his stomach. He quickly closed the distance between them, crashing their lips together fervently, and Remus suddenly pressed forward and tangled his fingers in Sirius’ hair. Sirius went instantly boneless and clung to Remus as if he’d never have a chance like this again, hardly believing the direction that this night was abruptly and unexpectedly heading in.
Remus pulled away slowly and looked at Sirius with shining eyes. Sirius raised a finger and placed it against Remus cheek, and slowly trailed it down his body until he dug his fingers into Remus’ hip and gently pushed him down into the couch, as he kissed the corner of Remus’ mouth. He breathed through a wave of arousal as Remus trailed his fingers across his body and found their way underneath his shirt to his lower back.
Remus shifted and spread his thighs and suddenly they were lined up perfectly, and Sirius tried not to think about it but there was no fucking way that he could not notice Remus’ boner pressed against his, which instantly made little thrums of pleasure shoot up and down his body. Sirius let out a loud moan, unable to contain it any longer.
Sirius’ hands wandered and slid down Remus’ chest until they came to a stop at the button of his jeans. He suddenly stopped everything he was doing and just stared at Remus as if he had found the most magnificent thing in the world, and he was abruptly on the receiving end of Remus’ shining eyes for the millionth time that night. How lucky he was.
“What - Sirius?”
“You’re so extraordinary….” Sirius half whispered, causing Remus to blush. “How can somebody like you find time in their lives and space in their hearts for somebody like me?”
Remus rapidly sat up, pushing Sirius next to him.
“What on earth are you talking about?” he asked sternly.
“Nothing, it’s just a surprise to me that somebody as mediocre as I am could possibly get so lucky.”
“Sirius, you are the opposite of mediocre,” Remus said clearly, grabbing onto Sirius’ hand. “You are the most extraordinary person I know. You get good marks without even trying, you are insanely charismatic to the point where you have girls following you around every corner and dying for even a “hello” from you, you have a crazy talent for Quidditch, and a knack for transfiguration. You keep the smile on my face every day because you have such a hilarious sense of humor and such a charming personality that it’s impossible to be sad around you.”
Sirius was so stunned that he couldn’t even begin to form words, let alone sentences. He stared at Remus openmouthed for what seemed like hours.
“Remus-”
“Don’t try to prove me wrong, Sirius,” Remus said with such affection in his eyes that Sirius thought he might melt. “There may be traits about yourself that you consider to be mediocre, but in my eyes those traits are what make you you, they are what make you extraordinary.”
Sirius’ lips twitched up into a small smile.
“Oh and one more thing to add the list of extraordinary things about you… you have flawless hair and you are incredibly attractive. Honestly, nobody can compete with your bloody good looks.”
Sirius grinned. “Well, lucky for you, you are the only one who I will allow to see my gorgeous body underneath all of these bothersome clothes.”
“And your modesty is incredible,” Remus said sarcastically. “But I wouldn’t have it any other way.”
“Now where were we before we started chatting so much?” Sirius asked, stroking his imaginary goatee.
Remus looked at him with his amber eyes, shining only for Sirius, and claimed Sirius’ lips with his own. Remus bit his bottom lip, and pinned him back against the couch, kissing Sirius with a bruising force intending to finish what they started.
Sirius had never been so happy before. Later that night, as he lied in bed with Remus in his arms, he thought about the dramatic change that this would bring in his life. Sirius would have to get used to being more open than usual to keep their relationship healthy, and he would have to learn all of the boundaries, and he would have to deal with what people would think if they found out. But most importantly he would have to adjust to being incredibly happy and having the love of his life around for every waking moment.
Yeah, Sirius could get used to that.