The "Not-Quite-A-Sex-Pollen-Story" Story
I've read a ton of the "Sex Pollen" trope stories and they make me giggle. In many of those stories, the Companion isn't aware of the existence of sex pollen before they're unfortunately affected by it, so I wondered what would happen if one of them actually learns about it...that's the "not quite" part. Enjoy!
Donna stared around her. She and the Doctor were standing in an enormous circular room that was covered with a white dome. Donna squinted up at the sunlight that filtered in through the translucent dome. It was constructed of hexagonal shaped panels and reminded her vaguely of a football or soccer ball cut in half and parked on top of a building. All around her were innumerable varieties of plants. Most of them were different shades of green, but here and there bright colored foliage brightened the wall of greenery. Concrete paths ambled through the room and the plants were divided into sections, displaying the different worlds and systems from where the flora originated.
“Why are we here again, Doctor?” Donna asked.
The Doctor adjusted his glasses and peered at a skinny tree with purple leaves. “We’re looking for a specimen of Foetida lignum puniceo.”
Donna frowned. “In English, Doctor. The TARDIS won’t translate genus and species and all that Latin rot.”
He stood up straight and smirked at her. “It translates to ‘smelly pink tree.’”
Donna raised an eyebrow, “We’re looking for a smelly pink tree.”
“Yep...well,” the Doctor paused and thought, “It’s only pink and smelly when it’s in bloom. The rest of the year, it’s blue.”
“What’s it smell like then?”
“Sort of a combination of a sewer and rotting fish.”
“Yummy. And you think this stinky tree will help the natives of Melindor fight off their plague?”
“Oh yes. It was native to the planet before it went extinct. Fortunately, I’ve got a time machine and can visit a place like the Pangalactic Arboretum in the past and bring a specimen back.”
“Won’t the curator object, though?”
“Of course he will! But I don’t plan on telling him, do you?” He peered at her over the tops of his glasses.
“No. It’s for the greater good and all that, yeah?”
He half smiled. “Exactly.”
Donna looked around the humongous arboretum. “So where is the stinky plant?”
The Doctor followed her gaze and a dubious expression crossed his face. “Not in here. This is the wrong star system. The Melindor system is...um...three domes over, I think.”
“Doctor, have you been here before?” He could hear the suspicion in Donna’s voice.
“Yes!”
“Which incarnation?” She was getting used to the “been there, done that, but it was five hundred years and six incarnations ago” spiel.
“My fifth.” He pointed to an exit in the far wall and started making his way through the maze of plants.
“Come on!”
Donna followed him as he tried to navigate the winding paths. Something sparkly caught her eye and she stopped. To the right, a large plastic box contained an unusual plant. It was even stranger than most of the alien plant life that surrounded her. The flower consisted of a single tall, skinny stamen. It was bright yellow and poked up from a tangle of orange vine-like leaves. Donna raised an eyebrow and leaned in closer to look. The stamen was easily the size of a turkey baster. “It’s huge,” she murmured, fascinated with the sparkling pollen that glowed and flashed on the surface of the plant. Donna leaned in to study the plant further. The stamen seemed to wave and beckon, inviting her to touch it. She reached out a hand towards the box.
Gnarled, twisted fingers grabbed her hand. “You not wanting to be doing that, missy,” a graveled, ancient voice creaked at her. Donna spun around and then looked down. A withered old man who was several inches shorter than her grinned up into her face. The old man was bald and covered with liver spots. He wore green coveralls and carried a bucket filled with gardening tools. He had a strange accent and she had to listen hard to understand his words. “Not unless you be wanting to be spending much time on your back for the next week or so.”
“You mean it would knock me out?”
The gardener’s laugh was dry and wheezy. “You not knowing about Infinitam summam floris?”
Donna’s Latin was less than stellar, but even she was able to figure out the meaning. “Wait..the infinite consummation flower?”
“That be the one. The pollen make you want to bed down with anything that moves.” He nodded towards the flower, which now seemed menacing rather than mesmerizing to Donna. “That’s why we keep it under plastisteel, but there’s holes in the top to let it in the air, see. You get too close, you can still get smacked with the pollen. It will eject all that stuff at you. Maybe not enough pollen to hop on the closest man...or woman...but enough to be giving you lustful thoughts, yeah?”
Donna turned scarlet. “You. Are. Kidding. Me.”
The old man swayed back and forth. “Mean old plant dance like this, to draw you in. You touch the stamen there and BAM!” Donna jumped as he shouted. “You covered in that glittery stuff and you off romping in the bushes, maybe to be making babies.”
“It’s…” Donna’s eyebrows knitted in thought and then a horrified expression crossed her face and her eyebrows shot up into her hairline as her eyes went wide. “It’s like sex pollen?!”
“If you want to be calling it that, missy.”
She felt a little queasy and had a sudden urge to find the Doctor. She looked around, but her skinny Time Lord was nowhere to be found. He’d left her behind in his singular quest to find the smelly pink tree. “I have to go,” she mumbled and took off down the path for the exit.
“Missy!”
Donna turned around with reluctance to look at the gardener. “What?”
“You be staying away from any plants in the plastic boxes, yeah? Cause those are the dangerous ones.”
“Thanks.” Donna resumed her search for the Doctor. She found him two domes over, quietly plucking leaves off what could only be the Foetida lignum puniceo. Donna gagged and held her nose.
“Oh, there you, Donna! Wandered off again, did we?” he accused her, shooting her a disapproving look.
“Oi, Spaceman!” Donna protested, her voice sounding nasally through her pinched noise. “It’s you who wandered off!”
“I beg to differ,” he countered. The smell didn’t seem to bother him much. His nose was slightly wrinkled as he dropped the leaves into the pockets of his brown overcoat. “You didn’t keep up with me.”
Where did you wander off to, anyway?”
“I…” Donna hesitated. There was no way she was going to tell him about her encounter with the consummation flower and the creepy old gardener. “I stopped to admire a plant that caught my eye.”
Her explanation seemed to satisfy the Doctor, for he nodded as if pleased with her curiosity. “Not surprising. You could probably spend at least two weeks in this place, if not longer.” He patted his pocket and added, “That’s it. Let’s get out of here and back to Melindor in the future.”
Donna followed the Doctor back towards the original dome. She didn’t comment on the stench emanating from his coat, just made sure to walk several feet behind him. They were almost inside the dome when an alarm sounded. “Aaaaand, that’s our cue!” the Doctor exclaimed and immediately broke into a run for the TARDIS.
Donna chased after him as several guards suddenly appeared, it seemed from under the dense foliage. Typical, Donna thought. Very rarely do we just get to walk out of a place. It’s always run, run, run. Oh well, at least I’m staying in shape. I never quite managed to do that while temping in Cheswick.
“This is the life, eh, Donna?” the Doctor called as they leapt into the safety of the TARDIS and she slammed the doors shut in the guards’ faces.
“Wouldn’t have it any other way, Doctor.” Except I could do without the sex pollen, she added mentally.
Hours later, the plague on Melindor had been averted and they’d been feasted, wined, dined, and danced to the brink of exhaustion by the grateful natives. The Doctor and Donna made their escape. The Doctor had immediately wanted to head off to the next grand adventure, but Donna had announced, “I’m positively knackered!”
The Doctor sighed. “Typical humans. Eighteen hours of activity and you’re ready for six hours of unconsciousness. Oh well, get some sleep,” he told her. “We’ll go save another planet tomorrow.”
“Aren’t you tired?” she asked, surprised. She’d seen him yawning openly at the celebration, but maybe that was from boredom.
He flapped a hand in a nonchalant gesture. “No, of course not. Don’t you worry about me. I’m just going to tinker with the dimensional stabilizers while you’re asleep. Off to bed now!”
“Fine, ok. Good night, Doctor.” Donna shrugged and headed off to her room. After a quick shower, she crawled into bed and snuggled down under the covers. Her body craved sleep, but her mind simply wouldn’t shut up. The revelation of the mere existence of sex pollen frightened her more than anything she’d encountered so far in her travels with the Doctor. What if there were other plants like the consummation flower out there? Donna had only been traveling with the Doctor for a short while, but already she had learned that almost anything was possible. She’d seen an ancient spider empress, floating fat, creatures that thrived in lava, and so much more.
Donna rolled over onto her side and hugged her pillow tightly. It made sense, didn’t it? There were plants on earth that could make you hallucinate. Why couldn’t there be ones that made you want to do...it. How many plants out there that were like the consummation flower, anyway? What if she encountered one with the Doctor and they did...it? Without neither of them really wanting to? Donna shuddered, then blew out a breath of air in exasperation, knowing that she wouldn’t be able to sleep until she found out the truth.
Problem was, she couldn’t ask the Doctor. No way. He’d laugh his skinny ass off at her question. Donna had no idea if the TARDIS came equipped with an equivalent of Google, but then she remembered the Library. Surely there was an answer there! The Doctor had bragged about his extensive collection and there had to be something about indigenous flora of the various worlds that the Time Lords had known about.
Donna swung her feet out of bed, threw on a fuzzy purple robe over her plaid pajamas, shoved her feet into slippers, and padded to the Galley. She wanted a cuppa to calm her nerves before she tackled the Library.
She quickly made her tea and shuffled off to the massive Library. The Library towered at least six stories high, arranged in endless galleries filled with packed shelves. The walls were mostly constructed of an unfamiliar wood, but it reminded Donna of mahogany. Elaborately carved wainscoting at least seven feet high lined the bottom floor. Hexagonal copper sconces were set a few feet apart along the walls. A door in the wainscoting, nearly invisible, guarded the entrance to the Doctor’s study. Large tables and overstuffed chairs made from leather and deep velvet upholstery were arranged around the room. Reading lamps were scattered on the tables. An enormous fireplace dominated one wall of the Library and a warm fire cracked invitingly in the grate. The mantel was made of deep blood-red marble shot through with gold veining.
What Donna liked most were the clocks. Every few feet was a clock. Sometimes it was a tall, imposing grandfather. Other times it was a tiny timepiece, no larger than her hand. What was most extraordinary was that all of the clocks ticked silently, marking the hours and minutes of the universe in their own quiet cadence.
Donna had asked the Doctor about the silent clocks, thinking they were all broken. He’d only smiled, pulled out his sonic screwdriver, and held it up. With a press of the button, all of the clocks had come to life, ticking and tocking in a maddening dischord. Donna pressed her hands over her ears and the Doctor had silenced them again with the sonic. “That’s why I keep the volume off,” he’d replied. “Otherwise, how would you ever be able to concentrate enough to read with that racket?”
She plonked her mug (a souvenir from Woodstock...the Doctor seemed fond of collecting kitschy mugs) and warmed her hands by the ever-present fire. Donna looked around at the imposing collection and wondered how she was going to find what she needed. She tried to find a computer terminal or some other catalog, but didn’t see anything. The Doctor had told her the ship was sentient. Maybe she should try asking her? “Oi! TARDIS!” she called. “So...how do I look something up?”
There wasn’t an answer at first. Donna waited, the clocks ticked their silent cacophony, and the fire sparked and sputtered. Then, Donna heard the slight creaking of unoiled hinges behind her. She turned and spied the door to the Doctor’s study in the wainscoting swinging open. Donna hesitated and stepped over to the door, sticking her head inside. She felt uneasy intruding on the Doctor’s personal space, but then she’d never seen him go in there.
“Doctor?” she called, glancing around. The room was empty. The furnishings were simple, consisting only of a large, carved desk and leather rolling chair. A leather sofa sat opposite the desk. The walls held a framed diploma and paintings. Donna stepped closer and squinted at the diploma, surprised to find that it was a medical diploma issued to a John Smith from the 19th century. “Blimey, Skinny Boy really is a doctor,” she said aloud and smirked.
A sudden beeping sound drew her attention to the desk. A screen was set into the top of the desk. As Donna approached, she could see the circular writing of Gallifrey swirling around on the screen, but it disappeared and was replaced with English. “State Your Query,” Donna read.
“Um,” Donna said, “Where can I find a book about…” she coughed, “flowers that exude sex pollen?”
A list of books immediately began scrolling over the screen. “Hang on!” Donna complained. The list slowed down, but she shook her red hair in frustration. “I only need one. What’s the most informative book?”
The screen blanked out and a single title appeared: The Botanist’s Guide to Seductive Flora: a Comprehensive Guide of Plants that Encourage Mating Amongst Sentient Species.
“Ok, that’ll do. How do I find it in that mess out there?” Donna asked. “I didn’t see anything that remotely resembles the Dewey Decimal System.”
“Follow the lights, Donna Noble,” the words scrolled across the screen.
“Ok, that’s just weird,” Donna mumbled. It unnerved her that the computer knew her name. She glanced out the open study door and saw a flashing light in the Library on the opposite wall. It was a red light in a hexagon shaped copper colored sconce. Curious, she stepped over to the light. Another one began to flash a few feet away. Donna stepped after it and a third light began flashing. “Right. Follow the bloody leader, I get it.”
She followed the lights up two flights on the spiral staircase and down a long row of shelves until she spotted an entire shelf that lit up in red at her approach. The flashing stopped when she halted in front of the shelf and a small red dot blinked above the book she was looking for. To her alarm (and slight amusement), it turned out to be a rather large tome bound in traditional brown leather. Donna hoisted the book off the shelf. “Oof!” she grunted as she hefted it. The lengthy title was embossed on the front cover and she looked around, spying a comfy looking leather sofa at the end of the aisle.
She plopped onto the couch and curled up into the soft leather cushions before opening the book. She found the index and looked up the Consummation flower, growing more alarmed as she read. The old gardener had only touched the surface. The flower had a bad reputation for starting wars, ending royal marriages, and skewing the bloodlines of at least two dozen planets. “Jesus,” she breathed. That was one bad-ass flower. No wonder they kept it behind glass.
Donna flipped through the rest of the book, finding flowers and plants that had similar properties. Some were as bad as the Consummation flower, some not. All of them scared Donna. She curled up even tighter into herself. For the first time since she joined the Doctor in that alleyway in London, she wanted to go home. There wasn’t any sex pollen flora on earth, was there? Earth had its dangers, but it didn’t contain any plants that made you want to shag.
Donna’s body warred between exhaustion and adrenaline from the fear that raged through her, but the exhaustion won out. Her eyes drooped even as she read about another plant that had accidentally wound up in a soup and had caused a group of monks to break their vows of chastity with the serving maids, all on one night.
The book slid from her hands and landed with a soft thud in her lap as she nodded off and began to dream…
Donna stuck her head out of the TARDIS and looked around. They’d landed in a beautiful green garden with too many varieties of plants and flowers to name. “Oh, Doctor, it’s lovely!” she exclaimed.
“Thought you might like a trip where there’s some greenery,” the Doctor replied and sniffed in disdain. “That desert planet wasn’t exactly my cup of tea. Sand gets in all the wrong places.” To demonstrate, he pulled one of his trainers off and turned it upside down. A heap of yellow sand spilled onto the ground.
Donna stepped out into the garden and smiled. Several small rabbit-like creatures were hopping across the green grass. Their soft fur was the same green as the grass and shrubbery, acting as camouflage, but Donna could see them just fine. They had floppy ears like Earth rabbits, but they also had long antennae that sprouted from between their ears. Donna instantly thought of them as Space Bunnies. Their tiny noses quivered with curiosity as they regarded her and her strange bespectacled associate who was dumping sand out all over their abode. She squatted down and held out her hands. The space bunnies didn’t seem afraid of her, as she’d expected. One of them hopped up to her and sniffed at her fingers. “Oh,” Donna mumbled. “I don’t have...oh, wait! Yes, I do!” She reached into her pocket and pulled out a biscuit. “It ain’t much, little bunny…” The bunny sniffed at the biscuit, took a cautious nibble, and then snatched it from her hands. The action startled her and she jerked, causing one of her sparkly gold earrings to fall into the grass.
Donna reached down to pick it up, but the little rabbit dropped the biscuit and caught up her earring in its mouth. It turned and scampered away towards the bushes. “Oi! You’re not a rabbit, you’re a bleeding magpie!” Donna cried and dashed after it.
The Doctor had just emptied the sand from his second trainer. “Donna, wait!” he called, hopping after her as he tried to run and pull on his shoe at the same time. “This planet isn’t exactly…”
She didn’t heed the Doctor’s warnings as she raced after the bunny. “I bought those from Marks and Sparks! No Space Bunny is going to steal them from me!” she hollered.
The thieving green rabbit disappeared into a hole in the bushes and Donna dove in after it. She crawled through some undergrowth and wound up in a small clearing. The rabbit was sitting inside a nest of eggs at the foot of a giant plant, contentedly nibbling on her earring. Despite her anger, Donna had to smile at the sight. It was too cute. “Is this your home, then?” she asked. “Are those your eggs? Blimey, I thought you were a mammal.”
Her eyes traveled up the stalk of the plant and she saw an enormous pink bloom. In the center was a stamen the shape and thickness of banana, except it was twice as long and bright red. It was fuzzy with yellow pollen.
The Doctor suddenly crashed into the clearing behind her. “Don’t run off! How many times have I…” the Doctor trailed off and Donna could hear the trepidation in his voice. “Donna,” he said carefully. “Back away. Very, very slowly. Whatever you do, do not go near that flower.”
She looked up at him, confused. “Why? It’s just a flower, Doctor. This little bunny lives here.”
The Doctor’s eyes were fixed on the strange flower. “There’s a reason why this rabbit lives here, Donna. It’s for protection.”
“How can a flower protect a silly little space rabbit?” she asked. She inched closer to the rabbit and held out another biscuit. “Come on, little guy. Give me back the earring.” The rabbit didn’t move, but he dropped the earring and his nose wobbled towards the biscuit. “That’s it,” she crooned, inching a little closer. “Come get the nice…”
FOOM! The flower erupted, spraying yellow pollen all over her. “Ew!”
“NO!” the Doctor shouted, trying to step out of the way, but the pollen coated him as well. She coughed and hacked, trying to clear the thick pollen from her airways. The Doctor was also coughing and frantically trying to brush the pollen from his pinstripe suit. “Oh, Donna,” he coughed and somehow managed to moan at the same time. “You’ve done it now.”
“What?” she asked, finally able to breathe a little clearer. She staggered to her feet and looked at him. Yellow pollen covered him from head to toe. “I don’t understand.”
“That’s an Aphrodisia flower,” he explained, shaking his fingers through the wild shock of hair on his head. Pollen flew everywhere. “It makes people, animals really, do...um…well, engage in the reproductive act. That’s why the rabbit builds its little nest under the plant. Protection, you see? Any predator that comes after the rabbit or its young gets blasted with sex pollen and WHAM! Their bodies are shifted from one basic desire, to eat, from another, to reproduce.” He was in full-on lecture mode now, much to Donna’s annoyance. “The rabbit’s immune to the flower’s pollen. In return, the rabbit’s excrement provides fertilizer for the plant. Nice little symbiotic relationship...oh.” His face went very wooden and he stood still.
“Doctor?” Donna asked.
“Oh. My.”
“What’s happening?”
“The pollen’s beginning to affect me.”
She crossed her arms and smirked. “I don’t feel a thing, Sunshine. No desire whatsoever to mate with you.”
His brown eyes traveled up and down her form and the look he was giving her was unnerving. Was that lust in the Doctor’s eyes? It couldn’t be. “Alien, remember? Time Lords are different. Much lower libido, more repressed. That means it comes out much stronger when it’s…” He closed his eyes, swallowed once, and she could see the Doctor was actually trembling. “Donna,” he said, his words slow and drawn out. “Can you get back to the TARDIS?”
“I think so,” she replied.
“Good, good.” He took a deep breath. “Go to your room. Shut the door and lock it, understand? Take a shower and get that stuff off you. Don’t come out until I tell you it’s safe.”
“Spaceman, you’re scaring me…””
“GO!” he hollered and Donna took off running. She had just reached the TARDIS door when she heard footsteps behind her. Donna hesitated and turned her head to look. The Doctor was walking very slowly towards the TARDIS, but she didn’t miss the predatory look on his face. His eyes were trained on her and he stared at her, eyes smoldering with desire. Alarmed, she squeaked and scurried through the control room, racing for her room as the sound of the Doctor’s steadily advancing footsteps clattered on the metal flooring behind her. Her door clicked shut and she turned the lock. Donna heard the sound of the Doctor’s footsteps stop outside her door...
The Doctor meandered down one of the corridors of the TARDIS, thinking that maybe it was time for a vacation. A nice, long vacation. A beach somewhere. Donna would like the beach. Or a spa. A spa on the beach. Yeah, that sounded great. He smiled, thinking of a six handed Nebrudian masseuse working out all the kinks and knots that seemed to have gathered in his back...hang on.
He stopped as he passed Donna’s quarters. Her door was wide open. Quirking an eyebrow, the Doctor stuck his head inside the darkened room. She’d only gone to bed maybe two hours ago and he knew she’d been exhausted. “Donna?” he called softly. “You all right?”
There was no answer. The light from the corridor illuminated the room enough so that he could see the bed was empty. The covers were mussed and rumpled, as if she’d tossed and turned. He glanced at the en suite bathroom, but there was no light coming from underneath the door.
The Doctor stepped back into the hall, thinking. Where had his companion gone? Galley, he immediately knew. He jogged lightly down the corridor and burst into the Galley, but it was empty. He could see a used tea bag and spilled sugar on the normally immaculate counter. He stuck out a hand and felt the kettle. It was still warm. She’d come here and made a cuppa then.
“Tea,” the Doctor said. “Tea tea tea.” Normally, he wouldn’t be concerned about his companion having insomnia, but he’d noticed that Donna had been acting strange ever since their trip to the arboretum earlier. She’d been practically reticent and withdrawn at the celebration and if Donna Noble liked anything, she liked a good party where the food and drink flowed freely. Something was wrong with his companion and the Doctor’s ingrained sense of curiosity and to fix things refused to let the matter rest. “Tea...ah! Library!” Where else would one go when one had insomnia and a cup of tea?
He headed off for the Library and began searching. His study door was open and he knew that she must have come because he always kept it closed. The Doctor finally found her at the end of one of the galleries, fast asleep on a leather couch. He bent down to wake his sleeping companion when he caught sight of the book she’d been reading. “Seductive flora,” he murmured. Donna had never shown much interest in botany before. Perhaps the trip to the arboretum had piqued her interest? The Doctor smiled, pleased. He always enjoyed when his companions took the initiative to further their intellects. True, this was a strange subject, but a compelling one.
But still, Donna needed to sleep in a proper bed, not on the couch. Still bent over her, he gently shook her shoulder. “Donna? Donna, wake up.”
Donna’s eyes opened and she looked up at the Doctor hovering over her. She let out a screech and tried to erupt from the couch and lash out at him at the same time. The book tumbled to the floor and landed face down. Alarmed, the Doctor backpedaled, lost his footing, and crashed to his bottom in a tangle of limbs. “Donna?” he asked, his eyes going wide. “Are you ok?”
She looked around, red hair sticking out from her face from static electricity, and she realized where she was. Her eyes settled on the Doctor and the concerned look on his face as he righted himself and watched her, keeping his distance. “Doctor,” she breathed. “Sorry. I had...had a…”
“A bad dream?” he asked, voice filled with sympathy.
Her eyes squeezed shut. “Yeah.”
He shoved his hands into his pockets. “Would you like to talk about it?”
Her face flushed, but he pretended not to notice as she reached down to pick up the book. “I don’t think I could tell you.”
“Ah.” He looked away and then cleared his throat and nodded towards the book. “Interesting choice of reading material there. Not your usual bedtime fare.”
Donna looked down at the book and her fingers gripped the cover reflexively. “No, guess not. I...I saw a plant at the arboretum.”
“And wanted to know more? Well, this is the right place to come.” Donna didn’t say anything and the awkwardness between them made him nervous. When he was nervous, he babbled. “So I see you figured out the cataloging system. I’ve...I’ve been meaning to show that to you. It can be rather difficult to find things in here, but it’s probably the best library in the universe...well, except for one. Maybe I’ll show it to you sometime, if you like libraries…” She looked up at him and he could see the exhaustion in her face. “Donna, you should go to bed.”
“Tried that once. It didn’t work. Too much on my mind, I guess.”
Ah. So he was right. Something was bothering his companion. He edged a little closer. “Do you mind if I sit down?”
She shifted to make room for him on the sofa. “‘Course not, you prawn.”
The Doctor smiled a little and sat down next to her. “What plant interested you?” He knew that she needed to talk about whatever was bothering her in order to process it so that she could rest. Humans were so strange sometimes. They often needed to audibly voice their worries and fears in order to deal with them, but were sometimes reluctant to do so. It was simple logic, really.
Donna didn’t answer, but she flipped the book open and pointed at a page. The Doctor pulled his spectacles from his pocket, slipped them onto his face, and looked at the book. He sucked in a breath at what he saw. “Oh. Yes, that one. I saw that on display in the arboretum, too. You...you didn’t get too close, did you?”
She gave him a sideways look. “Do you think I’d be in here talking to you if I had?”
“No, I suppose not.”
Donna felt a little more daring now that they were broaching the subject of weird space sex pollen plants. “Have you ever gotten too close to one, Doctor?” He was silent for a long moment and Donna wondered if that was too personal. “Sorry, you don’t have to answer that. It’s none of my business…”
“Once,” he replied. “Only once. It wasn’t the consummation flower, though, but one a lot like it. I used the pollen against a group of monks who were imprisoning and selling people into slavery. I needed a distraction, so I slipped it into their soup to keep them occupied while I released the prisoners.”
Donna’s jaw dropped for a second, but then she smiled. “I read about that in here.” She tapped the page with a finger. “That was you?”
He smirked. “Oh, you’ll find that I’ve made quite a name for myself over the years. Become something of a legend.”
“And you’re humble, too.”
“Oi!”
Donna suddenly yawned and the Doctor firmly pulled the book from her hands. “You need to sleep,” he remarked. “No more reading. Off to bed now.” He almost didn’t catch the brief flash of fear that crossed her features, but it was enough to make him realize that the last thing Donna wanted to do was sleep. “Donna,” he asked, voice going soft. “That dream you had. It scared you and you’re not scared of anything. I think you should tell me about it.”
She shook her head. “I can’t. You’ll laugh.”
“I won’t laugh,”the Doctor promised. “You’ll sleep better if you get whatever it is that’s bothering you off your mind.”
Donna pressed her lips together and looked away, towards the shelves of books. “I dreamed about you.”
“Me?” he asked, raising an eyebrow. His fingers gripped the book. “And this?”
“Something like that. It was really weird, but yeah...you and me and...and pollen.”
“Did I...do anything that you wouldn’t have consented to in the dream?” Please say no, he thought to himself.
She shook her head. “No, no.” He sighed in relief. “Nothing like that, Doctor. It’s just...you weren’t you and you knew that. You told me to run, but then you chased me like you couldn’t help it. There’s nothing after that because you woke me up.” Donna was on a roll and kept going. “I didn’t know about this stuff until yesterday and it frightens me that these kinds of plants even exist, and then I see this book and how many kinds there are. The universe is so enormous and there are...things out there that could make me do things I’d never dream of doing.”
The Doctor was silent for several moments before he asked, “Why do you think I own this book, Donna? It’s so I’m aware of the...ah...botanical dangers of the universe. Information is powerful and it can save your life. I’ve got the book memorized and I know which plants to avoid. Does that make you feel any better?”
She shrugged. “I don’t know? Maybe? I should have known something like this was going to happen. I knew that traveling with you can be dangerous, but I came anyway. I guess I never dwelled on the ‘what-ifs’ before now, is all.”
“Ah,” he nodded. “The old ‘what-ifs.’ Thing is, you can’t let yourself concentrate on those what-ifs. They’ll drive you batty. Better to take things as they come, Donna. It’s how I operate and it’s never failed me.”
“But what if…”
“Donna,” he interrupted. “No ‘what-if.’”
She crossed her arms in frustration. “Fine.” She tried reframing her question. “What would we do if we were to come in contact with sex pollen? That book doesn’t talk about how to stop its effects, Doctor!”
“No, it doesn’t,” he agreed. “Fortunately, I’ve got another book that has remedies for many of the plants in here. I keep the medical bay well stocked, you know that. As long as we could get back to the TARDIS in time, I’d be able to neutralize the effects. ”
“Ok,” she replied, feeling marginally better. “But are there some that you can’t stop?”
The Doctor got up and replaced the book on the shelf. He turned his head and peered at her over his spectacles. “Yes, a few.” He looked so serious that any momentary relief that Donna had acquired immediately disappeared.
He caught the terrified look that crossed her face and came back to sit down next to her. “Donna, those plants all affect humans and Time Lords differently. There is, in fact, a very remote chance that you and I will encounter them because I know how to avoid them. In over seven hundred years of travel, I have not once been under the effects of sex pollen. You have nothing to worry about.”
Donna crossed her arms and stared into his cool brown eyes. “I’ve learned that anything is possible travelling with you,” she challenged. “So you tell me, Spaceman. What would we do in the barest remote chance that we both got whacked with sex pollen and there’s no cure or we can’t get to the TARDIS in time?”
He met her gaze, unflinching. “We’d do what we’d have to do in order to survive, the same as always. If that means that we engage in mating activities, then so be it. In that situation, you really wouldn’t care and neither would I. Maybe it’s hard to believe, but there are worse things out there than sleeping with me, Donna.”
Donna was silent for a long moment, but her eyes never moved from his. “Like dying.”
The corner of his mouth twitched. “Yes, dying is definitely worse than having sex with me.”
A tiny grin broke out on her face. “And we face death all the time, yeah? So...we face the worst all the time. So...sleeping with you because of sex pollen really wouldn’t be a big deal!” He could hear the relief in her voice.
The Doctor scratched his ear and looked dubious. “I don’t think I quite follow your line of logic, Donna…”
“Don’t worry about me. You’re right, Doctor. I feel a lot better now.”
He shrugged a little, giving up trying to follow an exhausted Donna Noble’s train of thought. If it made sense to her, then he was contente to let it rest. “Good! Now go to bed.”
She fired off a mock-salute. “Aye, aye!” Donna sprang to her feet and headed off down the line of shelves. “Thanks, Doctor! And goodnight!” she called over her shoulder.
“Goodnight, Donna. Sleep well.” The Doctor watched her go and then sighed in relief. He’d successfully managed to avoid the topic of the dreaded “shag or die” scenario. He was worried that the conversation was going to turn that direction and he wasn’t entirely sure how to explain it to Donna. That was one situation that he’d been in way too many times for comfort, although not recently. He grinned to himself. It wasn’t always unpleasant. The last time had been downright bizarre, involving a gelatinous species whose idea of sex was forming themselves into copper jelly molds while he hummed Sousa marches at them and whacked the sides of the molds. Brain the size of a planet and he still couldn’t figure out how that encouraged reproduction.
In fact, this incarnation hadn’t been in that scenario...yet. It was inevitable that it would happen. It always seemed to. The Doctor leaned an elbow on one knee and rested his chin in the palm of his hand, thinking. Sex with Donna. Huh. He’d never considered it, but that wasn’t surprising. He generally didn’t think of his companions in a romantic sense. Rose was probably the first to really come close and even then...the old pain that never really left him squeezed his hearts. Even then, he’d never been able to tell her that he’d loved her. Rose had been so young that the Doctor always held back in that one area.
But Donna. He remembered the first day that they’d traveled together, the fear in her eyes when she’d misheard his, “I just want a mate.” It was obvious she couldn’t think of him in that respect. And he liked it that way. He didn’t want romantic entanglements, not after Martha.
Donna was right, though not on the subject of sex pollen. What would she do if they ever found themselves in a “shag or die” scenario? Could he count on her to carry through, despite her trepidation? The Doctor immediately knew the answer. She’d already said dying was worse than sleeping with him. Donna always did what was right and necessary. He remembered her hands joining with his as they blew up Pompeii together, because it was necessary. Because it was right. She wouldn’t like it and she’d never let him hear the end of it, but she’d go through with it.
He let out a long breath, remembering her frightened face when he’d found her reading about the sex pollen. It was probably best that he inform her about the reproductive practices of certain curious or hostile alien species when it came to visitors. She should at least be aware that they existed. It was only proper.
But how to broach the subject? The Doctor closed his eyes and shook his head. She’d either laugh at the very idea or demand he take her back to Chiswick. A stab of icy fear and despair shot through him as he thought of the latter. No. He’d have to think about this carefully.
It would have to wait for another day, anyway. He still had dimensional stabilizers to fix if they were going to find another planet to save. Right. The Doctor got to his feet and headed back to the Control Room, instantly dismissing all thoughts of sex pollen and aliens insisting on non consensual sex. He had a ship to repair.
Down in her room, Donna climbed under the covers and thought back to the Doctor’s story of using sex pollen to free the slaves from the captivity of the corrupt monks. She smiled in the dark. It was just like him. Leave it up to the Doctor to take something so sinister and treacherous like sex pollen and use it for good. “Blimey,” she said aloud and giggled a little. “That’s one hell of a way to break a vow of chastity.”
Somehow, knowing the Doctor had used the pollen for good somehow diminished the threat of its existence. His words from earlier echoed inside her head: We’d do what we’d have to do in order to survive, the same as always. If that means that we engage in mating activities, then so be it. In that situation, you really wouldn’t care and neither would I. Maybe it’s hard to believe, but there are worse things out there than sleeping with me, Donna.
Sleeping with the Doctor. Donna couldn’t even wrap her mind around it much. It was so utterly impossible, wasn’t it? Yeah. She’d never have to do...it...with him.. Besides, he told her the chances were pretty remote, so...better not dwell on it.
Still, Donna couldn’t help but shove the pillow over her head and blush furiously. “I will personally torch any bloody flower that so much tries to spew me with its icky sex pollen,” she threatened the Universe in general before succumbing to an exhausted slumber.
As usual, the Universe wasn’t listening.
Donna stared around her. She and the Doctor were standing in an enormous circular room that was covered with a white dome. Donna squinted up at the sunlight that filtered in through the translucent dome. It was constructed of hexagonal shaped panels and reminded her vaguely of a football or soccer ball cut in half and parked on top of a building. All around her were innumerable varieties of plants. Most of them were different shades of green, but here and there bright colored foliage brightened the wall of greenery. Concrete paths ambled through the room and the plants were divided into sections, displaying the different worlds and systems from where the flora originated.
“Why are we here again, Doctor?” Donna asked.
The Doctor adjusted his glasses and peered at a skinny tree with purple leaves. “We’re looking for a specimen of Foetida lignum puniceo.”
Donna frowned. “In English, Doctor. The TARDIS won’t translate genus and species and all that Latin rot.”
He stood up straight and smirked at her. “It translates to ‘smelly pink tree.’”
Donna raised an eyebrow, “We’re looking for a smelly pink tree.”
“Yep...well,” the Doctor paused and thought, “It’s only pink and smelly when it’s in bloom. The rest of the year, it’s blue.”
“What’s it smell like then?”
“Sort of a combination of a sewer and rotting fish.”
“Yummy. And you think this stinky tree will help the natives of Melindor fight off their plague?”
“Oh yes. It was native to the planet before it went extinct. Fortunately, I’ve got a time machine and can visit a place like the Pangalactic Arboretum in the past and bring a specimen back.”
“Won’t the curator object, though?”
“Of course he will! But I don’t plan on telling him, do you?” He peered at her over the tops of his glasses.
“No. It’s for the greater good and all that, yeah?”
He half smiled. “Exactly.”
Donna looked around the humongous arboretum. “So where is the stinky plant?”
The Doctor followed her gaze and a dubious expression crossed his face. “Not in here. This is the wrong star system. The Melindor system is...um...three domes over, I think.”
“Doctor, have you been here before?” He could hear the suspicion in Donna’s voice.
“Yes!”
“Which incarnation?” She was getting used to the “been there, done that, but it was five hundred years and six incarnations ago” spiel.
“My fifth.” He pointed to an exit in the far wall and started making his way through the maze of plants.
“Come on!”
Donna followed him as he tried to navigate the winding paths. Something sparkly caught her eye and she stopped. To the right, a large plastic box contained an unusual plant. It was even stranger than most of the alien plant life that surrounded her. The flower consisted of a single tall, skinny stamen. It was bright yellow and poked up from a tangle of orange vine-like leaves. Donna raised an eyebrow and leaned in closer to look. The stamen was easily the size of a turkey baster. “It’s huge,” she murmured, fascinated with the sparkling pollen that glowed and flashed on the surface of the plant. Donna leaned in to study the plant further. The stamen seemed to wave and beckon, inviting her to touch it. She reached out a hand towards the box.
Gnarled, twisted fingers grabbed her hand. “You not wanting to be doing that, missy,” a graveled, ancient voice creaked at her. Donna spun around and then looked down. A withered old man who was several inches shorter than her grinned up into her face. The old man was bald and covered with liver spots. He wore green coveralls and carried a bucket filled with gardening tools. He had a strange accent and she had to listen hard to understand his words. “Not unless you be wanting to be spending much time on your back for the next week or so.”
“You mean it would knock me out?”
The gardener’s laugh was dry and wheezy. “You not knowing about Infinitam summam floris?”
Donna’s Latin was less than stellar, but even she was able to figure out the meaning. “Wait..the infinite consummation flower?”
“That be the one. The pollen make you want to bed down with anything that moves.” He nodded towards the flower, which now seemed menacing rather than mesmerizing to Donna. “That’s why we keep it under plastisteel, but there’s holes in the top to let it in the air, see. You get too close, you can still get smacked with the pollen. It will eject all that stuff at you. Maybe not enough pollen to hop on the closest man...or woman...but enough to be giving you lustful thoughts, yeah?”
Donna turned scarlet. “You. Are. Kidding. Me.”
The old man swayed back and forth. “Mean old plant dance like this, to draw you in. You touch the stamen there and BAM!” Donna jumped as he shouted. “You covered in that glittery stuff and you off romping in the bushes, maybe to be making babies.”
“It’s…” Donna’s eyebrows knitted in thought and then a horrified expression crossed her face and her eyebrows shot up into her hairline as her eyes went wide. “It’s like sex pollen?!”
“If you want to be calling it that, missy.”
She felt a little queasy and had a sudden urge to find the Doctor. She looked around, but her skinny Time Lord was nowhere to be found. He’d left her behind in his singular quest to find the smelly pink tree. “I have to go,” she mumbled and took off down the path for the exit.
“Missy!”
Donna turned around with reluctance to look at the gardener. “What?”
“You be staying away from any plants in the plastic boxes, yeah? Cause those are the dangerous ones.”
“Thanks.” Donna resumed her search for the Doctor. She found him two domes over, quietly plucking leaves off what could only be the Foetida lignum puniceo. Donna gagged and held her nose.
“Oh, there you, Donna! Wandered off again, did we?” he accused her, shooting her a disapproving look.
“Oi, Spaceman!” Donna protested, her voice sounding nasally through her pinched noise. “It’s you who wandered off!”
“I beg to differ,” he countered. The smell didn’t seem to bother him much. His nose was slightly wrinkled as he dropped the leaves into the pockets of his brown overcoat. “You didn’t keep up with me.”
Where did you wander off to, anyway?”
“I…” Donna hesitated. There was no way she was going to tell him about her encounter with the consummation flower and the creepy old gardener. “I stopped to admire a plant that caught my eye.”
Her explanation seemed to satisfy the Doctor, for he nodded as if pleased with her curiosity. “Not surprising. You could probably spend at least two weeks in this place, if not longer.” He patted his pocket and added, “That’s it. Let’s get out of here and back to Melindor in the future.”
Donna followed the Doctor back towards the original dome. She didn’t comment on the stench emanating from his coat, just made sure to walk several feet behind him. They were almost inside the dome when an alarm sounded. “Aaaaand, that’s our cue!” the Doctor exclaimed and immediately broke into a run for the TARDIS.
Donna chased after him as several guards suddenly appeared, it seemed from under the dense foliage. Typical, Donna thought. Very rarely do we just get to walk out of a place. It’s always run, run, run. Oh well, at least I’m staying in shape. I never quite managed to do that while temping in Cheswick.
“This is the life, eh, Donna?” the Doctor called as they leapt into the safety of the TARDIS and she slammed the doors shut in the guards’ faces.
“Wouldn’t have it any other way, Doctor.” Except I could do without the sex pollen, she added mentally.
Hours later, the plague on Melindor had been averted and they’d been feasted, wined, dined, and danced to the brink of exhaustion by the grateful natives. The Doctor and Donna made their escape. The Doctor had immediately wanted to head off to the next grand adventure, but Donna had announced, “I’m positively knackered!”
The Doctor sighed. “Typical humans. Eighteen hours of activity and you’re ready for six hours of unconsciousness. Oh well, get some sleep,” he told her. “We’ll go save another planet tomorrow.”
“Aren’t you tired?” she asked, surprised. She’d seen him yawning openly at the celebration, but maybe that was from boredom.
He flapped a hand in a nonchalant gesture. “No, of course not. Don’t you worry about me. I’m just going to tinker with the dimensional stabilizers while you’re asleep. Off to bed now!”
“Fine, ok. Good night, Doctor.” Donna shrugged and headed off to her room. After a quick shower, she crawled into bed and snuggled down under the covers. Her body craved sleep, but her mind simply wouldn’t shut up. The revelation of the mere existence of sex pollen frightened her more than anything she’d encountered so far in her travels with the Doctor. What if there were other plants like the consummation flower out there? Donna had only been traveling with the Doctor for a short while, but already she had learned that almost anything was possible. She’d seen an ancient spider empress, floating fat, creatures that thrived in lava, and so much more.
Donna rolled over onto her side and hugged her pillow tightly. It made sense, didn’t it? There were plants on earth that could make you hallucinate. Why couldn’t there be ones that made you want to do...it. How many plants out there that were like the consummation flower, anyway? What if she encountered one with the Doctor and they did...it? Without neither of them really wanting to? Donna shuddered, then blew out a breath of air in exasperation, knowing that she wouldn’t be able to sleep until she found out the truth.
Problem was, she couldn’t ask the Doctor. No way. He’d laugh his skinny ass off at her question. Donna had no idea if the TARDIS came equipped with an equivalent of Google, but then she remembered the Library. Surely there was an answer there! The Doctor had bragged about his extensive collection and there had to be something about indigenous flora of the various worlds that the Time Lords had known about.
Donna swung her feet out of bed, threw on a fuzzy purple robe over her plaid pajamas, shoved her feet into slippers, and padded to the Galley. She wanted a cuppa to calm her nerves before she tackled the Library.
She quickly made her tea and shuffled off to the massive Library. The Library towered at least six stories high, arranged in endless galleries filled with packed shelves. The walls were mostly constructed of an unfamiliar wood, but it reminded Donna of mahogany. Elaborately carved wainscoting at least seven feet high lined the bottom floor. Hexagonal copper sconces were set a few feet apart along the walls. A door in the wainscoting, nearly invisible, guarded the entrance to the Doctor’s study. Large tables and overstuffed chairs made from leather and deep velvet upholstery were arranged around the room. Reading lamps were scattered on the tables. An enormous fireplace dominated one wall of the Library and a warm fire cracked invitingly in the grate. The mantel was made of deep blood-red marble shot through with gold veining.
What Donna liked most were the clocks. Every few feet was a clock. Sometimes it was a tall, imposing grandfather. Other times it was a tiny timepiece, no larger than her hand. What was most extraordinary was that all of the clocks ticked silently, marking the hours and minutes of the universe in their own quiet cadence.
Donna had asked the Doctor about the silent clocks, thinking they were all broken. He’d only smiled, pulled out his sonic screwdriver, and held it up. With a press of the button, all of the clocks had come to life, ticking and tocking in a maddening dischord. Donna pressed her hands over her ears and the Doctor had silenced them again with the sonic. “That’s why I keep the volume off,” he’d replied. “Otherwise, how would you ever be able to concentrate enough to read with that racket?”
She plonked her mug (a souvenir from Woodstock...the Doctor seemed fond of collecting kitschy mugs) and warmed her hands by the ever-present fire. Donna looked around at the imposing collection and wondered how she was going to find what she needed. She tried to find a computer terminal or some other catalog, but didn’t see anything. The Doctor had told her the ship was sentient. Maybe she should try asking her? “Oi! TARDIS!” she called. “So...how do I look something up?”
There wasn’t an answer at first. Donna waited, the clocks ticked their silent cacophony, and the fire sparked and sputtered. Then, Donna heard the slight creaking of unoiled hinges behind her. She turned and spied the door to the Doctor’s study in the wainscoting swinging open. Donna hesitated and stepped over to the door, sticking her head inside. She felt uneasy intruding on the Doctor’s personal space, but then she’d never seen him go in there.
“Doctor?” she called, glancing around. The room was empty. The furnishings were simple, consisting only of a large, carved desk and leather rolling chair. A leather sofa sat opposite the desk. The walls held a framed diploma and paintings. Donna stepped closer and squinted at the diploma, surprised to find that it was a medical diploma issued to a John Smith from the 19th century. “Blimey, Skinny Boy really is a doctor,” she said aloud and smirked.
A sudden beeping sound drew her attention to the desk. A screen was set into the top of the desk. As Donna approached, she could see the circular writing of Gallifrey swirling around on the screen, but it disappeared and was replaced with English. “State Your Query,” Donna read.
“Um,” Donna said, “Where can I find a book about…” she coughed, “flowers that exude sex pollen?”
A list of books immediately began scrolling over the screen. “Hang on!” Donna complained. The list slowed down, but she shook her red hair in frustration. “I only need one. What’s the most informative book?”
The screen blanked out and a single title appeared: The Botanist’s Guide to Seductive Flora: a Comprehensive Guide of Plants that Encourage Mating Amongst Sentient Species.
“Ok, that’ll do. How do I find it in that mess out there?” Donna asked. “I didn’t see anything that remotely resembles the Dewey Decimal System.”
“Follow the lights, Donna Noble,” the words scrolled across the screen.
“Ok, that’s just weird,” Donna mumbled. It unnerved her that the computer knew her name. She glanced out the open study door and saw a flashing light in the Library on the opposite wall. It was a red light in a hexagon shaped copper colored sconce. Curious, she stepped over to the light. Another one began to flash a few feet away. Donna stepped after it and a third light began flashing. “Right. Follow the bloody leader, I get it.”
She followed the lights up two flights on the spiral staircase and down a long row of shelves until she spotted an entire shelf that lit up in red at her approach. The flashing stopped when she halted in front of the shelf and a small red dot blinked above the book she was looking for. To her alarm (and slight amusement), it turned out to be a rather large tome bound in traditional brown leather. Donna hoisted the book off the shelf. “Oof!” she grunted as she hefted it. The lengthy title was embossed on the front cover and she looked around, spying a comfy looking leather sofa at the end of the aisle.
She plopped onto the couch and curled up into the soft leather cushions before opening the book. She found the index and looked up the Consummation flower, growing more alarmed as she read. The old gardener had only touched the surface. The flower had a bad reputation for starting wars, ending royal marriages, and skewing the bloodlines of at least two dozen planets. “Jesus,” she breathed. That was one bad-ass flower. No wonder they kept it behind glass.
Donna flipped through the rest of the book, finding flowers and plants that had similar properties. Some were as bad as the Consummation flower, some not. All of them scared Donna. She curled up even tighter into herself. For the first time since she joined the Doctor in that alleyway in London, she wanted to go home. There wasn’t any sex pollen flora on earth, was there? Earth had its dangers, but it didn’t contain any plants that made you want to shag.
Donna’s body warred between exhaustion and adrenaline from the fear that raged through her, but the exhaustion won out. Her eyes drooped even as she read about another plant that had accidentally wound up in a soup and had caused a group of monks to break their vows of chastity with the serving maids, all on one night.
The book slid from her hands and landed with a soft thud in her lap as she nodded off and began to dream…
Donna stuck her head out of the TARDIS and looked around. They’d landed in a beautiful green garden with too many varieties of plants and flowers to name. “Oh, Doctor, it’s lovely!” she exclaimed.
“Thought you might like a trip where there’s some greenery,” the Doctor replied and sniffed in disdain. “That desert planet wasn’t exactly my cup of tea. Sand gets in all the wrong places.” To demonstrate, he pulled one of his trainers off and turned it upside down. A heap of yellow sand spilled onto the ground.
Donna stepped out into the garden and smiled. Several small rabbit-like creatures were hopping across the green grass. Their soft fur was the same green as the grass and shrubbery, acting as camouflage, but Donna could see them just fine. They had floppy ears like Earth rabbits, but they also had long antennae that sprouted from between their ears. Donna instantly thought of them as Space Bunnies. Their tiny noses quivered with curiosity as they regarded her and her strange bespectacled associate who was dumping sand out all over their abode. She squatted down and held out her hands. The space bunnies didn’t seem afraid of her, as she’d expected. One of them hopped up to her and sniffed at her fingers. “Oh,” Donna mumbled. “I don’t have...oh, wait! Yes, I do!” She reached into her pocket and pulled out a biscuit. “It ain’t much, little bunny…” The bunny sniffed at the biscuit, took a cautious nibble, and then snatched it from her hands. The action startled her and she jerked, causing one of her sparkly gold earrings to fall into the grass.
Donna reached down to pick it up, but the little rabbit dropped the biscuit and caught up her earring in its mouth. It turned and scampered away towards the bushes. “Oi! You’re not a rabbit, you’re a bleeding magpie!” Donna cried and dashed after it.
The Doctor had just emptied the sand from his second trainer. “Donna, wait!” he called, hopping after her as he tried to run and pull on his shoe at the same time. “This planet isn’t exactly…”
She didn’t heed the Doctor’s warnings as she raced after the bunny. “I bought those from Marks and Sparks! No Space Bunny is going to steal them from me!” she hollered.
The thieving green rabbit disappeared into a hole in the bushes and Donna dove in after it. She crawled through some undergrowth and wound up in a small clearing. The rabbit was sitting inside a nest of eggs at the foot of a giant plant, contentedly nibbling on her earring. Despite her anger, Donna had to smile at the sight. It was too cute. “Is this your home, then?” she asked. “Are those your eggs? Blimey, I thought you were a mammal.”
Her eyes traveled up the stalk of the plant and she saw an enormous pink bloom. In the center was a stamen the shape and thickness of banana, except it was twice as long and bright red. It was fuzzy with yellow pollen.
The Doctor suddenly crashed into the clearing behind her. “Don’t run off! How many times have I…” the Doctor trailed off and Donna could hear the trepidation in his voice. “Donna,” he said carefully. “Back away. Very, very slowly. Whatever you do, do not go near that flower.”
She looked up at him, confused. “Why? It’s just a flower, Doctor. This little bunny lives here.”
The Doctor’s eyes were fixed on the strange flower. “There’s a reason why this rabbit lives here, Donna. It’s for protection.”
“How can a flower protect a silly little space rabbit?” she asked. She inched closer to the rabbit and held out another biscuit. “Come on, little guy. Give me back the earring.” The rabbit didn’t move, but he dropped the earring and his nose wobbled towards the biscuit. “That’s it,” she crooned, inching a little closer. “Come get the nice…”
FOOM! The flower erupted, spraying yellow pollen all over her. “Ew!”
“NO!” the Doctor shouted, trying to step out of the way, but the pollen coated him as well. She coughed and hacked, trying to clear the thick pollen from her airways. The Doctor was also coughing and frantically trying to brush the pollen from his pinstripe suit. “Oh, Donna,” he coughed and somehow managed to moan at the same time. “You’ve done it now.”
“What?” she asked, finally able to breathe a little clearer. She staggered to her feet and looked at him. Yellow pollen covered him from head to toe. “I don’t understand.”
“That’s an Aphrodisia flower,” he explained, shaking his fingers through the wild shock of hair on his head. Pollen flew everywhere. “It makes people, animals really, do...um…well, engage in the reproductive act. That’s why the rabbit builds its little nest under the plant. Protection, you see? Any predator that comes after the rabbit or its young gets blasted with sex pollen and WHAM! Their bodies are shifted from one basic desire, to eat, from another, to reproduce.” He was in full-on lecture mode now, much to Donna’s annoyance. “The rabbit’s immune to the flower’s pollen. In return, the rabbit’s excrement provides fertilizer for the plant. Nice little symbiotic relationship...oh.” His face went very wooden and he stood still.
“Doctor?” Donna asked.
“Oh. My.”
“What’s happening?”
“The pollen’s beginning to affect me.”
She crossed her arms and smirked. “I don’t feel a thing, Sunshine. No desire whatsoever to mate with you.”
His brown eyes traveled up and down her form and the look he was giving her was unnerving. Was that lust in the Doctor’s eyes? It couldn’t be. “Alien, remember? Time Lords are different. Much lower libido, more repressed. That means it comes out much stronger when it’s…” He closed his eyes, swallowed once, and she could see the Doctor was actually trembling. “Donna,” he said, his words slow and drawn out. “Can you get back to the TARDIS?”
“I think so,” she replied.
“Good, good.” He took a deep breath. “Go to your room. Shut the door and lock it, understand? Take a shower and get that stuff off you. Don’t come out until I tell you it’s safe.”
“Spaceman, you’re scaring me…””
“GO!” he hollered and Donna took off running. She had just reached the TARDIS door when she heard footsteps behind her. Donna hesitated and turned her head to look. The Doctor was walking very slowly towards the TARDIS, but she didn’t miss the predatory look on his face. His eyes were trained on her and he stared at her, eyes smoldering with desire. Alarmed, she squeaked and scurried through the control room, racing for her room as the sound of the Doctor’s steadily advancing footsteps clattered on the metal flooring behind her. Her door clicked shut and she turned the lock. Donna heard the sound of the Doctor’s footsteps stop outside her door...
The Doctor meandered down one of the corridors of the TARDIS, thinking that maybe it was time for a vacation. A nice, long vacation. A beach somewhere. Donna would like the beach. Or a spa. A spa on the beach. Yeah, that sounded great. He smiled, thinking of a six handed Nebrudian masseuse working out all the kinks and knots that seemed to have gathered in his back...hang on.
He stopped as he passed Donna’s quarters. Her door was wide open. Quirking an eyebrow, the Doctor stuck his head inside the darkened room. She’d only gone to bed maybe two hours ago and he knew she’d been exhausted. “Donna?” he called softly. “You all right?”
There was no answer. The light from the corridor illuminated the room enough so that he could see the bed was empty. The covers were mussed and rumpled, as if she’d tossed and turned. He glanced at the en suite bathroom, but there was no light coming from underneath the door.
The Doctor stepped back into the hall, thinking. Where had his companion gone? Galley, he immediately knew. He jogged lightly down the corridor and burst into the Galley, but it was empty. He could see a used tea bag and spilled sugar on the normally immaculate counter. He stuck out a hand and felt the kettle. It was still warm. She’d come here and made a cuppa then.
“Tea,” the Doctor said. “Tea tea tea.” Normally, he wouldn’t be concerned about his companion having insomnia, but he’d noticed that Donna had been acting strange ever since their trip to the arboretum earlier. She’d been practically reticent and withdrawn at the celebration and if Donna Noble liked anything, she liked a good party where the food and drink flowed freely. Something was wrong with his companion and the Doctor’s ingrained sense of curiosity and to fix things refused to let the matter rest. “Tea...ah! Library!” Where else would one go when one had insomnia and a cup of tea?
He headed off for the Library and began searching. His study door was open and he knew that she must have come because he always kept it closed. The Doctor finally found her at the end of one of the galleries, fast asleep on a leather couch. He bent down to wake his sleeping companion when he caught sight of the book she’d been reading. “Seductive flora,” he murmured. Donna had never shown much interest in botany before. Perhaps the trip to the arboretum had piqued her interest? The Doctor smiled, pleased. He always enjoyed when his companions took the initiative to further their intellects. True, this was a strange subject, but a compelling one.
But still, Donna needed to sleep in a proper bed, not on the couch. Still bent over her, he gently shook her shoulder. “Donna? Donna, wake up.”
Donna’s eyes opened and she looked up at the Doctor hovering over her. She let out a screech and tried to erupt from the couch and lash out at him at the same time. The book tumbled to the floor and landed face down. Alarmed, the Doctor backpedaled, lost his footing, and crashed to his bottom in a tangle of limbs. “Donna?” he asked, his eyes going wide. “Are you ok?”
She looked around, red hair sticking out from her face from static electricity, and she realized where she was. Her eyes settled on the Doctor and the concerned look on his face as he righted himself and watched her, keeping his distance. “Doctor,” she breathed. “Sorry. I had...had a…”
“A bad dream?” he asked, voice filled with sympathy.
Her eyes squeezed shut. “Yeah.”
He shoved his hands into his pockets. “Would you like to talk about it?”
Her face flushed, but he pretended not to notice as she reached down to pick up the book. “I don’t think I could tell you.”
“Ah.” He looked away and then cleared his throat and nodded towards the book. “Interesting choice of reading material there. Not your usual bedtime fare.”
Donna looked down at the book and her fingers gripped the cover reflexively. “No, guess not. I...I saw a plant at the arboretum.”
“And wanted to know more? Well, this is the right place to come.” Donna didn’t say anything and the awkwardness between them made him nervous. When he was nervous, he babbled. “So I see you figured out the cataloging system. I’ve...I’ve been meaning to show that to you. It can be rather difficult to find things in here, but it’s probably the best library in the universe...well, except for one. Maybe I’ll show it to you sometime, if you like libraries…” She looked up at him and he could see the exhaustion in her face. “Donna, you should go to bed.”
“Tried that once. It didn’t work. Too much on my mind, I guess.”
Ah. So he was right. Something was bothering his companion. He edged a little closer. “Do you mind if I sit down?”
She shifted to make room for him on the sofa. “‘Course not, you prawn.”
The Doctor smiled a little and sat down next to her. “What plant interested you?” He knew that she needed to talk about whatever was bothering her in order to process it so that she could rest. Humans were so strange sometimes. They often needed to audibly voice their worries and fears in order to deal with them, but were sometimes reluctant to do so. It was simple logic, really.
Donna didn’t answer, but she flipped the book open and pointed at a page. The Doctor pulled his spectacles from his pocket, slipped them onto his face, and looked at the book. He sucked in a breath at what he saw. “Oh. Yes, that one. I saw that on display in the arboretum, too. You...you didn’t get too close, did you?”
She gave him a sideways look. “Do you think I’d be in here talking to you if I had?”
“No, I suppose not.”
Donna felt a little more daring now that they were broaching the subject of weird space sex pollen plants. “Have you ever gotten too close to one, Doctor?” He was silent for a long moment and Donna wondered if that was too personal. “Sorry, you don’t have to answer that. It’s none of my business…”
“Once,” he replied. “Only once. It wasn’t the consummation flower, though, but one a lot like it. I used the pollen against a group of monks who were imprisoning and selling people into slavery. I needed a distraction, so I slipped it into their soup to keep them occupied while I released the prisoners.”
Donna’s jaw dropped for a second, but then she smiled. “I read about that in here.” She tapped the page with a finger. “That was you?”
He smirked. “Oh, you’ll find that I’ve made quite a name for myself over the years. Become something of a legend.”
“And you’re humble, too.”
“Oi!”
Donna suddenly yawned and the Doctor firmly pulled the book from her hands. “You need to sleep,” he remarked. “No more reading. Off to bed now.” He almost didn’t catch the brief flash of fear that crossed her features, but it was enough to make him realize that the last thing Donna wanted to do was sleep. “Donna,” he asked, voice going soft. “That dream you had. It scared you and you’re not scared of anything. I think you should tell me about it.”
She shook her head. “I can’t. You’ll laugh.”
“I won’t laugh,”the Doctor promised. “You’ll sleep better if you get whatever it is that’s bothering you off your mind.”
Donna pressed her lips together and looked away, towards the shelves of books. “I dreamed about you.”
“Me?” he asked, raising an eyebrow. His fingers gripped the book. “And this?”
“Something like that. It was really weird, but yeah...you and me and...and pollen.”
“Did I...do anything that you wouldn’t have consented to in the dream?” Please say no, he thought to himself.
She shook her head. “No, no.” He sighed in relief. “Nothing like that, Doctor. It’s just...you weren’t you and you knew that. You told me to run, but then you chased me like you couldn’t help it. There’s nothing after that because you woke me up.” Donna was on a roll and kept going. “I didn’t know about this stuff until yesterday and it frightens me that these kinds of plants even exist, and then I see this book and how many kinds there are. The universe is so enormous and there are...things out there that could make me do things I’d never dream of doing.”
The Doctor was silent for several moments before he asked, “Why do you think I own this book, Donna? It’s so I’m aware of the...ah...botanical dangers of the universe. Information is powerful and it can save your life. I’ve got the book memorized and I know which plants to avoid. Does that make you feel any better?”
She shrugged. “I don’t know? Maybe? I should have known something like this was going to happen. I knew that traveling with you can be dangerous, but I came anyway. I guess I never dwelled on the ‘what-ifs’ before now, is all.”
“Ah,” he nodded. “The old ‘what-ifs.’ Thing is, you can’t let yourself concentrate on those what-ifs. They’ll drive you batty. Better to take things as they come, Donna. It’s how I operate and it’s never failed me.”
“But what if…”
“Donna,” he interrupted. “No ‘what-if.’”
She crossed her arms in frustration. “Fine.” She tried reframing her question. “What would we do if we were to come in contact with sex pollen? That book doesn’t talk about how to stop its effects, Doctor!”
“No, it doesn’t,” he agreed. “Fortunately, I’ve got another book that has remedies for many of the plants in here. I keep the medical bay well stocked, you know that. As long as we could get back to the TARDIS in time, I’d be able to neutralize the effects. ”
“Ok,” she replied, feeling marginally better. “But are there some that you can’t stop?”
The Doctor got up and replaced the book on the shelf. He turned his head and peered at her over his spectacles. “Yes, a few.” He looked so serious that any momentary relief that Donna had acquired immediately disappeared.
He caught the terrified look that crossed her face and came back to sit down next to her. “Donna, those plants all affect humans and Time Lords differently. There is, in fact, a very remote chance that you and I will encounter them because I know how to avoid them. In over seven hundred years of travel, I have not once been under the effects of sex pollen. You have nothing to worry about.”
Donna crossed her arms and stared into his cool brown eyes. “I’ve learned that anything is possible travelling with you,” she challenged. “So you tell me, Spaceman. What would we do in the barest remote chance that we both got whacked with sex pollen and there’s no cure or we can’t get to the TARDIS in time?”
He met her gaze, unflinching. “We’d do what we’d have to do in order to survive, the same as always. If that means that we engage in mating activities, then so be it. In that situation, you really wouldn’t care and neither would I. Maybe it’s hard to believe, but there are worse things out there than sleeping with me, Donna.”
Donna was silent for a long moment, but her eyes never moved from his. “Like dying.”
The corner of his mouth twitched. “Yes, dying is definitely worse than having sex with me.”
A tiny grin broke out on her face. “And we face death all the time, yeah? So...we face the worst all the time. So...sleeping with you because of sex pollen really wouldn’t be a big deal!” He could hear the relief in her voice.
The Doctor scratched his ear and looked dubious. “I don’t think I quite follow your line of logic, Donna…”
“Don’t worry about me. You’re right, Doctor. I feel a lot better now.”
He shrugged a little, giving up trying to follow an exhausted Donna Noble’s train of thought. If it made sense to her, then he was contente to let it rest. “Good! Now go to bed.”
She fired off a mock-salute. “Aye, aye!” Donna sprang to her feet and headed off down the line of shelves. “Thanks, Doctor! And goodnight!” she called over her shoulder.
“Goodnight, Donna. Sleep well.” The Doctor watched her go and then sighed in relief. He’d successfully managed to avoid the topic of the dreaded “shag or die” scenario. He was worried that the conversation was going to turn that direction and he wasn’t entirely sure how to explain it to Donna. That was one situation that he’d been in way too many times for comfort, although not recently. He grinned to himself. It wasn’t always unpleasant. The last time had been downright bizarre, involving a gelatinous species whose idea of sex was forming themselves into copper jelly molds while he hummed Sousa marches at them and whacked the sides of the molds. Brain the size of a planet and he still couldn’t figure out how that encouraged reproduction.
In fact, this incarnation hadn’t been in that scenario...yet. It was inevitable that it would happen. It always seemed to. The Doctor leaned an elbow on one knee and rested his chin in the palm of his hand, thinking. Sex with Donna. Huh. He’d never considered it, but that wasn’t surprising. He generally didn’t think of his companions in a romantic sense. Rose was probably the first to really come close and even then...the old pain that never really left him squeezed his hearts. Even then, he’d never been able to tell her that he’d loved her. Rose had been so young that the Doctor always held back in that one area.
But Donna. He remembered the first day that they’d traveled together, the fear in her eyes when she’d misheard his, “I just want a mate.” It was obvious she couldn’t think of him in that respect. And he liked it that way. He didn’t want romantic entanglements, not after Martha.
Donna was right, though not on the subject of sex pollen. What would she do if they ever found themselves in a “shag or die” scenario? Could he count on her to carry through, despite her trepidation? The Doctor immediately knew the answer. She’d already said dying was worse than sleeping with him. Donna always did what was right and necessary. He remembered her hands joining with his as they blew up Pompeii together, because it was necessary. Because it was right. She wouldn’t like it and she’d never let him hear the end of it, but she’d go through with it.
He let out a long breath, remembering her frightened face when he’d found her reading about the sex pollen. It was probably best that he inform her about the reproductive practices of certain curious or hostile alien species when it came to visitors. She should at least be aware that they existed. It was only proper.
But how to broach the subject? The Doctor closed his eyes and shook his head. She’d either laugh at the very idea or demand he take her back to Chiswick. A stab of icy fear and despair shot through him as he thought of the latter. No. He’d have to think about this carefully.
It would have to wait for another day, anyway. He still had dimensional stabilizers to fix if they were going to find another planet to save. Right. The Doctor got to his feet and headed back to the Control Room, instantly dismissing all thoughts of sex pollen and aliens insisting on non consensual sex. He had a ship to repair.
Down in her room, Donna climbed under the covers and thought back to the Doctor’s story of using sex pollen to free the slaves from the captivity of the corrupt monks. She smiled in the dark. It was just like him. Leave it up to the Doctor to take something so sinister and treacherous like sex pollen and use it for good. “Blimey,” she said aloud and giggled a little. “That’s one hell of a way to break a vow of chastity.”
Somehow, knowing the Doctor had used the pollen for good somehow diminished the threat of its existence. His words from earlier echoed inside her head: We’d do what we’d have to do in order to survive, the same as always. If that means that we engage in mating activities, then so be it. In that situation, you really wouldn’t care and neither would I. Maybe it’s hard to believe, but there are worse things out there than sleeping with me, Donna.
Sleeping with the Doctor. Donna couldn’t even wrap her mind around it much. It was so utterly impossible, wasn’t it? Yeah. She’d never have to do...it...with him.. Besides, he told her the chances were pretty remote, so...better not dwell on it.
Still, Donna couldn’t help but shove the pillow over her head and blush furiously. “I will personally torch any bloody flower that so much tries to spew me with its icky sex pollen,” she threatened the Universe in general before succumbing to an exhausted slumber.
As usual, the Universe wasn’t listening.