I don't feel creative enough to think of a subject for this thing.
Things that I am feeling:
1. Empty
2. Depressed
3. Sad
4. Worried
5. Tired
6. Overly emotional??!
I don't know. I just started crying and I feel like going on a huge rant about everything but at the same time I also feel like sleeping for a long while. Though I'm a little afraid to allow myself to sleep. I know if I do, when I wake up, I won't give a damn about anything and I'll just roll over back to sleep. It doesn't fix anything but at the same time, I may just be overstressed about work and life and maybe I need it. It's the thought process that sneaks up on me. That's the worst of it. For example, right now I'm thinking about the fact that I really should have died in 2010. I don't think I have anything of value on my own end. I think god was trying to be kind and take me out of this world before I had the chance to realize how empty of a human being I really am. I don't know how to really live my life for myself. It seems I've gotten too good at being fearfull of everyone else in the world and what they think so now all of my actions are based on what I see in others; I fulfill the things they want but I don't have too much thought on what I want. But, if there's nothing there right now, what else should I do? I guess I'm just filling up time trying to make others happy. At least if I can put a smile on someone else's face, I can feel a little better about still breathing life day after day. I have nothing that I want to work towards in any aspect of life. Nothing. Now that I realize that, most of my actions mean nothing. I slack on bills and responsibilties, put myself in dangerous situations regardless of consequence, and overall just don't give a damn about making myself better. For what? What driving force is making me content and good like I use to be. When did I stop being me? Was I ever?
1. Empty
2. Depressed
3. Sad
4. Worried
5. Tired
6. Overly emotional??!
I don't know. I just started crying and I feel like going on a huge rant about everything but at the same time I also feel like sleeping for a long while. Though I'm a little afraid to allow myself to sleep. I know if I do, when I wake up, I won't give a damn about anything and I'll just roll over back to sleep. It doesn't fix anything but at the same time, I may just be overstressed about work and life and maybe I need it. It's the thought process that sneaks up on me. That's the worst of it. For example, right now I'm thinking about the fact that I really should have died in 2010. I don't think I have anything of value on my own end. I think god was trying to be kind and take me out of this world before I had the chance to realize how empty of a human being I really am. I don't know how to really live my life for myself. It seems I've gotten too good at being fearfull of everyone else in the world and what they think so now all of my actions are based on what I see in others; I fulfill the things they want but I don't have too much thought on what I want. But, if there's nothing there right now, what else should I do? I guess I'm just filling up time trying to make others happy. At least if I can put a smile on someone else's face, I can feel a little better about still breathing life day after day. I have nothing that I want to work towards in any aspect of life. Nothing. Now that I realize that, most of my actions mean nothing. I slack on bills and responsibilties, put myself in dangerous situations regardless of consequence, and overall just don't give a damn about making myself better. For what? What driving force is making me content and good like I use to be. When did I stop being me? Was I ever?