"DAMN IT GLUTTONY STAY OUT OF THE PLOT"
Out of nostalgia, I've been going through old IM's that took place when I first got into Fullmetal Alchemist! Specifically, my long reax spam directed at schellibie when I read the manga for ~*~the first time~*~ And oh boy, does it bring back memories, ahahaaa. People who follow me on Twitter have experienced my reax to things firsthand, but why not give all of you a dose of how my brain works, eh?
***WARNING: SPOILERS LURK IN THE THOUSANDS***
BEGIN:
FMA update #1 (yeah there will be a lot of these)
CHAPTER FORTY BB
if Colonel Mustang dies at the end of this series I will cry myself to sleep for days
Ed and Winry have to get married immediately
I have declared my undying love for 1st Lieutenant Hawkeye
I was actually kind of sad when Barry died. there are so many things wrong with this
FMA update #2: MARIA ROSS LIVES!!!1!11!!!!!1 COLONEL I KNEW I LOVED YOU FOR A REASON
FMA update #3: ED LOVES WINRY ED LOVES WINRY ED LOVES WINRY AND I LOVE LT. HAWKEYE FOR POINTING IT OUT SO BLANTANTLY
pfffffffft Colonel everyone thinks you're a womanizer but all your women are valuable informants, you card!
I love how Winry is learning mechanics from a drag queen. HEY MISS AUTHOR DUDE WHY ARE YOU SO COOL LIKE THAT
Angela was right about inexplicably liking everyone. Olivia Armstrong is a first-class jerk but if she dies I am gonna be so sad D:
Alphonse, you are making excuses because you and May are ~*~meant to be~*~
FMA update #4: HO SHIT. EVERYTHING MAKES SENSE. *flailflailflail*
Kimbley you seriously need to die
you too, Envy
you annoy the crap out of me, you palm-tree headed scumbag
…I really need some fic
FMA update #5: Liiiiiiiiiing! you can do iiiiiiiiit!
LING YOU DID IT OMGOMGOMGOMG HEARTHEART
nuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu
D: D: D: D; D;
pfft Greelin
bwahahaha the entire Armstong family sparkles
A SKILL THEY PASSED ON THROUGH GENERATIONS, NO DOUBT
asjdhfgahsgdfjhgaks I hate you so much General
you are a MEAN SISTER
you are like Azula, but blond
with a sword
…General Grumman, you freak me out a little
please cut to Lt. Hawkeye now, thanks
no, you put YOUR gun down first!!
Ed got TALL?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? *fears apocalypse*
DAMN IT GLUTTONY STAY OUT OF THE PLOT
General Grumman YOU ASSHOLE
FMA update #6: Selim you little shit if you were a piece of paper you'd be under my boot arghargharghrageragerage
And Mustang needs a badass team name for his badass team
Your message could not be sent. You cannot send any more offline messages.
PAUSE
At this point, reax had become a hobby that I could not break. I had to resort to desperate, real life measures. Like Facebook.
RESUME
Subject: IM won't let me send any more offline messages. Yeaaaaaah…
CONTINUING WHERE I LEFT OFF:
#7: HOLY SHIT ZOMBIE ARMY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
KIMBLEE YOU ARE STILL NOT DEAD. YOU ARE REALLY, REALLY, ***REALLY*** PISSING ME OFF BY NOT BEING DEAD
I am going to my happy place now, because everything is falling to shit. Specifically, my happy place is the pages in which Havoc makes a full recovery and stocks his BFF Mustang with every possibly weapon he can deal from his family's GENERAL STORE. Those were good times *sniff*
Oh my god I hate you Selim I hate you Selim IhateyouSelimIhateyouSelimIhateyouSelimIhateyouSelimIhateyouSelim /mantra
Envy's back. Good. Now May can kick his ass.
Major General you just might redeem yourself in my eyes. MIGHT. Mustang may like you, but I'm not convinced until I see some love towards your brother, so SUCK IT UP and HUG IT OUT
*waves Van Hohenheim foam finger*
#8: Alphonse turned his leg into a FREAKING SWORD. WHY IS THIS GUY NOT REAL.
That's right General, you were just saved with the power of ~*~brotherly love~*~
*happy dance at the death of Kimblee…that sounds disturbing but I don't care!!*
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA YOKI DID SOMETHING
GODDAMMIT PRIDE YOU DID IT AGAIN. YOU RUINED EVERYTHING. YOU RUINED ALL OF MY HAPPINESS. *incomprehensible raeging*
…Wow. The zombies actually saved the day.
#9: Okay I wrote a huuuuuge amount (of mostly keysmashes) about chapters 94 and 95, but Facebook deleted it. So! I am just going to say this:
Mustang: What's the meaning of this, Lieutenant? Who do you think you're aiming at?
Hawkeye: Excuse me? You're joking, right? When we're alone, the Colonel always calls me 'Riza'.
Envy: Shit. You two are togethe--
Hawkeye: Just kidding.
Envy: Crap.
Hawkeye: Well, thanks for falling for it. Now do me another favor and die.
I cannot coherently express my feelings in words. If I did, I think they would sound like, "RIZA HAWKEYE RIZA HAWKEYE RIZA HAWKEYE"
#10: NONONONONONONO NOT FALMAN NO PLEASE NO YESYESYESYESYES I'M SO HAPPY TO SEE YOU GREED YES
agsfjhgaskhgfjasgfhgsjkhgfkjhsgdfkjhagshdgfsdhgfjahgsdkf
*biting nails*
THE REUTRN OF LAN FAN HO SHIT
(At this point, you will notice that all my reports will have reverted to capslock, keysmashes, and swearing. I am slightly ashamed, but not really, because srs bzns is goin down.)
Maria and Denny!!! d'awwwwwww
There needs to be like, a million shrines dedicated to Housewife Izumi Curtis.
Seriously, Ed is Zuko is another life. They could have big, pointless arguments together!
I MUST CAPTURE THE AVATAR MY BODY
#11: BRADLEY YOU SON OF A BIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITCH
DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE /Nostalgia Critic voice
*pulls out hair* SUICIDE ATTACKS!!! DON'T YOU DARE PULL A J.K. ROWLING!!! LISTEN TO MUSTANG AND DO. NOT. DIE.
I HAVE HAD IT WITH THESE MOTHERFUCKING PHILOSOPHER'S STONES IN MY MOTHERFUCKING RESEARCH FACILITIES
"What is happening?!" I too would like to know, background text.
OH MY GOD BRADLEY DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIE
I feel like Make A Man Out of You should be Lin's theme. Yes.
DDDDDDDDDDDDD:
Captain Buccaneer adflagsgahgfagygfuag
"What the shit is going on?!" That's what I wanna know too, Ed.
Everyone better not die everyone better not die everyonebetternotdie
(I just finished The Gate is Opened. My heart rate has skyrocketed.)
If May Chang were here, right now, I would waste no time in hugging her like she has never been hugged before or will ever be hugged in the future lsjdfgjhasdfkhgakjhdfgkahjsdgfkjhagdskfjhgaksjhdfgkajhsgdfkhjas
um…WHAT THE FUUUUUUUUUUUUCK
God…is a giant eye?
I AM WTFING OUT HERE
OKAY FINISHED 104
FUCKING FUCK
LSDGFAJSHDGKF
ASKDJFASDGFJKA
AKJSD
RIZA YOU ARE ALIIIIIIVE!?!?!?!?!
I DON'T HOW, BUT WHO CARES
ILUUUUUU
okay that makes a small speck of sense in this wtfery
Van Hohenheim you BAMF
EVERYONE LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVES
LAJHSDGLJFHAGSDLFIASILAFBVLJSCLXVJA;SJDHAKSDBFLJASDHJASHDLVBSDJGVALSJDGVLJADGVLAGSLVJASLJDVGAJHSGVLJAHSGDFJHAGDKFJHGASKDJHF
YESSSSS <3333
BAD
ASS
THE END!
Shelby was actually back for my reax to 104 and onward, so she got to laugh at me in real time. I'd just like to share with you how I greeted her upon her return:
schellibie hey hahahahaa
heyyoitsmj I hate you
***WARNING: SPOILERS LURK IN THE THOUSANDS***
BEGIN:
FMA update #1 (yeah there will be a lot of these)
CHAPTER FORTY BB
if Colonel Mustang dies at the end of this series I will cry myself to sleep for days
Ed and Winry have to get married immediately
I have declared my undying love for 1st Lieutenant Hawkeye
I was actually kind of sad when Barry died. there are so many things wrong with this
FMA update #2: MARIA ROSS LIVES!!!1!11!!!!!1 COLONEL I KNEW I LOVED YOU FOR A REASON
FMA update #3: ED LOVES WINRY ED LOVES WINRY ED LOVES WINRY AND I LOVE LT. HAWKEYE FOR POINTING IT OUT SO BLANTANTLY
pfffffffft Colonel everyone thinks you're a womanizer but all your women are valuable informants, you card!
I love how Winry is learning mechanics from a drag queen. HEY MISS AUTHOR DUDE WHY ARE YOU SO COOL LIKE THAT
Angela was right about inexplicably liking everyone. Olivia Armstrong is a first-class jerk but if she dies I am gonna be so sad D:
Alphonse, you are making excuses because you and May are ~*~meant to be~*~
FMA update #4: HO SHIT. EVERYTHING MAKES SENSE. *flailflailflail*
Kimbley you seriously need to die
you too, Envy
you annoy the crap out of me, you palm-tree headed scumbag
…I really need some fic
FMA update #5: Liiiiiiiiiing! you can do iiiiiiiiit!
LING YOU DID IT OMGOMGOMGOMG HEARTHEART
nuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu
D: D: D: D; D;
pfft Greelin
bwahahaha the entire Armstong family sparkles
A SKILL THEY PASSED ON THROUGH GENERATIONS, NO DOUBT
asjdhfgahsgdfjhgaks I hate you so much General
you are a MEAN SISTER
you are like Azula, but blond
with a sword
…General Grumman, you freak me out a little
please cut to Lt. Hawkeye now, thanks
no, you put YOUR gun down first!!
Ed got TALL?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? *fears apocalypse*
DAMN IT GLUTTONY STAY OUT OF THE PLOT
General Grumman YOU ASSHOLE
FMA update #6: Selim you little shit if you were a piece of paper you'd be under my boot arghargharghrageragerage
And Mustang needs a badass team name for his badass team
Your message could not be sent. You cannot send any more offline messages.
PAUSE
At this point, reax had become a hobby that I could not break. I had to resort to desperate, real life measures. Like Facebook.
RESUME
Subject: IM won't let me send any more offline messages. Yeaaaaaah…
CONTINUING WHERE I LEFT OFF:
#7: HOLY SHIT ZOMBIE ARMY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
KIMBLEE YOU ARE STILL NOT DEAD. YOU ARE REALLY, REALLY, ***REALLY*** PISSING ME OFF BY NOT BEING DEAD
I am going to my happy place now, because everything is falling to shit. Specifically, my happy place is the pages in which Havoc makes a full recovery and stocks his BFF Mustang with every possibly weapon he can deal from his family's GENERAL STORE. Those were good times *sniff*
Oh my god I hate you Selim I hate you Selim IhateyouSelimIhateyouSelimIhateyouSelimIhateyouSelimIhateyouSelim /mantra
Envy's back. Good. Now May can kick his ass.
Major General you just might redeem yourself in my eyes. MIGHT. Mustang may like you, but I'm not convinced until I see some love towards your brother, so SUCK IT UP and HUG IT OUT
*waves Van Hohenheim foam finger*
#8: Alphonse turned his leg into a FREAKING SWORD. WHY IS THIS GUY NOT REAL.
That's right General, you were just saved with the power of ~*~brotherly love~*~
*happy dance at the death of Kimblee…that sounds disturbing but I don't care!!*
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA YOKI DID SOMETHING
GODDAMMIT PRIDE YOU DID IT AGAIN. YOU RUINED EVERYTHING. YOU RUINED ALL OF MY HAPPINESS. *incomprehensible raeging*
…Wow. The zombies actually saved the day.
#9: Okay I wrote a huuuuuge amount (of mostly keysmashes) about chapters 94 and 95, but Facebook deleted it. So! I am just going to say this:
Mustang: What's the meaning of this, Lieutenant? Who do you think you're aiming at?
Hawkeye: Excuse me? You're joking, right? When we're alone, the Colonel always calls me 'Riza'.
Envy: Shit. You two are togethe--
Hawkeye: Just kidding.
Envy: Crap.
Hawkeye: Well, thanks for falling for it. Now do me another favor and die.
I cannot coherently express my feelings in words. If I did, I think they would sound like, "RIZA HAWKEYE RIZA HAWKEYE RIZA HAWKEYE"
#10: NONONONONONONO NOT FALMAN NO PLEASE NO YESYESYESYESYES I'M SO HAPPY TO SEE YOU GREED YES
agsfjhgaskhgfjasgfhgsjkhgfkjhsgdfkjhagshdgfsdhgfjahgsdkf
*biting nails*
THE REUTRN OF LAN FAN HO SHIT
(At this point, you will notice that all my reports will have reverted to capslock, keysmashes, and swearing. I am slightly ashamed, but not really, because srs bzns is goin down.)
Maria and Denny!!! d'awwwwwww
There needs to be like, a million shrines dedicated to Housewife Izumi Curtis.
Seriously, Ed is Zuko is another life. They could have big, pointless arguments together!
I MUST CAPTURE THE AVATAR MY BODY
#11: BRADLEY YOU SON OF A BIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITCH
DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE /Nostalgia Critic voice
*pulls out hair* SUICIDE ATTACKS!!! DON'T YOU DARE PULL A J.K. ROWLING!!! LISTEN TO MUSTANG AND DO. NOT. DIE.
I HAVE HAD IT WITH THESE MOTHERFUCKING PHILOSOPHER'S STONES IN MY MOTHERFUCKING RESEARCH FACILITIES
"What is happening?!" I too would like to know, background text.
OH MY GOD BRADLEY DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIE
I feel like Make A Man Out of You should be Lin's theme. Yes.
DDDDDDDDDDDDD:
Captain Buccaneer adflagsgahgfagygfuag
"What the shit is going on?!" That's what I wanna know too, Ed.
Everyone better not die everyone better not die everyonebetternotdie
(I just finished The Gate is Opened. My heart rate has skyrocketed.)
If May Chang were here, right now, I would waste no time in hugging her like she has never been hugged before or will ever be hugged in the future lsjdfgjhasdfkhgakjhdfgkahjsdgfkjhagdskfjhgaksjhdfgkajhsgdfkhjas
um…WHAT THE FUUUUUUUUUUUUCK
God…is a giant eye?
I AM WTFING OUT HERE
OKAY FINISHED 104
FUCKING FUCK
LSDGFAJSHDGKF
ASKDJFASDGFJKA
AKJSD
RIZA YOU ARE ALIIIIIIVE!?!?!?!?!
I DON'T HOW, BUT WHO CARES
ILUUUUUU
okay that makes a small speck of sense in this wtfery
Van Hohenheim you BAMF
EVERYONE LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVES
LAJHSDGLJFHAGSDLFIASILAFBVLJSCLXVJA;SJDHAKSDBFLJASDHJASHDLVBSDJGVALSJDGVLJADGVLAGSLVJASLJDVGAJHSGVLJAHSGDFJHAGDKFJHGASKDJHF
YESSSSS <3333
BAD
ASS
THE END!
Shelby was actually back for my reax to 104 and onward, so she got to laugh at me in real time. I'd just like to share with you how I greeted her upon her return:
schellibie hey hahahahaa
heyyoitsmj I hate you