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I always never felt like I was meant to be here. I hate this feeling. I feel as if I have no-one and it hurts so much. I mean I talk to people and they say they've never met anyone like me and I'm worth living..but the way I feel it's so hard to get those thoughts away. Iwish I could meet just that one person who will make me feel good. I've lost
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you were meant to be here, you just weren't meant to be this way.
you're a very special person. I think the most remarkable thing about you is the fact that even while you do have these problems with drugs, you still keep yourself together. you have a job, you're not failing miserably at school, and you're volunteering at a hospital. you do all these things and at the same time you're having withdrawal symptoms.
it says that you can depend on yourself, not on other people to make you feel good. some people you can't trust, you can't rely on, you can't count on to make you happy. they'll help a little bit, but they have their own lives too and not a lot of them will be willing to devote their entire lives to making you happy. it's like.. becoming a nun. and if you do find that person you can count on.. well, what are you going to do when they're not around? so that person you wish you could meet who will make you feel good? that would be you.
I think going to israel would be a good idea. I also think that rehab would be good too, even if you think it will make you worse. I doubt it will make you worse. it's going to make you feel bad at first because of withdrawal symptoms but after that, you will have resolved this problem, this really big problem that can become an even bigger problem later on.
my parents put in a place last year too, although not for drugs. it was like a vacation, but from everything. I didn't have to deal with anything. it gives you a chance to really focus on your problems, because it's really hard to work out your problems and deal with everything else in your life at the same time. too many things going on at once. and it wasn't bad for me, it was a very life-changing experience. I didn't even want to come home but they kicked me out anyway because I was better and didn't belong there. :\
I wouldn't expect you to agree to rehab, because I wouldn't have agreed to something like that either back when I was bad dani. but going to israel would be a good alternative. it's alright to get away from it all for a summer, as long as you're not going to keep running away from it forever. and life really is too short to waste it pegged down by drugs and feeling lonely.
wow, okay. that's the most I've ever said to you ever. I feel like a motivational speaker. and a dork. i bet everyone's gonna be all.. what a loser. oh well.
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you think im a special person, but i guess i just need my time in order to feel that way about myself. i guess you're right about me pulling myself together and still managing to work, volunteer and go to school. trust me it's hard..but i still do it.
im not trying to depend on other people for helping me with my problems..i just wish that someone can be there for me. i've been there for people in their times of need and i someone now too. =\ i guess for right now though i need to deal with things by myself. =\
israel..well i hope to convince my mom that i can go there over the summer. my dad thinks its a good idea since he's from that country but my mom thinks ill get bombed. lol =o) however..rehab i will NOT do. ever. i need to stick to school ,volunteering and my job for money and that will only get in the way. seriously..
thank you so much for your input dani, ;) i can't wait to see you at school. maybe we can have lunch together and talk one day =)
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