(no subject)
I always never felt like I was meant to be here. I hate this feeling. I feel as if I have no-one and it hurts so much. I mean I talk to people and they say they've never met anyone like me and I'm worth living..but the way I feel it's so hard to get those thoughts away. Iwish I could meet just that one person who will make me feel good. I've lost so many people in the past and I don't know who to trust anymore. I might be going to Israel this summer (maybe with my dad..but hopefully I'll go alone).. People tell me that getting away won't do anything but I still have hope. I want to experience new things, meet new people go to exotic places. Life is too short.
These past few nights have been horrible. Words cannot even explain how bad I've been feeling. I almost died and scared my parents to death I don't know what to do anymore. My mom and I had a serious talk and she wanted to send me to a rehabilitation center. I told her it would make me worse..because it WILL! Withdrawl symptoms suck ass and I hate going through it. I've actually been going through them right now for the past few months and it has not been easy. I try to get my mind off things by doing these drugs but of course they don't work. I know so many people who've come in and out of jail and says it's the worse place ever. I don't want to end up like that. A crackhead or whatnot. People might think it's "cool" to do things like smoke and crap but it's really not. I never thought it was "cool"...I did it for other reasons. I was trying to kill myself slowly and I've always failed. God wants me here for some odd reason and he won't let me go. Maybe I really do have things to offer in this world..but right now I'm not feeling it. I need to save up money from my work..I volunteer at a hospital so that is good on my resume` for college and then I have to get up my grades @ school. I'm honestly just not feeling school right now. It's so boring with my classes. I'm just making it and I'm not even trying. =\
I stayed home from school today to read and catch up on some work from school. I can't even concentrate. My mom is coming home soon and I'm hoping we can have a talk =) She is the only one I have right now and I'm so grateful for having an understanding mother like her. I don't know where i would be without that woman. =\ I need to get my cell phone back soI'm going to the police station later to file a report because the other one I did didn't go through. =\ My insurance on my phone sucks ass. If anyone has a EXTRA Metro PCS phone they want to sell let me know ASAP..But as of now I'm off to rest and wait for my mom to come home. I want to go out to eat <333 =]
These past few nights have been horrible. Words cannot even explain how bad I've been feeling. I almost died and scared my parents to death I don't know what to do anymore. My mom and I had a serious talk and she wanted to send me to a rehabilitation center. I told her it would make me worse..because it WILL! Withdrawl symptoms suck ass and I hate going through it. I've actually been going through them right now for the past few months and it has not been easy. I try to get my mind off things by doing these drugs but of course they don't work. I know so many people who've come in and out of jail and says it's the worse place ever. I don't want to end up like that. A crackhead or whatnot. People might think it's "cool" to do things like smoke and crap but it's really not. I never thought it was "cool"...I did it for other reasons. I was trying to kill myself slowly and I've always failed. God wants me here for some odd reason and he won't let me go. Maybe I really do have things to offer in this world..but right now I'm not feeling it. I need to save up money from my work..I volunteer at a hospital so that is good on my resume` for college and then I have to get up my grades @ school. I'm honestly just not feeling school right now. It's so boring with my classes. I'm just making it and I'm not even trying. =\
I stayed home from school today to read and catch up on some work from school. I can't even concentrate. My mom is coming home soon and I'm hoping we can have a talk =) She is the only one I have right now and I'm so grateful for having an understanding mother like her. I don't know where i would be without that woman. =\ I need to get my cell phone back soI'm going to the police station later to file a report because the other one I did didn't go through. =\ My insurance on my phone sucks ass. If anyone has a EXTRA Metro PCS phone they want to sell let me know ASAP..But as of now I'm off to rest and wait for my mom to come home. I want to go out to eat <333 =]