好奇心の川 (curious river) pt. 2 (akb48, yamamoto/kawaei)
好奇心の川 (curious river) part two
group: akb48
pairing: yamamoto/kawaei
length: ~4700w
part two
The next day, Rina doesn’t leave her room. Her mother comes to check on her once in a while because she’s worried that she hasn’t seen her daughter leave not even to go to the bathroom or eat; she doesn’t ask her anything besides a simple “what’s wrong, darling”, but she never gets an answer so she quickly realizes that her daughter isn’t willing to talk.
Truth to be told, Rina wants to talk. She wants to tell her mum about what’s been going on; about the storm inside her and the flood of questions, doubts and worries in her head but she knows that she can’t do that. She doesn’t think that her mother would be unsupportive… but she doesn’t want to take the risk.
The only thing she tells her mum is that in case Sayaka was looking for her, she’s not at home. Her mother doesn’t really understand, considering how the two girls have been basically inseparable in the past weeks but she doesn’t question it either. Rina is grateful for that.
Sayaka keeps sending her messages everywhere but Rina doesn’t reply to any of them. She says things like “please, forgive me”, “don’t let this stand between our friendship”, “I really miss you”, “Rina please think about it”, and all of them hurt. They hurt because Rina wants to believe them and she wants to forgive Sayaka (although it’s not like there should be anything to forgive her for) and she misses her too, so damn much.
As she lays in the bed, she keeps asking herself the same questions as if repeating them as many times as possible will sooner or later naturally generate an answer. Would this really be wrong? To just go with the flow and try? To admit to Sayaka that she likes her back and then be happy? Just young teenagers exploring and gaining experience. Would that really be a bad thing?
Rina has never really had much of an opinion on homosexuals. She hasn’t been raised to support them; but neither has she been taught to think of them as anything less than normal either. It’s probably the general opinion on the matter that causes Rina to have all these conflicting thoughts and of course, it’s not like she’s been living with closed eyes so far. She sees things. She sees that there are many people who don’t support same-sex relationships and "only" not supporting is usually the better situation.
But what does she think about the whole thing? Should she care about others’ opinion? What if they kept it a secret? No one would ever know. They could do whatever they wanted, spend time together in public as friends and then let things unfold behind closed doors.
That sounds a lot like what Rina desires, she realizes.
*
It takes another few hours for Rina to finally go back to her senses. Not to mention that her mother has grown somewhat tired of her daughter not doing the house chores she’s supposed to so at some point, she storms into Rina’s room to tell her that if she doesn’t lifts her ass up and starts doing some work around the house soon (by soon meaning five minutes), then she will throw her out of the house.
Sure enough, that does the job and Rina’s out of her room before her mother could even finish the sentence.
And she has to admit, actually doing something instead of just lazing around and letting her thoughts roam free helps to take her mind off of things. She washes the dishes, hangs the dry clothes on the rack and vacuums the floor without giving a single thought to Sayaka and what happened a day ago and it feels extremely nice.
Taking out the garbage is her next task and it takes a while to empty all the trash cans in the house. She takes her time; Neon keeps her company meanwhile and there’s no rush for her, not really, considering there isn’t anything she has to do now that it’s summer and that is surprisingly comforting to know.
But Rina should’ve known better than to take the comfort for granted.
When she turns around after having thrown the garbage sacks into the huge bin in the far end of the back garden, she almost literally bumps into Sayaka. Rina is so surprised that her eyes widen in shock and her lips part slightly as she stares at the girl in front of her.
Neither of them says a word for a few seconds. Rina’s having an inner battle: to leave or to stay.
(It’s not like that would truly be a matter of question, though.)
“Can we talk?” Sayaka asks, her teeth sinking into her bottom lip.
“Aren’t we already?” She has no intentions of being cold; yet her voice is emotionless, rigid.
Sayaka notices that, too and the hurt in her eyes brings an ounce of guilt.
“Look, Ricchan. I miss you, okay? You’re my only friend around here. Please don’t do this to me.” She pauses for a brief second. “I’m not going to try not to feel about you how I do… but I won’t mention it anymore, if you don’t want it. If that is really what you want then I’ll keep my mouth shut and I sure as hell won’t let that get in the way of our marvelous friendship.” She allows a small smile. “How does that sound?”
Honestly, it sounds bullshit.
After hearing that from Sayaka, she realizes how much she does not want that. Only friendship and nothing more. To live on with the thought that everytime Sayaka looks at her she thinks of something more than just a simple best friend.
Which applies to Rina the other way around, too. Why the hell did she ever think that she would be able to fake something so untrue?
Seriously, what does it matter what’s considered normal in this world? It’s not like they would be getting married the next day. They’re still very young, after all. Their entire lives are ahead of them. They are allowed to be reckless, no? They are expected of nothing less at such an age.
But that isn’t really what prompts Rina to take a step closer to Sayaka. It’s not the look in the girl’s eyes, that endless pool of hope and that almost-begging demeanor. It’s not the sudden burst of courage that just can’t allow her to keep things in the state they are.
It’s her beautiful ebony hair that she wants to roam her fingers through. It’s that pair of enthralling dark eyes she wants to lock her own with while cupping her face with both of her hands. It’s those coral, inviting lips she wants to kiss just so, so badly.
It’s the fact that she likes Yamamoto Sayaka which prompts her to lean in and kiss her.
She feels Sayaka’s body tense but it doesn’t take her much to loosen up and kiss Rina back. This time, it’s a real kiss; no small peck on the lips and it’s Rina’s first.
And it feels so damn right in that moment that she wonders why she’s ever even had any doubts.
Then the kiss is interrupted by Sayaka’s chuckle that soon transforms into a carefree, happy laughter, and Rina stares at her in confusion.
“What?”
Sayaka just shakes her head, still chuckling. “That was your first kiss, right?”
Rina flushes with embarrassment and she doesn’t reply, but Sayaka doesn’t need her to.
“I’m sorry, Ricchan. I’m just playing around with you. Hey,” she wraps her arms around the other, giving her a tight squeeze, “I’m so happy. Does this mean I can call you girlfriend from now on?”
Rina pulls away, shaking her head. “Uh, let’s not. Our parents…”
“Again, I was joking. I know. Guess we have to stay incognito,” Sayaka pouts, her eyes sparkling with excitement. “Woah, I’ve always wanted a forbidden relationship! This is so cool!”
Rina honestly doesn’t know what to say to that so instead, she just smiles.
“Hey, by the way,” Sayaka chirps, one hand reaching for Rina’s and she laces their fingers together, “I just heard that your mum invited us over for dinner tomorrow. It’s kinda weird, don’t you think so? That your mother took so much time to give us a welcome dinner and she ends up doing it right after… well, you know, yesterday.”
Rina seems bummed. “My mum did what?”
“She didn’t tell you?” Sayaka blinks, just as surprised. “Oh man, it might have been a surprise. I ruined it. Ouch.”
“I wonder why she didn’t…” Rina ponders loudly, chewing on her bottom lip in thought.
Sayaka shrugs. “Well, it doesn’t really matter now, does it? Now that you kissed me I’m pretty sure you’re not mad at me so we don’t have to spend the dinner as two totally awkward potatoes.”
Rina laughs. “Certainly.” Then she sighs. “Anyway, I need to go back. My mum will turn into a fire-breathing dragon if I don’t go back soon and finish the other chores.”
Sayaka nods. “Gotcha. See you tonight!”
“What…” Rina starts but Sayaka laughs and disappears before she could finish the question.
*
The sudden knock nearly scares Rina to death.
She turns around in her bed towards the window where the knock came from, only to see the outlines of someone dangerously resembling a certain girl waving excitedly.
Rina curls her lips into a small smile. So this is what she meant by ‘see you tonight’.
She kicks the blanket off but takes her time getting out of bed. She makes sure that she’s looking at Sayaka (not necessarily in the eye because it’s still too dark to properly take out her features) and that she realizes just how slow she’s moving (intentionally) as a way to play around.
When Rina hears an impatient groan, she chuckles quietly and finally jumps to the window, opening it wide.
“Hello, there.”
“I almost believed you would never get here,” Sayaka whispers, her lips forming a small pout. “Quickly, come out!”
“What?”
“Just come! I brought a blanket and some cookies. I’ll eat it all if you don’t come out soon.”
Rina still isn’t sure what Sayaka’s planning but of course she’s out the window right after Sayaka finishes speaking.
The raven then takes her hand, holding onto it tightly as if she was afraid that if she lets go, Rina just disappears. The brunette lets her lead but they don’t go far; Sayaka brings her to the back garden (far away enough from the trash bins, thank god) and then hands the bag full of cookies to Rina so she could put the blanket down on the grass. Rina watches her every movement and she quietly thanks the moon for being in the full moon phase this evening.
Then Sayaka sits down and grabs Rina’s hand to pull her along and the brunette complies. The raven leans back, letting her body drop on the blanket and she lets out a sigh as she stares up.
Rina stares at her for way longer than she should and Sayaka realizes that before she would.
“Are you just going to sit there?”
Rina blinks, shaking her head as she snaps out of the distraction Sayaka had caused with her simple existence and then positions herself down next to the other.
Far back in time, when she was just a small child, Rina used to love watching the night sky. She would come out of the house to the garden with her father and either lie in the grass or sit in the swing with him pushing her back and forth and just look at the stars. He also used to tell her all about the constellations, their names, where they usually are, what they mean and many other things she no longer remembers.
She can no longer understand the stars (though she wonders if she had ever, truly), but she’s still mesmerized by the night sky. It’s amazing how something that was once of such a beautiful blue hue could transform into a vast carpet of jet-black just like that. A canopy of luminous stars now amongst the ocean of blackness; some of them dull, barely flickering into existence every now and then. But there are also an amount of brightly shimmering stars to lighten the darkness of the sky - these kinds of stars Rina likes much more. The brighter they are, the happier they make her.
“You’re a total romantic, aren’t you?” Rina whispers and Sayaka chuckles, rolling on her side to face her.
“Well, gotta seduce you somehow,” she says and Rina rolls her eyes.
Sayaka reaches out, her finger brushing against Rina’s arm and the brunette shivers. It’s a good type of shiver, similar to what she had felt on the tree a few days ago. She bites on her lower lip as Sayaka slowly pulls her finger across her skin; intertwining their fingers once she reaches Rina’s hand. Rina takes a deep breath, feeling herself blush and she’s thankful that it’s probably too dark for the other to see.
She then rolls on her side as well, facing Sayaka and she’s welcomed by a wide, happy grin across the raven’s face. Rina frowns a little, the corner of her lips curving upwards.
“Why are you grinning?”
She shrugs. “Not sure. Must be your charms doing this to me.” She puckers up her lips into a pout, staring into Rina’s eyes piercingly. “Has anyone ever told you how cute you are?”
Rina blushes again. “Yes.” Then when Sayaka looks surprised (probably because she wasn’t expecting this answer), Rina giggles a little. “My mum tells me everyday.”
Sayaka laughs. “Oh, good, okay. Your mum can do that. You scared me there for a moment.”
“Why, you think it’s only you who can call me cute?”
“Yes,” Sayaka says, her voice dead serious.
“Why?”
“Because you’re mine.” She says that with such certainty and confidence that Rina has to look away.
There’s a brief silence between them which Sayaka spends mostly fidgeting with Rina’s fingers. There’s barely any sound but their own breathing and a dog or two barking in the distance.
“Can we sleep outside?”
Rina looks at her, pressing her lips against each other. “I don’t think we should.”
Sayaka sighs. “I don’t want to go back inside.”
“Come on, I’ll be here tomorrow, too.” Rina chuckles, poking the raven’s nose playfully. “You could ask your parents to stay at my place tomorrow.”
Sayaka’s eyes light up. “Really! You’re a genius, Kawaei Rina.”
Rina rolls her eyes. “If that made anyone a genius, everyone would possess a Noble Prize.”
The raven giggles and then sits up, making sure not to let go of Rina’s hand. “Alright. Let’s go back before we end up falling asleep and getting in trouble.”
“Wow, the fearless Yamamoto Sayaka doesn’t want to get in trouble? That’s new,” Rina teases and even she is surprised at how easily those words came out. Sayaka shoots her a look, lips puckered up in a huffish way. She hesitates; then leans down and presses her lips against Rina’s, softly, only for a few seconds and Rina’s blood boils.
“You can keep the cookies,” Sayaka says as they both stand up and she starts gathering her stuff, handing the bag over to Rina. “See you at dinner.” Then she smiles a little, and in a quiet voice she adds, “Girlfriend.”
Rina smiles, too; she drops her gaze to the ground, sheepishly, and by the time she looks up again, Sayaka’s gone.
*
“Why didn’t you tell me that you invited Sayaka and her family over for dinner?”
Rina’s mum turns around, a slight frown appearing on her forehead. “Ah, sorry darling. You were just so down and it seemed like you and Sayaka had fought and weren’t on good terms so I wanted to wait and see if the grudge carries over to today. It’s good to see it didn’t.”
Rina cocks an eyebrow, and her mum smiles.
“You made up, didn’t you?”
Rina just nods.
“I’m glad to hear that,” mum says and runs her fingers through her daughter’s hair. “I’m really happy that you found a friend like her. She seems to have a good influence on you.”
“What do you mean?” Rina asks with a frown as she chews on the piece of cheese she’s eating.
“I’ve seen you with her and you’re always so happy. You can’t imagine how amazing it is to see your daughter as happy as you usually are around her,” she smiles a little, kissing the top of Rina’s head. “Especially after your dad left.”
Rina doesn’t really want to go there.
Her mother probably notices because she suddenly shrugs. “Anyway. I’m glad you girls figured it out. Mind telling me what happened?”
“Not now, mum, sorry,” Rina smiles a little, “but I will later.”
Her mum just nods, returning the smile. “Alright, honey. You should go and look for your pretty dress for tonight.”
Rina stops chewing and frowns, looking confused. “Why?”
“Well, don’t you want to look extremely gorgeous for Sayaka and her parents?” she asks and for a brief second, Rina thinks that she knows.
But of course, that can’t be.
“Uh, well… I guess…” she says hesitantly but then nods. “Okay. I’ll go look for that dress.”
“Lovely.”
“Oh and mum,” Rina says as she jumps off the kitchen bar stool, “please try not to burn the food.”
Her mum just gives her a laid-back smile.
*
When the door bell rings, she’s still not quite sure if she’s ready enough. She’s standing in front of her mirror, looking at the coral, sleeveless dress with a belt around the waist, something she got from her father for her fifteenth birthday; just a month before he left. She really likes the dress, she always has, but she’s never really thought of any good reason to wear it so this is the first time she actually does.
She’s put her hair in a half updo and even curled the ends a little and honestly, she’s very satisfied with the result; but she’s still not sure whether it was worth putting so much effort in her looks. What will Sayaka’s parents think? They surely won’t think that she had dressed up so prettily for Sayaka.
And there’s that annoying uncertainty and hesitation again, gnawing at Rina’s mind and she bites her lower lip, not wanting to go downstairs when her mother calls for her. The more she stares at her reflection, the less sure she feels about this whole thing and she just wants to-
“Ya, what’s taking so lo-“, a familiar voice speaks and then dies abruptly and Rina quickly turns around to see a very surprised Sayaka in her door.
And man, Rina can’t help but chuckle at the sight.
“What is it?” she asks, stepping closer to Sayaka. “Do you not like it?” She obviously means her looks but Sayaka only blinks.
Then she shoots Rina a playful smile. “Oh, I do like it. A lot. You’re very pretty, Ricchan.”
Rina blushes lightly and smiles. “Thank you.” Then she allows her eyes to wonder up and down Sayaka’s body, who’s wearing a similar dress to the one she wore when she first saw her, but this one is dark red instead of yellow and not sleeveless, like the other. Her black locks are curled in the same manner as her own hair, but instead of having half of them tied up, she let them loose this time.
And she looks very, very beautiful.
“Are you ever gonna stop staring and come out?” Sayaka asks and Rina nods quickly.
“Yeah. Yeah, sorry,” she says and then she follows Sayaka to the hall where her mum and the girl’s parents are already waiting for her.
Rina puts on a sheepish, somewhat apologetic smile and bows her head a little. “I’m sorry for making you wait, Mr. and Mrs. Yamamoto.”
The two give her a small smile and Sayaka’s mum shakes her head. “It’s fine, Rina. Your mother has kept us well-entertained while you were getting ready.” She takes a step closer to the girl and offers her hand and Rina gives it a confident shake. At least she hopes it was a confident one. Then she does the same thing to Sayaka’s dad and after that, they all walk over to the dining room.
Sayaka immediately claims the seat next to Rina while the raven’s parents sit across the table and Rina’s mum at the head. The brunette’s mum surely makes sure to keep the guests entertained; she doesn’t stop talking until she’s headed to the kitchen to bring out the first meal and that’s when Sayaka’s parents avert their attention to Rina, something the girl was hoping for not happening until a while later.
Surely, not all wishes can be granted.
“So, Rina, what did your grades look like at the end of the semester?” Mrs. Yamamoto asks, a small smile gracing her lips.
“I finished with A’s and A+’s except for Physics,” she says, trying not to sound too proud but she can’t help it.
“What grade did you have in Physics?”
“A B,” she says and both parents nod approvingly.
“That’s very nice,” Mr. Yamamoto says, stealing a glance at Sayaka who avoids her parents’ eyes, “not like a certain someone.”
“Can we not talk about school?” Sayaka whines. “It’s summer holiday for a reason.”
“Alright, alright, missy, no need to get all worked up,” Mrs. Yamamoto says in a lighter tone and Rina bites her lip to prevent it from curving into a smile. She looks at Sayaka who still seems a bit irritated so Rina pokes her with her shoulder. The raven raises her gaze and returns the other’s smile.
Then Rina’s mum arrives with the first dish, miso soup based on her father’s recipe and from then on, the host feels it her duty to keep the parents good company. Sayaka’s parents don’t ask anything else but rather focus on having a good chat with Rina’s mum and both of the girls are grateful. Rina’s heart calms a little after tasting the soup and claiming that it’s not bad at all; her mother isn’t exactly the typical kitchen fairy most mums are which is another reason why they don’t invite guests over too often.
Rina finishes the soup first and then she just sits there, trying not to stare too long at anyone at the table. She feels a tiny bit uncomfortable; the fact that Sayaka is so close to her and yet they can’t really talk, especially not about things they would under other circumstances is rather upsetting.
And then, as if she could read her mind, Sayaka slips her hand into hers, just like that, under the table and away from everyone’s eyes. She brushes her fingers against Rina’s palm and this small gesture feels so intimate that Rina is sure her face has the color of a tomato and she has to drop her gaze.
She hears the quiet chuckle of Sayaka next to her which just causes Rina to blush even more but the raven doesn’t let go of her hand. Instead, she keeps fidgeting with her fingers just like how she did last night and then she squeezes them, letting go right before Rina’s mum stands up to go and get the second meal.
The dinner is a success and when Sayaka’s parents announce it’s time for them to leave (it’s about 10pm, Rina states with surprise), Rina’s having conflicted feels. She enjoys the feeling of success, because the dinner was indeed one; she’s happy that she doesn’t have to pretend that Sayaka is no more than a really good friend but she doesn’t want her to leave. She wishes she could stay, but Sayaka hasn’t said anything about wanting to stay here so Rina guesses it’s not going to happen.
Honestly, it does relax her a little. Because truthfully, Rina’s afraid of what would happen if they spent the night together. Even just thinking of that causes a rush of heat inside her body, something she’s never really felt before and she doesn’t know whether to welcome the feeling or fear it.
When they’re already in the garden, Sayaka asks for a few more minutes to stay and talk with Rina before going home. Her parents agree and leave the two girls there alone and Sayaka turns to the brunette with a huge smile on her face.
“Today was great, wasn’t it? Seems like our parents got along very well!” she says happily, reaching for both of Rina’s hands and squeezing them. The gesture startles Rina and she almost pulls away; but then she realizes that hand-holding between girls is totally normal, especially between close friends.
“It seems so,” Rina agrees in a quiet and hesitant voice that makes Sayaka frown.
“Is something wrong?” she tilts her head, glancing at Rina curiously. The brunette bites her lip and then shakes her head.
“No. I just really don’t want you to go.”
Sayaka shoots her a charming smile. “You are literally the cutest.” And then she leans in and kisses her.
There’s a sudden red alarm starting up in Rina’s head screaming that you’re way too close to your own houses and to your parents don’t do it don’ t do it, but Sayaka’s lips feel so soft and warm against hers that she can’t pull away. She closes her eyes and kisses her back, still a bit hesitantly and clumsily, but there surely isn’t a lack of passion in it.
“What the hell are you two doing?!”
The girls separate so quickly that Rina almost falls over. There’s fear rushing through her body as she looks up to see Sayaka’s father standing on their porch with a look on his face that most resembles an utterly disgusted one. Rina’s cheeks are burning as she points her gaze down, hearing the father’s footsteps approaching.
“What the hell does this mean, Sayaka?” he demands and Rina has no idea how Sayaka reacts because she’s way too scared to look up.
“Explain me why you were kissing another girl? Like right now?” he speaks again, her voice snapping hard but Sayaka doesn’t answer him.
“You’re coming inside, now,” he says then and Rina looks up just in time to see him take Sayaka’s hand and drag her along, back into the house. Sayaka glances back over her shoulder at Rina, but she can’t decipher her expression; unlike her dad’s, who now shoots her a look full of blame.
Then they disappear and Rina quickly turns around to rush back into her own house, desperately hoping not to bump into her mother on the way to her room.
*
Even half an hour later, Rina is still sitting on her bed with her phone in her hands, flipping it over and back, a projection of her anxiety as she’s waiting for something, anything to happen. She didn’t encounter her mother back on the way inside so the first thing she did was storm into her room and lock the door once she was in.
Now, all she can do besides worrying and being afraid is to wait for Sayaka to give her something.
Which arrives in the form of a rushed text message a few minutes later.
from sayaka: Rina, jesus, help me. They want to move. I can’t do that. I can’t just leave you here now that we… you know.
from sayaka: Don’t text me back.
from sayaka: But help.
group: akb48
pairing: yamamoto/kawaei
length: ~4700w
part two
The next day, Rina doesn’t leave her room. Her mother comes to check on her once in a while because she’s worried that she hasn’t seen her daughter leave not even to go to the bathroom or eat; she doesn’t ask her anything besides a simple “what’s wrong, darling”, but she never gets an answer so she quickly realizes that her daughter isn’t willing to talk.
Truth to be told, Rina wants to talk. She wants to tell her mum about what’s been going on; about the storm inside her and the flood of questions, doubts and worries in her head but she knows that she can’t do that. She doesn’t think that her mother would be unsupportive… but she doesn’t want to take the risk.
The only thing she tells her mum is that in case Sayaka was looking for her, she’s not at home. Her mother doesn’t really understand, considering how the two girls have been basically inseparable in the past weeks but she doesn’t question it either. Rina is grateful for that.
Sayaka keeps sending her messages everywhere but Rina doesn’t reply to any of them. She says things like “please, forgive me”, “don’t let this stand between our friendship”, “I really miss you”, “Rina please think about it”, and all of them hurt. They hurt because Rina wants to believe them and she wants to forgive Sayaka (although it’s not like there should be anything to forgive her for) and she misses her too, so damn much.
As she lays in the bed, she keeps asking herself the same questions as if repeating them as many times as possible will sooner or later naturally generate an answer. Would this really be wrong? To just go with the flow and try? To admit to Sayaka that she likes her back and then be happy? Just young teenagers exploring and gaining experience. Would that really be a bad thing?
Rina has never really had much of an opinion on homosexuals. She hasn’t been raised to support them; but neither has she been taught to think of them as anything less than normal either. It’s probably the general opinion on the matter that causes Rina to have all these conflicting thoughts and of course, it’s not like she’s been living with closed eyes so far. She sees things. She sees that there are many people who don’t support same-sex relationships and "only" not supporting is usually the better situation.
But what does she think about the whole thing? Should she care about others’ opinion? What if they kept it a secret? No one would ever know. They could do whatever they wanted, spend time together in public as friends and then let things unfold behind closed doors.
That sounds a lot like what Rina desires, she realizes.
*
It takes another few hours for Rina to finally go back to her senses. Not to mention that her mother has grown somewhat tired of her daughter not doing the house chores she’s supposed to so at some point, she storms into Rina’s room to tell her that if she doesn’t lifts her ass up and starts doing some work around the house soon (by soon meaning five minutes), then she will throw her out of the house.
Sure enough, that does the job and Rina’s out of her room before her mother could even finish the sentence.
And she has to admit, actually doing something instead of just lazing around and letting her thoughts roam free helps to take her mind off of things. She washes the dishes, hangs the dry clothes on the rack and vacuums the floor without giving a single thought to Sayaka and what happened a day ago and it feels extremely nice.
Taking out the garbage is her next task and it takes a while to empty all the trash cans in the house. She takes her time; Neon keeps her company meanwhile and there’s no rush for her, not really, considering there isn’t anything she has to do now that it’s summer and that is surprisingly comforting to know.
But Rina should’ve known better than to take the comfort for granted.
When she turns around after having thrown the garbage sacks into the huge bin in the far end of the back garden, she almost literally bumps into Sayaka. Rina is so surprised that her eyes widen in shock and her lips part slightly as she stares at the girl in front of her.
Neither of them says a word for a few seconds. Rina’s having an inner battle: to leave or to stay.
(It’s not like that would truly be a matter of question, though.)
“Can we talk?” Sayaka asks, her teeth sinking into her bottom lip.
“Aren’t we already?” She has no intentions of being cold; yet her voice is emotionless, rigid.
Sayaka notices that, too and the hurt in her eyes brings an ounce of guilt.
“Look, Ricchan. I miss you, okay? You’re my only friend around here. Please don’t do this to me.” She pauses for a brief second. “I’m not going to try not to feel about you how I do… but I won’t mention it anymore, if you don’t want it. If that is really what you want then I’ll keep my mouth shut and I sure as hell won’t let that get in the way of our marvelous friendship.” She allows a small smile. “How does that sound?”
Honestly, it sounds bullshit.
After hearing that from Sayaka, she realizes how much she does not want that. Only friendship and nothing more. To live on with the thought that everytime Sayaka looks at her she thinks of something more than just a simple best friend.
Which applies to Rina the other way around, too. Why the hell did she ever think that she would be able to fake something so untrue?
Seriously, what does it matter what’s considered normal in this world? It’s not like they would be getting married the next day. They’re still very young, after all. Their entire lives are ahead of them. They are allowed to be reckless, no? They are expected of nothing less at such an age.
But that isn’t really what prompts Rina to take a step closer to Sayaka. It’s not the look in the girl’s eyes, that endless pool of hope and that almost-begging demeanor. It’s not the sudden burst of courage that just can’t allow her to keep things in the state they are.
It’s her beautiful ebony hair that she wants to roam her fingers through. It’s that pair of enthralling dark eyes she wants to lock her own with while cupping her face with both of her hands. It’s those coral, inviting lips she wants to kiss just so, so badly.
It’s the fact that she likes Yamamoto Sayaka which prompts her to lean in and kiss her.
She feels Sayaka’s body tense but it doesn’t take her much to loosen up and kiss Rina back. This time, it’s a real kiss; no small peck on the lips and it’s Rina’s first.
And it feels so damn right in that moment that she wonders why she’s ever even had any doubts.
Then the kiss is interrupted by Sayaka’s chuckle that soon transforms into a carefree, happy laughter, and Rina stares at her in confusion.
“What?”
Sayaka just shakes her head, still chuckling. “That was your first kiss, right?”
Rina flushes with embarrassment and she doesn’t reply, but Sayaka doesn’t need her to.
“I’m sorry, Ricchan. I’m just playing around with you. Hey,” she wraps her arms around the other, giving her a tight squeeze, “I’m so happy. Does this mean I can call you girlfriend from now on?”
Rina pulls away, shaking her head. “Uh, let’s not. Our parents…”
“Again, I was joking. I know. Guess we have to stay incognito,” Sayaka pouts, her eyes sparkling with excitement. “Woah, I’ve always wanted a forbidden relationship! This is so cool!”
Rina honestly doesn’t know what to say to that so instead, she just smiles.
“Hey, by the way,” Sayaka chirps, one hand reaching for Rina’s and she laces their fingers together, “I just heard that your mum invited us over for dinner tomorrow. It’s kinda weird, don’t you think so? That your mother took so much time to give us a welcome dinner and she ends up doing it right after… well, you know, yesterday.”
Rina seems bummed. “My mum did what?”
“She didn’t tell you?” Sayaka blinks, just as surprised. “Oh man, it might have been a surprise. I ruined it. Ouch.”
“I wonder why she didn’t…” Rina ponders loudly, chewing on her bottom lip in thought.
Sayaka shrugs. “Well, it doesn’t really matter now, does it? Now that you kissed me I’m pretty sure you’re not mad at me so we don’t have to spend the dinner as two totally awkward potatoes.”
Rina laughs. “Certainly.” Then she sighs. “Anyway, I need to go back. My mum will turn into a fire-breathing dragon if I don’t go back soon and finish the other chores.”
Sayaka nods. “Gotcha. See you tonight!”
“What…” Rina starts but Sayaka laughs and disappears before she could finish the question.
*
The sudden knock nearly scares Rina to death.
She turns around in her bed towards the window where the knock came from, only to see the outlines of someone dangerously resembling a certain girl waving excitedly.
Rina curls her lips into a small smile. So this is what she meant by ‘see you tonight’.
She kicks the blanket off but takes her time getting out of bed. She makes sure that she’s looking at Sayaka (not necessarily in the eye because it’s still too dark to properly take out her features) and that she realizes just how slow she’s moving (intentionally) as a way to play around.
When Rina hears an impatient groan, she chuckles quietly and finally jumps to the window, opening it wide.
“Hello, there.”
“I almost believed you would never get here,” Sayaka whispers, her lips forming a small pout. “Quickly, come out!”
“What?”
“Just come! I brought a blanket and some cookies. I’ll eat it all if you don’t come out soon.”
Rina still isn’t sure what Sayaka’s planning but of course she’s out the window right after Sayaka finishes speaking.
The raven then takes her hand, holding onto it tightly as if she was afraid that if she lets go, Rina just disappears. The brunette lets her lead but they don’t go far; Sayaka brings her to the back garden (far away enough from the trash bins, thank god) and then hands the bag full of cookies to Rina so she could put the blanket down on the grass. Rina watches her every movement and she quietly thanks the moon for being in the full moon phase this evening.
Then Sayaka sits down and grabs Rina’s hand to pull her along and the brunette complies. The raven leans back, letting her body drop on the blanket and she lets out a sigh as she stares up.
Rina stares at her for way longer than she should and Sayaka realizes that before she would.
“Are you just going to sit there?”
Rina blinks, shaking her head as she snaps out of the distraction Sayaka had caused with her simple existence and then positions herself down next to the other.
Far back in time, when she was just a small child, Rina used to love watching the night sky. She would come out of the house to the garden with her father and either lie in the grass or sit in the swing with him pushing her back and forth and just look at the stars. He also used to tell her all about the constellations, their names, where they usually are, what they mean and many other things she no longer remembers.
She can no longer understand the stars (though she wonders if she had ever, truly), but she’s still mesmerized by the night sky. It’s amazing how something that was once of such a beautiful blue hue could transform into a vast carpet of jet-black just like that. A canopy of luminous stars now amongst the ocean of blackness; some of them dull, barely flickering into existence every now and then. But there are also an amount of brightly shimmering stars to lighten the darkness of the sky - these kinds of stars Rina likes much more. The brighter they are, the happier they make her.
“You’re a total romantic, aren’t you?” Rina whispers and Sayaka chuckles, rolling on her side to face her.
“Well, gotta seduce you somehow,” she says and Rina rolls her eyes.
Sayaka reaches out, her finger brushing against Rina’s arm and the brunette shivers. It’s a good type of shiver, similar to what she had felt on the tree a few days ago. She bites on her lower lip as Sayaka slowly pulls her finger across her skin; intertwining their fingers once she reaches Rina’s hand. Rina takes a deep breath, feeling herself blush and she’s thankful that it’s probably too dark for the other to see.
She then rolls on her side as well, facing Sayaka and she’s welcomed by a wide, happy grin across the raven’s face. Rina frowns a little, the corner of her lips curving upwards.
“Why are you grinning?”
She shrugs. “Not sure. Must be your charms doing this to me.” She puckers up her lips into a pout, staring into Rina’s eyes piercingly. “Has anyone ever told you how cute you are?”
Rina blushes again. “Yes.” Then when Sayaka looks surprised (probably because she wasn’t expecting this answer), Rina giggles a little. “My mum tells me everyday.”
Sayaka laughs. “Oh, good, okay. Your mum can do that. You scared me there for a moment.”
“Why, you think it’s only you who can call me cute?”
“Yes,” Sayaka says, her voice dead serious.
“Why?”
“Because you’re mine.” She says that with such certainty and confidence that Rina has to look away.
There’s a brief silence between them which Sayaka spends mostly fidgeting with Rina’s fingers. There’s barely any sound but their own breathing and a dog or two barking in the distance.
“Can we sleep outside?”
Rina looks at her, pressing her lips against each other. “I don’t think we should.”
Sayaka sighs. “I don’t want to go back inside.”
“Come on, I’ll be here tomorrow, too.” Rina chuckles, poking the raven’s nose playfully. “You could ask your parents to stay at my place tomorrow.”
Sayaka’s eyes light up. “Really! You’re a genius, Kawaei Rina.”
Rina rolls her eyes. “If that made anyone a genius, everyone would possess a Noble Prize.”
The raven giggles and then sits up, making sure not to let go of Rina’s hand. “Alright. Let’s go back before we end up falling asleep and getting in trouble.”
“Wow, the fearless Yamamoto Sayaka doesn’t want to get in trouble? That’s new,” Rina teases and even she is surprised at how easily those words came out. Sayaka shoots her a look, lips puckered up in a huffish way. She hesitates; then leans down and presses her lips against Rina’s, softly, only for a few seconds and Rina’s blood boils.
“You can keep the cookies,” Sayaka says as they both stand up and she starts gathering her stuff, handing the bag over to Rina. “See you at dinner.” Then she smiles a little, and in a quiet voice she adds, “Girlfriend.”
Rina smiles, too; she drops her gaze to the ground, sheepishly, and by the time she looks up again, Sayaka’s gone.
*
“Why didn’t you tell me that you invited Sayaka and her family over for dinner?”
Rina’s mum turns around, a slight frown appearing on her forehead. “Ah, sorry darling. You were just so down and it seemed like you and Sayaka had fought and weren’t on good terms so I wanted to wait and see if the grudge carries over to today. It’s good to see it didn’t.”
Rina cocks an eyebrow, and her mum smiles.
“You made up, didn’t you?”
Rina just nods.
“I’m glad to hear that,” mum says and runs her fingers through her daughter’s hair. “I’m really happy that you found a friend like her. She seems to have a good influence on you.”
“What do you mean?” Rina asks with a frown as she chews on the piece of cheese she’s eating.
“I’ve seen you with her and you’re always so happy. You can’t imagine how amazing it is to see your daughter as happy as you usually are around her,” she smiles a little, kissing the top of Rina’s head. “Especially after your dad left.”
Rina doesn’t really want to go there.
Her mother probably notices because she suddenly shrugs. “Anyway. I’m glad you girls figured it out. Mind telling me what happened?”
“Not now, mum, sorry,” Rina smiles a little, “but I will later.”
Her mum just nods, returning the smile. “Alright, honey. You should go and look for your pretty dress for tonight.”
Rina stops chewing and frowns, looking confused. “Why?”
“Well, don’t you want to look extremely gorgeous for Sayaka and her parents?” she asks and for a brief second, Rina thinks that she knows.
But of course, that can’t be.
“Uh, well… I guess…” she says hesitantly but then nods. “Okay. I’ll go look for that dress.”
“Lovely.”
“Oh and mum,” Rina says as she jumps off the kitchen bar stool, “please try not to burn the food.”
Her mum just gives her a laid-back smile.
*
When the door bell rings, she’s still not quite sure if she’s ready enough. She’s standing in front of her mirror, looking at the coral, sleeveless dress with a belt around the waist, something she got from her father for her fifteenth birthday; just a month before he left. She really likes the dress, she always has, but she’s never really thought of any good reason to wear it so this is the first time she actually does.
She’s put her hair in a half updo and even curled the ends a little and honestly, she’s very satisfied with the result; but she’s still not sure whether it was worth putting so much effort in her looks. What will Sayaka’s parents think? They surely won’t think that she had dressed up so prettily for Sayaka.
And there’s that annoying uncertainty and hesitation again, gnawing at Rina’s mind and she bites her lower lip, not wanting to go downstairs when her mother calls for her. The more she stares at her reflection, the less sure she feels about this whole thing and she just wants to-
“Ya, what’s taking so lo-“, a familiar voice speaks and then dies abruptly and Rina quickly turns around to see a very surprised Sayaka in her door.
And man, Rina can’t help but chuckle at the sight.
“What is it?” she asks, stepping closer to Sayaka. “Do you not like it?” She obviously means her looks but Sayaka only blinks.
Then she shoots Rina a playful smile. “Oh, I do like it. A lot. You’re very pretty, Ricchan.”
Rina blushes lightly and smiles. “Thank you.” Then she allows her eyes to wonder up and down Sayaka’s body, who’s wearing a similar dress to the one she wore when she first saw her, but this one is dark red instead of yellow and not sleeveless, like the other. Her black locks are curled in the same manner as her own hair, but instead of having half of them tied up, she let them loose this time.
And she looks very, very beautiful.
“Are you ever gonna stop staring and come out?” Sayaka asks and Rina nods quickly.
“Yeah. Yeah, sorry,” she says and then she follows Sayaka to the hall where her mum and the girl’s parents are already waiting for her.
Rina puts on a sheepish, somewhat apologetic smile and bows her head a little. “I’m sorry for making you wait, Mr. and Mrs. Yamamoto.”
The two give her a small smile and Sayaka’s mum shakes her head. “It’s fine, Rina. Your mother has kept us well-entertained while you were getting ready.” She takes a step closer to the girl and offers her hand and Rina gives it a confident shake. At least she hopes it was a confident one. Then she does the same thing to Sayaka’s dad and after that, they all walk over to the dining room.
Sayaka immediately claims the seat next to Rina while the raven’s parents sit across the table and Rina’s mum at the head. The brunette’s mum surely makes sure to keep the guests entertained; she doesn’t stop talking until she’s headed to the kitchen to bring out the first meal and that’s when Sayaka’s parents avert their attention to Rina, something the girl was hoping for not happening until a while later.
Surely, not all wishes can be granted.
“So, Rina, what did your grades look like at the end of the semester?” Mrs. Yamamoto asks, a small smile gracing her lips.
“I finished with A’s and A+’s except for Physics,” she says, trying not to sound too proud but she can’t help it.
“What grade did you have in Physics?”
“A B,” she says and both parents nod approvingly.
“That’s very nice,” Mr. Yamamoto says, stealing a glance at Sayaka who avoids her parents’ eyes, “not like a certain someone.”
“Can we not talk about school?” Sayaka whines. “It’s summer holiday for a reason.”
“Alright, alright, missy, no need to get all worked up,” Mrs. Yamamoto says in a lighter tone and Rina bites her lip to prevent it from curving into a smile. She looks at Sayaka who still seems a bit irritated so Rina pokes her with her shoulder. The raven raises her gaze and returns the other’s smile.
Then Rina’s mum arrives with the first dish, miso soup based on her father’s recipe and from then on, the host feels it her duty to keep the parents good company. Sayaka’s parents don’t ask anything else but rather focus on having a good chat with Rina’s mum and both of the girls are grateful. Rina’s heart calms a little after tasting the soup and claiming that it’s not bad at all; her mother isn’t exactly the typical kitchen fairy most mums are which is another reason why they don’t invite guests over too often.
Rina finishes the soup first and then she just sits there, trying not to stare too long at anyone at the table. She feels a tiny bit uncomfortable; the fact that Sayaka is so close to her and yet they can’t really talk, especially not about things they would under other circumstances is rather upsetting.
And then, as if she could read her mind, Sayaka slips her hand into hers, just like that, under the table and away from everyone’s eyes. She brushes her fingers against Rina’s palm and this small gesture feels so intimate that Rina is sure her face has the color of a tomato and she has to drop her gaze.
She hears the quiet chuckle of Sayaka next to her which just causes Rina to blush even more but the raven doesn’t let go of her hand. Instead, she keeps fidgeting with her fingers just like how she did last night and then she squeezes them, letting go right before Rina’s mum stands up to go and get the second meal.
The dinner is a success and when Sayaka’s parents announce it’s time for them to leave (it’s about 10pm, Rina states with surprise), Rina’s having conflicted feels. She enjoys the feeling of success, because the dinner was indeed one; she’s happy that she doesn’t have to pretend that Sayaka is no more than a really good friend but she doesn’t want her to leave. She wishes she could stay, but Sayaka hasn’t said anything about wanting to stay here so Rina guesses it’s not going to happen.
Honestly, it does relax her a little. Because truthfully, Rina’s afraid of what would happen if they spent the night together. Even just thinking of that causes a rush of heat inside her body, something she’s never really felt before and she doesn’t know whether to welcome the feeling or fear it.
When they’re already in the garden, Sayaka asks for a few more minutes to stay and talk with Rina before going home. Her parents agree and leave the two girls there alone and Sayaka turns to the brunette with a huge smile on her face.
“Today was great, wasn’t it? Seems like our parents got along very well!” she says happily, reaching for both of Rina’s hands and squeezing them. The gesture startles Rina and she almost pulls away; but then she realizes that hand-holding between girls is totally normal, especially between close friends.
“It seems so,” Rina agrees in a quiet and hesitant voice that makes Sayaka frown.
“Is something wrong?” she tilts her head, glancing at Rina curiously. The brunette bites her lip and then shakes her head.
“No. I just really don’t want you to go.”
Sayaka shoots her a charming smile. “You are literally the cutest.” And then she leans in and kisses her.
There’s a sudden red alarm starting up in Rina’s head screaming that you’re way too close to your own houses and to your parents don’t do it don’ t do it, but Sayaka’s lips feel so soft and warm against hers that she can’t pull away. She closes her eyes and kisses her back, still a bit hesitantly and clumsily, but there surely isn’t a lack of passion in it.
“What the hell are you two doing?!”
The girls separate so quickly that Rina almost falls over. There’s fear rushing through her body as she looks up to see Sayaka’s father standing on their porch with a look on his face that most resembles an utterly disgusted one. Rina’s cheeks are burning as she points her gaze down, hearing the father’s footsteps approaching.
“What the hell does this mean, Sayaka?” he demands and Rina has no idea how Sayaka reacts because she’s way too scared to look up.
“Explain me why you were kissing another girl? Like right now?” he speaks again, her voice snapping hard but Sayaka doesn’t answer him.
“You’re coming inside, now,” he says then and Rina looks up just in time to see him take Sayaka’s hand and drag her along, back into the house. Sayaka glances back over her shoulder at Rina, but she can’t decipher her expression; unlike her dad’s, who now shoots her a look full of blame.
Then they disappear and Rina quickly turns around to rush back into her own house, desperately hoping not to bump into her mother on the way to her room.
*
Even half an hour later, Rina is still sitting on her bed with her phone in her hands, flipping it over and back, a projection of her anxiety as she’s waiting for something, anything to happen. She didn’t encounter her mother back on the way inside so the first thing she did was storm into her room and lock the door once she was in.
Now, all she can do besides worrying and being afraid is to wait for Sayaka to give her something.
Which arrives in the form of a rushed text message a few minutes later.
from sayaka: Rina, jesus, help me. They want to move. I can’t do that. I can’t just leave you here now that we… you know.
from sayaka: Don’t text me back.
from sayaka: But help.