Il ne faut regarder que l'amour
I finished my research work on Salome over the week-end, delivered it in my tutor's mail-box in Lille yesterday, as well as maling it to Paris to another professor who will be the second member of the jury when I present it next Wednesday.
I feel relieved though not really satisfied as I don't feel it's pure research work, but some compilation of lots of critics I went through. I need to prepare the presentation anyway, and there is always a part dedicated to self-criticism. This will need to be mentioned, as well as the ways I learned from it about my own methodology, what worked and what didn't.
My desk, with my planner, my research work, the book I keep a log of my therapy, and the box of chocolates Nathalie brought me!
I don't know what to expect of it. No other result of this semester has been published, and I am trying not to be nervous to the perspective I might not pass it.
I got a negative response to my application for the library job. The woman just told me there was nothing bad about my application, just more qualified people for the position. I am waiting to see who is going to be appointed before I make up my mind about this explanation. My mom's friend who is volunteering for one of these local libraries was likely to tell the recruters already had their mind set on someone, but legaly needed to go through the regular process. We'll see.
This is me, trying hard not to lose my cheeks...
Well, otherwise, I had my dance gala last week-end and it did not go so well as last year's. We were a larger group, and sometimes I was confused by girls making different moves as I was doing, like I did not know if I was the one making a mistake or them. Like keping rythm for example. But it was very nice because lots of friends came to see me, especially Nathalie, who was back from Paris for the first time since she got her job, and we had dinner afterwards at my place, where she got the present I had wanted to get her for so long, and her moving was the perfect occasion :
I had found a great teapot, with kitsch flowers on it (and assorted tea cups), and knew she was going to be mad about it.
Nathalie, hating me for taking pictures!
Then the week-end was painful, because my aunt who is my father's sister and works with him at the farm attempted suicide.
The thing is there had been a fall in butter consumption and she does not know what to do with her stock. I think it makes her ponder on what her life has been, on the fact she did not have the choice (like my Dad) because when their mom died, my grandpa was not responsible enough to handle all 7 children. My Dad being the oldest, he got the farm, then his brothers made their own ways, they had my aunt, the oldest of the two girls working at the farm as well. My grandma (whom I never met, 'cause she died a few months after my parents's wedding) asked my mom to take care of the two youngest kids. So she did and it worked with the younger sister (who's my godson's mom) but not quite well with the brother. Anyway, its been a while now everyone is quite set in the family, more or less, with kids and jobs etc.
This is from another aunt's house. Pretty sight...
But obviously, this aunt's never been happy. She has always lived on the farm, did not show interest in many things (she never goes out, she does not of the fashion kind, she does not even get very involved with her godsdaughter or anything like that). So I feel sad for her.
But then it raised the whole thing about suicidal tendencies, and self-destruction, and why you can get desperate and my mom got very angry at me, and we went through the whole family debates and arguments about everything from deepest childhood, and it left us exhausted and unsatisfied as usual.
It's just awful to feel responsible for having all of this come up. I am not sure it's leading us anywhere...
I recently got mad, painted my toenails, and made madeleines and nut and fudge tartlets...
But well, this is not the point of this post, 'cause I am trying to look forward. I might go bak to the hospital for a while, because stressful times have had bad consequences on my health. To make it short. So I am thinking about August for summer plans (music fest, travelling around meeting friends and family in France).
Then it's application time for university, and I am considering various options, thinking about another subjet to investigate in the perpective of the second year of the master's. As well as other student jobs in libraries (I have just applied for one in Paris for the National Institute of the History of Arts).
A cute breakfast picture, with a cat-shaped pancake made with a pan Nathalie gave me a long time ago, and the starbucks mug Hélène and Lucie gave me a long time ago too...
I put the pictures a bit randomly, but thought the post needed some visual pauses.
I am going to the appointement with thealternative medicine psycho-therapist tonight. Self-development ahead? Keep an eye on LJ...
I feel relieved though not really satisfied as I don't feel it's pure research work, but some compilation of lots of critics I went through. I need to prepare the presentation anyway, and there is always a part dedicated to self-criticism. This will need to be mentioned, as well as the ways I learned from it about my own methodology, what worked and what didn't.
My desk, with my planner, my research work, the book I keep a log of my therapy, and the box of chocolates Nathalie brought me!
I don't know what to expect of it. No other result of this semester has been published, and I am trying not to be nervous to the perspective I might not pass it.
I got a negative response to my application for the library job. The woman just told me there was nothing bad about my application, just more qualified people for the position. I am waiting to see who is going to be appointed before I make up my mind about this explanation. My mom's friend who is volunteering for one of these local libraries was likely to tell the recruters already had their mind set on someone, but legaly needed to go through the regular process. We'll see.
This is me, trying hard not to lose my cheeks...
Well, otherwise, I had my dance gala last week-end and it did not go so well as last year's. We were a larger group, and sometimes I was confused by girls making different moves as I was doing, like I did not know if I was the one making a mistake or them. Like keping rythm for example. But it was very nice because lots of friends came to see me, especially Nathalie, who was back from Paris for the first time since she got her job, and we had dinner afterwards at my place, where she got the present I had wanted to get her for so long, and her moving was the perfect occasion :
I had found a great teapot, with kitsch flowers on it (and assorted tea cups), and knew she was going to be mad about it.
Nathalie, hating me for taking pictures!
Then the week-end was painful, because my aunt who is my father's sister and works with him at the farm attempted suicide.
The thing is there had been a fall in butter consumption and she does not know what to do with her stock. I think it makes her ponder on what her life has been, on the fact she did not have the choice (like my Dad) because when their mom died, my grandpa was not responsible enough to handle all 7 children. My Dad being the oldest, he got the farm, then his brothers made their own ways, they had my aunt, the oldest of the two girls working at the farm as well. My grandma (whom I never met, 'cause she died a few months after my parents's wedding) asked my mom to take care of the two youngest kids. So she did and it worked with the younger sister (who's my godson's mom) but not quite well with the brother. Anyway, its been a while now everyone is quite set in the family, more or less, with kids and jobs etc.
This is from another aunt's house. Pretty sight...
But obviously, this aunt's never been happy. She has always lived on the farm, did not show interest in many things (she never goes out, she does not of the fashion kind, she does not even get very involved with her godsdaughter or anything like that). So I feel sad for her.
But then it raised the whole thing about suicidal tendencies, and self-destruction, and why you can get desperate and my mom got very angry at me, and we went through the whole family debates and arguments about everything from deepest childhood, and it left us exhausted and unsatisfied as usual.
It's just awful to feel responsible for having all of this come up. I am not sure it's leading us anywhere...
I recently got mad, painted my toenails, and made madeleines and nut and fudge tartlets...
But well, this is not the point of this post, 'cause I am trying to look forward. I might go bak to the hospital for a while, because stressful times have had bad consequences on my health. To make it short. So I am thinking about August for summer plans (music fest, travelling around meeting friends and family in France).
Then it's application time for university, and I am considering various options, thinking about another subjet to investigate in the perpective of the second year of the master's. As well as other student jobs in libraries (I have just applied for one in Paris for the National Institute of the History of Arts).
A cute breakfast picture, with a cat-shaped pancake made with a pan Nathalie gave me a long time ago, and the starbucks mug Hélène and Lucie gave me a long time ago too...
I put the pictures a bit randomly, but thought the post needed some visual pauses.
I am going to the appointement with thealternative medicine psycho-therapist tonight. Self-development ahead? Keep an eye on LJ...