Disclaimer: Venting session... Do You Dare?
So I most definitley had a melt down yesterday.
I have been sick 3 times this year, and it's not like I got sick, better, then sick.... It was a continual shitty feeling with some high peaks of sickness. I have had a cold, strep, sinus infection, and we aren't sure when I had mono but at some point, I did. it came up in my bloodwork... hmm... so maybe thats why I am not getting better? Anway, so Chels has been sick since Friday, and I have been trying to stay away as much as possible- which we all know isn't that possible because we are joined at the goddamn thigh... Well I woke up yesterday morning feeling like complete ass. I couldn't swallow, my throat was sooo soar. I sucked it up and went to class. I could barely talk let alone sing. Which was making me sooo stresses out. I am so 'sick' of going to my voice lessons and telling her time after time I am sick and cannot sing. Pierce is being nice, calling it "freshman-itis" and that "your body is just getting use to the dorm I promise it will get better". But I have juries coming up and a solo this weekend, and I feel like people think I faked my way into this program or something, I am suppose to be a decent singer and I can't do shit! I don't want my friends to think I am just coping out, I'm really sick, I swear!
So I had like 45 minutes to sit in the music school and wait for grand chorus. I wasn't about to walk in the snow to my dorm just so I could sit for 15 muinutes and walk back, so I sat there, building up my stress, crying, and wondering how the hell I am going to pull this whole music thing off. If you know me, you know that's what I do for a living, dwell on everything and make it much worse than it is. So all of my favorites came and cheered me up, well first I would start balling when each girl would ask me what's wrong- but then I would cheer up. I made it through half of grand chorus. I didn't sing the whole time, but as we know, I am afraid of Dr. Miller, so I was acting like I was singing, but dying inside. My neck started to hurt, and my back, and my ears, which was making me cry more because I had no idea why my body was aching. So finally I told the girls next to me, I can't do this, I have to go lay down, and they covered for me. I got back to the dorm, and called my mommy, and she made me take a hot hot shower, advil, and to lay down and eat some soup. I took a short nap and felt a little better. But I woke up this morning feeling like ass again. My neck and ears still hurt- which is really weird. So after choir today, I have to go to the drug store and get dosed up, and then I guess I am going to go to the health center to get swabbed. HOPEFULLY they will not draw my blood. Because that means they think I might have mono, or maybe even something worse, like menengitis! ugghhhh
(sigh) so I needed to get that out. On a lighter note...
It's snowing!! I wasn't happy about it yesterday, but now I am excited. Bundling up today was my highlight today. Now I am listening to Harry COnnick Jr., drinking my cocoa and just taking it all in. Picture this: Ghetto old brown boots (I'm getting new ones this weekend), Leg warmers, Huge Gloves, Big Black scarf, poofy red coat, and adorable boy hat.... Yeah, I was stylin!
Hmmm... maybe the rest of the day will go better... we will see...
I have been sick 3 times this year, and it's not like I got sick, better, then sick.... It was a continual shitty feeling with some high peaks of sickness. I have had a cold, strep, sinus infection, and we aren't sure when I had mono but at some point, I did. it came up in my bloodwork... hmm... so maybe thats why I am not getting better? Anway, so Chels has been sick since Friday, and I have been trying to stay away as much as possible- which we all know isn't that possible because we are joined at the goddamn thigh... Well I woke up yesterday morning feeling like complete ass. I couldn't swallow, my throat was sooo soar. I sucked it up and went to class. I could barely talk let alone sing. Which was making me sooo stresses out. I am so 'sick' of going to my voice lessons and telling her time after time I am sick and cannot sing. Pierce is being nice, calling it "freshman-itis" and that "your body is just getting use to the dorm I promise it will get better". But I have juries coming up and a solo this weekend, and I feel like people think I faked my way into this program or something, I am suppose to be a decent singer and I can't do shit! I don't want my friends to think I am just coping out, I'm really sick, I swear!
So I had like 45 minutes to sit in the music school and wait for grand chorus. I wasn't about to walk in the snow to my dorm just so I could sit for 15 muinutes and walk back, so I sat there, building up my stress, crying, and wondering how the hell I am going to pull this whole music thing off. If you know me, you know that's what I do for a living, dwell on everything and make it much worse than it is. So all of my favorites came and cheered me up, well first I would start balling when each girl would ask me what's wrong- but then I would cheer up. I made it through half of grand chorus. I didn't sing the whole time, but as we know, I am afraid of Dr. Miller, so I was acting like I was singing, but dying inside. My neck started to hurt, and my back, and my ears, which was making me cry more because I had no idea why my body was aching. So finally I told the girls next to me, I can't do this, I have to go lay down, and they covered for me. I got back to the dorm, and called my mommy, and she made me take a hot hot shower, advil, and to lay down and eat some soup. I took a short nap and felt a little better. But I woke up this morning feeling like ass again. My neck and ears still hurt- which is really weird. So after choir today, I have to go to the drug store and get dosed up, and then I guess I am going to go to the health center to get swabbed. HOPEFULLY they will not draw my blood. Because that means they think I might have mono, or maybe even something worse, like menengitis! ugghhhh
(sigh) so I needed to get that out. On a lighter note...
It's snowing!! I wasn't happy about it yesterday, but now I am excited. Bundling up today was my highlight today. Now I am listening to Harry COnnick Jr., drinking my cocoa and just taking it all in. Picture this: Ghetto old brown boots (I'm getting new ones this weekend), Leg warmers, Huge Gloves, Big Black scarf, poofy red coat, and adorable boy hat.... Yeah, I was stylin!
Hmmm... maybe the rest of the day will go better... we will see...