an actual update
so, it's been awhile. what's been up with me? well, i just performed for my school's PCN which was the highlight of my sophomore year in college! it was sooo much fun & i miss it so much. i miss everyone. we all got close this quarter. & i'm now apart of PASA Core. i'm the political/community director. i get organize workshops & address issues that affect our filipino youth & our youth in general. i think it'll be challenging and i'm scared. but i also think it'll be fun and a good experience. we're gonna start planning things for the upcoming year over the summer. i can't wait to get started! so this week is our last week of classes. finals are next week. the final i dread the most is statistics. and i'm retaking it, which sucks! idunno, we'll see how my final goes. i just can't wait till summer starts. i'm not taking summer school this year! whoo! but i will be working 2 jobs. for now. if it gets too crazy, imma quite starbucks. i haven't started at home depot yet but i have a feeling i might start after finals..or during finals? lol i dunno. i'm excited to start that job. but from what cheyenne was telling me, people might not like me? i dunno. drama? ya.
this whole single thing is weird. he acts like it's so hard on him when it's also hard for me. i think about him constantly! everytime i look at my right wrist, i'm sad that i have both baller bands. one is supposed to be his. i know he can't stand to look at it, but i'm sad it's not on his left wrist anymore. =\ i'm tempted to call him nowadays. i miss him so much! when i called him on saturday, i got butterflies...butterflies when i heard his voice. *sigh* i just don't want this whole break up to be so hard on him. but what do i expect? he broke up with kz in their relationship..he doesn't know what it's like to be on the receiving end. he's so extreme. he doesn't think i'll come back. i know that i do wanna be with him again, & i know God is just waiting for the timing to be right. right now, it doesn't feel like it's completely right. i know i'm somewhat wrong and selfish for wanting a normal relationship and have the physical aspect of it, but can you blame me? i do love him, with everything that i am. i just want us to fix ourselves first. we both have wandered off the path that God wants us to go on. i'm starting to see what he has planned for me this summer. but then again. who knows? i just hope God can keep him safe, take care of him & keep him optimistic. cuz i know i'm staying optimistic. cuz i still believe ray is my soulmate. the timing was just a little off. just stay strong for me & i'll stay strong for you. i meant it when i said forever, i'm just sorry i'm weak.
i love you Raymond Prudencio, more than you'll ever know and believe.