oh man
i just need to jot down my thoughts somewhere. matt just came to pick up nathan. it was so weird seeing nathan after being away from him for over a day. he looks totally different to me, almost like he was different. When matt left he started to cry. i dont know if its bc he was hungry ( cuz he did eat afterwards) or if he knew matt was leaving and he was going to be stuck with me. Im just so afraid that matt will try to keep nathan away from me, then nathan wont recognize me anymore and wont go to me for comfort or his needs. i dont know i do tend to look too far into things and over analyze everything. someone once told me it was en english major thing to do.
yesterday at the er i just could not stop crying cuz matt was being so mean to me telling me how everything i do is wrong and harming the baby and he makes it seem as if everything he had his family does is right and fixes all my mistakes. the psych nurse told me that how matt treats me is considered "emotional abuse" and kept telling me to call the support help line. she was just so persistent on it! almost had me convinced for a second that i would call. but i didnt. matt has some serious issues and i probably have been emtionally abused for the last 2 years but i dont know why i still believe that one day we will be fine. we argue every single day and then hes nice for a slight moment which gives me hope that he will change and evrything will be ok. then the next day i'll wake up and have the same asshole matt as before. he will nevre change and i need to get used to the fact.
yesterday at the er i just could not stop crying cuz matt was being so mean to me telling me how everything i do is wrong and harming the baby and he makes it seem as if everything he had his family does is right and fixes all my mistakes. the psych nurse told me that how matt treats me is considered "emotional abuse" and kept telling me to call the support help line. she was just so persistent on it! almost had me convinced for a second that i would call. but i didnt. matt has some serious issues and i probably have been emtionally abused for the last 2 years but i dont know why i still believe that one day we will be fine. we argue every single day and then hes nice for a slight moment which gives me hope that he will change and evrything will be ok. then the next day i'll wake up and have the same asshole matt as before. he will nevre change and i need to get used to the fact.