heartbroken.
That visitation was the 2nd hardest in my entire life.
My heart was racing.
The second we walked in the funeral home, i started bawling.
It didnt get any better from there.
There were pictures. and a video...
and my second family was at the front of the room in so much pain.
I glanced at the casket. It was open.
I became slightly more hysterical.
We started walking towards the front.
I began to shake. and freak out.
Tried to turn around and run.
Was stopped.
I knew I had to go up there.
I knew I had to face one of the hardest things of my life.
My mom was introducing herself.
When i walked right in front of her and clung to Tori's sister.
We cried together.
We hugged tightly, and let our tears fall.
I lifted my head, and saw "mama deb".
I didnt know what to do.
I wanted to be strong for her.
But Tor was like my sister...
I broke down.
and she told me it was okay.
she told me it would all be okay.
and to just cry.
I hugged her so tightly
and whispered in her ear "i love you guys"
I moved on to Tori.
So badly i wanted to hold her hand.
and to tell her not to worry.
that somehow we would all get through this
but i wasnt sure that we would.
i couldnt believe i was looking at one of my best friends.
i couldnt make myself believe id never see her again.
its so hard to imagine the world never seeing that smile again.
its so hard to imagine that poor baby growing up without her.
its so hard to imagine my life without her.
it fucking sucks. it sucks so bad
it sucks because i cant seem to understand why she had to go so early.
she was only 20...only 20.
she had so much life to live.
so much love to give.
so much to live for.
how do i do this?
how do i learn to accept that??
im struggling so bad right now.
i just dont know where to go from here.
this is one of the hardest things ive ever had to deal with.
i just dont know how im going to deal.
this pain hurts.
and it hurts so bad.
my heart is breaking.
she should be here with her baby boy.
her parents shouldnt have to have a funeral for their baby.
i dont understand.
i mean..i just dont know.
i had my first nightmare in years tonight.
and it terrified me.
ive never known this pain.
this pain is such a different pain than when i lost my dad.
i just wish i could ...i dont know. i just dont know.
she was beautiful tonight.
like an angel, she was beautiful
her journey is just beginning.
i hope she somehow still lets us feel her.
in the wind.
in the rain.
in the sunshine.
Shes forever in my heart.
but she also took a part of it with her.
Tori Renee--- July 5th, 1989 - March 27th, 2010.
Rest in peace sweet girl. i miss you with everything in me. and its killing me not having you here. watch over everybody, because its killing them to be without you too. keep us safe, and visit my dreams anytime. im sure ill need you. xoxoxo love you.
My heart was racing.
The second we walked in the funeral home, i started bawling.
It didnt get any better from there.
There were pictures. and a video...
and my second family was at the front of the room in so much pain.
I glanced at the casket. It was open.
I became slightly more hysterical.
We started walking towards the front.
I began to shake. and freak out.
Tried to turn around and run.
Was stopped.
I knew I had to go up there.
I knew I had to face one of the hardest things of my life.
My mom was introducing herself.
When i walked right in front of her and clung to Tori's sister.
We cried together.
We hugged tightly, and let our tears fall.
I lifted my head, and saw "mama deb".
I didnt know what to do.
I wanted to be strong for her.
But Tor was like my sister...
I broke down.
and she told me it was okay.
she told me it would all be okay.
and to just cry.
I hugged her so tightly
and whispered in her ear "i love you guys"
I moved on to Tori.
So badly i wanted to hold her hand.
and to tell her not to worry.
that somehow we would all get through this
but i wasnt sure that we would.
i couldnt believe i was looking at one of my best friends.
i couldnt make myself believe id never see her again.
its so hard to imagine the world never seeing that smile again.
its so hard to imagine that poor baby growing up without her.
its so hard to imagine my life without her.
it fucking sucks. it sucks so bad
it sucks because i cant seem to understand why she had to go so early.
she was only 20...only 20.
she had so much life to live.
so much love to give.
so much to live for.
how do i do this?
how do i learn to accept that??
im struggling so bad right now.
i just dont know where to go from here.
this is one of the hardest things ive ever had to deal with.
i just dont know how im going to deal.
this pain hurts.
and it hurts so bad.
my heart is breaking.
she should be here with her baby boy.
her parents shouldnt have to have a funeral for their baby.
i dont understand.
i mean..i just dont know.
i had my first nightmare in years tonight.
and it terrified me.
ive never known this pain.
this pain is such a different pain than when i lost my dad.
i just wish i could ...i dont know. i just dont know.
she was beautiful tonight.
like an angel, she was beautiful
her journey is just beginning.
i hope she somehow still lets us feel her.
in the wind.
in the rain.
in the sunshine.
Shes forever in my heart.
but she also took a part of it with her.
Tori Renee--- July 5th, 1989 - March 27th, 2010.
Rest in peace sweet girl. i miss you with everything in me. and its killing me not having you here. watch over everybody, because its killing them to be without you too. keep us safe, and visit my dreams anytime. im sure ill need you. xoxoxo love you.