numbers
Today I realized that Mr.C is the fifth gentleman lover I've had. Number five.
Maybe I should instead call Mr.C, 'Chanel'
I just realized it's been a decade since I first had sex. To the day, nearly. Arin and Valentines in college.
Mr.C's emotionally high maintenance. My friend said he seems fragile.
Anxious about not being good enough, about being inadequate, about not being loved. Nervous about traveling. Easily startled.
While he was here with me, he didn't say ”I love you” in those words, but he did say many times that I am loved.
He's loveable, and I care for him, and I think fondly of him, and I desire him.
He's not a good kisser, yet, but he takes direction relatively well... Well, sorta, between disheartened sighs and head drops.
I feel like I'm too critical.
”Less pucker”
”Less saliva”
”Less nail”
”More finger curl”
”More tongue”
”Your facial hair feels itchy”
But that's all between very intimate moments and kisses and happy laughs and kindnesses and sweet caresses.
He has begun to be willing to tell me what he likes and give a little direction.
On Valentine's day, 14/14, we got naked for the first time together. ”Gentle caresses up and down”
”Suck on my balls” which made me laugh, it was such a surprise and so brazen.
He texted me yesterday that he's feeling phantom cases and his torso longs for me.
I can relate to longing.
He cried when it was time to say goodbye at the bus stop. I didn't know what to do, or think. So I held him and said I'll see you next week.
Maybe I should instead call Mr.C, 'Chanel'
I just realized it's been a decade since I first had sex. To the day, nearly. Arin and Valentines in college.
Mr.C's emotionally high maintenance. My friend said he seems fragile.
Anxious about not being good enough, about being inadequate, about not being loved. Nervous about traveling. Easily startled.
While he was here with me, he didn't say ”I love you” in those words, but he did say many times that I am loved.
He's loveable, and I care for him, and I think fondly of him, and I desire him.
He's not a good kisser, yet, but he takes direction relatively well... Well, sorta, between disheartened sighs and head drops.
I feel like I'm too critical.
”Less pucker”
”Less saliva”
”Less nail”
”More finger curl”
”More tongue”
”Your facial hair feels itchy”
But that's all between very intimate moments and kisses and happy laughs and kindnesses and sweet caresses.
He has begun to be willing to tell me what he likes and give a little direction.
On Valentine's day, 14/14, we got naked for the first time together. ”Gentle caresses up and down”
”Suck on my balls” which made me laugh, it was such a surprise and so brazen.
He texted me yesterday that he's feeling phantom cases and his torso longs for me.
I can relate to longing.
He cried when it was time to say goodbye at the bus stop. I didn't know what to do, or think. So I held him and said I'll see you next week.