short like my daddy
Thanks for all the birthday wishes! I have to admit, I had an awesome birthday. Classes started today, which means that my birthday was on the Saturday before the Monday when classes started, which means that everyone was having parties. So instead of doing anything specifically for my birthday, I went to other people's parties and shouted, "It's my birthday!", and people brought me drinks. And then I'd leave and go to another party. It worked out well.
Here's what I did today--I started looking for something in my google docs, and then I started just reading everything in my google docs, and. You guys. I have a lot of random snippets of dialog with no accompanying story. And the totally awesome thing, of course, is that I had forgotten about most of them.
For example, I found this document called 'puppies', and I thought--what the hell is that? Puppies? But then--remember when Patrick first got Penny and there was all that Penny/Hemmy/Bandit myspace love triangle drama? I wrote a scene where Joe explains to Pete why Hemmy and Penny can never have babies. Because...it seemed funny at the time? It's not a complete story, because...there's no plot. But it's not really an incomplete story, because...there's just no plot. It's not a story at all. But here, anyway, have a snippet:
Title: Stayin Fluff and Fly
Rating: Um, PG-13, for bestiality jokes?
Word Count: 628
Pairing: Penny/Hemingway
It’s like the sixth time that Pete mentions it before anyone says anything. Joe is in the kitchen pouring a bowl of cereal, and Andy and Patrick are on the couch. Pete is checking Penny’s MySpace.
Joe gives Patrick a look, but when Patrick just rolls his eyes, Joe’s the one who says something.
“Pete, dude. You know that Penny and Hemmy aren’t going to have puppies.”
“Well, not now,” Pete says without looking up from the screen. “I don’t think Hemmy’s ready to start a family. He’s too wild and crazy.” Hemmy snorts and opens one eye when he hears his name. He’s got all four paws pressed against the back of the loveseat and last week’s Billboard is soggy with drool under his chin. He hasn’t moved in hours.
“Well, okay. Point.” Joe takes a bite of his Fruity Pebbles. You pretty much can’t argue with Pete’s ridiculous wish-fulfillment Hemmy-the-player fantasies. “But Hemmy’s youthful shenanigans aside…dude, they’re not going to have puppies.”
“Joe, they’re MFEO,” Pete articulates all the letters, “and when a little chick and a little dude love each other very much, they decide they want to start a family, and they share a special hug…”
“I don’t know if you can really call it a hug, with dogs. Maybe a special…game of leapfrog,” Andy cuts in.
Pete laughs and laughs. “When a little girl dog and a little boy dog love each other very much, they share a special piggyback ride,” he intones in his best serious voice.
Joe rolls his eyes. “Dude, his dick would kill her.”
“Joe!” Patrick snatches Penny out of the crook of Andy’s elbow and cuddles her to his chest, looking appalled.
“I’m just saying, dude. She’s like-under all that fur, her torso is the size of a Coke can. His dick would be way too big.”
“It would, like…pop her,” Andy laughs.
“Oh my god!” Patrick looks down at the ball of fluff in his arms. “You people are sick.”
“Well,” Pete says contemplatively, glancing over at Hemmy’s underside. He reaches down to grab his own crotch. “It is the Wentz curse.”
There’s a moment of silence before Joe, Patrick, and Andy burst out laughing.
“Fuckers,” Pete says, but he’s laughing, too.
“Well, your dick would definitely kill Penny, but I don’t think it's gonna mortally wound anyone else,” Andy says.
“Dude! Oh my god!” Patrick looks totally scandalized now, which prompts Pete to thrust his hips a few times in Penny’s direction. “Stay away from my dog!”
“No, seriously,” Joe says, because he had a point, okay. “Pete, man. Remember when Hemmy was just a little guy and Jeanae took him to the vet for his ‘special surgery’…?”
Pete just blinks at him.
“…And the vet ‘fixed’ him?” Joe continues, making finger quotes around the word fixed.
Pete crosses his arms over his chest. Petulance is starting to creep in around the blank look on his face.
“…And by ‘fixed him’, I mean cut his balls off,” Joe finishes, looking exasperated. “Hemmy is, like…barren.”
“Don’t say that in front of him!” Pete hisses. “He doesn’t know about the N-U-T-U-…the N-U-E-T-R…damn it, he doesn’t know about his N-U-T-S, okay? And he has a sensitive nature.”
“Okay, okay,” Joe says, holding one hand up in surrender. “Just so long as you know.”
“They could find a donor,” Andy says. “Or they could adopt.”
And Patrick, he doesn’t even mean to because he’s not, you know, crazy like Pete is, but he just kind of hears himself say, “Adoption would be nice. Like, maybe some disenfranchised…puppies.”
Pete catches his eye and nods, all earnest. “Like, poor orphan puppies. Or little handicapped ones. Or-oh! Crack puppies!” he says, grinning. Patrick rolls his eyes, but just like always, he’s grinning back.
Here's what I did today--I started looking for something in my google docs, and then I started just reading everything in my google docs, and. You guys. I have a lot of random snippets of dialog with no accompanying story. And the totally awesome thing, of course, is that I had forgotten about most of them.
For example, I found this document called 'puppies', and I thought--what the hell is that? Puppies? But then--remember when Patrick first got Penny and there was all that Penny/Hemmy/Bandit myspace love triangle drama? I wrote a scene where Joe explains to Pete why Hemmy and Penny can never have babies. Because...it seemed funny at the time? It's not a complete story, because...there's no plot. But it's not really an incomplete story, because...there's just no plot. It's not a story at all. But here, anyway, have a snippet:
Title: Stayin Fluff and Fly
Rating: Um, PG-13, for bestiality jokes?
Word Count: 628
Pairing: Penny/Hemingway
It’s like the sixth time that Pete mentions it before anyone says anything. Joe is in the kitchen pouring a bowl of cereal, and Andy and Patrick are on the couch. Pete is checking Penny’s MySpace.
Joe gives Patrick a look, but when Patrick just rolls his eyes, Joe’s the one who says something.
“Pete, dude. You know that Penny and Hemmy aren’t going to have puppies.”
“Well, not now,” Pete says without looking up from the screen. “I don’t think Hemmy’s ready to start a family. He’s too wild and crazy.” Hemmy snorts and opens one eye when he hears his name. He’s got all four paws pressed against the back of the loveseat and last week’s Billboard is soggy with drool under his chin. He hasn’t moved in hours.
“Well, okay. Point.” Joe takes a bite of his Fruity Pebbles. You pretty much can’t argue with Pete’s ridiculous wish-fulfillment Hemmy-the-player fantasies. “But Hemmy’s youthful shenanigans aside…dude, they’re not going to have puppies.”
“Joe, they’re MFEO,” Pete articulates all the letters, “and when a little chick and a little dude love each other very much, they decide they want to start a family, and they share a special hug…”
“I don’t know if you can really call it a hug, with dogs. Maybe a special…game of leapfrog,” Andy cuts in.
Pete laughs and laughs. “When a little girl dog and a little boy dog love each other very much, they share a special piggyback ride,” he intones in his best serious voice.
Joe rolls his eyes. “Dude, his dick would kill her.”
“Joe!” Patrick snatches Penny out of the crook of Andy’s elbow and cuddles her to his chest, looking appalled.
“I’m just saying, dude. She’s like-under all that fur, her torso is the size of a Coke can. His dick would be way too big.”
“It would, like…pop her,” Andy laughs.
“Oh my god!” Patrick looks down at the ball of fluff in his arms. “You people are sick.”
“Well,” Pete says contemplatively, glancing over at Hemmy’s underside. He reaches down to grab his own crotch. “It is the Wentz curse.”
There’s a moment of silence before Joe, Patrick, and Andy burst out laughing.
“Fuckers,” Pete says, but he’s laughing, too.
“Well, your dick would definitely kill Penny, but I don’t think it's gonna mortally wound anyone else,” Andy says.
“Dude! Oh my god!” Patrick looks totally scandalized now, which prompts Pete to thrust his hips a few times in Penny’s direction. “Stay away from my dog!”
“No, seriously,” Joe says, because he had a point, okay. “Pete, man. Remember when Hemmy was just a little guy and Jeanae took him to the vet for his ‘special surgery’…?”
Pete just blinks at him.
“…And the vet ‘fixed’ him?” Joe continues, making finger quotes around the word fixed.
Pete crosses his arms over his chest. Petulance is starting to creep in around the blank look on his face.
“…And by ‘fixed him’, I mean cut his balls off,” Joe finishes, looking exasperated. “Hemmy is, like…barren.”
“Don’t say that in front of him!” Pete hisses. “He doesn’t know about the N-U-T-U-…the N-U-E-T-R…damn it, he doesn’t know about his N-U-T-S, okay? And he has a sensitive nature.”
“Okay, okay,” Joe says, holding one hand up in surrender. “Just so long as you know.”
“They could find a donor,” Andy says. “Or they could adopt.”
And Patrick, he doesn’t even mean to because he’s not, you know, crazy like Pete is, but he just kind of hears himself say, “Adoption would be nice. Like, maybe some disenfranchised…puppies.”
Pete catches his eye and nods, all earnest. “Like, poor orphan puppies. Or little handicapped ones. Or-oh! Crack puppies!” he says, grinning. Patrick rolls his eyes, but just like always, he’s grinning back.