(no subject)
things are so fucked up right now. i'm so worried about jesse, and things seem to be falling apart...i tried calling jes today to talk to him, n he answered, but he had no fucking calls left, so i couldn't even talk to him...:( he sounds ok tho...it hit me really hard last night that i could have lost him, and he's supposed to be the one person who will always be there no matter what, because no matter how many times we fight, we'd always make up, and he's blood.....what if i lost him? what the fuck would i do? i would be so lost....i don't even see him that often, but i think besides my mom he's the person i love most in my family, n prolly the world...he's my best fucking friend, and he better be all right, otherwise i'm gonna fucking go kill his stupid friends. god...
today i felt like i was gonna die....i think my ear infection is coming back, because it felts like i was being stabbed in the ear the entire day...then i had a migraine, and a cold, and i just felt like shit...
and i miss kristy. a lot. it feels like we haven't hung out in forever. we were supposed to hang out on sat, cuz joelle n sara were gonna be in SC, but then she went to caitlin's n hung out w/her n nate....now that her n nate are back together, i feel like she's ditching me for him, even tho i know she's not....i wonder if this is how she felt with chris, or tom...argh...EDIT-i like nate now, he's a cool kid...so blah.
love-ugh. things are so weird now. nothing feels the same, and i kind of feel like i'm being used.....i should be used to it by now tho, huh? i still love him and everything, and i know he's happy, but i keep thinking all this stupid shit. once a relationship is tainted (even tho most of it IS my fault) i don't wanna be in it anymore, yet i still do. i can't be alone...it's this pathetic thing i have,,,,and now old memories are coming back....god, i dunno...
everything is just shit. i know i shouldn't be complaining cuz blah blah blah, but fuck you. all i want to do right now is curl up into a little and cry till i fall asleep, then now wake up until next year...yea, that'd be great.
fuck i hate life right now.
has anyone else noticed i listen to slipknot a lot now? lol. damn.