(no subject)

[heybabe437]

I'm in one of those moods where I question everything about myself. I look at old pictures and some new pictures and I wonder, "Have I moved on?" I feel as though maybe I'm looking at the past and saying that was such a good time, while waiting for something that good to happen. My life right now is great. I have an awesome group of friends, a wonderful room mate who is my best friend, and I do so much. My dorm is amazing, my classes are fair. I need to find a church. There's so much potential, and yet I feel as though I'm holding something back. I don't know. I say my room mate is my best friend but that's because she is the one who knows the most about me right now but I don't tell her how I feel about things. We laugh about everything, know almost everything about each other. Not telling my emotions is a first. People can only really understand me if they know how I'm feeling. I've been hiding how I truly feel and I don't know why. Maybe I don't want people to really know. I am huring a lot, but it's so easy to cover up. But I so wish I had some of my old friends down here that I could just go and spill my guts to. Sometimes I wonder if I'm really living up college as it should be and at the same time I guess I fear that I'm missing out. The worst part is that all of this self doubt is really starting to hit home. Ya know, look in the mirror and only see the defects. Can't find anything that looks nice to wear. Keep wondering...what am I doing wrong? And I don't really think that it is me, well at times I do...but in all reality it is just my emotions coming out. Gah, why am I so emotional? I really need to start working out, running, swimming...a sport. That's what I used to love doing, and I had the most fun doing really.

Did I mention I have an organic chem test tomorrow morning that I'm not completely prepared for? It makes me sick really to even think about it. I'm taking all of these fun yummy courses and I don't even know if I like my major. Who knows my luck...I'll probably change my major and not need all of these crap courses. Now I'm off to study!