Exploring for the first time (chapter 1)
Santana and Brittany have been friends for a really long time, since they were just kids. They would always share their thought and secrets and everything else new they just have found out.
When they started being around boys, wasn’t different. Especially Santana, who made a habit of hers stop by Brittany’s house after a date, to share the novelties in the dating area, with her bff. Santana use to share, in great details, her dates and adventures with the opposite sex. It was like that with all her ‘firsts’. First kiss, first time of first base… and second… and third and finally her first time.
Brittany uses to hear, with great attention, Santana’s stories. She knew she wasn’t the brightest girl around so she made sure she always tried harder to keep up with the information people share with her. But in these cases, particularly, she always heard with eagerness. She’d always waited her latina friend coming out of a date to listen to her stories. It was like to live in someone else’s life.
Brittany still hadn’t had a boyfriend, after all she was only 14… she uses to say. She was pretty newbie to this whole boy/girl thing and wanted to make sure, when her time arrived, she would know exactly what to do. Besides, Santana was her idol. Not only because of the stories that she shares but also because everybody at school respects her. Secretly she wants to be just like Santana.
After her date with Eric, Santana, as always, stops by at Brittany’s and starts to talk: “God. I always thought that a bad making out session was better that a no making out session. But Eric changed that concept for me. Jesus. The guy had no idea at all about how to kiss”, she said, rolling up her eyes “Seriously Britt, he left a whole circle of spit around my mouth. That’s a guy I will never go out again”.
Saying that she looks herself in the mirror and put her hair up in a ponytail. After she fixed her hair, she continues “and don’t even make me start with he trying to touch my boobs. So messy and argh…. There’re no words to describe what that was”.
She then looked to Brittany who was much more quiet than usual. Actually Britt was never quiet. Most of the time, Santana has to ask Britt to shut up a little, so she can hear what the teachers are saying.
Santana was a little hurt by her friend’s lack of interest in her life and reacts the only way Santana does when she feels left out: with rudeness. “If I’m boring you, I should go”, said the brunette, angrily. And she continued “And I’ll stop to come here… talk to you, after my dates”.
As she moves towards the door, Brittany abruptly reaches for her wrist and says “I’m not boring, San. I’m listening. If you want I can tell you everything you told me tonight. Don’t go”. As Santana takes a better look in her friends face, she realizes that is not boredom that she sees. Brittany is sad.
Santana now feels like shit. Why she has always to be rude with her best friend. God…. Feeling guilty and also worried, she sits down on Britt’s bed and tells her “I’m sorry. Sometimes I can be a real bitch” and having no response from Britt, she continues “Why are you so quiet tonight? You look sad. Did something happen? Did someone in school do something to you? You tell me Britt that I will kick some seriously ass…”
“Nobody did anything, San”, interrupted Britt. “It’s just... I’m a loser. I can’t do anything right. People are right from calling me stupid”.
“Hey, stop it, ok? You’re not any of those things”, said Santana, touching her friend’s face and whipping a single tear on her cheek. “What happened? Tell me!”
Britt looked down at her shoes and shaking her head said “I can’t. It’s too embarrassing”.
“Are you kidding me? I just told you my horrible, horrible date with probably the worst guy on the planet. Can’t be worse than that”, said Santana, trying to lose the mood a little. With the lack of response from Britt and really getting worry now, Santana, gently touches her friend’s back and continues “Come on, Britts. It’s me. The same Santana you’ve known for your whole life. That always had been there for you. I won’t judge, ok? No matter what. Please!”
Still looking down, Brittany starts “You know how you always tell me about your dates and things you do?”
Santana nods affirmatively.
“And the things you feel, like THAT thing that you feel?” completes Brittany, feeling her cheeks in heat. “Well, I was trying to feel that… that thing, you know, but I can’t. I tried, but I can’t”.
Santana stops for a while and tried to understand what Britt is talking about and suddenly hits her “You’re talking about an orgasm, Britt?”
Britt wanted to hide under the covers of her bed. She wanted to disappear. She can’t believe she’s having this conversation with Santana.
“Hey, Britt, it’s ok if was. Don’t be embarrassed”. Still with no answer from her friend, she continued “Come on, Britt. Tell me what is bothering you”.
“I can’t”, she said “that would make me uncool and you are not friend with the uncool people”.
“What?” says the latina, in disbelief “Hey, I’ll be your friend for the rest of my life, crazy girl”, Santana says, giving her friend a very tight hug and a kiss on her cheek. “You’re my bff, remember? Now tell me, come on!”
After a long sigh, the blonde builds up a little courage and stars “Remember when you told me, last week, that you were… you know… doing that… you know?”
Santana always thought was cute how shy Britt can be sometimes. Realizing how difficult this is for Britt, she completed “Masturbating?”
Britt blushed right way “Yeah. And you’ve told me that was, like, really really good. Like… the best ever?”
“Yes. It really was”, Santana said, now holding Britt’s hands, to encourage her to talk.
After a minute of silence, Santana guessed “So, what are you trying to say? That you touched yourself?”
Britt couldn’t raise her head anymore. She just couldn’t look at Santana’s face. She just nodded, affirmatively.
Santana continued then “Britt, it’s totally normal. Everybody does that”.
“Yeah, but I just can’t do that, you know? I just can’t. I try and I just start to feel silly and start to feel guilty and I have to stop”.
“You know what, Britt. I used to feel those things too, but now I realize that is natural and healthy. Besides, I really like and I think if it makes me feel that good why should I deprive myself of it?”
“Yes, but…” but the blonde couldn’t continue. She starts to tear up. Santana holds her and reassures her that she can tell her anything.
“My mom, once, caught me touching in my lady’s parts when I was a kid”, Britt finally reveals. “She said some horrible things to me and beat the crap out of me”. Santana was baffled. Why a mother would scars a daughter because of something like that. And Britt continued “and she threat to beat me, even worse, if she ever caught me doing this again. Now, I just can’t. I keep remembering that day and I just can’t”.
Santana just hold her friend closer and closer and said to her “We are going to figured it out how to solve this, ok? Tomorrow I’m gonna bring that book about sex for teenagers that I bought. Maybe if you have more information you feel more comfortable with yourself, ok?”
Britt nodded. Santana just kept holding her. “I’m glad you opened up with me, Britt. You never have to feel embarrassed about nothing, with me, ok?”
When they started being around boys, wasn’t different. Especially Santana, who made a habit of hers stop by Brittany’s house after a date, to share the novelties in the dating area, with her bff. Santana use to share, in great details, her dates and adventures with the opposite sex. It was like that with all her ‘firsts’. First kiss, first time of first base… and second… and third and finally her first time.
Brittany uses to hear, with great attention, Santana’s stories. She knew she wasn’t the brightest girl around so she made sure she always tried harder to keep up with the information people share with her. But in these cases, particularly, she always heard with eagerness. She’d always waited her latina friend coming out of a date to listen to her stories. It was like to live in someone else’s life.
Brittany still hadn’t had a boyfriend, after all she was only 14… she uses to say. She was pretty newbie to this whole boy/girl thing and wanted to make sure, when her time arrived, she would know exactly what to do. Besides, Santana was her idol. Not only because of the stories that she shares but also because everybody at school respects her. Secretly she wants to be just like Santana.
After her date with Eric, Santana, as always, stops by at Brittany’s and starts to talk: “God. I always thought that a bad making out session was better that a no making out session. But Eric changed that concept for me. Jesus. The guy had no idea at all about how to kiss”, she said, rolling up her eyes “Seriously Britt, he left a whole circle of spit around my mouth. That’s a guy I will never go out again”.
Saying that she looks herself in the mirror and put her hair up in a ponytail. After she fixed her hair, she continues “and don’t even make me start with he trying to touch my boobs. So messy and argh…. There’re no words to describe what that was”.
She then looked to Brittany who was much more quiet than usual. Actually Britt was never quiet. Most of the time, Santana has to ask Britt to shut up a little, so she can hear what the teachers are saying.
Santana was a little hurt by her friend’s lack of interest in her life and reacts the only way Santana does when she feels left out: with rudeness. “If I’m boring you, I should go”, said the brunette, angrily. And she continued “And I’ll stop to come here… talk to you, after my dates”.
As she moves towards the door, Brittany abruptly reaches for her wrist and says “I’m not boring, San. I’m listening. If you want I can tell you everything you told me tonight. Don’t go”. As Santana takes a better look in her friends face, she realizes that is not boredom that she sees. Brittany is sad.
Santana now feels like shit. Why she has always to be rude with her best friend. God…. Feeling guilty and also worried, she sits down on Britt’s bed and tells her “I’m sorry. Sometimes I can be a real bitch” and having no response from Britt, she continues “Why are you so quiet tonight? You look sad. Did something happen? Did someone in school do something to you? You tell me Britt that I will kick some seriously ass…”
“Nobody did anything, San”, interrupted Britt. “It’s just... I’m a loser. I can’t do anything right. People are right from calling me stupid”.
“Hey, stop it, ok? You’re not any of those things”, said Santana, touching her friend’s face and whipping a single tear on her cheek. “What happened? Tell me!”
Britt looked down at her shoes and shaking her head said “I can’t. It’s too embarrassing”.
“Are you kidding me? I just told you my horrible, horrible date with probably the worst guy on the planet. Can’t be worse than that”, said Santana, trying to lose the mood a little. With the lack of response from Britt and really getting worry now, Santana, gently touches her friend’s back and continues “Come on, Britts. It’s me. The same Santana you’ve known for your whole life. That always had been there for you. I won’t judge, ok? No matter what. Please!”
Still looking down, Brittany starts “You know how you always tell me about your dates and things you do?”
Santana nods affirmatively.
“And the things you feel, like THAT thing that you feel?” completes Brittany, feeling her cheeks in heat. “Well, I was trying to feel that… that thing, you know, but I can’t. I tried, but I can’t”.
Santana stops for a while and tried to understand what Britt is talking about and suddenly hits her “You’re talking about an orgasm, Britt?”
Britt wanted to hide under the covers of her bed. She wanted to disappear. She can’t believe she’s having this conversation with Santana.
“Hey, Britt, it’s ok if was. Don’t be embarrassed”. Still with no answer from her friend, she continued “Come on, Britt. Tell me what is bothering you”.
“I can’t”, she said “that would make me uncool and you are not friend with the uncool people”.
“What?” says the latina, in disbelief “Hey, I’ll be your friend for the rest of my life, crazy girl”, Santana says, giving her friend a very tight hug and a kiss on her cheek. “You’re my bff, remember? Now tell me, come on!”
After a long sigh, the blonde builds up a little courage and stars “Remember when you told me, last week, that you were… you know… doing that… you know?”
Santana always thought was cute how shy Britt can be sometimes. Realizing how difficult this is for Britt, she completed “Masturbating?”
Britt blushed right way “Yeah. And you’ve told me that was, like, really really good. Like… the best ever?”
“Yes. It really was”, Santana said, now holding Britt’s hands, to encourage her to talk.
After a minute of silence, Santana guessed “So, what are you trying to say? That you touched yourself?”
Britt couldn’t raise her head anymore. She just couldn’t look at Santana’s face. She just nodded, affirmatively.
Santana continued then “Britt, it’s totally normal. Everybody does that”.
“Yeah, but I just can’t do that, you know? I just can’t. I try and I just start to feel silly and start to feel guilty and I have to stop”.
“You know what, Britt. I used to feel those things too, but now I realize that is natural and healthy. Besides, I really like and I think if it makes me feel that good why should I deprive myself of it?”
“Yes, but…” but the blonde couldn’t continue. She starts to tear up. Santana holds her and reassures her that she can tell her anything.
“My mom, once, caught me touching in my lady’s parts when I was a kid”, Britt finally reveals. “She said some horrible things to me and beat the crap out of me”. Santana was baffled. Why a mother would scars a daughter because of something like that. And Britt continued “and she threat to beat me, even worse, if she ever caught me doing this again. Now, I just can’t. I keep remembering that day and I just can’t”.
Santana just hold her friend closer and closer and said to her “We are going to figured it out how to solve this, ok? Tomorrow I’m gonna bring that book about sex for teenagers that I bought. Maybe if you have more information you feel more comfortable with yourself, ok?”
Britt nodded. Santana just kept holding her. “I’m glad you opened up with me, Britt. You never have to feel embarrassed about nothing, with me, ok?”