El Raton Modesto (Modest Mouse) haha
So. I am feeling better about life at this moment in time. I got a lot of things off my chest yesterday that have been bothering me to a few different people and it felt really really good. I need to stop thinking that holding shit in and ignoring the situation is the best way to deal with things.
I had to go to the counseling center at school yesterday and I was completely DREADING it because I am just sooo sick of talking about what happened and sick of mental health professionals in general. I met with this guy named Bill Buick and he was seriously AMAZING. Like he got the question sooo fucking well and I just could not even handle it. It was the most enjoyable session with anyone I have ever had in my life (mind you I have seen at least 7 different mental health professionals by now) and I seriously wish I could go to him weekly for therapy. Unfortunately, Quinnipiac for some reason does not want their counselors to see students on a private basis. Grrrr. He recommended someone to me though and told me that he thinks I am better off seeing someone who has experience with social work and stuff because by the way it sounded to him I have seen like strict psychologists who just love to analyze people and tell them what is wrong instead of like trying to help. He is also the second psychologist I have seen that I actually felt like cared about me... and he gave me a hug when I left. I loved it. When I told him the whole story about everything that happened he seriously just could not even believe it and told me he was genuinely surprised I made it this far. Not even due to how much everything sucked for me like emotionally and mentally, but also the fact that I made it past the Quinnipiac head psychatrist (Dr. Berv) and past Carol Bouchet. It was just sooo funny because as soon as I said I had to see Dr. Berv he was like "ohhh no... I am soooo sorry. Don't tell me he had the laptop..." and I DIED. Like honestly this psychiatrist was suuuchhh a fuck face and sat behind a laptop the whole entire session, did not make eye contact once, and interupted me as if he could care less about what I was saying. Bill told me that he wouldn't wish his worst enemy to see Dr. Berv and that he is a mean man. It is so sad that some people get into a profession soley based on how much money they will be making. It makes me sick. I left there just feeling so damn good about life and so hopefull that there really are good professionals out there (even though they are so difficult to find).
Last night I smoked with Brett and we had the best conversations and drove around in his ghetto-ed out VW Golf with hardcore bLaStInG. We drove through town and were being sooo silly. I loved every second of it. Brett is seriously such an amazing person. We then went to Britt's to make dinner and hang out with the Griz. Britt is doing SO SO SO much better and I could NOT be prouder of her. We watched this Dateline after dinner about like internet predators and it was soo disgusting. They like set up these conversations with guys online and then would tell them to come to their house (pretending they were a 13 year old boy) and some of these guys would seriously drive like 3 hours and show up to the house where they were questioned by dateline and then arrested as they walked out the door. These guys were so fucked up. What the hell is wrong with our country? GOD Why do people like little boys?!?! hahahaha
ALRIGHT well... I bet nobody has even made it this far through my whole entry but if you did I hope you aren't terribly bored. I have to go to spanish... HASTA
I had to go to the counseling center at school yesterday and I was completely DREADING it because I am just sooo sick of talking about what happened and sick of mental health professionals in general. I met with this guy named Bill Buick and he was seriously AMAZING. Like he got the question sooo fucking well and I just could not even handle it. It was the most enjoyable session with anyone I have ever had in my life (mind you I have seen at least 7 different mental health professionals by now) and I seriously wish I could go to him weekly for therapy. Unfortunately, Quinnipiac for some reason does not want their counselors to see students on a private basis. Grrrr. He recommended someone to me though and told me that he thinks I am better off seeing someone who has experience with social work and stuff because by the way it sounded to him I have seen like strict psychologists who just love to analyze people and tell them what is wrong instead of like trying to help. He is also the second psychologist I have seen that I actually felt like cared about me... and he gave me a hug when I left. I loved it. When I told him the whole story about everything that happened he seriously just could not even believe it and told me he was genuinely surprised I made it this far. Not even due to how much everything sucked for me like emotionally and mentally, but also the fact that I made it past the Quinnipiac head psychatrist (Dr. Berv) and past Carol Bouchet. It was just sooo funny because as soon as I said I had to see Dr. Berv he was like "ohhh no... I am soooo sorry. Don't tell me he had the laptop..." and I DIED. Like honestly this psychiatrist was suuuchhh a fuck face and sat behind a laptop the whole entire session, did not make eye contact once, and interupted me as if he could care less about what I was saying. Bill told me that he wouldn't wish his worst enemy to see Dr. Berv and that he is a mean man. It is so sad that some people get into a profession soley based on how much money they will be making. It makes me sick. I left there just feeling so damn good about life and so hopefull that there really are good professionals out there (even though they are so difficult to find).
Last night I smoked with Brett and we had the best conversations and drove around in his ghetto-ed out VW Golf with hardcore bLaStInG. We drove through town and were being sooo silly. I loved every second of it. Brett is seriously such an amazing person. We then went to Britt's to make dinner and hang out with the Griz. Britt is doing SO SO SO much better and I could NOT be prouder of her. We watched this Dateline after dinner about like internet predators and it was soo disgusting. They like set up these conversations with guys online and then would tell them to come to their house (pretending they were a 13 year old boy) and some of these guys would seriously drive like 3 hours and show up to the house where they were questioned by dateline and then arrested as they walked out the door. These guys were so fucked up. What the hell is wrong with our country? GOD Why do people like little boys?!?! hahahaha
ALRIGHT well... I bet nobody has even made it this far through my whole entry but if you did I hope you aren't terribly bored. I have to go to spanish... HASTA