you want an update?

[hey_peacock____]

you want to read something from this person?
fine.

i don't know what's wrong with me. i never do. and i never will. i'm never happy, ever. and i'll probably never be. and i've grown to accept that. i'm sorry i can't be positive, or cheerful, or smiling all the time, or one emotion all the time.

i'm stressed out and i have no reason to be stressed out. i feel like i have no focus in life. i don't know what i'm good at. i'm not good at anything. i won't ever apply myself because i'm a lazy piece of shit. i have no future. and i've grown to accept that.

i'm tired of looking for that one tree i want to crash my car into. or crying for no reason at all. or hating myself so much. is that personal? can i say that in here? now everyone can think i'm crazy. i am crazy. and i'm sorry i'm crazy. i'm sorry that's hard for you to hear. imagine how hard it is to tell you.

do you know why i like dreaming so much? because i can be anything i want. i can do anything i want. (it's the closest thing to death)i'm not tired in my dreams. i'm not sick. i'm not crying. i don't hurt or hate. that's why.

i'm lonely. and sometimes i don't know how i breath. i don't know how i funtion. deep down i hurt more than anything. i'm sorry; i don't have everything i want. not even close.

give me a new name. and tell the real nicole i'm sorry for being a bitch to her. tell her i never meant to treat her so bad. and i'm sorry i hated her so much. mention that i was scared. and i'm sorry i couldn't love her.

dear nicole,
get out of my life.