how much longer?
so in exactly 39 mins i will be on day 15 of my detox. there have been a few times that its been hard for about 2 minutes. then i'm super relieved that i didn't give in and have to start all over.
i kind of thought it would be more successful, but at the same time really didn't think i'd lose anything because i've plateaued at this weight for MONTHS. i've only lost 4.5 lbs and it hasn't been very hard, so thats why i'm doing it for another 2 weeks to total 28 days. i think the worst part is no caffiene. i haven't also had enough energy to hit the gym - mostly cause i've been to depressed to do anything productive other than work and smoke.
i have quite the week coming up. i an forshadowing it being hard so i made sure i'd have a supply to help me get through the week. i'm seeing susan for the last time on wednesday at 1pm. i really don't have anything to say, except that she is right. i have wasted more of her time than money can buy. and not only is it a waste because of that, but its a waste because its with me. i'm not going to change. i've already had emense therapy/hospitalizations etc and look where i am. i feel very alone as no one around me knows about my troubles because i have never said anything. i don't want people knowing i'm a nut case. my parents often do not hear me talking to them so forget that. i feel like everyday my life is just a waste of a life for someone else who hasn't been able to live their life. why am i here and why can i not get over myself? i wish someone would punch me IN THE FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACE and jolt the chemicals in my brain and turn on the happy neurotransmitters.
i kind of thought it would be more successful, but at the same time really didn't think i'd lose anything because i've plateaued at this weight for MONTHS. i've only lost 4.5 lbs and it hasn't been very hard, so thats why i'm doing it for another 2 weeks to total 28 days. i think the worst part is no caffiene. i haven't also had enough energy to hit the gym - mostly cause i've been to depressed to do anything productive other than work and smoke.
i have quite the week coming up. i an forshadowing it being hard so i made sure i'd have a supply to help me get through the week. i'm seeing susan for the last time on wednesday at 1pm. i really don't have anything to say, except that she is right. i have wasted more of her time than money can buy. and not only is it a waste because of that, but its a waste because its with me. i'm not going to change. i've already had emense therapy/hospitalizations etc and look where i am. i feel very alone as no one around me knows about my troubles because i have never said anything. i don't want people knowing i'm a nut case. my parents often do not hear me talking to them so forget that. i feel like everyday my life is just a waste of a life for someone else who hasn't been able to live their life. why am i here and why can i not get over myself? i wish someone would punch me IN THE FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACE and jolt the chemicals in my brain and turn on the happy neurotransmitters.