"I pRaY tHaT sOmEtHiNg PiCkS mE uP"
i havent updated since november. too much has been going on. visited northern and u of i. killed myself at school and work. made it through a few sleepless nights and rocked my classes.
i turned 19. thank you to those who noticed. i appreciated every call. text. gift. package. rockettes. cupcake. thank you.
and then it was winter break.
everyone was home.
and i pretend like everything is the same.
brookfield zoo. all american rejects. fridays with the girls. dirty christmas cards. christmas movies at my other home. dq. gift exchanges. family gossip. secret sleepovers. "rhinestone cowboy." christmas. american and serbian. new years. "the year of the slut." raz and coke. the boondock saints. disney scene it. movie marathons. mcdonalds and the devils advocate. espn zone. bts bday. "and sheperds we shall be..." cereality. bonding with my brother and zach braff. nsync vs. bsb.
i'm begging you to be honest.
"i just look at the bride and her bridesmaid that she has known since she was five. i'm like 'that's gonna be us'."
i definitely fucked up. and i hate myself everyday for it.
"i love being single. i hate being alone."
this is why we go on dates. together.
last year, i couldnt have predicted where i would be right now. but i wouldnt have thought i would be here.
"its hard being left behind...
its hard to be the one who stays."
What you feel only matters to you. It's what you do to the people you love. That's what matters. That's the only thing that counts. - the last kiss
She's my friend because we both know what it's like for people to be jealous of us. - clueless
I don't want to waste another moment of my life without you in it.
That's life. If nothing else, its life. It's real, and sometimes it fuckin' hurts, but it's sort of all we have.
And you can never get it back. It's like you get homesick for a place that doesn't exist. I mean it's like this rite of passage, you know...I miss the idea of it. -garden state
I'm miles from where you are…
I, I pray that something picks me up
And sets me down in your warm arms.
There's nothing left to try
There's no place left to hide
There's no greater power
Than the power of goodbye.