Tonight's the night to live.... love.
While the subject is terrible, I sincerely improves and is deleted and replaced with something better. "Tonight's the night to live" is a terrible phrase indeed. It makes sense.
So, I've pretty much realized something very personal. I don't if it's that I'm a Leo or if it's the power of personality (ehh...) but I can draw attention, that is good attention, to myself easily. Of course the opportunity has to be there, but people are impressed by me.
Not that I don't work hard to achieve that. I must first allow there to be trust that I can entertain, and I do that in the WORST way possible. I make the most dumb jokes and say the wrong things. But they're always correct.
Finally, once they see my talent, which is unveiled like a flash of lightning before their eyes, they see exactly who I can be. And they want more.
Am I equipped to be a part of this mythos?
I'm in love with very few things. I'm spending my holidays up here. I'm terrified for the darkness that lives inside. I know I will be lonely, and seriously missing home. Right now, with the heater on, wearing a sweater, I feel like I'm back home. It takes a damn heater to do that.
Nothing else has. It feels good. It's kind of like I've forgotten home. They only thing that brings me back to feeling at home is when I AM home and I'm with my family.
But the dynamic of being with my family has changed. I've grown and and actually just begun to cherish the moments I have with EACH family member. And the same goes with friends. I feel as if that moment lasts twice as long when I am just there with a person. I've grown up and I'm content.
Still, I need to let go of those things which keep me back.
Let us (me) create a list.
......WHAT?
No, no no!
What am I doing?
I am falling into a trap. No, I've not yet fallen at all. I've not begun any list, thank G-d.
This is what is necessary: A plan!
I'm gearing up for those "new years yuppy-ations". They are MEANINGLESS TO ME.
Already what I need to focus on is in place. I've been documenting my music, putting it together in a presentable, record session-ready format and I'm writing more stuff. I've already got another Newgrass song in the works. I have no idea the mood and theme of the song. For the first time I might create all of the chords and then write several lyrics over it. I'm excited.
I can wait for 2008. I believe in patience. Next Tuesday, my coworker Aub is having a party. I'm invited. I'll wait for it. It's going to come. Tomorrow night I'm going to a show - a party with the Swedes that Daniel (brother) has met. They have his bag.
I have fallen in love with Nothing recently.
Except this one woman. She's a customer at work. She asked me today if I "felt better" because last time I saw her I was feverish and had the chills and was wearing several layers I wouldn't have worn otherwise. I sweated out that fever like no other. I felt TERRIBLE. But seeing her I actually shake. I begin to get light-headed and want to just tell her she makes my life that much more amazing. I want her to be the reason I start a song and sing for her in front of a small crowd, and propose to.
The relationship which would be that serious is non-existent. She's got a boyfriend and he needs to die. I don't care how nice he is. Death to his self.
That felt really good.
I actually expressed my desire for love.
I'm not afraid of it.
Damn, it's taken me long enough.
Yes!
(-J.)™
So, I've pretty much realized something very personal. I don't if it's that I'm a Leo or if it's the power of personality (ehh...) but I can draw attention, that is good attention, to myself easily. Of course the opportunity has to be there, but people are impressed by me.
Not that I don't work hard to achieve that. I must first allow there to be trust that I can entertain, and I do that in the WORST way possible. I make the most dumb jokes and say the wrong things. But they're always correct.
Finally, once they see my talent, which is unveiled like a flash of lightning before their eyes, they see exactly who I can be. And they want more.
Am I equipped to be a part of this mythos?
I'm in love with very few things. I'm spending my holidays up here. I'm terrified for the darkness that lives inside. I know I will be lonely, and seriously missing home. Right now, with the heater on, wearing a sweater, I feel like I'm back home. It takes a damn heater to do that.
Nothing else has. It feels good. It's kind of like I've forgotten home. They only thing that brings me back to feeling at home is when I AM home and I'm with my family.
But the dynamic of being with my family has changed. I've grown and and actually just begun to cherish the moments I have with EACH family member. And the same goes with friends. I feel as if that moment lasts twice as long when I am just there with a person. I've grown up and I'm content.
Still, I need to let go of those things which keep me back.
Let us (me) create a list.
......WHAT?
No, no no!
What am I doing?
I am falling into a trap. No, I've not yet fallen at all. I've not begun any list, thank G-d.
This is what is necessary: A plan!
I'm gearing up for those "new years yuppy-ations". They are MEANINGLESS TO ME.
Already what I need to focus on is in place. I've been documenting my music, putting it together in a presentable, record session-ready format and I'm writing more stuff. I've already got another Newgrass song in the works. I have no idea the mood and theme of the song. For the first time I might create all of the chords and then write several lyrics over it. I'm excited.
I can wait for 2008. I believe in patience. Next Tuesday, my coworker Aub is having a party. I'm invited. I'll wait for it. It's going to come. Tomorrow night I'm going to a show - a party with the Swedes that Daniel (brother) has met. They have his bag.
I have fallen in love with Nothing recently.
Except this one woman. She's a customer at work. She asked me today if I "felt better" because last time I saw her I was feverish and had the chills and was wearing several layers I wouldn't have worn otherwise. I sweated out that fever like no other. I felt TERRIBLE. But seeing her I actually shake. I begin to get light-headed and want to just tell her she makes my life that much more amazing. I want her to be the reason I start a song and sing for her in front of a small crowd, and propose to.
The relationship which would be that serious is non-existent. She's got a boyfriend and he needs to die. I don't care how nice he is. Death to his self.
That felt really good.
I actually expressed my desire for love.
I'm not afraid of it.
Damn, it's taken me long enough.
Yes!
(-J.)™