drabbles: send nudes - Avengers - 2-5
Title: send nudes
Characters/pairings: Natasha Romanov/Pepper Potts, Bruce Banner/Tony Stark, Phil Coulson, Maria Hill, Clint Barton, Steve Rogers, Thor
Rating/warnings: PG; nude photos, sexting, embarrassment
Spoilers: none
Words: 1.3k (total)
Summary: A cautionary tale about sexting.
Notes: So with some prompting from pandasquish this is now a hideous series. jarvisaur also drew part 1.5 in comic form, which is available here; it's adorable! Part 3 is dedicated to Dirge. I thought I might open this up for suggestions too, if anyone is interested? Send me your hilarious, ridiculous, and/or entirely embarrassing sexting ideas. I might not ending up using them, but they will certainly be appreciated anyway.
one - Natasha/Pepper
“Coulson?”
Coulson fumbled his phone and dropped it, fortunately not cracking the screen against his desk. He had been contemplating for the past half hour whether to reciprocate Pepper’s unexpected nude photo. It wasn’t really his style, but….
“Maria, yes? I was just…uhh...thinking I should call you,” he lied.
She blinked at him, clearly not buying it. “Anyway, I found the files you were looking for.”
“Right. Thanks.” Coulson took the folder, carefully palming his phone. As Hill turned to go, he blurted out, “Hypothetically, say someone you know unexpectedly texted you a nude photo of themselves...how would you reply to that? Would it be kosher to send one back?”
Hill turned and stared at him with that creepily blank expression she used when she didn’t necessarily want to answer. “I think…it’s…fine. Why are you asking me this?”
Coulson inhaled and shook his head. “No real reason. Asking for a friend.”
Blank stare still firmly place, Hill retreated out of his office and back down the hall. Coulson exhaled gustily and looked back at his screen to make a decision, but the photo appeared to be missing. “Huh.” Ten seconds later a text arrived from Tony that was just a smiley face.
“Son of a bitch.” Coulson sighed and put his head down on his desk, mentally kicking himself for almost causing a huge embarrassment. Tony wouldn’t bother so quickly and cleanly hacking his phone for anything less than Pepper’s dignity.
Another ten seconds later his phone pinged again, this time from an unrecognizable number. Coulson opened the attachment, and it was the same nude photo of Maria Hill with the face slightly obscured he had seen three times before. He closed it and turned his phone off.
_
DICK PICS BRO
Bruce chuckled at Tony’s message, wondering if he was being serious or not. Sometimes, he was finding, it was a very fine line. …Why?, he typed back.
For science!
Bruce did not believe that for a second. What’s it in for me?
My undying affection?
Come to the samba club with me on Saturday and I’ll consider it. Tony had managed to resist all of Bruce’s previous attempts to coax him into a night out dancing, but it was worth a try.
Done
Working in Stark Tower had some distinct advantages; Bruce had never had a private bathroom for his lab before. He stepped in and pulled off his clothes in front of the mirror, turning at various angles until he could get a decent, full frame shot of his lower body. After a moment of consideration, he slapped a green filter on it and sent it to Tony.
By the time he was back at his workspace there was a reply, jfc.
Bruce cracked up and almost knocked his eye against the microscope. The first message was followed by another that just said hot.
_
“Incoming,” Natasha called out from the couch where she was sprawled tap-tapping away on her phone.
“What?” Tony mumbled, his mouth stuffed with a donut while he navigated through a particularly rough patch of the Mario Kart course he and Bruce were playing.
Before Natasha could explain, all the phones in the room pinged at once. Bruce was losing anyway, so he got to his first. “….Oh. Uhh…”
Tony paused the game and grabbed his as well. “What the fuck, Clint. Is this what you meant by incoming?”
“Yeah, it’s a problem,” Natasha sighed. “He calls it butt bombing.”
Pepper poked her head in the room, looking a bit disgruntled. She held up her phone. “Did you guys get…?”
“Yes. Just ignore it, everyone else does.” Natasha had already deleted hers. Most likely Coulson would be calling to have Words very soon.
“But why?” Bruce sounded mostly baffled with a hint of amusement. “Is he really that desperate?”
“No, it’s…” Natasha tried to think of the best way to put phrase what she wanted to say. “It’s a gesture of good faith. Basically it just means he considers you a friend. You’re BFFs now, get used to it. Also he’s probably drunk.”
“I don’t know how to respond to that,” Pepper said behind her. Bruce nodded and Natasha shrugged in response.
Tony looked almost impressed. Almost. “It’s a nice ass, I’ll give him that.”
_
It’s not that Steve was adjusting poorly to 21st century technology, it’s just that he couldn’t figure out why his new phone kept changing certain words he typed for no particular reason. He would have to talk to Tony about that soon because there was clearly a glitch in the programming. For the moment, Steve was content with the overall functionality of the device.
Thor: MY MORTAL FRIENDS I HAVE RETURNED
Steve smiled at the text, amusing himself by remembering that he learned how texting worked before Thor, who seemed perpetually stuck in capslock. Somehow it seemed appropriate since Thor was a pretty loud guy most of the time. Wb! Any Asgardian news to report? he typed back.
Steve slipped the phone back in to his pocket and continued his customary morning perusal of the newspaper and coffee at the little shop near his apartment. He didn’t look at his phone again until he was leaving, at which point he narrowly avoided walking into the revolving glass door because the screen was showing a carefully posed, full body naked picture of Thor and that didn’t make a single lick of sense. Three more popped up in quick succession after, all slightly different, accompanied by the caption, FORGIVE ME FRIEND FOR SENDING FOUR, JANE SAYS ALL MY SIDES ARE GOOD SIDES.
“What in the hell….” Steve sat back down heavily, a slight dread building that he already might know what went wrong. Sure enough, ‘news’ had autocorrected to ‘nudes.’ As a horrific added bonus, ‘Asgardian’ was now ‘Assguardian.’ Essentially he had sent an invitation to which Thor was almost guaranteed to respond positively. While Thor was undeniably easy on the eyes, Steve preferred to be aware of when and with whom he was flirting.
Steve closed out the message and sat with eyes narrowed, staring a hole through the SI logo on his phone. He had a pretty good idea what was going on and who was likely responsible. This wasn’t a conversation he wished to have in public, so instead he started a new message. Gdi Tony fix my autocorrect!
Characters/pairings: Natasha Romanov/Pepper Potts, Bruce Banner/Tony Stark, Phil Coulson, Maria Hill, Clint Barton, Steve Rogers, Thor
Rating/warnings: PG; nude photos, sexting, embarrassment
Spoilers: none
Words: 1.3k (total)
Summary: A cautionary tale about sexting.
Notes: So with some prompting from pandasquish this is now a hideous series. jarvisaur also drew part 1.5 in comic form, which is available here; it's adorable! Part 3 is dedicated to Dirge. I thought I might open this up for suggestions too, if anyone is interested? Send me your hilarious, ridiculous, and/or entirely embarrassing sexting ideas. I might not ending up using them, but they will certainly be appreciated anyway.
one - Natasha/Pepper
“Coulson?”
Coulson fumbled his phone and dropped it, fortunately not cracking the screen against his desk. He had been contemplating for the past half hour whether to reciprocate Pepper’s unexpected nude photo. It wasn’t really his style, but….
“Maria, yes? I was just…uhh...thinking I should call you,” he lied.
She blinked at him, clearly not buying it. “Anyway, I found the files you were looking for.”
“Right. Thanks.” Coulson took the folder, carefully palming his phone. As Hill turned to go, he blurted out, “Hypothetically, say someone you know unexpectedly texted you a nude photo of themselves...how would you reply to that? Would it be kosher to send one back?”
Hill turned and stared at him with that creepily blank expression she used when she didn’t necessarily want to answer. “I think…it’s…fine. Why are you asking me this?”
Coulson inhaled and shook his head. “No real reason. Asking for a friend.”
Blank stare still firmly place, Hill retreated out of his office and back down the hall. Coulson exhaled gustily and looked back at his screen to make a decision, but the photo appeared to be missing. “Huh.” Ten seconds later a text arrived from Tony that was just a smiley face.
“Son of a bitch.” Coulson sighed and put his head down on his desk, mentally kicking himself for almost causing a huge embarrassment. Tony wouldn’t bother so quickly and cleanly hacking his phone for anything less than Pepper’s dignity.
Another ten seconds later his phone pinged again, this time from an unrecognizable number. Coulson opened the attachment, and it was the same nude photo of Maria Hill with the face slightly obscured he had seen three times before. He closed it and turned his phone off.
_
DICK PICS BRO
Bruce chuckled at Tony’s message, wondering if he was being serious or not. Sometimes, he was finding, it was a very fine line. …Why?, he typed back.
For science!
Bruce did not believe that for a second. What’s it in for me?
My undying affection?
Come to the samba club with me on Saturday and I’ll consider it. Tony had managed to resist all of Bruce’s previous attempts to coax him into a night out dancing, but it was worth a try.
Done
Working in Stark Tower had some distinct advantages; Bruce had never had a private bathroom for his lab before. He stepped in and pulled off his clothes in front of the mirror, turning at various angles until he could get a decent, full frame shot of his lower body. After a moment of consideration, he slapped a green filter on it and sent it to Tony.
By the time he was back at his workspace there was a reply, jfc.
Bruce cracked up and almost knocked his eye against the microscope. The first message was followed by another that just said hot.
_
“Incoming,” Natasha called out from the couch where she was sprawled tap-tapping away on her phone.
“What?” Tony mumbled, his mouth stuffed with a donut while he navigated through a particularly rough patch of the Mario Kart course he and Bruce were playing.
Before Natasha could explain, all the phones in the room pinged at once. Bruce was losing anyway, so he got to his first. “….Oh. Uhh…”
Tony paused the game and grabbed his as well. “What the fuck, Clint. Is this what you meant by incoming?”
“Yeah, it’s a problem,” Natasha sighed. “He calls it butt bombing.”
Pepper poked her head in the room, looking a bit disgruntled. She held up her phone. “Did you guys get…?”
“Yes. Just ignore it, everyone else does.” Natasha had already deleted hers. Most likely Coulson would be calling to have Words very soon.
“But why?” Bruce sounded mostly baffled with a hint of amusement. “Is he really that desperate?”
“No, it’s…” Natasha tried to think of the best way to put phrase what she wanted to say. “It’s a gesture of good faith. Basically it just means he considers you a friend. You’re BFFs now, get used to it. Also he’s probably drunk.”
“I don’t know how to respond to that,” Pepper said behind her. Bruce nodded and Natasha shrugged in response.
Tony looked almost impressed. Almost. “It’s a nice ass, I’ll give him that.”
_
It’s not that Steve was adjusting poorly to 21st century technology, it’s just that he couldn’t figure out why his new phone kept changing certain words he typed for no particular reason. He would have to talk to Tony about that soon because there was clearly a glitch in the programming. For the moment, Steve was content with the overall functionality of the device.
Thor: MY MORTAL FRIENDS I HAVE RETURNED
Steve smiled at the text, amusing himself by remembering that he learned how texting worked before Thor, who seemed perpetually stuck in capslock. Somehow it seemed appropriate since Thor was a pretty loud guy most of the time. Wb! Any Asgardian news to report? he typed back.
Steve slipped the phone back in to his pocket and continued his customary morning perusal of the newspaper and coffee at the little shop near his apartment. He didn’t look at his phone again until he was leaving, at which point he narrowly avoided walking into the revolving glass door because the screen was showing a carefully posed, full body naked picture of Thor and that didn’t make a single lick of sense. Three more popped up in quick succession after, all slightly different, accompanied by the caption, FORGIVE ME FRIEND FOR SENDING FOUR, JANE SAYS ALL MY SIDES ARE GOOD SIDES.
“What in the hell….” Steve sat back down heavily, a slight dread building that he already might know what went wrong. Sure enough, ‘news’ had autocorrected to ‘nudes.’ As a horrific added bonus, ‘Asgardian’ was now ‘Assguardian.’ Essentially he had sent an invitation to which Thor was almost guaranteed to respond positively. While Thor was undeniably easy on the eyes, Steve preferred to be aware of when and with whom he was flirting.
Steve closed out the message and sat with eyes narrowed, staring a hole through the SI logo on his phone. He had a pretty good idea what was going on and who was likely responsible. This wasn’t a conversation he wished to have in public, so instead he started a new message. Gdi Tony fix my autocorrect!