drabbles: Majority Agreement, 1-3 - The Hobbit
Notes: So these came about when (as usual) I made theerokappa give me prompts. They're all variations on "beard contest" that ended up making a more or less cohesive story.
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Financial Risk | G, 200 | Bilbo was not averse to a little financial risk on occasion, being a hobbit of means.
Bilbo was not averse to a little financial risk on occasion, being a hobbit of means, but the number of bets that took place among the dwarves as they traveled he found truly astounding. Admittedly, there wasn’t much else to do most of the time; the ponies plodded and the scenery, while attractive, moved more slowly than molasses.
Bofur’s pony trotted up next to Bilbo’s and slowed to match pace. “Who do you reckon has the prettiest beard? Bombur’s insisting it’s his own, but I’ll wager Dori and Oin at least have got him beat.”
“I…don’t know? Why are you asking me?”
“Unbiased opinion, of course!” Bofur grinned. “And we’re just talking beards, not hair.”
“Well…” Bilbo huffed, twisting around to look over the options. “Bombur’s is…unique.”
Nori appeared on his other side, chin jutted out in what Bilbo figured was supposed to emphasize his facial attributes. “Care to back that up with a little coin?”
Behind them, Ori yelled delightedly, “Beard contest!” to which the others expressed great interest.
“Majority agreement, and you can’t vote for yourself,” Nori added.
“Count me out,” Bilbo laughed.
Bofur shook his head, mirth dancing in his eyes. “Nonsense, everyone gets a fair chance!”
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A Good Chance of Winning | G, 100 | "No one said it had to be a natural beard, right?"
“I think we have a good chance of winning.”
Bilbo’s brow furrowed and his lips puckered around the stem of his pipe as he swung his gaze to the right where Kili had joined him. “Are you touched in the head?”
“No, listen. No one said it had to be a natural beard, right?” Kili leaned in conspiratorially and pulled a set of knitting needles from inside his coat. “I borrowed them from Ori. And we have a plentiful supply of horsehair.”
Bilbo was fairly certain this was a terrible idea, but he nodded. “I hope you know how to knit, because I don’t.”
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Proportional to Height | G, 200 | Gandalf vs. Balin beard-off.
“Mr. Gandalf, I am certain that proportional to height, my beard measures longest.” Balin had one hand on his hip and the other was brandishing a tape measure. “I took your comment as a challenge, sir, so let us have the answer.”
Gandalf hemmed and hawed and choked slightly on his pipe smoke. “My dear Mr. Balin, I meant no disrespect. A contest is unnecessary.”
“Apology accepted, but the challenge still stands.”
Dwalin snorted and Bilbo looked up at him quizzically. “My brother suffers no insult to his beard,” he explained.
“Aye,” Thorin agreed. Bilbo was surprised to see the ghost of a smile on the king’s face. “Since he once lost it so tragically rescuing his lady friend from that kitchen fire.”
“Oh, she left ‘im on the spot after that!” Dwalin hooted. “Couldn’t stand the sight o‘im.”
Balin turned from his argument with Gandalf to eyeball his brother disapprovingly. “I’m sure Mr. Baggins is not interested in such ridiculous tales.”
“No, no, I’m very interested in…dwarvish…customs,” Bilbo hedged, to scattered laughter from around the camp behind him. He tried to meet Balin’s gaze, but ended up staring at his toes before escaping to relative safety behind Bombur’s bulk.
~
Financial Risk | G, 200 | Bilbo was not averse to a little financial risk on occasion, being a hobbit of means.
Bilbo was not averse to a little financial risk on occasion, being a hobbit of means, but the number of bets that took place among the dwarves as they traveled he found truly astounding. Admittedly, there wasn’t much else to do most of the time; the ponies plodded and the scenery, while attractive, moved more slowly than molasses.
Bofur’s pony trotted up next to Bilbo’s and slowed to match pace. “Who do you reckon has the prettiest beard? Bombur’s insisting it’s his own, but I’ll wager Dori and Oin at least have got him beat.”
“I…don’t know? Why are you asking me?”
“Unbiased opinion, of course!” Bofur grinned. “And we’re just talking beards, not hair.”
“Well…” Bilbo huffed, twisting around to look over the options. “Bombur’s is…unique.”
Nori appeared on his other side, chin jutted out in what Bilbo figured was supposed to emphasize his facial attributes. “Care to back that up with a little coin?”
Behind them, Ori yelled delightedly, “Beard contest!” to which the others expressed great interest.
“Majority agreement, and you can’t vote for yourself,” Nori added.
“Count me out,” Bilbo laughed.
Bofur shook his head, mirth dancing in his eyes. “Nonsense, everyone gets a fair chance!”
__
A Good Chance of Winning | G, 100 | "No one said it had to be a natural beard, right?"
“I think we have a good chance of winning.”
Bilbo’s brow furrowed and his lips puckered around the stem of his pipe as he swung his gaze to the right where Kili had joined him. “Are you touched in the head?”
“No, listen. No one said it had to be a natural beard, right?” Kili leaned in conspiratorially and pulled a set of knitting needles from inside his coat. “I borrowed them from Ori. And we have a plentiful supply of horsehair.”
Bilbo was fairly certain this was a terrible idea, but he nodded. “I hope you know how to knit, because I don’t.”
__
Proportional to Height | G, 200 | Gandalf vs. Balin beard-off.
“Mr. Gandalf, I am certain that proportional to height, my beard measures longest.” Balin had one hand on his hip and the other was brandishing a tape measure. “I took your comment as a challenge, sir, so let us have the answer.”
Gandalf hemmed and hawed and choked slightly on his pipe smoke. “My dear Mr. Balin, I meant no disrespect. A contest is unnecessary.”
“Apology accepted, but the challenge still stands.”
Dwalin snorted and Bilbo looked up at him quizzically. “My brother suffers no insult to his beard,” he explained.
“Aye,” Thorin agreed. Bilbo was surprised to see the ghost of a smile on the king’s face. “Since he once lost it so tragically rescuing his lady friend from that kitchen fire.”
“Oh, she left ‘im on the spot after that!” Dwalin hooted. “Couldn’t stand the sight o‘im.”
Balin turned from his argument with Gandalf to eyeball his brother disapprovingly. “I’m sure Mr. Baggins is not interested in such ridiculous tales.”
“No, no, I’m very interested in…dwarvish…customs,” Bilbo hedged, to scattered laughter from around the camp behind him. He tried to meet Balin’s gaze, but ended up staring at his toes before escaping to relative safety behind Bombur’s bulk.