(no subject)
i want to throw up. this is rediculus no I'M rediculus. i don't know what to say or do. and i don't want anyones sympathy after reading this. i just need to get this out somewhere. there is seriously something wrong with me. i never want to leave my hosue. why ? i don't want to see anyone talk to anyone or do anything. all i do on weekends is sit at home by my fucking self and do nothing. thats no way to live. i wish i wasn't like this. i'm always angry or pissed off or depressed. on the week all i want to do is come home from shcool. by the end of the day i want to kill everyone. if you even say by to me i want to snap on someone. then on weekends i tell everyone i;m going to make plans with them and i end up making up exuses not to do anything. i'm a fucking shitty frined. yeah i want to hangout with people but i never end up doing it. i can't associate myself with people. i feel so uncomfortable. then another thing, even if someone talks to me if you're a certain person my face will turn all red and i get so I DONT EVEN KNOW. people cant even talk to me without me getting fucking freaked out. i talk to my mom about me seeing someone and getting help but NO. if it was for her it would be done the second there was a problem. she doesn't want to admit that i have problems. she doesn't realize how bad it is. im so afraid to do certain things and she thinks im making it all up. if she spent a whole friggen day with me then maybe shouldwould relize it. theres alot more i have to say i just dont know how to put it ill write after i dont know
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