bored/lonely/emo/etc
So, the title pretty much sums up everything i'm feeling right now. Actually, it sums up pretty much everythin i've been feeling for the past few months. Sure, moving here to MA helped distract me, as did getting the Ninja, but really, these feelings never really went away.
Being back at big y is kinda nice, familiar, cool people to talk with, but it kinda sucks too. I'm no longer up front (havn't been for a while now) and i'm out of the loop, and the only people i really have to talk to are the department people. The department people are cool and all, just none of them are really the same as the peeps up front. Them, i can joke/flirt/pickon/laugh/etc with on a regular basis. Now it's pretty hit or miss on what i can do and when.
Also, it means i'm almost completly seperated from anyone i may like, which makes it hard to talk to them, and possibly set up a time to hang out. I guess everyone knows about 2 ppl, but i didn't. And i kinda liked one of them and i'm friends with the other. Though does it really count as friendship if we only ever talk/hang out at work? Sure, there's the occasional IM from time to time, but that's nothing like just hanging out. "Here's my obligational 'what's up' so we can keep saying we're 'friends'. Same time next week?" it seems like sometimes. That really feels like most everyone i know too, save a select few + roomates. And then i really only hang out with them because, well, i live with them. Of the four others, only one of them i was friends with before moving in here, and even then it wasn't too often. Though that's understandable because of where he lived before he moved here.
My wrist is fucked up. It's been fucked up for about a week straight now. I can't really use my thumb, and typing is starting to hurt. I have an appointment tomorrow at 3pm, before work, to get it checked out. Hopefully they'll toss a brace or something my way. I REALLY don't want a cast. It's bad enough i havn't been able to ride my bike, but at least i can ride Chris' bike. I'd go crazy if neither were an option.
I've decided to start updating this now and then, which i havn't done in a long time. I think my last entry was about me getting a job, many months ago, when i was still living with my dad. Also, i think this is the most i've ever typed up in one go on this shit, which is funny, because some of you type this much, and more, on a regular basis.
So there's this other girl i like. Though those few of you that'll actually see this probably already know about it. And the worst part is, i don't know if i really do like her, or if i'm making myself like her, or what. I think i do, but i beat things up so much in my head that i twist, confuse, and overly foobar the situation in my mind until i don't know what i was thinking in the first place. I sabotage things for myself like this all the time. Regardless of what it is. I think i'm destined to this forever. Then i think on it constantly, and take it for the truth. Then i stop carring and wonder what the point is, so i just go through my life, day by day, living for the few moments of genuine happiness that keep me going.
Whatever, enough complaining for tonight, catch you on the flip.
Being back at big y is kinda nice, familiar, cool people to talk with, but it kinda sucks too. I'm no longer up front (havn't been for a while now) and i'm out of the loop, and the only people i really have to talk to are the department people. The department people are cool and all, just none of them are really the same as the peeps up front. Them, i can joke/flirt/pickon/laugh/etc with on a regular basis. Now it's pretty hit or miss on what i can do and when.
Also, it means i'm almost completly seperated from anyone i may like, which makes it hard to talk to them, and possibly set up a time to hang out. I guess everyone knows about 2 ppl, but i didn't. And i kinda liked one of them and i'm friends with the other. Though does it really count as friendship if we only ever talk/hang out at work? Sure, there's the occasional IM from time to time, but that's nothing like just hanging out. "Here's my obligational 'what's up' so we can keep saying we're 'friends'. Same time next week?" it seems like sometimes. That really feels like most everyone i know too, save a select few + roomates. And then i really only hang out with them because, well, i live with them. Of the four others, only one of them i was friends with before moving in here, and even then it wasn't too often. Though that's understandable because of where he lived before he moved here.
My wrist is fucked up. It's been fucked up for about a week straight now. I can't really use my thumb, and typing is starting to hurt. I have an appointment tomorrow at 3pm, before work, to get it checked out. Hopefully they'll toss a brace or something my way. I REALLY don't want a cast. It's bad enough i havn't been able to ride my bike, but at least i can ride Chris' bike. I'd go crazy if neither were an option.
I've decided to start updating this now and then, which i havn't done in a long time. I think my last entry was about me getting a job, many months ago, when i was still living with my dad. Also, i think this is the most i've ever typed up in one go on this shit, which is funny, because some of you type this much, and more, on a regular basis.
So there's this other girl i like. Though those few of you that'll actually see this probably already know about it. And the worst part is, i don't know if i really do like her, or if i'm making myself like her, or what. I think i do, but i beat things up so much in my head that i twist, confuse, and overly foobar the situation in my mind until i don't know what i was thinking in the first place. I sabotage things for myself like this all the time. Regardless of what it is. I think i'm destined to this forever. Then i think on it constantly, and take it for the truth. Then i stop carring and wonder what the point is, so i just go through my life, day by day, living for the few moments of genuine happiness that keep me going.
Whatever, enough complaining for tonight, catch you on the flip.