GUEST POST: Santa S. Claus, artefact, December 2006
Name: Santa S. Claus (aka Father Christmas, aka St. Nick, et al)
Format: Artefact (of sorts)
Date: December 2006
Relevance: Tis the Season
( Ho. Ho. Ho. Yes, that includes you. )
Format: Artefact (of sorts)
Date: December 2006
Relevance: Tis the Season
( Ho. Ho. Ho. Yes, that includes you. )
*cockeyed smile*
I've been ever so good this year, Mr Claus and I'm sure you'd agree. Listen - there isn't anything you could do for me about the whole dead thing, is there? You know - as in me, erm... not being it? It's a bloody drag.
Reply
Now there's a pretty lad.
*settles his arm around Sirius' waist, fingers drifting over his hip*
Have you? Can you tell me something good you've done this year?
*considers*
You need to talk to Death about that. He's in the office two doors down from mine. He gets stroppy if I start messing with his files, you see.
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*smoothly*
Those spectacles are just for show, aren't they? You quite obviously have very good eyesight.
*lips twitch at the roaming fingers*
*narrows his eyes, affecting an expression of great thought*
Well, let me pick a few. Hm. *counts off on his fingers*
I didn't haunt Remus for taking up with my cousin.
I didn't quarrel with Regulus. Much.
And, erm... well. *shifts a bit more* I'm currently giving you the pleasure of my company. How's that?
*disappointed*
Blast. I expect that'll be my next visit.
In that case I should think of something else to ask for...
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They make me look studious and respectable. *deep laugh* And I need all the help I can get, if you know what I mean.
*wrinkles his nose*
Maybe you should have haunted Remus for that. Clearly he only chatted her up because she could grow a cock and look like you.
*smiles slowly up at him at his shifting*
Care to give me a bit more, laddie? I only get to do this once a year so I have a lot of pent-up... gifts.
*nods*
He's not a bad bloke if you catch him on a day he's not sat on his scythe or had a run-in with the Tooth-Fairy. He hates that old queen.
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You think so? *laughs brightly* That's rather like what James said.
*cocks his head*
*drawling*
Really? It must be awfully frustrating to only be able to give things out once a year. Your sack must be practically bursting by the beginning of December.
*fiddles absently with the collar of his robes*
I've never spoken to him personally. Still, I imagine if he's being doing the job for this long he's got to have a cracking good sense of humour.
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Interested?
*eyes him pointedly*
I see you when you're sleeping. I see you when you're awake. And I see them when they're shagging like rabbits in the Ministry loo.
*lets his hand slide down to the curve of Sirius' arse and squeezes*
It's a terrible burden. But it does mean that the first person to my sack gets a full load of gifts.
*nods*
He quite enjoys scaring people shitless sometimes. Particularly enjoys showing up while they're mid-coitus, giving them a fright, and leaving them to their limp willies.
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And? Respectable? Or am I a lost cause?
*lips purse, his jaw tightening*
*blithely, brushing at the front of his robes*
We all have our hobbies.
*eyes widen a little at the squeeze, then his mouth falls back into an easy smirk*
Lucky them.
*chuckles*
So long as he never does it to me? That's fucking brilliant.
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Clearly a lost cause. You look like that singer bloke, Elton John. Unsurprisingly less queer, of course. I think a neon peacock is less queer than he is.
*nods*
Mine's voyeurism. What's yours?
*voice drops*
Wouldn't you like to be lucky, Sirius? Get there before Fenrir does?
*shakes his head*
You're already dead. It's no fun to do that to the dead, apparently. Now have you thought of what else you'd like?
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I was going to say - Elton John is rather an extreme height of queerness instead of smaller degree by which to be measured. And *frowns* I never thought I looked particularly queer.
*grin slowly returns*
Bit of that, but mostly - excrutiating torture. *catches his tongue between his teeth*
*low, velvety laugh*
Have I still got a chance then? *fingers fiddle open the top button his robes*
Too true, bugger it all. Mmm. Another present, let's see. Well, I could do with a wand - a good one that's not borrowed.
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You certainly look queer when you've got a bloke's cock up your arse.
*eyebrows raise*
Torture, is it? I might have the wrong gift for you if that's case.
*nods and resumes stroking his fingers expertly over Sirius' arse*
Everyone has a chance. But the good looking ones always have more of one.
*turns his hips just enough to bump his erection into Sirius*
A wand is something that I could give you. Elven made. Though I do have a few very special wands. Made of reindeer baculum.
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There is that, though fewer than you might think actually get to see that part. If that's all you're basing the queerness on, I'd say you're a bit biased. *grins*
Not of me. And some might not strictly call it torture. No canes, you see. Just... *wiggles his fingers* Hands. And tongue. And... the rest of me.
Naturally.
*slides his hips back, grinding down to him*
*laughs*
Fantastic, though I'm not exactly surprised. Have a number in reserve, do you? To give out to all the pretty boys?
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*slow smile*
Ahhh. That's my kind of torture.
*groans*
There's a good lad. You're definitely beginning to make up for any naughtiness of the past year.
*laughs, belly jiggling against Sirius*
Only a few select ones who seem to have lost their wands in rather unfortunate and distinctly unsexy manners.
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Thought you might be partial to that sort of thing.
*rolls his hips in little circles, expression calm and confident*
I can be disgustingly obliging when properly motivated.
*laughs again, loudly*
Would it help if I said it wasn't my fault?
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Obviously.
*nods* Oh yes. Smart and attractive. A great combination.
*kneads his arsecheek firmly*
And would your Christmas presents be enough motivation for you to lose your clothes and put your torturous body to work?
*rolls his eyes*
If I believed that every time someone said that, the coal industry would have failed before the industrial revolution.
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And clever. Don't forget clever. I'm devilishly clever.
*smirks*
*flicks the buttons of his robes open one by one*
*mutters*
This is so much easier with magic. One tap and it's all over.
Now, you have insurance yes? Because I have been known to cause violent fits of fainting when I undress.
*slips robes off his shoulders, exposing smooth, white skin*
*chuckling*
Fair enough.
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Devilishly clever too. But watch out that Lucifer doesn't hear that. He won't appreciate the competition.
*chuckles*
But this way is so much more entertaining. I like watching people undress.
*cock throbs beyond the velvet coat and smooth white rabbit fur thong he's wearing*
*reaches up to pull his robes down further*
All the way off, lad.
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