(no subject)
so some shit i never saw comin, yesterday, hit me like a ton of bricks...i was workin, well, first lets back track....Friday, olivia came home from mexico...she got home at like 11, and her parents let me come over anyway which was awesome of them...then, after that, i didnt get to see her cause it was the day of warp tour...next day, we hung out, for like an hour or lil longer...then she randomly gets picked up by heather, and i was just wtf...i really wanted to spend time with her but i couldnt...next day, i believe this is wednesday? idk, my days a re lil screwy...anyway, i ask her to hang out when i got outta work, she said she was busy with heather, she'd call me after she was doine wit dinner...she called me bout 7:30, by that time, i already made plans with ray, i didnt think she was gona call me...i asked her if she wanted to come over, she said she couldnt cause shes in pajamas, i said "so, changhe out of ur poajamas, its not hard" then she said, "but heather is in pajamas too and doesnt have a change of clothes." i was like, "ohh...so basically i cant see u cause heather doesnt have clothes." i thought that was pretty fucked up...i told her i guess id call her ltr, but i didnt feel like gettin another heather excuse so i just didnt...
now its yesterday, thursday....im working, and at lik 1:20 she texted me saying "when do u get outta work?" i said, 4. she said, "do u wana come over after that, we have to talk." i was like, oh no...i knew it right there, i siad, "something bad?" she replied, "we just need to talk." my jaw was just dropped cause i knew it was coming, and i totally wasnt expecting this...i tryed calling her, caus it was real dead at work, but she said she just wanted to talk in person...i was like wtf...why? wtf did i do? so i was dreading 4 oclock all day, and time was goin by so slow...
finally i go to her house..she opens the door, has a big smile on her face, and gives me a big hug....which no, looking at that, im even more confused...we went up to her room, we were just sitting on her bed, and she wouldnt say a word...just put the TV on and couldnt stop watching it, tryed real hard not to start a converstaion...so i got it out of her, "what do we need to talk about?" after sayin that like 5 times, i said, "what? do u wana break up?" she put her head on the pillow, like about to cry and said, "kinda" and my heart just fell into my stomach....i knew it the whole time but i relly didnt wana here it come true....i asked her why, she said she didnt want to be in a seriours realtionship....and i thought to myself, maybe u shoulda told me that 4 months ago??? idk...but i didnt get a better answer than that...she was sayin this crap about being friends and i said, "if were not going out, im not gona continue to talk to u, know how difficult that would be 4 me?" she was crying by this point...i told she meant the world to me, just trying desperatly to get her to change her mind, but nope...so i walked out...i texted her when i was driving, almost crashed doing it to, but i told her that i loved her more than anything in the world, and nothin will change that, and ill be waiting if u ever chane ur mind....she replied, "that ment the world to me. thank you for everything. i love you." so i was like wtf...whys she telling me she loves me, she obviously doesnt...so i aksed her, "are we okay? or we on a "break" for now? or something?" she said,, "id like the break for now."
i was so confused, i still am...i never saw this coming and im so mad...theres not a second im not thinking about her, but thats not because weve broken up, ive always never had a second where im not thinkin of her...mainly cause i barely saw her...i just have this funny feeling deep down in my gut that heather had a big hand in it...i know it. unless olivia was just lying to me every single time she said i love u....i dont understand, i wish i could know the truth....but anyway, i texted her about 5, asking her if she realized her feelings by herself...i know she didnt, and it defintly prooved it when she finally answered 10 minutes later and said, "of course. no one would ever make me a decision about this other than me" which i just cant believe. then she said, "im really sorry. its all my fault. ill always keep u in mind." like wtf does that mean...WHAT HAPPENED?!! i dont understnad, i thought i was gona be happy for a while for once...but just tasing happiness for four months and then having it just taken away like this really depresses me...im so piseed!
so now i dont know what to do...should i try with all my might to win her back? or just give up and see if she comes back on her own? idk...i need some help here, i cant figure this one out on my own.
now its yesterday, thursday....im working, and at lik 1:20 she texted me saying "when do u get outta work?" i said, 4. she said, "do u wana come over after that, we have to talk." i was like, oh no...i knew it right there, i siad, "something bad?" she replied, "we just need to talk." my jaw was just dropped cause i knew it was coming, and i totally wasnt expecting this...i tryed calling her, caus it was real dead at work, but she said she just wanted to talk in person...i was like wtf...why? wtf did i do? so i was dreading 4 oclock all day, and time was goin by so slow...
finally i go to her house..she opens the door, has a big smile on her face, and gives me a big hug....which no, looking at that, im even more confused...we went up to her room, we were just sitting on her bed, and she wouldnt say a word...just put the TV on and couldnt stop watching it, tryed real hard not to start a converstaion...so i got it out of her, "what do we need to talk about?" after sayin that like 5 times, i said, "what? do u wana break up?" she put her head on the pillow, like about to cry and said, "kinda" and my heart just fell into my stomach....i knew it the whole time but i relly didnt wana here it come true....i asked her why, she said she didnt want to be in a seriours realtionship....and i thought to myself, maybe u shoulda told me that 4 months ago??? idk...but i didnt get a better answer than that...she was sayin this crap about being friends and i said, "if were not going out, im not gona continue to talk to u, know how difficult that would be 4 me?" she was crying by this point...i told she meant the world to me, just trying desperatly to get her to change her mind, but nope...so i walked out...i texted her when i was driving, almost crashed doing it to, but i told her that i loved her more than anything in the world, and nothin will change that, and ill be waiting if u ever chane ur mind....she replied, "that ment the world to me. thank you for everything. i love you." so i was like wtf...whys she telling me she loves me, she obviously doesnt...so i aksed her, "are we okay? or we on a "break" for now? or something?" she said,, "id like the break for now."
i was so confused, i still am...i never saw this coming and im so mad...theres not a second im not thinking about her, but thats not because weve broken up, ive always never had a second where im not thinkin of her...mainly cause i barely saw her...i just have this funny feeling deep down in my gut that heather had a big hand in it...i know it. unless olivia was just lying to me every single time she said i love u....i dont understand, i wish i could know the truth....but anyway, i texted her about 5, asking her if she realized her feelings by herself...i know she didnt, and it defintly prooved it when she finally answered 10 minutes later and said, "of course. no one would ever make me a decision about this other than me" which i just cant believe. then she said, "im really sorry. its all my fault. ill always keep u in mind." like wtf does that mean...WHAT HAPPENED?!! i dont understnad, i thought i was gona be happy for a while for once...but just tasing happiness for four months and then having it just taken away like this really depresses me...im so piseed!
so now i dont know what to do...should i try with all my might to win her back? or just give up and see if she comes back on her own? idk...i need some help here, i cant figure this one out on my own.