(no subject)
i am beginning to think that coming home was a really bad idea. a really really bad idea. i have not done anything fun since i have been back, i have not seen anyone i remotely wish to spend my free time with, i have less than $50 in my bank account and i am making shit at the job i spend what feels like all of my time at. i used to like working at fleming's, and now it is a hassle. i am the only person that actually shows up on time, the only one who shows up to all of their shifts and then some, the only one who seems to have to stay late when someone doesn't show up. and yet, i make less money than everyone else and am treated like a five year old that is going to screw everything up. the old men that eat there all hit on me when i open the door and this one server always calls me beautiful which bothers me more than it is a compliment. i have no motivation to find another job. because i keep telling myself i am only here for 3 more months. 3 more months is a hell of a long time. i was forced into buying a new car which i hate and the seat belt chokes me every time i brake. my ipod does not work in it either. i am almost dreading spring break, because it is not going to be a break for me, not that i am a student anyway. everyone requested off of work, which means i will be the substitute. i am supposed to go to tucson next week to check out apartments, but i'm trying to go to a baseball game instead. because that is how i feel about moving to tucson. i wish i could fast forward 2 months to find out if i will have the opportunity to go to washington because even though it would mean no job, no friends and unfamiliarity, it means a new start and a new chance to actually do something with my life..i really think i want to go to medical school and at this point my chances are sort of slim, so no friends, no job means more time to study and try to fix it. i'm not sure if getting another job would keep my mind off of everything and make the days go a little faster, or drive me further into crazy. the eye doctor thinks i may have ms. i need disneyland and the beach and thankyoumart and the gilmore girls and more than anything tivo. which my parents won't let me buy.