(no subject)
i don't know if i'm going to make it through this week.
i'm not cut out for serving. or memorizing the ingredients of 50 dishes. or taking a tray of full glasses through an obstacle course.
i can't live at home anymore. at least i can go to work to not be around my parents anymore.
i miss new york and everything it includes more than ever imagined. i don't even know what i have left here to come back to. i had a countdown last year, and i think i will revisit that.
i'm a giant stress ball and i'm afraid that one of the 40 year old server bitches at work is going to make me cry instead of just pissing me off because they hate me because i'm only 19 and i haven't been working in a restaurant for the past 20 years and i have aspirations in my life. i'm afraid i'm going to suck at my job and i won't make any money and i won't be able to move out of the dorms and i'll have to live with the stupid girl i don't know and i will never see anthony and that anthony is never going to get better because he has been sick for almost a month and i'm really worried and i'm also afraid that when i go back to new york things won't be the same anymore and all those people i made friends with will have found cooler friends and i will want to come home again. i don't want to come home anymore.
i can't talk to my dad without fighting or hurting his feelings or whatever. he wants to buy a trailer and go to the mountains every weekend. i disagree. and i get pissed off that he is willing to pay all this money for this stupid trailer and i can't get a damn apartment..but if i moved to LA like they want me to i would get an apartment and a new car and whatever i wanted. but i'm tired of doing the things that other people want me to do.
super long run ons, but i don't actually apologize because this is my breakdown and anyone who doesn't like it can die.
i'm not cut out for serving. or memorizing the ingredients of 50 dishes. or taking a tray of full glasses through an obstacle course.
i can't live at home anymore. at least i can go to work to not be around my parents anymore.
i miss new york and everything it includes more than ever imagined. i don't even know what i have left here to come back to. i had a countdown last year, and i think i will revisit that.
i'm a giant stress ball and i'm afraid that one of the 40 year old server bitches at work is going to make me cry instead of just pissing me off because they hate me because i'm only 19 and i haven't been working in a restaurant for the past 20 years and i have aspirations in my life. i'm afraid i'm going to suck at my job and i won't make any money and i won't be able to move out of the dorms and i'll have to live with the stupid girl i don't know and i will never see anthony and that anthony is never going to get better because he has been sick for almost a month and i'm really worried and i'm also afraid that when i go back to new york things won't be the same anymore and all those people i made friends with will have found cooler friends and i will want to come home again. i don't want to come home anymore.
i can't talk to my dad without fighting or hurting his feelings or whatever. he wants to buy a trailer and go to the mountains every weekend. i disagree. and i get pissed off that he is willing to pay all this money for this stupid trailer and i can't get a damn apartment..but if i moved to LA like they want me to i would get an apartment and a new car and whatever i wanted. but i'm tired of doing the things that other people want me to do.
super long run ons, but i don't actually apologize because this is my breakdown and anyone who doesn't like it can die.