May 31, 2006 22:58
From: [removed]@providence.org
Subject: this am
Date: May 31, 2006 3:55:47 PM EDT
To: [removed]@gmail.com
Cc: [removed]@gmail.com
I wanted to send you an email before I start work. This morning was awful. I am feeling so overwhelmed at this point it is difficult for me to express myself verbally. Obviously I have taken on way too many things. This coupled with having feelings and thoughts I struggle with in regards to our relationship. I have noticed since our first discussion I had expected you to say something about breaking up. Not only do I get really sensitive to everything when I am feeling overwhelmed, I also think that I am unconsciously sabotaging our relationship. This make me feel very sad. Intimacy isn't something that has been safe in the past. I have difficulty sharing my feelings as I have fears of being needy, or the fear of being hurt. I understand that I am really bringing you down and putting you into a place that isn't positive. You are right that I am being critical and nit picky. My anxiety level has been increasing daily and this morning I felt close to having an anxiety attack. I think that I am not allowing myself the space I need as much as I like spending time with you. I have trouble turning down the chance to spend time with you, although I am learning that is counter productive to our relationship while I'm feeling this overwhelmed. You are an amazing person. I love that I get to be in a relationship with you. I don't want to ruin it because of my recent obnoxious behavior. I want to figure out how to communicate better and stop avoiding intimacy by attacking you. I have to go to work, and I want to communicate about this later. I won't be able to get an email back until I get home if you write me back on my home email. I wouldn't respond to this one since this is my work email. I just want to leave you with wishing you luck and success today in speaking with the guy from Wells. I believe in you and am very excited you have this opportunity coming to you! I want to hear how it goes.
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I wonder if I should write anything back, or just hope that this email makes it to its intended recipient. I feel like I practically know these people from the incredibly honest and detailed description this woman describes. Oh, well it's interesting to get a little glimpse into the lives of people you will never know and see just how similiar our lives all are.
weirdness