why customer service has been in steady decline.
as told through two experiences with comcast:
see, since i've moved in to a new place, i've had to switch over my cable stuff. i used to live in montgomery county, now i live in prince george's county. they're both serviced by comcast. but they're not.
see, it's not the same comcast. yeah, they both call themselves comcast... but they might as well not even fucking know each other exists. but since they share the same name, they can claim to you, the customer, that they can do all these sweet time-saving efficient things, which they can't.
and they're phone people are bound to fuck it up more.
so i talked to the guy from my old place, about switching. i said i was moving and i wanted all the same stuff, no upgrade, no downgrade no price change. same shit. dude says 'ok'. and to 'take all my equipment with me'.
i get to the new place, and the guy shows up to hook me up. i tell him i have my old modem. he says that won't work, and i have to take it back to MC comcast. i say no. guy told me to bring it. install guy says "it can't work like that. there are 'stations'" and some other crap, and "a modem that works in one county won't work in the other". i ask him if that's true for a privately owned cable modem. he tells me 'no'. i tell him that sounds pretty fuckign stupid of comcast. he shrugs.
i call MC comcast. i call PGC comcast. neither of them will do anything that has to do with the other. in fact, a while ago i had a power surge at my place in MC and the internet broke. after lengthy discussions with comcast tech support, i asked if i could just take the modem to comcast and swap it out. "oh sure" guy says. "do you know where we are?"
"in lanham?" says i.
"yeah" says guy.
except no.
when i go to comcast in lanham, they couldn't even read the barcode. guy sat there trying to figure it out, got his manager, and then asked where i lived. i told him takoma park. then he realizes i'm at the wrong comcast. i had to take it all the way to rockville. they can't do anything.
wrong comcast.
so anyway, now i turn on my tv, and i have the super basic service. no comedy central or discovery channels like at the old place.
wtf.
first, i have to call about the modem. oh, and the bill they sent me up to half of november, even though i stopped service in takoma park on september 27th. first, phone lady tells me right away that i don't owe $120, but $16. which is good. but i struggled to not ask her why in the fuck i got the bill anyway, and was it just some ploy that they do to everyone just to see who pays without calling. but i don't. instead i tell her to send someone out to get the modem. she asks where i am, and then promptly tells me 'no' and i would have to come drop it off.
i tell her that i would do no such thing, because i would have, had i been told i needed to before leaving MC. but i was told to bring it with me. she says she's sorry but she can't help me.
then i do the thing. in my re-explanation, i utter the phrase "this is your fault." of course, the 'your' being 'comcast'. i say "listen, i have this modem in my new place because of what i was told by a comcast employee, so it's your fault. and you need to come and get it if you want it."
she goes crazy. she takes it personally. she says "it's not my fault! i did not do anythign to joo!"
this is one of the reasons customer service is a steaming shithole in american commerce these days. these huge companies know that if they get some high school drop out jerkoff to man the phones, they won't follow the old school capitalistic rules of service. they won't care about the 'customer is always right'. and peopl are either too nice to go hostile on some individual who's fault it is not... or too steaming mad to put forth a sensical argument to why they are in the right. they write off customer service as just some thing that needs to exist, but not really be functional.
what chaps my ass is when i see all these commercials from dell and comcast claiming they're somehow above or beyond this.
when it has been my experience that they are two of the worst perpetrators.
so anyway, i explain to dumbass phone woman in the tone and language that i think is most clear (and consequently i also realize at the same time why the love of my life fucking hates it when i do it to her... because it can be construed as extremely condescending), i tell her "look: no offense, but i don't give a crap who you are. this mistake was done by an employee of comcast, not me. and as far as i am concerned right now? you are comcast. so you need to fix it."
she says she's sorry, and she would help me if she could, but she can't.
i think for a second, and i say "how about this"... and i'm ready for anothe rargument, "how about i send it to you and you pay the shipping?"
"oh jes. we can do that."
"...are you fucking kidding me? then why didn't you mention that two seconds ago?"
"i'm sorry sir, i think that it must be my brain was not workeen."
fuck comcast. fuck them in their stupid asses. and fuck their customer service department for being so fucking dumb.
and so today? as i was supposed to have guy come by between 9am and 1 pm to drop off the box and upgrade my cable? he didn't show. no call. no nothing.
i call comcast and i ask wtf is up. this phone lady is nice enough, and genuinely wants to help... but still dumber than a box of rocks:
"you knwo you can come get a box from us"
"yes. but i need my channels too. the channels haven't changed yet."
"but that's because you have basic."
"yeah but even when you have digital. with the box. you get more channels coming through the wire."
"yeah but you only have basic. we have basic and then we have [something i can't remember]"
"yeah but. no. see. if you-"
"..."
"even if, one has digital service. if one bypasses the box. one still gets more channels than i have right now."
"...oh i see. i get it now. you're upgrading your service. see he didn't even put that on the work order. he just put the box drop off. but yeah he needs to do the switch over to the digital service and the new package."
what did you think, lady? that i was getting a digital box and keeping my basic service with 5 channels? are you fuckign kidding me?
epilogue: 8:20pm
so, i've been told that this guy will be here to just fucking drop off my digital box, for about 4 hours.
4 fucking hours.
i've talked to one person an hour, since i got back from my meeting (after the guy didn't show up between 9am and 1pm, as was planned). i told her i had a meeting at 2:30. she told me to go and call when i come back, and the guy will come out. i called. and was told he'd be over in a bit.
then i called at 5. and was told i was next on the list. and that i'd get a follow up call from the dispatcher. which never happened.
then i called at 6. and was told he'd be over in an hour. and i was next. and i'd get a follow up call from the dispatcher. which never happened.
then i called at 7. and i called the 301 number instead of the 800 number. which, oddly enough, sent me to talk to "linda" in florida instead of someone in PG county.
now linda tells me she can't talk directly to the dispatcher, but she'll enter in my info. and flag it. whatever that means. and that there's a note on my accoutn that i requested a reschedule. which is horseshit. but while i'm on the phoen with linda, i get a call from the dispatcher. he'll be over in 45 minutes. i told linda that i didn't really need to know? but i was interested in if i was being bullshitted all goddamn day, and if the guy was really coming.
now i just got a call from the guy. while i'm on hold with comcast ready to reach through the phone and commit a homocide. he'll be over in 10 minutes. but first he asked if i rescheduled. "no dude. i've been waiting all damn day."
now i'm thinking either he's trying to cover his lazy ass for never getting here, by acting like he was never told to come back after 1pm... or he never was actually told.
but either way, i don't fucking care. and this $20 linda credited to my account for "my trouble" ain't nearly enough. and i'm getting more tomorrow.
i just wasted a whole fucking day on this worthless horseshit. and all i fucking wanted was a cable box to get dropped off. which i even fucking suggested i go pick up to begin with, but the phone lady said it would be so painless to just have them drop off the box.
clearly she could not have been more wrong. and i want blood.
see, since i've moved in to a new place, i've had to switch over my cable stuff. i used to live in montgomery county, now i live in prince george's county. they're both serviced by comcast. but they're not.
see, it's not the same comcast. yeah, they both call themselves comcast... but they might as well not even fucking know each other exists. but since they share the same name, they can claim to you, the customer, that they can do all these sweet time-saving efficient things, which they can't.
and they're phone people are bound to fuck it up more.
so i talked to the guy from my old place, about switching. i said i was moving and i wanted all the same stuff, no upgrade, no downgrade no price change. same shit. dude says 'ok'. and to 'take all my equipment with me'.
i get to the new place, and the guy shows up to hook me up. i tell him i have my old modem. he says that won't work, and i have to take it back to MC comcast. i say no. guy told me to bring it. install guy says "it can't work like that. there are 'stations'" and some other crap, and "a modem that works in one county won't work in the other". i ask him if that's true for a privately owned cable modem. he tells me 'no'. i tell him that sounds pretty fuckign stupid of comcast. he shrugs.
i call MC comcast. i call PGC comcast. neither of them will do anything that has to do with the other. in fact, a while ago i had a power surge at my place in MC and the internet broke. after lengthy discussions with comcast tech support, i asked if i could just take the modem to comcast and swap it out. "oh sure" guy says. "do you know where we are?"
"in lanham?" says i.
"yeah" says guy.
except no.
when i go to comcast in lanham, they couldn't even read the barcode. guy sat there trying to figure it out, got his manager, and then asked where i lived. i told him takoma park. then he realizes i'm at the wrong comcast. i had to take it all the way to rockville. they can't do anything.
wrong comcast.
so anyway, now i turn on my tv, and i have the super basic service. no comedy central or discovery channels like at the old place.
wtf.
first, i have to call about the modem. oh, and the bill they sent me up to half of november, even though i stopped service in takoma park on september 27th. first, phone lady tells me right away that i don't owe $120, but $16. which is good. but i struggled to not ask her why in the fuck i got the bill anyway, and was it just some ploy that they do to everyone just to see who pays without calling. but i don't. instead i tell her to send someone out to get the modem. she asks where i am, and then promptly tells me 'no' and i would have to come drop it off.
i tell her that i would do no such thing, because i would have, had i been told i needed to before leaving MC. but i was told to bring it with me. she says she's sorry but she can't help me.
then i do the thing. in my re-explanation, i utter the phrase "this is your fault." of course, the 'your' being 'comcast'. i say "listen, i have this modem in my new place because of what i was told by a comcast employee, so it's your fault. and you need to come and get it if you want it."
she goes crazy. she takes it personally. she says "it's not my fault! i did not do anythign to joo!"
this is one of the reasons customer service is a steaming shithole in american commerce these days. these huge companies know that if they get some high school drop out jerkoff to man the phones, they won't follow the old school capitalistic rules of service. they won't care about the 'customer is always right'. and peopl are either too nice to go hostile on some individual who's fault it is not... or too steaming mad to put forth a sensical argument to why they are in the right. they write off customer service as just some thing that needs to exist, but not really be functional.
what chaps my ass is when i see all these commercials from dell and comcast claiming they're somehow above or beyond this.
when it has been my experience that they are two of the worst perpetrators.
so anyway, i explain to dumbass phone woman in the tone and language that i think is most clear (and consequently i also realize at the same time why the love of my life fucking hates it when i do it to her... because it can be construed as extremely condescending), i tell her "look: no offense, but i don't give a crap who you are. this mistake was done by an employee of comcast, not me. and as far as i am concerned right now? you are comcast. so you need to fix it."
she says she's sorry, and she would help me if she could, but she can't.
i think for a second, and i say "how about this"... and i'm ready for anothe rargument, "how about i send it to you and you pay the shipping?"
"oh jes. we can do that."
"...are you fucking kidding me? then why didn't you mention that two seconds ago?"
"i'm sorry sir, i think that it must be my brain was not workeen."
fuck comcast. fuck them in their stupid asses. and fuck their customer service department for being so fucking dumb.
and so today? as i was supposed to have guy come by between 9am and 1 pm to drop off the box and upgrade my cable? he didn't show. no call. no nothing.
i call comcast and i ask wtf is up. this phone lady is nice enough, and genuinely wants to help... but still dumber than a box of rocks:
"you knwo you can come get a box from us"
"yes. but i need my channels too. the channels haven't changed yet."
"but that's because you have basic."
"yeah but even when you have digital. with the box. you get more channels coming through the wire."
"yeah but you only have basic. we have basic and then we have [something i can't remember]"
"yeah but. no. see. if you-"
"..."
"even if, one has digital service. if one bypasses the box. one still gets more channels than i have right now."
"...oh i see. i get it now. you're upgrading your service. see he didn't even put that on the work order. he just put the box drop off. but yeah he needs to do the switch over to the digital service and the new package."
what did you think, lady? that i was getting a digital box and keeping my basic service with 5 channels? are you fuckign kidding me?
epilogue: 8:20pm
so, i've been told that this guy will be here to just fucking drop off my digital box, for about 4 hours.
4 fucking hours.
i've talked to one person an hour, since i got back from my meeting (after the guy didn't show up between 9am and 1pm, as was planned). i told her i had a meeting at 2:30. she told me to go and call when i come back, and the guy will come out. i called. and was told he'd be over in a bit.
then i called at 5. and was told i was next on the list. and that i'd get a follow up call from the dispatcher. which never happened.
then i called at 6. and was told he'd be over in an hour. and i was next. and i'd get a follow up call from the dispatcher. which never happened.
then i called at 7. and i called the 301 number instead of the 800 number. which, oddly enough, sent me to talk to "linda" in florida instead of someone in PG county.
now linda tells me she can't talk directly to the dispatcher, but she'll enter in my info. and flag it. whatever that means. and that there's a note on my accoutn that i requested a reschedule. which is horseshit. but while i'm on the phoen with linda, i get a call from the dispatcher. he'll be over in 45 minutes. i told linda that i didn't really need to know? but i was interested in if i was being bullshitted all goddamn day, and if the guy was really coming.
now i just got a call from the guy. while i'm on hold with comcast ready to reach through the phone and commit a homocide. he'll be over in 10 minutes. but first he asked if i rescheduled. "no dude. i've been waiting all damn day."
now i'm thinking either he's trying to cover his lazy ass for never getting here, by acting like he was never told to come back after 1pm... or he never was actually told.
but either way, i don't fucking care. and this $20 linda credited to my account for "my trouble" ain't nearly enough. and i'm getting more tomorrow.
i just wasted a whole fucking day on this worthless horseshit. and all i fucking wanted was a cable box to get dropped off. which i even fucking suggested i go pick up to begin with, but the phone lady said it would be so painless to just have them drop off the box.
clearly she could not have been more wrong. and i want blood.