Sweet Nothings - [7/?]
anonymous
June 4 2009, 06:05:28 UTC
It was like a douse of both scalding hot and icy cold water. America jerked away from the touches, with a tone of almost disbelief in his voice. The words tumbled out of him before he could stop himself.
"You - you love me?" America blurted, and immediately, everything stopped.
Russia froze. He froze, unable to breathe, heart stopping - but his hands still shook. His eyes were wide, wild, saturated with panic and disbelief and cold fear all rolled into one.
"I..."
"You love me, you - you, you said it... Didn't... Didn't you?"
"No. No."
America's breathing started to slow, and there was a sinking feeling that made his stomach churn uncomfortably. No, he thought, breath stuttering. This isn't how it's supposed to go.
Russia choked on his next words, having trouble alternating from Russian to English and back.
"- ne ponimayu - I have no idea what you're talking about," he whispered, voice breaking painfully.
America's voice did the same. In another time out there, somewhere, he would've been amused at how much they mirrored each other in their little actions; the meaningless gestures. Today he simply dropped down his head onto Russia's chest and tightened his hands on the other nation's shoulders.
"You're lying. You, I - don't lie anymore, Ivan."
There was a long, unbearable pause. Russia took a while to gather the words in his mouth, but when he spoke, his tone was almost as if it treaded softly on broken glass.
"Know this, Alfred. I never lied to you, not once."
Ivan retreated slightly, and looked at Alfred, as if waiting for an answer. His eyes were filled with a kind of hope that broke children's hearts in the end, when they were only left to pick up the pieces of their unfullfilled dreams.
Never lied to me
So ever since
Ever since the beginning
You've been
"Christ, we're fucked. I - I don't know what to say. I mean, we've been doing this for a while, I - and, this whole thing - I feel stupid for not figuring it out sooner... Fuck." America laughed shakily, running a hand through his hair. He repeated. "I don't know what to say."
America slowly relaxed, leaning in slightly, while Russia's shoulders were forever tense.
It trailed off into an awkward silence.
"I see."
America looked up at the soft tone, but Ivan wouldn't meet his eyes.
"Ivan?"
"Ya ponimayu." Russia hesitated at the language that left his mouth, but then pressed both of his lips tightly and close his eyes, sighing in frustration. He pulled away. "Prosti menya."
His mind was too confused to translate that.
"Where are you -"
"I understand, America. I'll... I'll be taking my leave. Please forgive me if it all made you feel uncomfortable."
"What are you - Ivan, Ivan why the fuck are you leaving? Wait - "
"Pozhaluysta."
Please.
And with that one word, he stilled, even if he was unable to understand why, you said you love me didn't you why are you stepping out of the room without a backwards glance don't leave me, Ivan, why are you doing this?
But his throat seemed like it was filled with lead. It was a situation he always thought unimaginable - to have America unable to speak out, it scared him so much that he looked down, looked away.
He stayed that way all through the time until when Ivan left, all wistful smiles and with a parting goodbye.
It was like a douse of both scalding hot and icy cold water. America jerked away from the touches, with a tone of almost disbelief in his voice. The words tumbled out of him before he could stop himself.
"You - you love me?" America blurted, and immediately, everything stopped.
Russia froze. He froze, unable to breathe, heart stopping - but his hands still shook. His eyes were wide, wild, saturated with panic and disbelief and cold fear all rolled into one.
"I..."
"You love me, you - you, you said it... Didn't... Didn't you?"
"No. No."
America's breathing started to slow, and there was a sinking feeling that made his stomach churn uncomfortably. No, he thought, breath stuttering. This isn't how it's supposed to go.
Russia choked on his next words, having trouble alternating from Russian to English and back.
"- ne ponimayu - I have no idea what you're talking about," he whispered, voice breaking painfully.
America's voice did the same. In another time out there, somewhere, he would've been amused at how much they mirrored each other in their little actions; the meaningless gestures. Today he simply dropped down his head onto Russia's chest and tightened his hands on the other nation's shoulders.
"You're lying. You, I - don't lie anymore, Ivan."
There was a long, unbearable pause. Russia took a while to gather the words in his mouth, but when he spoke, his tone was almost as if it treaded softly on broken glass.
"Know this, Alfred. I never lied to you, not once."
Ivan retreated slightly, and looked at Alfred, as if waiting for an answer. His eyes were filled with a kind of hope that broke children's hearts in the end, when they were only left to pick up the pieces of their unfullfilled dreams.
Never lied to me
So ever since
Ever since the beginning
You've been
"Christ, we're fucked. I - I don't know what to say. I mean, we've been doing this for a while, I - and, this whole thing - I feel stupid for not figuring it out sooner... Fuck." America laughed shakily, running a hand through his hair. He repeated. "I don't know what to say."
America slowly relaxed, leaning in slightly, while Russia's shoulders were forever tense.
It trailed off into an awkward silence.
"I see."
America looked up at the soft tone, but Ivan wouldn't meet his eyes.
"Ivan?"
"Ya ponimayu." Russia hesitated at the language that left his mouth, but then pressed both of his lips tightly and close his eyes, sighing in frustration. He pulled away. "Prosti menya."
His mind was too confused to translate that.
"Where are you -"
"I understand, America. I'll... I'll be taking my leave. Please forgive me if it all made you feel uncomfortable."
"What are you - Ivan, Ivan why the fuck are you leaving? Wait - "
"Pozhaluysta."
Please.
And with that one word, he stilled, even if he was unable to understand why, you said you love me didn't you why are you stepping out of the room without a backwards glance don't leave me, Ivan, why are you doing this?
But his throat seemed like it was filled with lead. It was a situation he always thought unimaginable - to have America unable to speak out, it scared him so much that he looked down, looked away.
He stayed that way all through the time until when Ivan left, all wistful smiles and with a parting goodbye.
You said you never lied.
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