It's Like A Party [1/?]
anonymous
May 6 2009, 21:15:10 UTC
The conference topic sort of ... winds up veering a little away from what OP requested, sorry. xDD;; My apologies for shortness, and any OOC characters, this is my first attempt at a fill (or really, anything Hetalia).
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Hushed murmuring filled the conference room, followed by the occasional spritzing sound. The noise level of the space was oddly low, considering the high amount of people seated around the enormous table; rather than sounding like a large-scale gathering, the muttering sounded more like a classroom of schoolchildren in the middle of an important assessment.
Then again, considering the subject matter of the day's meeting, perhaps the comparison to a test wouldn't be so off.
As the minutes ticked by, however, the room began to get louder.
"Ah... yes?" Germany replied, reaching instinctively for the bottle of sanitizer spritz in front of him. "But it looks like everyone did," he added, over Italy's cry of "Yay Germany!"
And indeed it did look like everyone had. On the rim of the table, all the way around, sat dozens of spray bottles of disinfectant in various colors and sizes, various hand sanitizers, all manner of disinfectant wipes, and even some traditional jars of soap and water. It looked as if some people had even brought multiple items (Hungary seemed to have one bottle for spraying things aimlessly, and another for threatening a leering Prussia with).
"Germany, Germany, isn't this fun? All these masks and bottles? It's like a janitor party!" Italy said happily, again tugging Germany's sleeve.
"I --" Germany began, before realizing why his sleeve was wiggling. His eyes widened, and he immediately snatched his bottle of disinfectant, spraying Italy's fingers frantically.
"Ve, ve, Germannyyy!!" Italy protested as the spraying got a bit out of control, withdrawing his hands and sitting on them. Germany, for a minute, looked tempted to turn his spraying elsewhere, but logic got the better of him and he set the bottle back down. Much to the relief of a certain Italy, whose hair curl was beginning to droop from the sheer amount of chemicals in the air.
"... Instinct ..." Germany excused himself, before turning back to face the front of the room.
From the other side of the room there was a lewd remark, followed by a loud "FFFFFFFF". Prussia leapt back with a howl, clutching his left eye. Hungary looked quite pleased with herself.
"But Sealand-kun, you should probably wear a mask..." came Lithuania's voice from elsewhere in the room.
"I don't need one," Sealand insisted stubbornly. "I'm Sea-kun!"
"If you want to grow into a strong nation," Lithuania said gently, "You probably don't want to catch something and disappear now."
"Sea-kun won't --" Sealand insisted, only to be interrupted by a "Not YOU again!" from a certain English gentleman.
"Aggh! It's that jerk England!" Sealand wailed, snatching up his spray bottle and holding it straight out in front of him. "Sea-kun is a country! I have as much right to be here as --"
He was once again cut off, this time by Lithuania slipping off his own mask and sliding it carefully onto Sealand's face. "Here, Sea-kun. Humor me?"
"Don't you need one?" Sealand asked, his voice now slightly muffled by the bright blue surgical covering.
"I'll be fine," Lithuania shook his head, absentmindedly reaching for his bottle of disinfectant and a cloth to do a thrice-over of the table area in front of him.
It was at this moment that the door banged open and America marched in, wearing a red and blue mask and bearing an entire shopping bag full of blue plastic bottles. "Alfred F. Jones is here, you may start now!" he exclaimed (and all understood it was with a blinding smile, even if said smile was currently blocked by the surgical mask). Marching over to the one empty chair at the table, he dumped an entire bottle of sanitizer out in front of it and took a seat.
It's Like A Party [2/?]
anonymous
May 6 2009, 21:20:10 UTC
For a minute, no one spoke. And then, slowly, Mexico got to his feet. "I'd ... like to start things off by apologizing," he began. "I ... should have closed all airports and trade ports the minute I heard about a widespread illness, but ... I didn't. And ... I'm very, very sorry." He paused, taking a deep breath. "I ... didn't think it'd be that big."
"That's what she said!" Prussia snarked a bit too loudly. Several nations glared.
"Awww, don't beat yourself up, Mexico!" America insisted, breaking the tense silence. "There were a ton of cases in America, too, and I didn't do anything for a while either!"
"Do you have to sound so proud of that?" Canada asked nervously, as all the glares turned from Prussia to America.
Russia stood up slowly (making sure to disinfect the floor before standing on it). "Let me remind you my country has no swine flu, da?" he said, with an almost angelic smile. "This would be a wonderful time to become one with Russia ~ "
The glaress once again would have changed direction, but at the moment it was probably better to avoid eye contact with Russia.
"W-why don't we ... t-talk about h-how we're doing w-withtheflu?" Latvia suggested bravely, before hiding his face in his hands and ducking behind his spray bottle.
"Seconded ~ !" Spain agreed. "Who goes first?"
"Me!" America exclaimed, leaping to his feet. Moving over to the large whiteboard at the front of the room, he surreptitiously sprayed a dry-erase marker with a few spritzes of all-natural disinfectant before uncapping it and beginning to draw a rather cartoonish picture of a pig on the board. "So! Swine flu ... umm ... pigs ..."
"We KNOW what it is," Switzerland said a bit grumpily.
"Yeah! That," America said brightly, apparently not listening in the slightest.
"How many cases?" Romano demanded.
America held up a finger. "ONE minute ..."
And one minute later he'd returned to the whiteboard, now holding a folder. "Umm... eight hundred thirty one confirmed cases, eight hundred more suspected."
"Oh no!" Italy said loudly.
"So what are you doing to ... ah ... stop the spread?" Russia asked politely.
"Well, we've closed some schools," America reported, scanning the paper he held. "We've also declared a State of Public Health Emergency, which lets us use a bunch of resources previously in federal stockpile, and --"
"Ah, excuse me," France interrupted, speaking to the room. "But ... no one has disinfected these chairs, non?"
Almost immediately, the room was on its feet, looking wide-eyed. "I think you're right," Egypt replied, reaching towards the identical jugs of soap and water placed in front of him. With a general shuffling and scuffling, various types of disinfectants were snatched up. Within seconds the dozens of nations were down on their knees, scrubbing furiously away at their chairs.
"Oh damn, aru!" China wailed after a minute, shaking the orange spray bottle he held. "I'm all out of disinfectant, aru!"
"Korea invented disinfectant," Korea said proudly, passing China a spare bottle out of America's shopping bag."But you might want to disinfect the bottle before using it."
"In Soviet Russia, bottle disinfects YOU!!" Russia added cheerfully, as China (for once) actually took Korea's suggestion.
And back up at the board America was sketching more pigs, still rambling on, completely unaware of the fact that the only one paying him any attention was Lithuania, who had already finished sanitizing his area and was doing his best to be polite.
"And can we fight Swine Flu?" America was asking rhetorically, as the nations slid back into their now H1N1-free chairs. "Yes we can!" He pumped his fist dramatically, before announcing, "And you all will be my backup, and we'll save the world with me as the hero!"
The Baltic Nations clapped politely as America relinquished the front of the room, returning to his original place with the dry-erase marker in hand. The rest of the room could have sworn they heard a cricket chirping in one of the corners.
"But the question still stands," England announced, in the general silence, "--of who exactly is to blame for the epidemic."
It's Like A Party [3/?]
anonymous
May 6 2009, 21:25:47 UTC
Several nations shifted uncomfortably.
"W'sn't m' 'r m'wife," Sweden muttered awkwardly. Finland nodded.
"The first reported case was in Mexico," Greece said logically. Mexico looked affronted.
"T-The next country to report cases was AMERICA!" he accused, pointing directly at America, who paused cleaning his glasses with a disinfectant wipe long enough to blink innocently.
"When you find out who it was, let me know," Switzerland growled. "And then ask them how many times they want to be shot."
"Ah, excuse me, has that been sanitized?" Estonia inquired, indicating Switzerland's gun. Switzerland's eyes widened as if he'd just remembered something, and there was a small spritzing noise as the debate continued.
"Well, which country has the highest amount of pigs?" Lichenstein asked reasonably.
"Probably America, that bloody plonker," snorted England. "All those hamburgers have to come from SOMEWHERE."
"Beef ... comes from cows ..." Japan informed him in the rather awkward silence that followed.
"Then why are they called HAMburgers?" England demanded. "As if mangling the English language weren't bad enough...!!"
Turkey got to his feet, and several eyes followed him as he approached a low coffee table on the left side of the room, three disinfectant wipes in hand. "Don't mind me," he said cheerily, kneeling down and beginning to carefully wipe down the wooden surface with one of the small white squares.
"And I quote Wikipedia," America announced, flipping through his folder, "Ahem -- 'Swine influenza is common in pigs in the midwestern United States (and occasionally in other states), Mexico, Canada, South America, Europe (including the United Kingdom, Sweden, and Italy), Kenya, Mainland China, Taiwan, Japan and other parts of eastern Asia'."
"In that case, I'm, like, totally off the hook," Poland said carelessly, propping his feet up on the conference table. Taiwan, trying to avoid being glared at after the mention of her name, subtly spritzed the soles of his shoes.
"So yeah, you guys are the main suspects," America concluded, snapping shut his folder and spraying it a few times with Windex. Mercifully, no one commented.
"But, America ... wasn't yours the first name on the list?" Finland asked, confused.
America turned a rather odd color as most of the eyes in the room turned his way. "B-But only HALF of America!" he protested. "So ... the next one on the list is Mexico, and that IS where the highest number of cases are."
"Canada's next, and he's got the third highest number of cases," Mexico swiftly changed the topic.
"I swear it wasn't me!!" Italy insisted. "Right, right, Germany??"
"It would be unlikely it was you, yes..." Germany replied, more to shut up the frantic nation than anything else.
"This isn't really getting anywhere," Austria adressed the room, pausing a minute to spray the pen he'd placed on the table in front of him. "Perhaps we should ... return to the topic of how we're dealing with the outbreak?"
"Seconded ~ " Spain echoed himself cheerily.
"That sounds like a good idea," Belarus agreed.
"So who speaks next?" Iceland asked, when no one immediately volunteered.
"I've ... said my apologies," Mexico shrugged. "And ... well, America said SOMETHING..." His eyes rested on the cartoon pigs happily prancing across the whiteboard.
"Uhh... Liet? Are you, like, okay?" Poland asked the brunette quietly. "You look totally pale, to the max."
"I'm fine," Lithuania replied, a bit weakly. "Just ... a little dizzy, is all."
"I suppose I'll go," Egypt shrugged. "Well, Egypt is taking highly preventative measures against the swine flu." Absently wiping down the stick he constantly carried with a Wet One, he continued. "On April 29th the Egyptian Government ordered the mass slaughter of all pigs --"
He was cut off by a distressed cry from China. "How dare you, aru??"
Really? 8DDD;;; I was so worried I couldn't do the amazing prompt justice. xD Ahahaha. Close. You'll see >33 ... B-baked treats? 8333333 MORE IS RIGHT ON ITS WAY. <333
Re: It's Like A Party [3/?]
anonymous
May 7 2009, 11:12:25 UTC
LITHUANIA HAS SWINE FLU GET AWAY FROM HIM EVERYBODY WILL DIE IF YOU DONNNNNNN'T BE TERRIFIED.
Fantastic job, anon. This whole Swine Flu thing makes me lol so hard. I mean, of course people dying isn't amusing, but the way we've blown it into BIGGER THAN AIDS AND PLAGUE AND INFLUENZA OUTBREAK is awesome.
Re: It's Like A Party [3/?]
anonymous
May 7 2009, 15:14:45 UTC
I am like, totally in love right now. xD
But.
Ay, pobre Mexico. D:
But here's a little bit more information: it's true that Swine flu probably came from Mexico, but it was the result of a badly maintained American-run slaughter house. Or something of that sort.
Well, that's what I've read up on and seen so far. <<;
It's Like A Party [4/?]
anonymous
May 7 2009, 15:20:42 UTC
Writer!Anon thanks you all so much for your kind comments! x3;;; I was really nervous about this, but thanks you guys. xD And thank you to the last anon to comment, I'll make sure to mention that fact somewhere. o3o
- - - - - - - -
As if on cue, cleaning impliments were snatched up. Several of the nations flung themselves under the large conference table, and shortly following the mass stampede, frantic spritzing and enthusiastic scrubbing could be heard. When they finally emerged, slightly pink-faced but much more confident-looking, Seychelles smiled.
"Thank you. We can... keep going now."
The smell of cleaning chemicals now hung heavy in the air; the rather strong odor could even be scented through the omnipresent surgical masks. But still no one complained; if anything, the overpowering stench only served to prove that the room was swine-flu free and therefore safe to continue discussing what it was safe from.
Egypt, not really wanting to get back on the topic of the pigs (especially not with the adorable cartoon pigs on the board staring down pleadingly at him), cleared his throat. "Perhaps more countries should report on how the epidemic is being handled where they are?"
"Good idea," agreed Japan. "Would anyone ... like to speak?"
"I suppose I will," Canada offered, moving towards the front of the room. No one said a word as he sprayed down the board with cleaning solution, and proceeded to use a disinfectant wipe to erase the pigs. "Well... one hundred sixty five cases have been confirmed in Canada," he continued, now that the large-eyed animals were gone. "A few students went on a school trip to the Yucatan Peninsula, and we think that's how the virus arrived here. Though a few cases have been confirmed in people who haven't traveled outside the country, and some pigs in the country have been diagnosed with swine flu, so -"
"I KNEW it!" Mexico said loudly.
The exclamation startled Germany back into the atmosphere - the blond male had been staring aimlessly at a point on the wall, his mind a thousand miles away. This was made evident by the fact that Italy had just finished drawing a magnificent handlebar moustache onto his surgical mask, and still hadn't been strangled for it.
"So, Germany, where do you think it started?" Italy asked innocently, trying to distract the German from the fact that he was holding purple marker rather close to the other's face.
"Erm," Germany replied intelligently, making no move other than to promptly spray the marker.
"Let's move on," Hungary said warningly, sensing another debate brewing. "Who wants to go next?"
"I volunteer Lithuania, da?" Russia smiled.
Lithuania blinked a bit woozily, nodding slowly. He attempted a few deep breaths, trying to clear the cleaning chemicals from his lungs, before beginning to speak. "Ah, yes... umm.. we have one suspected case, a-and --" he cut off suddenly, swaying for a moment before flopping forward onto the table with a painful thud.
"Ohmygod it like got Liet!!" Poland wailed, as everyone stared in horror at the unconscious Lithuanian.
"Quick!!" hollered Romano.
Within seconds the occupants of the room had descended upon Lithuania, brandishing all manner of disinfectants and yelling orders over the constant sound of spraying. Turkey, in desperation, emptied his entire box of wet wipes over the passed out male's head.
"No good!" Poland panicked, sliding on a pair of gloves before lifting Lithuania's head up. "He looks totally worse than before!!"
"Maybe it's ... the chemicals?" Cuba suggested, fishing in his pocket for a cigarette. "He's not wearing a mask, after all..." The tan male lit the cigarette and lifted it to his mouth, only remembering his mask was in place after smelling smoke. Quickly extinguishing the cigarette, he dumped a dollop of hand sanitizer on it before carelessly flicking it under the table.
It's Like A Party [5/?]
anonymous
May 7 2009, 15:24:43 UTC
"But ... what if the water's contaminated?" Taiwan fretted.
"I have a water purifier, aru!" China offered, rummaging around in the small bag he'd brought with him.
"I'll disinfect that for you," Denmark offered.
"I have some bottled water!" Sealand piped up proudly, handing it over. "After all, I am Sea-kun!"
Denmark and China set upon the water bottle and purifier, as Sealand looked on in approval. The other nations, most of whom had taken several steps back by now, also watched with interest. Within moments, the bottle had been re-filled with purified water, and its exterior had been completely wiped down.
"Good, what now?" England asked America.
"... I dunno. I never had a plan," America replied with a shrug.
In the scrambling to come up with a plan, no one noticed Poland. The blond was bent over Lithuania, his eyes squeezed shut. "Oh my god, Liet, please ... please be okay ..."
And no one noticed Estonia.
Oh, how they would wish they had.
In the general commotion, Estonia had gone all but unnoticed - as per usual. Unlike usual, however, things probably would have turned out better for Estonia had he been noticed.
The oddity had started several minutes ago, when Estonia had started feeling slightly light-headed. The blond had simply chalked it up to the amount of cleaning chemicals in the air - and he'd been quite right, of course. The Baltic male began to feel ... happy. And very much so. But that wasn't where the real oddity emerged. The REAL oddity emerged when Estonia began to realize ... he liked it. He almost felt as if he could ... giggle.
It was a minute before Estonia realized that there was something very, very wrong with this realization. Not only was giggling very un-Estonia-like (and rather un-manly, too), but one was not supposed to like the feeling of the room spinning around you. One was not supposed to find everything funny (especially one's brother suddenly going FWONK onto the table). The room was not supposed to spin, one's head was not supposed to feel unnaturally light, and one was only supposed to find funny things funny.
But at the moment, Estonia really didn't care.
Slowly, deeply, he breathed in through the mask - of course he wasn't going to take it off, that would be dangerous, but a deep breath couldn't hurt, right? And by the moment, the light-headed sensation was increasing. And everything was getting funnier and funnier. So funny, as a matter of fact, that when one of the nations bending over Lithuania cried "He's alive!", like in some cheesy hospital drama -- Estonia actually gave into the urge to giggle.
Almost immediately, several ses of curious - and slightly alarmed - eyes turned in Estonia's direction. Estonia, for some unfathomable reason, found this hilarious.
"E-Estonia, aru?" China asked a bit hesitantly.
"Yes?" Estonia replied -- then collapsed in a fit of helpless laughter.
"Estonia??" came Latvia's worried voice.
"Latvia??" Estonia returned -- before realizing that their names rhymed and cracking up all over again.
"Is he okay?"
"I'm ... not sure, actually."
"He doesn't look so good."
"Maybe ... we should try getting him some fresh air."
Estonia wasn't sure whether the one being discussed was him or Lithuania, but it was ridiculously amusing nonetheless.
"Estonia, what's so funny?"
"E-Everything -- " Estonia gasped out, collapsing in laughter once more. By now "light-headed" had officially turned into "feather-weight-headed", and the oddest thoughts were popping into that featherweight head.
"Deep breaths!" someone was saying.
"No, not deep breaths, it's probably the chemicals doing it!" another someone argued.
And, of course, Estonia found all this hysterical.
It's Like A Party [6/?]
anonymous
May 7 2009, 15:28:14 UTC
Chaos was well on its way to breaking out. Several nations were busy carrying out their plan to resucitate Lithuania (and one other was busy smacking some sense into France, who had rather suggestively offered to risk his life giving the poor Baltic nation mouth-to-mouth), and several others were busy purifying more water (some to try to calm down Estonia, and some more because Germany had discovered the handlebar moustche on his mask and the general consensus was that Italy was also going to need some resucitating in the near future). Yet a few more nations were now trying (and failing) to shout over the noise and create some sort of plan to fall back on in case Swine Flu became a global pandemic. Romano was singing something under his breath that sounded suspiciously like "buono tomato buono tomato buono buono ooh", and Switzerland had redrawn the pigs on the board and was now using them for target practice. The noise level was raising by the minute, and it seemed the meeting was getting entirely out of hand -
At least, until Latvia coughed.
-
Despite the fact that the room's noise level had previously been at a dull roar, the slight noise was clearly audible. And immediately all noises ceased, all nations pausing where they stood. Switzerland's gun dropped out of his hand and onto the floor with an audible 'thunk', and several mouths gaped open beneath bright blue surgical masks.
"Latvia ... don't move."
And then the room exploded.
The spritzing was absolutely deafening. Disinfectant wipes flew through the air, plastering themselves on the backs of nations' heads. Streams of Germ-X shot from every corner of the room. Bottles of hand sanitizer soared overhead, dumping their contents out onto those unfortunate enough to be below. The purified water was flung violently onto every visible surface, and the only pauses in the chaos came when someone decided to drop whatever they were holding long enough to put on a second and third mask.
And then France came to a shocking realization. "Mon Dieu, I don't want to die a virgin!!"
"France, a virgin?" Romano snorted in disbelief - at least, until Spain was plucked up from beside him and whisked away by a far-too determined looking France.
"Come with me, mon cheri ~ I promise you will enjoy it, non?"
"ROMANO!!" Spain cried, flailing violently.
"Dammit --" Romano hissed, gritting his teeth. France had just kidnapped Spain. And fuck it, HE didn't want to die a virgin, either! Well, there was only one thing for it. Slowly, quietly, he picked up an empty steel canister that had once held disifectant wipes, and becan to follow France...
Meanwhile, Poland was shaking Lithuania, who had passed out again. "OHMYGOD, LIET! WAKE UP, NOW!" he insisted frantically. "I TOTALLY DON'T WANNA DIE A VIRGIN, TOO!"
Russia, however, had crept up behind Poland, smiling creepily. "Oh, no need for that~" Poland whirled around, and Russia's smile widened. "You could always become one with Russia ... da?"
Egypt was staring rather oddly at Sweden, who was crouching over Finland on the ground. "You're ... really going to do THAT? HERE?" he asked incredulously.
" ... 'M pr'tect'n m'wife," Sweden said indignantly.
"Well, it looks like several other people do intend to do that here," Turkey put in, waltzing over to where Egypt stood. Bending over, he whispered in Egypt's ear. "So why don't we?"
"ENGLAND!" America demanded, pointing dramatically at the other, who only stared, raising his oversized eyebrows.
America looked about to speak, but was bowled over by Romano, who was dashing towards a corner of the room with his makeshift weapon held aloft. Romano's charge was brave, but at the last minute he pulled up sharply. France (his hands definitely somewhere they shouldn't be, much to the alarm of Spain) turned, looking mildly confused. Romano ignored the Frenchman entirely, however - he had eyes only for Spain. As France looked on, aghast, Romano marched up to Spain and pressed his mask onto his.
"... I think that's exactly what it looks like," England stated, watching the mini-drama in almost a perverted fascination.
And suddenly America was much closer than England remembered him being. "... Maybe we should look like that, too."
Re: It's Like A Party [3/?]
anonymous
May 7 2009, 15:18:05 UTC
This is as awesome as the crazy reactions of the uninformed. I love everyone's reactions, and am dearly looking forward to more panic, chaos and disinfectant. Write on, Anon!
Writer!Anon Apologizes
anonymous
May 8 2009, 15:02:53 UTC
So sorry about the delay between the last few parts and the next few. ; A; Life decided to nom on my head, and my inspiration decided to dry up. =w= They'll be up, never fear, but it might be another day or so. Very sorry. D:
It's Like A Party [7/7]
anonymous
May 9 2009, 14:48:32 UTC
"Heyyy, Austria. You know how awesome I am?" Prussia winked, smirking widely.
"... If that was a pickup line, it failed."
Italy didn't bother saying anything at all - he merely draped himself around Germany's neck, grinning widely. Germany blushed furiously, snatching onto Italy's haircurl - before remembering. And oddly enough, not letting go ...
By now, all corners of the room were occupied, and most of the paranoia seemed to have been entirely forgotten - or perhaps just ignored. Disinfectant materials lay forgotten all over the floor, as their wielders had turned to other, MUCH more interesting pursuits. Turkey and Egypt appeared practically glued to eachother; England didn't even look as if he was trying to resist America's not-so-subtle maneuvers. Romano and Spain ... well, it's probably best if we say nothing about them. Poland had miraculously succeeded in single-handedly reviving a very confused Lithuania, who was currently trying to figure out why the other was seated on his lap and staring directly into his eyes. Germany still had a hold of Italy's hair curl, but it was much less of a "hold" and much more of a "sensual stroke". Belarus had taken hold of the end of Russia's scarf, and Hungary was eagerly watching Austria - who didn't look as if he found Prussia's pickup lines to be just as much fail as he'd pronounced them.
And then, Latvia (who was being eyed by Sealand) cleared his throat softly. "U-umm... I may have forgotten to t-tell you ... I have a-allergies..."
And immediately, all action ceased.
"So... we're, like ... NOT gonna die?" Poland asked blankly, slowly releasing Lithuania.
And suddenly all masks had been placed back on faces, all shirts were back on, all stray limbs had been returned to their respective owners, all nations were back inside their own personal bubbles, and it was very clear that the last few minutes were never to be spoken of ever again.
It was also very clear that the surgical masks were useful in more than one way. They did wonders for hiding furious blushing.
Order was restored alarmingly quickly. Unsuprisingly, the focus was a bit ... off.
No one said anything as Egypt fixed his gaze across the room, directly on Turkey, mouthing 'My place or yours?'. No one said anything as America's hands disappeared below the table, and a few seconds later England let out a not-so-muffled squeak. No one said anything when they realized that neither Romano or Spain were anywhere to be found. No one said anything when Lithuania suddenly realized exactly what Poland had been up to, made eye contact with the other, and was immediately lost to the world. Nobody said anything when they realized that Germany still hadn't released Italy's erogenous hair, and nobody said anything either when they realized that Italy didn't quite mind that. No one commented when they noticed that Belarus had moved her seat all the way to the other side of the table, right next to Russia's. And somehow, they all managed to refrain from speaking when Prussia shot to his feet, seizing both Austria and Hungary and dragging their not-so-protesting forms in the direction of the door.
"So, Swine Flu..." began Japan, one of the few left still focused on the topic at hand.
At least, until China turned to him, a broad smirk on his face. "Your place or mine, aru?"
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Hushed murmuring filled the conference room, followed by the occasional spritzing sound. The noise level of the space was oddly low, considering the high amount of people seated around the enormous table; rather than sounding like a large-scale gathering, the muttering sounded more like a classroom of schoolchildren in the middle of an important assessment.
Then again, considering the subject matter of the day's meeting, perhaps the comparison to a test wouldn't be so off.
As the minutes ticked by, however, the room began to get louder.
"Germannyyy!! Gerrrrmannnyyy ~ !!" Italy exclaimed excitedly, tugging Germany's sleeve. "You brought disinfectant spray too??"
"Ah... yes?" Germany replied, reaching instinctively for the bottle of sanitizer spritz in front of him. "But it looks like everyone did," he added, over Italy's cry of "Yay Germany!"
And indeed it did look like everyone had. On the rim of the table, all the way around, sat dozens of spray bottles of disinfectant in various colors and sizes, various hand sanitizers, all manner of disinfectant wipes, and even some traditional jars of soap and water. It looked as if some people had even brought multiple items (Hungary seemed to have one bottle for spraying things aimlessly, and another for threatening a leering Prussia with).
"Germany, Germany, isn't this fun? All these masks and bottles? It's like a janitor party!" Italy said happily, again tugging Germany's sleeve.
"I --" Germany began, before realizing why his sleeve was wiggling. His eyes widened, and he immediately snatched his bottle of disinfectant, spraying Italy's fingers frantically.
"Ve, ve, Germannyyy!!" Italy protested as the spraying got a bit out of control, withdrawing his hands and sitting on them. Germany, for a minute, looked tempted to turn his spraying elsewhere, but logic got the better of him and he set the bottle back down. Much to the relief of a certain Italy, whose hair curl was beginning to droop from the sheer amount of chemicals in the air.
"... Instinct ..." Germany excused himself, before turning back to face the front of the room.
From the other side of the room there was a lewd remark, followed by a loud "FFFFFFFF". Prussia leapt back with a howl, clutching his left eye. Hungary looked quite pleased with herself.
"But Sealand-kun, you should probably wear a mask..." came Lithuania's voice from elsewhere in the room.
"I don't need one," Sealand insisted stubbornly. "I'm Sea-kun!"
"If you want to grow into a strong nation," Lithuania said gently, "You probably don't want to catch something and disappear now."
"Sea-kun won't --" Sealand insisted, only to be interrupted by a "Not YOU again!" from a certain English gentleman.
"Aggh! It's that jerk England!" Sealand wailed, snatching up his spray bottle and holding it straight out in front of him. "Sea-kun is a country! I have as much right to be here as --"
He was once again cut off, this time by Lithuania slipping off his own mask and sliding it carefully onto Sealand's face. "Here, Sea-kun. Humor me?"
"Don't you need one?" Sealand asked, his voice now slightly muffled by the bright blue surgical covering.
"I'll be fine," Lithuania shook his head, absentmindedly reaching for his bottle of disinfectant and a cloth to do a thrice-over of the table area in front of him.
It was at this moment that the door banged open and America marched in, wearing a red and blue mask and bearing an entire shopping bag full of blue plastic bottles. "Alfred F. Jones is here, you may start now!" he exclaimed (and all understood it was with a blinding smile, even if said smile was currently blocked by the surgical mask). Marching over to the one empty chair at the table, he dumped an entire bottle of sanitizer out in front of it and took a seat.
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"That's what she said!" Prussia snarked a bit too loudly. Several nations glared.
"Awww, don't beat yourself up, Mexico!" America insisted, breaking the tense silence. "There were a ton of cases in America, too, and I didn't do anything for a while either!"
"Do you have to sound so proud of that?" Canada asked nervously, as all the glares turned from Prussia to America.
Russia stood up slowly (making sure to disinfect the floor before standing on it). "Let me remind you my country has no swine flu, da?" he said, with an almost angelic smile. "This would be a wonderful time to become one with Russia ~ "
The glaress once again would have changed direction, but at the moment it was probably better to avoid eye contact with Russia.
"W-why don't we ... t-talk about h-how we're doing w-withtheflu?" Latvia suggested bravely, before hiding his face in his hands and ducking behind his spray bottle.
"Seconded ~ !" Spain agreed. "Who goes first?"
"Me!" America exclaimed, leaping to his feet. Moving over to the large whiteboard at the front of the room, he surreptitiously sprayed a dry-erase marker with a few spritzes of all-natural disinfectant before uncapping it and beginning to draw a rather cartoonish picture of a pig on the board. "So! Swine flu ... umm ... pigs ..."
"We KNOW what it is," Switzerland said a bit grumpily.
"Yeah! That," America said brightly, apparently not listening in the slightest.
"How many cases?" Romano demanded.
America held up a finger. "ONE minute ..."
And one minute later he'd returned to the whiteboard, now holding a folder. "Umm... eight hundred thirty one confirmed cases, eight hundred more suspected."
"Oh no!" Italy said loudly.
"So what are you doing to ... ah ... stop the spread?" Russia asked politely.
"Well, we've closed some schools," America reported, scanning the paper he held. "We've also declared a State of Public Health Emergency, which lets us use a bunch of resources previously in federal stockpile, and --"
"Ah, excuse me," France interrupted, speaking to the room. "But ... no one has disinfected these chairs, non?"
Almost immediately, the room was on its feet, looking wide-eyed. "I think you're right," Egypt replied, reaching towards the identical jugs of soap and water placed in front of him. With a general shuffling and scuffling, various types of disinfectants were snatched up. Within seconds the dozens of nations were down on their knees, scrubbing furiously away at their chairs.
"Oh damn, aru!" China wailed after a minute, shaking the orange spray bottle he held. "I'm all out of disinfectant, aru!"
"Korea invented disinfectant," Korea said proudly, passing China a spare bottle out of America's shopping bag."But you might want to disinfect the bottle before using it."
"In Soviet Russia, bottle disinfects YOU!!" Russia added cheerfully, as China (for once) actually took Korea's suggestion.
And back up at the board America was sketching more pigs, still rambling on, completely unaware of the fact that the only one paying him any attention was Lithuania, who had already finished sanitizing his area and was doing his best to be polite.
"And can we fight Swine Flu?" America was asking rhetorically, as the nations slid back into their now H1N1-free chairs. "Yes we can!" He pumped his fist dramatically, before announcing, "And you all will be my backup, and we'll save the world with me as the hero!"
The Baltic Nations clapped politely as America relinquished the front of the room, returning to his original place with the dry-erase marker in hand. The rest of the room could have sworn they heard a cricket chirping in one of the corners.
"But the question still stands," England announced, in the general silence, "--of who exactly is to blame for the epidemic."
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"W'sn't m' 'r m'wife," Sweden muttered awkwardly. Finland nodded.
"The first reported case was in Mexico," Greece said logically. Mexico looked affronted.
"T-The next country to report cases was AMERICA!" he accused, pointing directly at America, who paused cleaning his glasses with a disinfectant wipe long enough to blink innocently.
"When you find out who it was, let me know," Switzerland growled. "And then ask them how many times they want to be shot."
"Ah, excuse me, has that been sanitized?" Estonia inquired, indicating Switzerland's gun. Switzerland's eyes widened as if he'd just remembered something, and there was a small spritzing noise as the debate continued.
"Well, which country has the highest amount of pigs?" Lichenstein asked reasonably.
"Probably America, that bloody plonker," snorted England. "All those hamburgers have to come from SOMEWHERE."
"Beef ... comes from cows ..." Japan informed him in the rather awkward silence that followed.
"Then why are they called HAMburgers?" England demanded. "As if mangling the English language weren't bad enough...!!"
Turkey got to his feet, and several eyes followed him as he approached a low coffee table on the left side of the room, three disinfectant wipes in hand. "Don't mind me," he said cheerily, kneeling down and beginning to carefully wipe down the wooden surface with one of the small white squares.
"And I quote Wikipedia," America announced, flipping through his folder, "Ahem -- 'Swine influenza is common in pigs in the midwestern United States (and occasionally in other states), Mexico, Canada, South America, Europe (including the United Kingdom, Sweden, and Italy), Kenya, Mainland China, Taiwan, Japan and other parts of eastern Asia'."
"In that case, I'm, like, totally off the hook," Poland said carelessly, propping his feet up on the conference table. Taiwan, trying to avoid being glared at after the mention of her name, subtly spritzed the soles of his shoes.
"So yeah, you guys are the main suspects," America concluded, snapping shut his folder and spraying it a few times with Windex. Mercifully, no one commented.
"But, America ... wasn't yours the first name on the list?" Finland asked, confused.
America turned a rather odd color as most of the eyes in the room turned his way. "B-But only HALF of America!" he protested. "So ... the next one on the list is Mexico, and that IS where the highest number of cases are."
"Canada's next, and he's got the third highest number of cases," Mexico swiftly changed the topic.
"I swear it wasn't me!!" Italy insisted. "Right, right, Germany??"
"It would be unlikely it was you, yes..." Germany replied, more to shut up the frantic nation than anything else.
"This isn't really getting anywhere," Austria adressed the room, pausing a minute to spray the pen he'd placed on the table in front of him. "Perhaps we should ... return to the topic of how we're dealing with the outbreak?"
"Seconded ~ " Spain echoed himself cheerily.
"That sounds like a good idea," Belarus agreed.
"So who speaks next?" Iceland asked, when no one immediately volunteered.
"I've ... said my apologies," Mexico shrugged. "And ... well, America said SOMETHING..." His eyes rested on the cartoon pigs happily prancing across the whiteboard.
"Uhh... Liet? Are you, like, okay?" Poland asked the brunette quietly. "You look totally pale, to the max."
"I'm fine," Lithuania replied, a bit weakly. "Just ... a little dizzy, is all."
"I suppose I'll go," Egypt shrugged. "Well, Egypt is taking highly preventative measures against the swine flu." Absently wiping down the stick he constantly carried with a Wet One, he continued. "On April 29th the Egyptian Government ordered the mass slaughter of all pigs --"
He was cut off by a distressed cry from China. "How dare you, aru??"
"Yeah, that's, like, TOTALLY cruel!" hollered Poland.
"I can explain--" Egypt began, sounding more than a bit irked, but was (unsuprisingly) re-interrupted.
"Has anyone wiped down the underside of the table?" Seychelles demanded suddenly, her ponytails flopping.
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That's so fantastic.
I demand more.
AND IS LITHUANIA GETTING HIGH ON THE CLEANER!? GOD--YES.
*flails around* MORE PLEASE? I'M ALREADY PREPARING BAKED TREATS.
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I was so worried I couldn't do the amazing prompt justice. xD
Ahahaha. Close. You'll see >33
... B-baked treats? 8333333
MORE IS RIGHT ON ITS WAY. <333
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Fantastic job, anon. This whole Swine Flu thing makes me lol so hard. I mean, of course people dying isn't amusing, but the way we've blown it into BIGGER THAN AIDS AND PLAGUE AND INFLUENZA OUTBREAK is awesome.
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But.
Ay, pobre Mexico. D:
But here's a little bit more information: it's true that Swine flu probably came from Mexico, but it was the result of a badly maintained American-run slaughter house. Or something of that sort.
Well, that's what I've read up on and seen so far. <<;
Oh, America. :'D
Enough rambling. KEEP GOING, AUTHOR!ANON! >3<
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And thank you to the last anon to comment, I'll make sure to mention that fact somewhere. o3o
- - - - - - - -
As if on cue, cleaning impliments were snatched up. Several of the nations flung themselves under the large conference table, and shortly following the mass stampede, frantic spritzing and enthusiastic scrubbing could be heard. When they finally emerged, slightly pink-faced but much more confident-looking, Seychelles smiled.
"Thank you. We can... keep going now."
The smell of cleaning chemicals now hung heavy in the air; the rather strong odor could even be scented through the omnipresent surgical masks. But still no one complained; if anything, the overpowering stench only served to prove that the room was swine-flu free and therefore safe to continue discussing what it was safe from.
Egypt, not really wanting to get back on the topic of the pigs (especially not with the adorable cartoon pigs on the board staring down pleadingly at him), cleared his throat. "Perhaps more countries should report on how the epidemic is being handled where they are?"
"Good idea," agreed Japan. "Would anyone ... like to speak?"
"I suppose I will," Canada offered, moving towards the front of the room. No one said a word as he sprayed down the board with cleaning solution, and proceeded to use a disinfectant wipe to erase the pigs. "Well... one hundred sixty five cases have been confirmed in Canada," he continued, now that the large-eyed animals were gone. "A few students went on a school trip to the Yucatan Peninsula, and we think that's how the virus arrived here. Though a few cases have been confirmed in people who haven't traveled outside the country, and some pigs in the country have been diagnosed with swine flu, so -"
"I KNEW it!" Mexico said loudly.
The exclamation startled Germany back into the atmosphere - the blond male had been staring aimlessly at a point on the wall, his mind a thousand miles away. This was made evident by the fact that Italy had just finished drawing a magnificent handlebar moustache onto his surgical mask, and still hadn't been strangled for it.
"So, Germany, where do you think it started?" Italy asked innocently, trying to distract the German from the fact that he was holding purple marker rather close to the other's face.
"Erm," Germany replied intelligently, making no move other than to promptly spray the marker.
"Let's move on," Hungary said warningly, sensing another debate brewing. "Who wants to go next?"
"I volunteer Lithuania, da?" Russia smiled.
Lithuania blinked a bit woozily, nodding slowly. He attempted a few deep breaths, trying to clear the cleaning chemicals from his lungs, before beginning to speak. "Ah, yes... umm.. we have one suspected case, a-and --" he cut off suddenly, swaying for a moment before flopping forward onto the table with a painful thud.
"Ohmygod it like got Liet!!" Poland wailed, as everyone stared in horror at the unconscious Lithuanian.
"Quick!!" hollered Romano.
Within seconds the occupants of the room had descended upon Lithuania, brandishing all manner of disinfectants and yelling orders over the constant sound of spraying. Turkey, in desperation, emptied his entire box of wet wipes over the passed out male's head.
"No good!" Poland panicked, sliding on a pair of gloves before lifting Lithuania's head up. "He looks totally worse than before!!"
"Maybe it's ... the chemicals?" Cuba suggested, fishing in his pocket for a cigarette. "He's not wearing a mask, after all..." The tan male lit the cigarette and lifted it to his mouth, only remembering his mask was in place after smelling smoke. Quickly extinguishing the cigarette, he dumped a dollop of hand sanitizer on it before carelessly flicking it under the table.
"Quick, someone get water!" America ordered.
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"I have a water purifier, aru!" China offered, rummaging around in the small bag he'd brought with him.
"I'll disinfect that for you," Denmark offered.
"I have some bottled water!" Sealand piped up proudly, handing it over. "After all, I am Sea-kun!"
Denmark and China set upon the water bottle and purifier, as Sealand looked on in approval. The other nations, most of whom had taken several steps back by now, also watched with interest. Within moments, the bottle had been re-filled with purified water, and its exterior had been completely wiped down.
"Good, what now?" England asked America.
"... I dunno. I never had a plan," America replied with a shrug.
In the scrambling to come up with a plan, no one noticed Poland. The blond was bent over Lithuania, his eyes squeezed shut. "Oh my god, Liet, please ... please be okay ..."
And no one noticed Estonia.
Oh, how they would wish they had.
In the general commotion, Estonia had gone all but unnoticed - as per usual. Unlike usual, however, things probably would have turned out better for Estonia had he been noticed.
The oddity had started several minutes ago, when Estonia had started feeling slightly light-headed. The blond had simply chalked it up to the amount of cleaning chemicals in the air - and he'd been quite right, of course. The Baltic male began to feel ... happy. And very much so. But that wasn't where the real oddity emerged. The REAL oddity emerged when Estonia began to realize ... he liked it. He almost felt as if he could ... giggle.
It was a minute before Estonia realized that there was something very, very wrong with this realization. Not only was giggling very un-Estonia-like (and rather un-manly, too), but one was not supposed to like the feeling of the room spinning around you. One was not supposed to find everything funny (especially one's brother suddenly going FWONK onto the table). The room was not supposed to spin, one's head was not supposed to feel unnaturally light, and one was only supposed to find funny things funny.
But at the moment, Estonia really didn't care.
Slowly, deeply, he breathed in through the mask - of course he wasn't going to take it off, that would be dangerous, but a deep breath couldn't hurt, right? And by the moment, the light-headed sensation was increasing. And everything was getting funnier and funnier. So funny, as a matter of fact, that when one of the nations bending over Lithuania cried "He's alive!", like in some cheesy hospital drama -- Estonia actually gave into the urge to giggle.
Almost immediately, several ses of curious - and slightly alarmed - eyes turned in Estonia's direction. Estonia, for some unfathomable reason, found this hilarious.
"E-Estonia, aru?" China asked a bit hesitantly.
"Yes?" Estonia replied -- then collapsed in a fit of helpless laughter.
"Estonia??" came Latvia's worried voice.
"Latvia??" Estonia returned -- before realizing that their names rhymed and cracking up all over again.
"Is he okay?"
"I'm ... not sure, actually."
"He doesn't look so good."
"Maybe ... we should try getting him some fresh air."
Estonia wasn't sure whether the one being discussed was him or Lithuania, but it was ridiculously amusing nonetheless.
"Estonia, what's so funny?"
"E-Everything -- " Estonia gasped out, collapsing in laughter once more. By now "light-headed" had officially turned into "feather-weight-headed", and the oddest thoughts were popping into that featherweight head.
"Deep breaths!" someone was saying.
"No, not deep breaths, it's probably the chemicals doing it!" another someone argued.
And, of course, Estonia found all this hysterical.
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At least, until Latvia coughed.
-
Despite the fact that the room's noise level had previously been at a dull roar, the slight noise was clearly audible. And immediately all noises ceased, all nations pausing where they stood. Switzerland's gun dropped out of his hand and onto the floor with an audible 'thunk', and several mouths gaped open beneath bright blue surgical masks.
"Latvia ... don't move."
And then the room exploded.
The spritzing was absolutely deafening. Disinfectant wipes flew through the air, plastering themselves on the backs of nations' heads. Streams of Germ-X shot from every corner of the room. Bottles of hand sanitizer soared overhead, dumping their contents out onto those unfortunate enough to be below. The purified water was flung violently onto every visible surface, and the only pauses in the chaos came when someone decided to drop whatever they were holding long enough to put on a second and third mask.
And then France came to a shocking realization. "Mon Dieu, I don't want to die a virgin!!"
"France, a virgin?" Romano snorted in disbelief - at least, until Spain was plucked up from beside him and whisked away by a far-too determined looking France.
"Come with me, mon cheri ~ I promise you will enjoy it, non?"
"ROMANO!!" Spain cried, flailing violently.
"Dammit --" Romano hissed, gritting his teeth. France had just kidnapped Spain. And fuck it, HE didn't want to die a virgin, either! Well, there was only one thing for it. Slowly, quietly, he picked up an empty steel canister that had once held disifectant wipes, and becan to follow France...
Meanwhile, Poland was shaking Lithuania, who had passed out again. "OHMYGOD, LIET! WAKE UP, NOW!" he insisted frantically. "I TOTALLY DON'T WANNA DIE A VIRGIN, TOO!"
Russia, however, had crept up behind Poland, smiling creepily. "Oh, no need for that~" Poland whirled around, and Russia's smile widened. "You could always become one with Russia ... da?"
Egypt was staring rather oddly at Sweden, who was crouching over Finland on the ground. "You're ... really going to do THAT? HERE?" he asked incredulously.
" ... 'M pr'tect'n m'wife," Sweden said indignantly.
"Well, it looks like several other people do intend to do that here," Turkey put in, waltzing over to where Egypt stood. Bending over, he whispered in Egypt's ear. "So why don't we?"
"ENGLAND!" America demanded, pointing dramatically at the other, who only stared, raising his oversized eyebrows.
America looked about to speak, but was bowled over by Romano, who was dashing towards a corner of the room with his makeshift weapon held aloft. Romano's charge was brave, but at the last minute he pulled up sharply. France (his hands definitely somewhere they shouldn't be, much to the alarm of Spain) turned, looking mildly confused. Romano ignored the Frenchman entirely, however - he had eyes only for Spain. As France looked on, aghast, Romano marched up to Spain and pressed his mask onto his.
"... I think that's exactly what it looks like," England stated, watching the mini-drama in almost a perverted fascination.
And suddenly America was much closer than England remembered him being. "... Maybe we should look like that, too."
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:D
If so--this fic just became the BEST thing ever.
*nominates this fic for a Webby*
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; A;
Life decided to nom on my head, and my inspiration decided to dry up. =w=
They'll be up, never fear, but it might be another day or so. Very sorry. D:
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"... If that was a pickup line, it failed."
Italy didn't bother saying anything at all - he merely draped himself around Germany's neck, grinning widely. Germany blushed furiously, snatching onto Italy's haircurl - before remembering. And oddly enough, not letting go ...
By now, all corners of the room were occupied, and most of the paranoia seemed to have been entirely forgotten - or perhaps just ignored. Disinfectant materials lay forgotten all over the floor, as their wielders had turned to other, MUCH more interesting pursuits. Turkey and Egypt appeared practically glued to eachother; England didn't even look as if he was trying to resist America's not-so-subtle maneuvers. Romano and Spain ... well, it's probably best if we say nothing about them. Poland had miraculously succeeded in single-handedly reviving a very confused Lithuania, who was currently trying to figure out why the other was seated on his lap and staring directly into his eyes. Germany still had a hold of Italy's hair curl, but it was much less of a "hold" and much more of a "sensual stroke". Belarus had taken hold of the end of Russia's scarf, and Hungary was eagerly watching Austria - who didn't look as if he found Prussia's pickup lines to be just as much fail as he'd pronounced them.
And then, Latvia (who was being eyed by Sealand) cleared his throat softly. "U-umm... I may have forgotten to t-tell you ... I have a-allergies..."
And immediately, all action ceased.
"So... we're, like ... NOT gonna die?" Poland asked blankly, slowly releasing Lithuania.
And suddenly all masks had been placed back on faces, all shirts were back on, all stray limbs had been returned to their respective owners, all nations were back inside their own personal bubbles, and it was very clear that the last few minutes were never to be spoken of ever again.
It was also very clear that the surgical masks were useful in more than one way. They did wonders for hiding furious blushing.
Order was restored alarmingly quickly. Unsuprisingly, the focus was a bit ... off.
No one said anything as Egypt fixed his gaze across the room, directly on Turkey, mouthing 'My place or yours?'. No one said anything as America's hands disappeared below the table, and a few seconds later England let out a not-so-muffled squeak. No one said anything when they realized that neither Romano or Spain were anywhere to be found. No one said anything when Lithuania suddenly realized exactly what Poland had been up to, made eye contact with the other, and was immediately lost to the world. Nobody said anything when they realized that Germany still hadn't released Italy's erogenous hair, and nobody said anything either when they realized that Italy didn't quite mind that. No one commented when they noticed that Belarus had moved her seat all the way to the other side of the table, right next to Russia's. And somehow, they all managed to refrain from speaking when Prussia shot to his feet, seizing both Austria and Hungary and dragging their not-so-protesting forms in the direction of the door.
"So, Swine Flu..." began Japan, one of the few left still focused on the topic at hand.
At least, until China turned to him, a broad smirk on his face. "Your place or mine, aru?"
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