Well, hell, author!anon. This anon is...not exactly speechless, but not sure if what she has to say is entirely appropriate.
Caution: You Are Now Entering A TL;DR Zone
So some time back, I was sexually assaulted by two guys my friend and I met at a club. The assualt happened in my apartment; my friend stayed locked in the bathroom during it. Initially, she didn't believe me because I was the one who had invited the guys back to my place. Eventually she came around, though, and went with me to the police station, where I gave a statement. The next day, I had a message on my voice mail at work telling me that the police were not going to pursue the case--despite how easy it would have been to identify the assailants, because of how many people saw us at the club--because I had been drinking. No one actually said the words, "You were asking for it," but the subtext was there.
I came to terms with all that, moved on, got over it. Until I read this fic. The thing that made me start crying wasn't the fact of restraint or assault or disbelief, but the small detail about Francis's gag reflex. I had (have) the same problem, though I didn't actual vomit at the time.
So I might not be able to finish reading this, but I wanted to tell you how *amazing* I think it is, and thank you for writing it.
No need to respond, of course. I mean, what could you say to this, really? *wry grin*
I guess this all might seem fairly unbelievable, and I admit that a part of me worries that someone is going to think this comment is made up (and how fucking ironic would that be?). But reading this has been a painful and ultimately cathartic experience, even if I can't go on with it, so I just had to thank you.
I'm so, so sorry for what you went through. I myself know people who have been assaulted - not in real life, but through other places - and...it's not a good or sexy thing. It's not. "Mixed signals" aren't an excuse, either, because you should never have to second-guess your own actions.
You are a survivor. I salute you. I'm sorry that my writing triggered you, and when I out myself, I will ensure that this is clearly labeled so that no one has to suffer from memories like those. I just...I wrote this for the people who stay silent because of really fucking stupid reasoning like that. Because it's never an excuse for the suffering that person goes through.
You are in my thoughts, and I hope that you find peace and happiness, if you haven't found it yet.
Thank you, writernon. I just want to say again that I love both the fact that you wrote this and how you did it. I got so sidetracked by my personal response last night that I neglected to express my admiration for how you're showing the delicacy of the situation in the way others are reacting, most especially Ludwig. As wrapped up as I was with Francis, the quiet, restrained desperation of Ludwig's plea not to delve into the past took my break away a little. I know I said last night that I didn't know if I could finish reading, but I want to--and I will--because I need to see how this turns out.
Really wonderful, writernon. I look forward to finding out who you are so I can look for more of your fic.
I'll admit that I had trouble deciding what Ludwig's role would be in this. I know that in the canon timeline, he has trouble with his own country's government - to the point where he wishes for a new one - but that still doesn't change the fact that he was part of the Nazi Party, and that he was a part of the organization that attacked and invaded France.
I decided that his role as an "enabler" would be best, because even though he himself did not physically assault Francis, he enabled his comrades - and that's something he will have to live with for his entire existence. (I actually based Ludwig's role off the Philip Zimbardo Stanford Prison Experiment and Stanley Milgram's obedience experiments. Both state that certain situations can make good people do evil things in the name of obeying a higher authority or "getting into" their role. I do not consider this an excuse for Ludwig's actions, however - and neither does Ludwig, I think. If you'd like details, I can see what I can find on the net, since most of my information comes from textbooks.)
Don't force yourself to finish this if it pains you. Take your time and go slowly, if you do wish to see how it ends. Take care of yourself, all right? :)
I actually based Ludwig's role off the Philip Zimbardo Stanford Prison Experiment and Stanley Milgram's obedience experiments.
I love that approach. It works really well for this. I don't believe I've heard of Stanley Milgram, but remember reading a little about the Stanford Prison Experiment and being fascinated by it, so I think I'll poke around for more on both of these. Thanks!
And now I'll stop taking up comment space. Until I finish reading, that is!
Caution: You Are Now Entering A TL;DR Zone
So some time back, I was sexually assaulted by two guys my friend and I met at a club. The assualt happened in my apartment; my friend stayed locked in the bathroom during it. Initially, she didn't believe me because I was the one who had invited the guys back to my place. Eventually she came around, though, and went with me to the police station, where I gave a statement. The next day, I had a message on my voice mail at work telling me that the police were not going to pursue the case--despite how easy it would have been to identify the assailants, because of how many people saw us at the club--because I had been drinking. No one actually said the words, "You were asking for it," but the subtext was there.
I came to terms with all that, moved on, got over it. Until I read this fic. The thing that made me start crying wasn't the fact of restraint or assault or disbelief, but the small detail about Francis's gag reflex. I had (have) the same problem, though I didn't actual vomit at the time.
So I might not be able to finish reading this, but I wanted to tell you how *amazing* I think it is, and thank you for writing it.
No need to respond, of course. I mean, what could you say to this, really? *wry grin*
I guess this all might seem fairly unbelievable, and I admit that a part of me worries that someone is going to think this comment is made up (and how fucking ironic would that be?). But reading this has been a painful and ultimately cathartic experience, even if I can't go on with it, so I just had to thank you.
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I'm so, so sorry for what you went through. I myself know people who have been assaulted - not in real life, but through other places - and...it's not a good or sexy thing. It's not. "Mixed signals" aren't an excuse, either, because you should never have to second-guess your own actions.
You are a survivor. I salute you. I'm sorry that my writing triggered you, and when I out myself, I will ensure that this is clearly labeled so that no one has to suffer from memories like those. I just...I wrote this for the people who stay silent because of really fucking stupid reasoning like that. Because it's never an excuse for the suffering that person goes through.
You are in my thoughts, and I hope that you find peace and happiness, if you haven't found it yet.
Reply
Really wonderful, writernon. I look forward to finding out who you are so I can look for more of your fic.
Reply
I decided that his role as an "enabler" would be best, because even though he himself did not physically assault Francis, he enabled his comrades - and that's something he will have to live with for his entire existence. (I actually based Ludwig's role off the Philip Zimbardo Stanford Prison Experiment and Stanley Milgram's obedience experiments. Both state that certain situations can make good people do evil things in the name of obeying a higher authority or "getting into" their role. I do not consider this an excuse for Ludwig's actions, however - and neither does Ludwig, I think. If you'd like details, I can see what I can find on the net, since most of my information comes from textbooks.)
Don't force yourself to finish this if it pains you. Take your time and go slowly, if you do wish to see how it ends. Take care of yourself, all right? :)
Reply
I love that approach. It works really well for this. I don't believe I've heard of Stanley Milgram, but remember reading a little about the Stanford Prison Experiment and being fascinated by it, so I think I'll poke around for more on both of these. Thanks!
And now I'll stop taking up comment space. Until I finish reading, that is!
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