Re: Rus/Can "India's Song" 8/10-ish
anonymous
April 8 2009, 03:00:50 UTC
Mathieu looked up again, clear eyes determined and hard. Ivan held on, braced himself, even tighter.
“I will be leaving soon. Before the end of spring. Okay?”
He gritted his teeth; this was his choice, he had no right to interfere, to tell him to stay. “Da. Okay.” He answered hoarsely.
“Okay” Mathieu repeated. “Okay. Excellent, it’s settled.” He rose to go to the cabinets, pulling out scented oils and soaps from Paris, something for the hair, the feet, the skin, the heart; a little budding alchemist in his own right.
“We can forget this and just move on.” The voice sounded so sad, so pleading. How is this the right choice, it felt like he was breaking in two. “It’s not like you’re in love with me,” he added, and managed to laugh at that, the notion supremely ridiculous, too absurd ever hold water.
Ivan lifted his eyes from the floors.
“But - I am. That is my problem, Mathieu. I am.” Anger, he was so angry; mostly at being helpless, knowing that this wasn’t going to change facts. He couldn’t look straight up, he’s never said something like that in his whole life; either he was flying or he was falling but right now, he was in limbo awaiting his fate.
“You. You - you’re sure?” The voice was colourless.
“Da I am, I think I am. I just - well. I am sure about how I feel, but this was not what I was expecting, I thought it would be different somehow. Like how it is in those Parisian novels, or such. This is coming out wrong.”
“When you find it, this delicate, Parisian style world, will you forget me?” Now the voice was shaking, he could hear the tremble of glass - so close to being broken. Ivan grabbed the back of his own neck, just to stop himself from lashing out. He finally looked back up at Matt, like he always did, couldn’t really go five minutes without having to see him.
“No. No, Mathieu I am not forgetting. Even if - the point is, I would still want you. Want you more, more than all of that.”
Mathieu slowly put the bottles down, arranging them in alphabetical order, gaze lost somewhere else.
“And when were you planning on telling me this?” It was back, that harmony in his voice, such a terrible relief to hear the lilting speech again.
“I thought- not that night, but, since then. I thought it was clear, obvious. You were always more important.”
“Oh-” Mathieu clicked his tongue, throwing his arms down to this side. “You were not clear Ivan, you giant raving lunatic of a man. You kept - pushing me away, trying to avoid me, I thought it was a burden. You said that night was a mistake!” Now he was cornered; he had said that it was an urge and he was sorry and never again.
“But then, then I had no idea. I didn’t know - well I did actually, but right then I couldn’t be sure.”
“So this was your master plan? Have me live with you, and that should clear it right up.” Now Matt was massaging the bridge of his nose, code for the beginnings of a headache.
“No one would say it is a convenient solution, Mathieu, to take someone in and have them live with them when they’re trying to hide how they feel.” Couldn’t he see? He couldn’t live without Mathieu, so he had to make it work.
“Exactly, perfectly right - so, so I was just going to sit down one day, maybe after some laundry and think, why, Mathieu, that whole thing would be ridiculously hard to cope with so it must mean that he’s in - in-“
Re: Rus/Can "India's Song" ?/? I dunno it's finished.
anonymous
April 8 2009, 03:04:11 UTC
It was clear now; the boy had no idea. He had trusted Ivan’s word, and now the universe was falling down around him, shattering like he really had dropped all that glass. He looked so tired, the strain just between the brows, the intent profile.
“From now on you are not allowed to make any type of plans without me.” He said slowly. The fingers moved back to the bottles, arranging them all over again. “You’re terrible at it. From now on you consult me for everything.” Ivan stared more.
That was that, then. He had his answer. He should leave, leave Mathieu and get him on the next boat to enjoy relentless anguish alone and possibly with his vodka. He almost jumped out of his skin when a smooth hand rested across his knee, or was that just hope, leaping up once more.
“Ivan, if you really do - you know, about me - then. Tell me. Show me. But if you don’t, or aren’t sure yet, then just let me go.” Mathieu said, eyes shinning with untold emotion.
He practically dove at the man, trying to feel all of him at once, taking in the soft shirt up along the ribs to the soft, chin length hair. Words were so beyond him, they kept making a mess of his life, but this he could do right; he could do right by Mathieu like this. Given the chance, now, he knew it.
Mathieu touched his hair, threading his fingers through in wonderment, a lingering touch. It was how he washed his hair and the familiarity, the intimacy sent a jolt right into his chest. Fingers slide up higher, across his arms, his shoulders, sucking in his breath around Matt’s neck and feeling the responding shudder against him. The crevices and dips that tempted him daily were explored with his hands, a million little things he had to take in that he could never get out of his system. The song was louder, he could practically hum it like he did in every one of his dreams, with him and Mathieu and just a small home in a cold forest somewhere.
He laughed freely, at himself for being so thick, and the quiet but captivating and strange Mathieu. Between kisses, he could feel the sunlight of the morning growing stronger ; Ivan wanted it all, everything. “I do. I do, I am loving you.” A fraction closer, just a little bit more, to feel his mouth in hot, trembling anticipation.
Re: Rus/Can "India's Song" ?/? I dunno it's finished.
anonymous
April 8 2009, 03:09:31 UTC
Delighted anon has been following with bated breath, and is simultaneously gleeing in her seat and disappointed to see it end so soon, especially there. :P You did tie it off well but they were finally getting to ittt, and I've very much enjoyed this piece. ♥ Thank you for a beautifully-written look at their relationship--there needs to be more Russia/Canada out there, sigh.
Re: Rus/Can "India's Song" ?/? I dunno it's finished.
anonymous
April 9 2009, 03:10:32 UTC
I stumbled upon this completely by accident, and was totally surprised that I missed seeing this request. And then I ended up getting less than desirable sleep because this fanfiction was by far the most epic thing in existence which I 100% needed to finish reading. <3
You perfectly illustrated Matthew and Ivan's interactions and how quiet and calm they can be clearly, and your writing style is detailed and amazing. Also, PLOT. DELICIOUS PLOT. And did I mention the characterizations and dialogue was perfect?
I love this fic 100%! This is among my most favorite Hetalia fanfiction now!
Re: Rus/Can "India's Song" ?/? I dunno it's finished.
anonymous
April 9 2009, 03:54:14 UTC
aww glad you liked! It makes me happy to make other Ivan/Matt fans happy, so hurrah!! you're little review made me gleefull, um, and now my roommates think I'm insane but thank you so much~!
Re: Rus/Can "India's Song" ?/? I dunno it's finished.
anonymous
April 15 2009, 22:46:06 UTC
OP didn't actually think anyone would do this and apologize sincerly for taking so long to realised it was filled D:
Ohh, so wonderful~<3 It was everything anon expected and even more! I'm so in love with the way it all progressed, the relationship, and Ivan's referring thoughts just made a little Russia-reader in me happy. I'm so delighted such a talented writer took the time to do the request, really <3
Mathieu looked up again, clear eyes determined and hard. Ivan held on, braced himself, even tighter.
“I will be leaving soon. Before the end of spring. Okay?”
He gritted his teeth; this was his choice, he had no right to interfere, to tell him to stay. “Da. Okay.” He answered hoarsely.
“Okay” Mathieu repeated. “Okay. Excellent, it’s settled.” He rose to go to the cabinets, pulling out scented oils and soaps from Paris, something for the hair, the feet, the skin, the heart; a little budding alchemist in his own right.
“We can forget this and just move on.” The voice sounded so sad, so pleading. How is this the right choice, it felt like he was breaking in two. “It’s not like you’re in love with me,” he added, and managed to laugh at that, the notion supremely ridiculous, too absurd ever hold water.
Ivan lifted his eyes from the floors.
“But - I am. That is my problem, Mathieu. I am.” Anger, he was so angry; mostly at being helpless, knowing that this wasn’t going to change facts. He couldn’t look straight up, he’s never said something like that in his whole life; either he was flying or he was falling but right now, he was in limbo awaiting his fate.
“You. You - you’re sure?” The voice was colourless.
“Da I am, I think I am. I just - well. I am sure about how I feel, but this was not what I was expecting, I thought it would be different somehow. Like how it is in those Parisian novels, or such. This is coming out wrong.”
“When you find it, this delicate, Parisian style world, will you forget me?” Now the voice was shaking, he could hear the tremble of glass - so close to being broken. Ivan grabbed the back of his own neck, just to stop himself from lashing out. He finally looked back up at Matt, like he always did, couldn’t really go five minutes without having to see him.
“No. No, Mathieu I am not forgetting. Even if - the point is, I would still want you. Want you more, more than all of that.”
Mathieu slowly put the bottles down, arranging them in alphabetical order, gaze lost somewhere else.
“And when were you planning on telling me this?” It was back, that harmony in his voice, such a terrible relief to hear the lilting speech again.
“I thought- not that night, but, since then. I thought it was clear, obvious. You were always more important.”
“Oh-” Mathieu clicked his tongue, throwing his arms down to this side. “You were not clear Ivan, you giant raving lunatic of a man. You kept - pushing me away, trying to avoid me, I thought it was a burden. You said that night was a mistake!” Now he was cornered; he had said that it was an urge and he was sorry and never again.
“But then, then I had no idea. I didn’t know - well I did actually, but right then I couldn’t be sure.”
“So this was your master plan? Have me live with you, and that should clear it right up.” Now Matt was massaging the bridge of his nose, code for the beginnings of a headache.
“No one would say it is a convenient solution, Mathieu, to take someone in and have them live with them when they’re trying to hide how they feel.” Couldn’t he see? He couldn’t live without Mathieu, so he had to make it work.
“Exactly, perfectly right - so, so I was just going to sit down one day, maybe after some laundry and think, why, Mathieu, that whole thing would be ridiculously hard to cope with so it must mean that he’s in - in-“
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It was clear now; the boy had no idea. He had trusted Ivan’s word, and now the universe was falling down around him, shattering like he really had dropped all that glass. He looked so tired, the strain just between the brows, the intent profile.
“From now on you are not allowed to make any type of plans without me.” He said slowly. The fingers moved back to the bottles, arranging them all over again. “You’re terrible at it. From now on you consult me for everything.” Ivan stared more.
That was that, then. He had his answer. He should leave, leave Mathieu and get him on the next boat to enjoy relentless anguish alone and possibly with his vodka. He almost jumped out of his skin when a smooth hand rested across his knee, or was that just hope, leaping up once more.
“Ivan, if you really do - you know, about me - then. Tell me. Show me. But if you don’t, or aren’t sure yet, then just let me go.” Mathieu said, eyes shinning with untold emotion.
He practically dove at the man, trying to feel all of him at once, taking in the soft shirt up along the ribs to the soft, chin length hair. Words were so beyond him, they kept making a mess of his life, but this he could do right; he could do right by Mathieu like this. Given the chance, now, he knew it.
Mathieu touched his hair, threading his fingers through in wonderment, a lingering touch. It was how he washed his hair and the familiarity, the intimacy sent a jolt right into his chest. Fingers slide up higher, across his arms, his shoulders, sucking in his breath around Matt’s neck and feeling the responding shudder against him. The crevices and dips that tempted him daily were explored with his hands, a million little things he had to take in that he could never get out of his system. The song was louder, he could practically hum it like he did in every one of his dreams, with him and Mathieu and just a small home in a cold forest somewhere.
He laughed freely, at himself for being so thick, and the quiet but captivating and strange Mathieu. Between kisses, he could feel the sunlight of the morning growing stronger ; Ivan wanted it all, everything. “I do. I do, I am loving you.” A fraction closer, just a little bit more, to feel his mouth in hot, trembling anticipation.
“I do.”
_________________________fin.
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Just... brilliant and beautiful. This is the first time I've actually liked a serious!Russia portrayal. Much love for this story, anon! So much love
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And then I ended up getting less than desirable sleep because this fanfiction was by far the most epic thing in existence which I 100% needed to finish reading. <3
You perfectly illustrated Matthew and Ivan's interactions and how quiet and calm they can be clearly, and your writing style is detailed and amazing. Also, PLOT. DELICIOUS PLOT. And did I mention the characterizations and dialogue was perfect?
I love this fic 100%! This is among my most favorite Hetalia fanfiction now!
Reply
Reply
Ohh, so wonderful~<3 It was everything anon expected and even more! I'm so in love with the way it all progressed, the relationship, and Ivan's referring thoughts just made a little Russia-reader in me happy. I'm so delighted such a talented writer took the time to do the request, really <3
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