Learning love - part 3
anonymous
April 7 2009, 22:56:14 UTC
I thank kindly for the nice comments - it's always a joy to hear one's work is being enjoyed : D
August 1st
I don’t believe there’s a God.
Let’s play it fair. You say: “I believe,” I say: “I do not.” You ask me to argue for my point of view, and so I do: “There’s so much misery in this world. If there really was a God, he would’ve stopped it.” You don’t believe my point to be fair at all: “God does exist, he has just chosen not to participate in life on Earth.” This is a funny argument. Let me show you why. Because when I say: “Then why has he created us human beings?” you’ll answer: “To test us. If we can live life without sin, we’ll again see Heaven.” I ask: “So if I don’t sin, I’ll go to Heaven?” because I think that’s a fair conclusion to make from your explanation. But no: “Not at all. In the end God decides.”
Now, you may be wondering what all this rambling is good for. But let me tell you this; I’m only trying to explain the fairness in the huge closedown of churches that went on during my time leading the country.
This is how people often argue for their religion. But what does it make them? Mindless fools. Yes, I am trying to irritate you now, which is why I’ll say it again; mindless fools. If God exist in the form for which there has been argued for, apparently we’re just his dolls. No matter what we do, in the end it’s for him to decide, whether it was good enough. That makes one helpless, and honestly I don’t like the sound of that.
I know a lot of Russia’s population were religious. Hell, I would’ve been surprised if they haven’t been. But I had to play the mother. Though a mother knows her kids won’t wear a jacket when it rains, though she has told them to, she keeps reminding them, since that’s her duty as a mother. When the kids then play in the rain and come home, soaking wet and sad, they can’t blame her for not being informative.
You see the parallel?
Well, here’s a dilemma for you: Toris was in fact religious.
Not just in the way that he would pray to God before sleeping or eating, but in the way that he would own a Bible. And read in it too, no kidding. He might just had been staying with me for a few days, but I quickly noticed how he would withdraw to his room in the evening and not been seen again before the following morning. Therefore I decided to watch him closely one day. As he’d excused himself after dinner, I gave him a few seconds to disappear up the stairs before I followed him. I may be big boned, but I can be incredible sneaky when I want to. Thus it was without a sound I made it to his room, quietly making my way to the keyhole to take a look inside.
There he was. In the middle of his bed, a Bible in the lap. He was reading out loud with a quiet voice, I remember, but the small whispers reached my ears. And so did the sobbing. Especially one helpless sentence got stuck in my mind: “Weeping may endure for the night, but joy cometh in the morning.” Though it embarrass my atheistic believes, that sentence has meant quite a lot to me in many situations since then. That night, however, all it meant was the burning of Toris’ Bible.
I kindly ask you to remember; I’m just a mother doing her duty, and no mother wants to see her child cry.
Re: Learning love - part 3
anonymous
April 8 2009, 05:16:15 UTC
Those last two lines gave this anon a shiver. I'm really enjoying how this is written...I have to say, I haven't seen anything even remotely similar. I can't wait to read more :)
Re: Learning love - part 3
anonymous
April 9 2009, 06:50:58 UTC
This is so good. But I want to see more of Lithuania's interactions with Russia. More Lithuania angst, resistance and punishment. Just more Toris, and if possible Feliks, please.
Learning love - part 4 (1/2)
anonymous
April 9 2009, 22:12:04 UTC
Again, the comments are much appreciated :D And to the anon above; there will be more interactions between Ivan and Toris, and Feliks will be in, too - promise! ^^ I have everything planned out - hope you'll enjoy~
I had to split up part 4, it was too long D: I's not the last part of the story, it's just.. yes, splitted xD
August 15th
Some days, all you want to do is be alone. As I’ve already told you, I have such days quite often. But with Toris it seemed different. It was as if he feared being alone, and when he couldn’t speak to the people around him, he would be sitting with a phone, having meaningless conversations with others - mostly Feliks, the most meaningless person in history, therefore perfect for such interactions.
It might have been some kind of reaction to my Bible-burning, but after we entered August, his phone bill really reached a new point. It peaked to be honest. And it hurt me a little. If he had so much need to discuss his feelings, why wasn’t I his first priority? He could’ve just knocked my door and said: “Sir, I need an appointment,” or something informal like that. But he didn’t. He never spoke to me unless I turned to him first, which became quite a problem seeing as how I rarely spoke without reason - chit-chatting isn’t my strongest side, mind you.
So, I may not be a man of words but surely of action, so I decided to make a move one day:
“Toris, there’s something I don’t quite get.”
We’d been sitting in the living room together for three hours; none of us had spoken a word since we entered, so it was with great surprise he shot a glare towards me and quickly closed his book (not Bible, something about animals). His eyes burned into mine, but his pupils were shaking. It was as if he couldn’t decide whether it was scariest to keep looking at me or try looking away.
“Y-yes,” he stuttered, “…sir?” See, I told you he’s a good boy.
I took my time closing the newspaper I’d my nose stuck into. I’ve made it a hobby through time to look at different countries articles to see what their opinion on Russia is. It’s funny because it changes so often - when they feel strong, I’m a fool and a sadist. When they’re low on recourses, I’m a hero. Capitalists. I don’t get them.
“There’s something I don’t get,” I repeated, placing the paper on the small table beside me, before turning my attention to Toris. He was sitting across the room, so I gestured to him to come forward. “And I don’t like that. Come, let’s have a friendly talk, yes?” He sat still for a moment, then he slowly got up and walked to me, taking his place in the couch. I turned to face him with the friendliest eyes I could manage. He seemed to take defence-mode.
“Are you having troubles?” A weird look received.
“What?”
“You’ve been using the phone an awfully lot lately. Are you having troubles you feel you need to share?”
“Uhhmm…” I could tell from the face he was making, that he had no idea I’d noticed. I wetted my dry lips with the tongue, patiently waiting for my answer. As it didn’t come, I encouraged him with a:
“You don’t think that’s enough of an answer for me, now do you?”
“No sir. It’s just, I…” Toris looked down. Then he let out a sight. “I… miss people.” His head sunk a little down between the shoulders. His legs were still shaking a little, though he tried to maintain himself. “I mean… my brothers… Feliks… I’m not used to being alone.”
“But I’m here?”
“Yes… Yes!” He sat up straight with a worried look on his face, desperately shaking the hands in front of him. “Yes, a-and I like you! It’s great! But.. you have work to do, of course. I mean, Russia’s a growing country, there’s a lot going on, and I don’t want to disturb you doing work. So it… gets a little lonely sometimes.”
Learning love - part 4 (2/2)
anonymous
April 9 2009, 22:13:23 UTC
I watched him a little, then I shook my head. “It’s not nice to lie to an old man,” I sighted. His eyes went nervous, and he swallowed hard.
“Wh-what do you mean?”
“That you shouldn’t lie.” I glared at him with disbelief in my eyes. “What do you take me for? I know you don’t like me. You don’t disturb me because you’re afraid you’ll actually have to spend time with me. Just look at you now-“ I reached out and kindly ran my fingers down his cheek, “you’re… shaking. Like a scared little mouse.” I bit my lower lip. His eyes were wide open.
“No.. that’s not true,” he whispered, but we both knew the truth was spilled. I let go of his cheek and pulled my arm back, receiving a sight in relief as I did so. For two seconds his face fell back to normal, then-
My fist smacked his right cheek, forcing his head to turn with a snap, banging against the couch. He yelled - at first in surprise, then in pain as he brought his hands to the red cheek with sobbing noises. “You hit me!”
“You lied to me! I’m sure your Bible don’t approve of that.” I stood up, not wasting a second look at him as I walked to the door. “You won’t be using the phone anymore. I’m taking it. If you need company, you know where my room is.”
I left to the sound of Toris crying. And I still didn’t feel a thing.
Re: Learning love - part 4 (2/2)
anonymous
April 10 2009, 17:39:54 UTC
I can see this leading up to Lithuania's first whipping, and the subsequent rebellions and punishments that were the source of his scars. This all seems to happen at the beginning of Lithuania's stay with Russia which would explain why he's so afraid. Later on I'd imagine their relationship became a lot more turbulent.
I'm really enjoying this fic and looking forward to more. You're doing a great job updating.
Learning love - part 5
anonymous
April 10 2009, 21:18:56 UTC
August 21st
I don’t like it when people don’t follow the rules of a game.
I like chess a lot. Chess is simple in the way that everyone can understand what it’s about, but extremely complicated when you look at all the possibilities there’s in just one game. There’s hundreds of ways to form a strategy, and you never know whether your game will be ruining your nerves or be an easy win.
Chess is the way I look at life. If the players follow the rules, in the end the most intelligent one will win. Of course, back then I thought of that one as being me. Why shouldn’t I; I was - and is still today - the largest country when speaking size. I thought: “If I keep this up, soon the whole world will be called Soviet Union.”
Unfortunately, not everyone is happy about following rules. I won’t explain to you how many times Alfred has turned the table to make himself look like the winner, I’ll just mention it has happened. But one thing is having an unfair player far away from you - it’s a whole other thing when the unfairness goes on under your own roof.
Toris. The world calls him gentle and pleasing, but I can tell you this; his stubborn as hell and a pain in the ass if he wants to. Don’t let smiles fool you, for people like him it’s their best weapon.
Since our conversation in the living room about a week earlier, I hadn’t had the time to see him. My little sister was on the phone every day, and even when I unplugged it, letters from Cuba and Korea demanded my attention. As it had given me a constant headache, I decided I’ve earned a day off from work. I left the dusty office to stroll down the aisles, greeting and speaking to the persons I met.
“Braginski, sir! What a seldom sight!” Peter came towards me with arms white open and a smile dancing on his lips. I returned the smile, though with a little less teeth showing.
“Peter, my old friend. I should thank you for bringing coffee yesterday - it was just what I needed.”
“I thought so! From four years with you, sir, I’ve learned something.”
“Have you by any chance seen Toris?” Peter’s smile stiffened.
“Toris? Why?”
“I’m afraid you’re asking questions I won’t answer.”
“Sorry, sir. He’s in his room. He’s been there all week.” He scratched his neck with a little smile. “Poor thing, I think he’s a bit lonely when you’re in office.” His concerns made me smile. Though Peter had been one of my most trusted men in the army through time, and though his bloody hands had killed more men than I’ve witnessed dying, he was just an old emotional fool.
“I see. Well, I’m sure he’ll learn to amuse himself soon,” I said as a closing, as I walked past him to the stairs. I could hear Peter laugh helplessly, before yelling:
“Oh, he’s learned that already. He has got a phone after all.”
Re: Learning love - part 5
anonymous
April 11 2009, 04:25:55 UTC
Uh-oh. I have the feeling Lithuania is not going to be a very happy person when Russia finds him XD I love your writing style, and I can't wait to read more :)
Re: Learning love - part 5
anonymous
April 15 2009, 05:39:33 UTC
oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god times five thousand
Can I ask you something, though? Is the present-day Russia, the one telling the story, is he aware of how. . . well, "off" he was, back in the day?
This is probably one of the best Russia stories I've ever read. It's not an easy task writing in Ivan's POV, but I'm glad someone as skilled as you is doing it :)
Re: Learning love - part 5
anonymous
April 15 2009, 06:58:26 UTC
The present-day Russia is supposed to be looking back at his time with Lithuania, trying to explain his actions by refering to his personality, way of looking at life and the emotions that drove him to these extremes. He knows his actions wasn't acceptable, but rather than feel guilt he wants to point out the reasons why (though, being the person he is, I can't promise he won't lie and try to make himself look better xD")
To all commentors I'm so very glad you all enjoy the story <3 Really. I can't express how happy it makes me. I'll continue as soon as I've got a free minute on my hand. Hopefully, a few chapters will be up by the end of this week.
August 1st
I don’t believe there’s a God.
Let’s play it fair. You say: “I believe,” I say: “I do not.” You ask me to argue for my point of view, and so I do: “There’s so much misery in this world. If there really was a God, he would’ve stopped it.” You don’t believe my point to be fair at all: “God does exist, he has just chosen not to participate in life on Earth.” This is a funny argument. Let me show you why. Because when I say: “Then why has he created us human beings?” you’ll answer: “To test us. If we can live life without sin, we’ll again see Heaven.” I ask: “So if I don’t sin, I’ll go to Heaven?” because I think that’s a fair conclusion to make from your explanation. But no: “Not at all. In the end God decides.”
Now, you may be wondering what all this rambling is good for. But let me tell you this; I’m only trying to explain the fairness in the huge closedown of churches that went on during my time leading the country.
This is how people often argue for their religion. But what does it make them? Mindless fools. Yes, I am trying to irritate you now, which is why I’ll say it again; mindless fools. If God exist in the form for which there has been argued for, apparently we’re just his dolls. No matter what we do, in the end it’s for him to decide, whether it was good enough. That makes one helpless, and honestly I don’t like the sound of that.
I know a lot of Russia’s population were religious. Hell, I would’ve been surprised if they haven’t been. But I had to play the mother. Though a mother knows her kids won’t wear a jacket when it rains, though she has told them to, she keeps reminding them, since that’s her duty as a mother. When the kids then play in the rain and come home, soaking wet and sad, they can’t blame her for not being informative.
You see the parallel?
Well, here’s a dilemma for you: Toris was in fact religious.
Not just in the way that he would pray to God before sleeping or eating, but in the way that he would own a Bible. And read in it too, no kidding. He might just had been staying with me for a few days, but I quickly noticed how he would withdraw to his room in the evening and not been seen again before the following morning. Therefore I decided to watch him closely one day. As he’d excused himself after dinner, I gave him a few seconds to disappear up the stairs before I followed him. I may be big boned, but I can be incredible sneaky when I want to. Thus it was without a sound I made it to his room, quietly making my way to the keyhole to take a look inside.
There he was. In the middle of his bed, a Bible in the lap. He was reading out loud with a quiet voice, I remember, but the small whispers reached my ears. And so did the sobbing. Especially one helpless sentence got stuck in my mind: “Weeping may endure for the night, but joy cometh in the morning.” Though it embarrass my atheistic believes, that sentence has meant quite a lot to me in many situations since then. That night, however, all it meant was the burning of Toris’ Bible.
I kindly ask you to remember; I’m just a mother doing her duty, and no mother wants to see her child cry.
Reply
I'm really enjoying how this is written...I have to say, I haven't seen anything even remotely similar. I can't wait to read more :)
Reply
Reply
I had to split up part 4, it was too long D: I's not the last part of the story, it's just.. yes, splitted xD
August 15th
Some days, all you want to do is be alone. As I’ve already told you, I have such days quite often. But with Toris it seemed different. It was as if he feared being alone, and when he couldn’t speak to the people around him, he would be sitting with a phone, having meaningless conversations with others - mostly Feliks, the most meaningless person in history, therefore perfect for such interactions.
It might have been some kind of reaction to my Bible-burning, but after we entered August, his phone bill really reached a new point. It peaked to be honest. And it hurt me a little. If he had so much need to discuss his feelings, why wasn’t I his first priority? He could’ve just knocked my door and said: “Sir, I need an appointment,” or something informal like that. But he didn’t. He never spoke to me unless I turned to him first, which became quite a problem seeing as how I rarely spoke without reason - chit-chatting isn’t my strongest side, mind you.
So, I may not be a man of words but surely of action, so I decided to make a move one day:
“Toris, there’s something I don’t quite get.”
We’d been sitting in the living room together for three hours; none of us had spoken a word since we entered, so it was with great surprise he shot a glare towards me and quickly closed his book (not Bible, something about animals). His eyes burned into mine, but his pupils were shaking. It was as if he couldn’t decide whether it was scariest to keep looking at me or try looking away.
“Y-yes,” he stuttered, “…sir?” See, I told you he’s a good boy.
I took my time closing the newspaper I’d my nose stuck into. I’ve made it a hobby through time to look at different countries articles to see what their opinion on Russia is. It’s funny because it changes so often - when they feel strong, I’m a fool and a sadist. When they’re low on recourses, I’m a hero. Capitalists. I don’t get them.
“There’s something I don’t get,” I repeated, placing the paper on the small table beside me, before turning my attention to Toris. He was sitting across the room, so I gestured to him to come forward. “And I don’t like that. Come, let’s have a friendly talk, yes?” He sat still for a moment, then he slowly got up and walked to me, taking his place in the couch. I turned to face him with the friendliest eyes I could manage. He seemed to take defence-mode.
“Are you having troubles?” A weird look received.
“What?”
“You’ve been using the phone an awfully lot lately. Are you having troubles you feel you need to share?”
“Uhhmm…” I could tell from the face he was making, that he had no idea I’d noticed. I wetted my dry lips with the tongue, patiently waiting for my answer. As it didn’t come, I encouraged him with a:
“You don’t think that’s enough of an answer for me, now do you?”
“No sir. It’s just, I…” Toris looked down. Then he let out a sight. “I… miss people.” His head sunk a little down between the shoulders. His legs were still shaking a little, though he tried to maintain himself. “I mean… my brothers… Feliks… I’m not used to being alone.”
“But I’m here?”
“Yes… Yes!” He sat up straight with a worried look on his face, desperately shaking the hands in front of him. “Yes, a-and I like you! It’s great! But.. you have work to do, of course. I mean, Russia’s a growing country, there’s a lot going on, and I don’t want to disturb you doing work. So it… gets a little lonely sometimes.”
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“Wh-what do you mean?”
“That you shouldn’t lie.” I glared at him with disbelief in my eyes. “What do you take me for? I know you don’t like me. You don’t disturb me because you’re afraid you’ll actually have to spend time with me. Just look at you now-“ I reached out and kindly ran my fingers down his cheek, “you’re… shaking. Like a scared little mouse.” I bit my lower lip. His eyes were wide open.
“No.. that’s not true,” he whispered, but we both knew the truth was spilled. I let go of his cheek and pulled my arm back, receiving a sight in relief as I did so. For two seconds his face fell back to normal, then-
My fist smacked his right cheek, forcing his head to turn with a snap, banging against the couch. He yelled - at first in surprise, then in pain as he brought his hands to the red cheek with sobbing noises. “You hit me!”
“You lied to me! I’m sure your Bible don’t approve of that.” I stood up, not wasting a second look at him as I walked to the door. “You won’t be using the phone anymore. I’m taking it. If you need company, you know where my room is.”
I left to the sound of Toris crying. And I still didn’t feel a thing.
Bastard.
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I'm really enjoying this fic and looking forward to more. You're doing a great job updating.
Reply
I don’t like it when people don’t follow the rules of a game.
I like chess a lot. Chess is simple in the way that everyone can understand what it’s about, but extremely complicated when you look at all the possibilities there’s in just one game. There’s hundreds of ways to form a strategy, and you never know whether your game will be ruining your nerves or be an easy win.
Chess is the way I look at life. If the players follow the rules, in the end the most intelligent one will win. Of course, back then I thought of that one as being me. Why shouldn’t I; I was - and is still today - the largest country when speaking size. I thought: “If I keep this up, soon the whole world will be called Soviet Union.”
Unfortunately, not everyone is happy about following rules. I won’t explain to you how many times Alfred has turned the table to make himself look like the winner, I’ll just mention it has happened. But one thing is having an unfair player far away from you - it’s a whole other thing when the unfairness goes on under your own roof.
Toris. The world calls him gentle and pleasing, but I can tell you this; his stubborn as hell and a pain in the ass if he wants to. Don’t let smiles fool you, for people like him it’s their best weapon.
Since our conversation in the living room about a week earlier, I hadn’t had the time to see him. My little sister was on the phone every day, and even when I unplugged it, letters from Cuba and Korea demanded my attention. As it had given me a constant headache, I decided I’ve earned a day off from work. I left the dusty office to stroll down the aisles, greeting and speaking to the persons I met.
“Braginski, sir! What a seldom sight!” Peter came towards me with arms white open and a smile dancing on his lips. I returned the smile, though with a little less teeth showing.
“Peter, my old friend. I should thank you for bringing coffee yesterday - it was just what I needed.”
“I thought so! From four years with you, sir, I’ve learned something.”
“Have you by any chance seen Toris?” Peter’s smile stiffened.
“Toris? Why?”
“I’m afraid you’re asking questions I won’t answer.”
“Sorry, sir. He’s in his room. He’s been there all week.” He scratched his neck with a little smile. “Poor thing, I think he’s a bit lonely when you’re in office.” His concerns made me smile. Though Peter had been one of my most trusted men in the army through time, and though his bloody hands had killed more men than I’ve witnessed dying, he was just an old emotional fool.
“I see. Well, I’m sure he’ll learn to amuse himself soon,” I said as a closing, as I walked past him to the stairs. I could hear Peter laugh helplessly, before yelling:
“Oh, he’s learned that already. He has got a phone after all.”
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I love your writing style, and I can't wait to read more :)
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times five thousand
Can I ask you something, though? Is the present-day Russia, the one telling the story, is he aware of how. . . well, "off" he was, back in the day?
This is probably one of the best Russia stories I've ever read. It's not an easy task writing in Ivan's POV, but I'm glad someone as skilled as you is doing it :)
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To all commentors
I'm so very glad you all enjoy the story <3 Really. I can't express how happy it makes me. I'll continue as soon as I've got a free minute on my hand. Hopefully, a few chapters will be up by the end of this week.
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