Alfred's House is crowded. Financial Crisis Family Fic. (WTF?) Arthur and his grandkid-states. 1/3
anonymous
March 19 2009, 22:14:47 UTC
Holy shit. Three states!requests on one page? Clearly, the fananon hivemind demands statefic. Uh, sorry this plotless, sexless rambling probably isn't as grandcesty as you wanted. Hope you like it anyway.
England knew, intellectually, that after the debacle of imperialism, he really had no call to complain about how America anyone else raised his kids.
But when he watched them cluster and glare at each other, only breaching the chasms with occasional ritualized insults, when all of them were hurting, he couldn't help fuming about Alfred's ridiculous, polarizing winner-take-all political system.
"Good Morning, Grandfather." So polite, that boy. In recent centuries, anyway.
Arthur felt old.
"Good morning, Jonathan," he replied, nodding to Massachusetts. Arthur's oldest grandson took familial courtesy seriously - just one of the reasons he was secretly Arthur's favorite, even though he really knew better. "How are you holding up?"
Massachusetts shrugged and drank from his coffee.
"Okay. Better than most, I suppose." His eyes (green, the picture of Arthur's own) flickered over to a group of red states on the other side of room, several of them comforting a sniffling South Carolina.
"What happened?" he asked.
"Dad's trying to help us all though it, but Richard's boss won't let him use the money to fix his schools. He's really messed up about it. Tea?" he offered. Arthur accepted, sipping quietly and musing.
"Poor Ricky," he murmured.
"Oh, fuck off," groused the tiny pipsqueak with spiked green hair across the table. "He picked the guy," Rhode Island pointed out, "And now it's gonna bite him in the ass. Democracy karma at it's best." Despite his bravado, he looked almost as miserable as South Carolina, his ashen face a stark contrast against his bright hair.
"Roger! Don't curse in front of your grandfather," Massachusetts scolded. England hid a grin in his teacup while Rhode Island flipped his brother off. Always a rebel's rebel, that one.
"S'not all Rick's fault. We all make mistakes," slurred Maine without looking up from his clam chowder. Rhode Island rolled his eyes. "Whatever, flannel-freak."
"Samuel's right," Pennsylvania growled, and it made Arthur's chest ache how much Bill looked like Al, with his gleaming blue eyes and a gun tucked under his oversized Steelers jacket and philly cheesesteak taking the place of Al's hamburger, permanently parked in his hand. "Nobody anticipated anything like this. Yins didn't choose your bosses for their stances on this mess and neither did he."
Instead of bickering further, Rhode Island just grimaced. He must have been hit harder than England thought - though not nearly as hard as Michigan, who sat shivering and twitching in a corner while the comparatively spy Wisconsin and Iowa brought him blankets and chicken soup. Indiana snuggled up next to him, and Michigan twisted his factory-calloused fingers in her unkempt hair.
"Henry's really out of it, I see." Everyone nodded solemnly.
"It's gonna get worse before it gets better," growled a deep, rough voice. Alaska pulled out a chair between Maine and New Hampshire and Vermont (Vermont sat on New Hampshire's lap, sucking his neck like the long-lost French settlement he was) and heaved his massive, muscular body into it. Maine passed him a cup of what looked like more chowder but smelled like crab. He took a few swallows before he dropped his spoon. He sighed and held out his pale hands. Connecticut leaned over and rubbed them, huffing a little at the cold.
Alaska smiled. It curled across his young, round face in the creepy, semi-sane way that reminded Arthur that his other father was Russia. None of his brothers seemed to notice.
Alfred's House is crowded. Financial Crisis Family Fic, Arthur and his grandkid-states. 2/3
anonymous
March 19 2009, 22:21:48 UTC
"How's the West Coast making out?" Massachusetts asked. Alaska shrugged. "Badly," he boomed. When Connecticut released his hands, he reached out to trace one large finger along Rhode Island's pointy jaw line. "Cap's almost as wrecked as you and Henry, Roger." (During the mid-sixties, for some unfathomable reason [she was high], California had changed her name from Cassidy to Capricorn, and had never gotten around to changing it back.) "Also, the rest of the region isn't far behind. Only the Midwest is really holding steady." His hand cupped Rhode Island's cheek, almost concealing it completely.
Rhode Island squirmed.
"Seriously, dude, I feel awful right now, go molest Hawaii."
Alaska laughed and lifted Rhode Island out of his chair, settling the pint-sized revolutionary in his lap and cuddling him against his broad chest. Rhode Island harumffed, twisting his fingers in Alaska's heavy coat and nuzzling against him.
"You're still the baby," he muttered recalcitrantly. "M' still your big brother." Alaska chuckled softly and petted his elder sibling's stiff jungle-colored hair. "Get some rest, Roger."
The low patter of voices from the Southeast states suddenly fell silent.
Statuesque Virginia had risen from her seat and was walking toward them. Arthur remembered when Alfred, barely out of childhood himself, had shown him his first grandchild, with her eyes as dark as indigo and her wispy gold curls.
"I know everybody's hurtin'," she began, her tone as regal as her bearing, "But Rick's doin' his damn best, y'hear? He's got all his local bosses workin' on goin' over Sanford's head on this, and he could use a little moral support from the rest of y'all. So either come on down and help or stop starin' and whisperin' and leave him alone."
For the first time, New Jersey turned away from the nook where New York was franctically running endless, illegible calculations and tearing his chestnut Italian hair out.
"It's just bitch, that's what it is. Give 'im some more wudder and tell 'im we 'ope he gets bedder, awright?"
Virginia pursed her lips in an elegant moue and nodded.
Alfred's House is crowded. Financial Crisis Family Fic, Arthur and his grandkid-states. 3/3
anonymous
March 19 2009, 22:26:57 UTC
The door slammed open and Alfred shuffled in, clearly exhausted, his hair whipped into a mess by the huge winds that gusted from Mattew's house down through Tornado Alley. Alfred smiled weakly at the chorus of "Dad!" "Dad, there you are," "Hi, Papa," "Hello, Father," "Mornin' Daddy," and assorted other greetings infused with varying levels of affection and hostility. He waved a hand in a futile, cursory effort to quite them all, before his eyes fell on Arthur and his shoulders relaxed a bit more. He dropped a brief kiss on Arthur's lips and collapsed in a chair Connecticut pulled up for him and managed to wedge in at the already crowded table. He grabbed Arthur's hand in his and squeezed lightly, ignoring his kids peppering him with questions.
Virginia's clear voice carried above the rest.
"Daddy, Richard really needs-" Alfred through up his hands.
"I talked to my bosses, okay? The OMB says Sanford can't pull this crap, it's up to him to take care of the rest of it."
"Where were you?" demanded perhaps a dozen of the rabble at once.
Alfred sighed and kneaded his temples.
"I was in Wyoming. Morris is cruising along at a pretty 3.7%, so I was trying to figure out if he's doing anything the rest of you could use, or if he just doesn't have enough people to get high unemployment."
"Fucker," Rhode Island muttered, without lifting his face from Alaska's chest.
"Poor baby," Alfred crooned, ruffling Rhode Island's hair.
"M'not a baby. M'one of th'original trideca - triskeda - original thirteen!" Rhode Island protested.
Rhode Island, England remembered, had been the most terrifyingly individualisic, intractable toddler he had ever had the misfortune of attempting to control. Even Alfred thought he was radical - which, Arthur supposed, was what happened when all the other colonies' exiled heretics congregated in the same place. Alfred sighed. He kissed Virginia on the cheek and Massachusetts on the forehead before tugging on Arthur's arm.
"You kids mind if I borrow your granddad for while? Daddy's wiped out, he needs comfort sex."
Arthur allowed his beloved-lover-son to drag him away, both of them stiffling much-needed laughter at the good-hearted protests of permanent trauma and unpayable therapy bills that chased after them.
Notes: South Carolina's governor Mark Sanford wants to spend that state's share of the federal stimulus money on paying the state debt instead of fixing its school system. Obama (and his Office of Management and Budget) is telling him he can't, but the wording of the bill is ambiguous. Vermont is French for "Green Wood", and was captured by Britian in the French and Indian war. Pennsylvania is often described as a miniature version of the US, with liberal population centers to the East and West but conservative rural areas in between (aka Philadelphia and Pittsburgh with Alabama in the middle). To determine their varying degrees of misery, I made plentiful use of current state unemployment rates as provided by this map from th Department of Labor Statistics: http://data.bls.gov/map/servlet/map.servlet.MapToolServlet?datatype=unemployment&year=2009&period=M01&survey=la&map=state&seasonal=s
Re: Alfred's House is crowded. Financial Crisis Family Fic, Arthur and his grandkid-states. 3/3
anonymous
March 19 2009, 22:50:13 UTC
European!Anon was thoroughly amused by this despite having no knowledge of the local stereotypes beyond the geography. So consider the job well done :)
Rhode Island/Alaska - YES THAT ORDER
anonymous
March 20 2009, 15:40:56 UTC
author!anon now has a terrible craving for filthy RI/Alaska smut of Rhode Island fisting his younger brother. Possibly with scarf!bondage. Because Alaska has a scarf, damnit, even if I can't figure out what color it is.
Re: Rhode Island/Alaska - YES THAT ORDER
anonymous
March 20 2009, 21:42:47 UTC
Alaska!anon thinks this is all quite hilarious X3 *gives all the states big nuzzling hug*
of course there's a scarf! maybe blue, with little stars? Because everyone knows red, white, blue and stars are best, but America would shit bricks before he gave AK a red one :p
Re: Rhode Island/Alaska - YES THAT ORDER
anonymous
March 20 2009, 23:16:45 UTC
Or gold and black for... gold and oil? O_o Ehhhh idk. i could see WA or someone giving one as a gift and it being covered in tree/fish/coffee bean motifs or something haha.
but alaska should definitely inherit his bad eyesight from Alfred, don't you think? can't unsee Sarah Palin glasses lol >>;
Re: Alfred's House is crowded. Financial Crisis Family Fic, Arthur and his grandkid-states. 3/3
anonymous
April 5 2009, 06:35:39 UTC
Pfff! Rhode Island native!Anon here, and I'd just like to say that THAT WAS THE MOST HILARIOUS THING I'VE EVER READ! So much love goes out to writer!anon...
Oh dear god, a Russian-esque Alaska... my dreams have come true... XD
England knew, intellectually, that after the debacle of imperialism, he really had no call to complain about how America anyone else raised his kids.
But when he watched them cluster and glare at each other, only breaching the chasms with occasional ritualized insults, when all of them were hurting, he couldn't help fuming about Alfred's ridiculous, polarizing winner-take-all political system.
"Good Morning, Grandfather." So polite, that boy. In recent centuries, anyway.
Arthur felt old.
"Good morning, Jonathan," he replied, nodding to Massachusetts. Arthur's oldest grandson took familial courtesy seriously - just one of the reasons he was secretly Arthur's favorite, even though he really knew better. "How are you holding up?"
Massachusetts shrugged and drank from his coffee.
"Okay. Better than most, I suppose." His eyes (green, the picture of Arthur's own) flickered over to a group of red states on the other side of room, several of them comforting a sniffling South Carolina.
"What happened?" he asked.
"Dad's trying to help us all though it, but Richard's boss won't let him use the money to fix his schools. He's really messed up about it. Tea?" he offered. Arthur accepted, sipping quietly and musing.
"Poor Ricky," he murmured.
"Oh, fuck off," groused the tiny pipsqueak with spiked green hair across the table. "He picked the guy," Rhode Island pointed out, "And now it's gonna bite him in the ass. Democracy karma at it's best." Despite his bravado, he looked almost as miserable as South Carolina, his ashen face a stark contrast against his bright hair.
"Roger! Don't curse in front of your grandfather," Massachusetts scolded. England hid a grin in his teacup while Rhode Island flipped his brother off. Always a rebel's rebel, that one.
"S'not all Rick's fault. We all make mistakes," slurred Maine without looking up from his clam chowder. Rhode Island rolled his eyes. "Whatever, flannel-freak."
"Samuel's right," Pennsylvania growled, and it made Arthur's chest ache how much Bill looked like Al, with his gleaming blue eyes and a gun tucked under his oversized Steelers jacket and philly cheesesteak taking the place of Al's hamburger, permanently parked in his hand. "Nobody anticipated anything like this. Yins didn't choose your bosses for their stances on this mess and neither did he."
Instead of bickering further, Rhode Island just grimaced. He must have been hit harder than England thought - though not nearly as hard as Michigan, who sat shivering and twitching in a corner while the comparatively spy Wisconsin and Iowa brought him blankets and chicken soup. Indiana snuggled up next to him, and Michigan twisted his factory-calloused fingers in her unkempt hair.
"Henry's really out of it, I see." Everyone nodded solemnly.
"It's gonna get worse before it gets better," growled a deep, rough voice. Alaska pulled out a chair between Maine and New Hampshire and Vermont (Vermont sat on New Hampshire's lap, sucking his neck like the long-lost French settlement he was) and heaved his massive, muscular body into it. Maine passed him a cup of what looked like more chowder but smelled like crab. He took a few swallows before he dropped his spoon. He sighed and held out his pale hands. Connecticut leaned over and rubbed them, huffing a little at the cold.
Alaska smiled. It curled across his young, round face in the creepy, semi-sane way that reminded Arthur that his other father was Russia. None of his brothers seemed to notice.
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Rhode Island squirmed.
"Seriously, dude, I feel awful right now, go molest Hawaii."
Alaska laughed and lifted Rhode Island out of his chair, settling the pint-sized revolutionary in his lap and cuddling him against his broad chest. Rhode Island harumffed, twisting his fingers in Alaska's heavy coat and nuzzling against him.
"You're still the baby," he muttered recalcitrantly. "M' still your big brother." Alaska chuckled softly and petted his elder sibling's stiff jungle-colored hair. "Get some rest, Roger."
The low patter of voices from the Southeast states suddenly fell silent.
Statuesque Virginia had risen from her seat and was walking toward them. Arthur remembered when Alfred, barely out of childhood himself, had shown him his first grandchild, with her eyes as dark as indigo and her wispy gold curls.
"I know everybody's hurtin'," she began, her tone as regal as her bearing, "But Rick's doin' his damn best, y'hear? He's got all his local bosses workin' on goin' over Sanford's head on this, and he could use a little moral support from the rest of y'all. So either come on down and help or stop starin' and whisperin' and leave him alone."
For the first time, New Jersey turned away from the nook where New York was franctically running endless, illegible calculations and tearing his chestnut Italian hair out.
"It's just bitch, that's what it is. Give 'im some more wudder and tell 'im we 'ope he gets bedder, awright?"
Virginia pursed her lips in an elegant moue and nodded.
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Virginia's clear voice carried above the rest.
"Daddy, Richard really needs-" Alfred through up his hands.
"I talked to my bosses, okay? The OMB says Sanford can't pull this crap, it's up to him to take care of the rest of it."
"Where were you?" demanded perhaps a dozen of the rabble at once.
Alfred sighed and kneaded his temples.
"I was in Wyoming. Morris is cruising along at a pretty 3.7%, so I was trying to figure out if he's doing anything the rest of you could use, or if he just doesn't have enough people to get high unemployment."
"Fucker," Rhode Island muttered, without lifting his face from Alaska's chest.
"Poor baby," Alfred crooned, ruffling Rhode Island's hair.
"M'not a baby. M'one of th'original trideca - triskeda - original thirteen!" Rhode Island protested.
Rhode Island, England remembered, had been the most terrifyingly individualisic, intractable toddler he had ever had the misfortune of attempting to control. Even Alfred thought he was radical - which, Arthur supposed, was what happened when all the other colonies' exiled heretics congregated in the same place. Alfred sighed. He kissed Virginia on the cheek and Massachusetts on the forehead before tugging on Arthur's arm.
"You kids mind if I borrow your granddad for while? Daddy's wiped out, he needs comfort sex."
Arthur allowed his beloved-lover-son to drag him away, both of them stiffling much-needed laughter at the good-hearted protests of permanent trauma and unpayable therapy bills that chased after them.
Notes: South Carolina's governor Mark Sanford wants to spend that state's share of the federal stimulus money on paying the state debt instead of fixing its school system. Obama (and his Office of Management and Budget) is telling him he can't, but the wording of the bill is ambiguous. Vermont is French for "Green Wood", and was captured by Britian in the French and Indian war. Pennsylvania is often described as a miniature version of the US, with liberal population centers to the East and West but conservative rural areas in between (aka Philadelphia and Pittsburgh with Alabama in the middle). To determine their varying degrees of misery, I made plentiful use of current state unemployment rates as provided by this map from th Department of Labor Statistics: http://data.bls.gov/map/servlet/map.servlet.MapToolServlet?datatype=unemployment&year=2009&period=M01&survey=la&map=state&seasonal=s
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Alaska/Rhode Island is my crack within-this-one-fic OTP now
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of course there's a scarf! maybe blue, with little stars? Because everyone knows red, white, blue and stars are best, but America would shit bricks before he gave AK a red one :p
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but alaska should definitely inherit his bad eyesight from Alfred, don't you think? can't unsee Sarah Palin glasses lol >>;
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orz (recaptcha: last blizzard)
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Oh dear god, a Russian-esque Alaska... my dreams have come true... XD
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