White Umbrella [2/?]
anonymous
March 11 2009, 20:02:54 UTC
At this point all semblance of logic took refuge elsewhere, because now Yong Su arched into his hands, now Yong Su murmured when he raised his head away Yes, yes, please, yes. Now Yong Su slipped his own hands under Kiku’s kimono, grasping at his chest, which was factually-based enough if not in itself at all logical, but then when Kiku pushed his hands back down they stayed down, which he couldn’t help but find internally inconsistent. And as he returned to his own explorations, even harder now, Yong Su moaned Please, aniki... I want... I want to be... make me like you, please, slurring, make me... you... make us...
Shh, he said again, though he didn’t really want to, and Yong Su was silent. And Yong Su lay still.
And Yong Su’s eyes turned glassy, Yong Su’s bright blood trickled from his slackened mouth, Yong Su’s head lolled to the side, and he was wearing a shiromaku now, with the white liberally splashed with red. Inside the peeled-back fine silk Yong Su was small and short-haired and looked like him, was exactly like him, and there was no use in the workings of the world for two of their kind who were exactly the same, and Kiku took him by the shoulders and shook him and screamed as Yong Su’s head flopped back and forth that he hadn’t wanted this, had never wanted this, never -
Kiku opened his eyes as the plane descended into Incheon airport and ascertained after a quick glance around the neighboring seats, including those of the executives he was accompanying, that he probably hadn’t let those screams spill into the waking world. He was no longer hard. Who knew what it would have meant if he’d remained so.
It never happened.
Yong Su yelled and Yao was sharp-tongued and even Kana was cross about it from time to time, even Lan Yueh would sometimes stand outside Yasukuni with the demonstrators. So many times Kiku had sighed and nodded and said that yes, something at least had certainly happened. But sometimes it was true. On this occasion what happened in the dream never happened because they were never married, and Yong Su was very much alive, and Yong Su would never have acted like that even drunk. On these points, at least, they would be in agreement.
But still Kiku thought, brushing aside the mist best as he could. And he remembered (so he thought) the night of the wedding that had happened, and he remembered drinking, and he remembered Yong Su drinking even more. And he remembered wanting, but not acting. Never acting. Not in that way. Some of his people might have but not him. He didn’t have to swing to follow every one of them, otherwise he’d be long swung apart in all directions.
Surely nothing of the kind had happened. Surely. Yong Su would have brought it up by now and thrown it in his face, if it had.
Though maybe if Yong Su had been so drunk at the time that he’d been past resisting, that he wouldn’t have remembered it to bring it up...
Of course nothing had happened. Of course it was just a dream, with only passing resemblance to what had actually taken place. He hated that, given the precedent, he still had to doubt himself.
***
A few notes on this section:
Kudara is the Japanese name for Baekje (or Paekche), one of the “Three Kingdoms” of ancient Korea, which had relations and trade with both China and Japan.
The actual married couple: The Korean Crown Prince Euimin and the Japanese Princess Masako (called Yi Bangja in Korea).
The former Emperor Gojong, forced to abdicate in 1907, died in early 1919, amid suspicions that he'd been poisoned by Japanese officials (the “too” refers to Empress Myeongseong, who was assassinated in 1895, although Japan denied involvement). The March First independence movement kicked off around the time of his funeral.
Okinawa cameos as a separate OC here because the Ryukyu islands weren't annexed until the nineteenth century and have their own culture (and if there's a Hong Kong and a Tibet...).
Shh, he said again, though he didn’t really want to, and Yong Su was silent. And Yong Su lay still.
And Yong Su’s eyes turned glassy, Yong Su’s bright blood trickled from his slackened mouth, Yong Su’s head lolled to the side, and he was wearing a shiromaku now, with the white liberally splashed with red. Inside the peeled-back fine silk Yong Su was small and short-haired and looked like him, was exactly like him, and there was no use in the workings of the world for two of their kind who were exactly the same, and Kiku took him by the shoulders and shook him and screamed as Yong Su’s head flopped back and forth that he hadn’t wanted this, had never wanted this, never -
Kiku opened his eyes as the plane descended into Incheon airport and ascertained after a quick glance around the neighboring seats, including those of the executives he was accompanying, that he probably hadn’t let those screams spill into the waking world. He was no longer hard. Who knew what it would have meant if he’d remained so.
It never happened.
Yong Su yelled and Yao was sharp-tongued and even Kana was cross about it from time to time, even Lan Yueh would sometimes stand outside Yasukuni with the demonstrators. So many times Kiku had sighed and nodded and said that yes, something at least had certainly happened. But sometimes it was true. On this occasion what happened in the dream never happened because they were never married, and Yong Su was very much alive, and Yong Su would never have acted like that even drunk. On these points, at least, they would be in agreement.
But still Kiku thought, brushing aside the mist best as he could. And he remembered (so he thought) the night of the wedding that had happened, and he remembered drinking, and he remembered Yong Su drinking even more. And he remembered wanting, but not acting. Never acting. Not in that way. Some of his people might have but not him. He didn’t have to swing to follow every one of them, otherwise he’d be long swung apart in all directions.
Surely nothing of the kind had happened. Surely. Yong Su would have brought it up by now and thrown it in his face, if it had.
Though maybe if Yong Su had been so drunk at the time that he’d been past resisting, that he wouldn’t have remembered it to bring it up...
Of course nothing had happened. Of course it was just a dream, with only passing resemblance to what had actually taken place. He hated that, given the precedent, he still had to doubt himself.
***
A few notes on this section:
Kudara is the Japanese name for Baekje (or Paekche), one of the “Three Kingdoms” of ancient Korea, which had relations and trade with both China and Japan.
The actual married couple: The Korean Crown Prince Euimin and the Japanese Princess Masako (called Yi Bangja in Korea).
The former Emperor Gojong, forced to abdicate in 1907, died in early 1919, amid suspicions that he'd been poisoned by Japanese officials (the “too” refers to Empress Myeongseong, who was assassinated in 1895, although Japan denied involvement). The March First independence movement kicked off around the time of his funeral.
Okinawa cameos as a separate OC here because the Ryukyu islands weren't annexed until the nineteenth century and have their own culture (and if there's a Hong Kong and a Tibet...).
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